𝟒𝟖 (𝒇𝒊𝒏.)

𝐄𝐥𝐥𝐢𝐞

I can't tell if the shower made me feel better or worse- better because the noise muffled out the sounds of my dry heaving, and worse because the heat was going to straight to my head.

I was holding onto the stair railing, taking my time as I descended them, and focusing in on my breathing just in case anything else wanted to come up my esophagus when there was a knock at the door.

A low groan vibrates in my throat, my feet dragging my body the rest of the way down the steps, "I got it." I yelled, not in any particular direction as I twisted the handle.

I squinted my eyes against the setting sun, holding a hand up to shield my face.

"This yours?" The voiced asked, and I blinked a few times to adjust to the light, my head pounding harder than ever.

It was Sam, aka the last fucking person on earth I wanted to see right now, and Skyler being a close second.

She held up the phone, flashing the screen to me, "I think your girlfriend is trying to get a hold of you." She said, but something about the way she said it had me on edge. Almost like she got off to knowing this new information, and the fact she was "the other woman".

I took it from her, shoving into my pocket because I don't what to know how bad it is with her standing in front of me.

"Thanks."

She returned my phone. That should be it, so why isn't she leaving?

She took a step closer, reaching out to grab my hand, but this time I dodged away.

"Don't be like that, Els" She pouts, getting even closer, "We had fun last night. Don't you remember?" Her voice lowered, and I felt her nails ghost along the back of my hand and under my palm until her fingers interlocked with mine.

I yanked my hand away, and crossed my arms over my ribcage. She didn't seem surprised by this- or even bothered. A smile crept across her face, and she audibly laughs,

"It was fenty by the way."

"What?" I scoffed, fists tightening under my arms, fully preparing myself to use the last remaining strength I had left to hip toss this bitch.

"The needle-" She pointed to my arm, "it was fentanyl. Figured you should know." She turned away, and started walking, but there was that feeling again- guilt.

Guilty because I should've been more surprised but wasn't. And I also felt guilty for the possibly of what I've done, but not knowing for sure.

If it came down to it, Skyler deserved to know the full truth even if it fucking killed me- killed us.

Maybe I needed to know for my own selfish benefit, having the upper hand over both Skyler and Sam if this shit came to light.

"What else happened?" My question stopped her before she took another step, and she turned back around.

She approached me again, as close as she was before, and I could still smell the lingering smoke emitting off of her.

"Do you really have to ask?" And there it was, almost like it never left- that fucking testing, always seeing how far she could take it before I snapped.

"Please, Sam. I need to know."

She hums, looks around, and if I had to guess, stalling, "Nothing we haven't done before, why? Worried your little girlfriend s' gonna find out?"

And just like that, she won.

I lundged at her- not full forced, but it was sudden, and it caused her to stumble back off the porch step.

After the initial shock, maybe even fear wore off, she laughed again, "Jesus, El." She moved her hands to her hips, shifting her weight to a side, "Didn't know it was serious, my bad."

And no, this wasn't her apologizing. That's something she could never do, and even when she did apologize when I caught her in her lies back then, she'd always find a way to flip it.

I remained silent, nostrils flaring with each breath, but more importantly, I didn't give her what she really wanted- a fight and a way to waste more of my time.

Sam shoved her hands into the packets of her jacket, and spins around,

"Good luck with her."

She walks down the driveway, and got into her car, probably pretty pleased with herself for getting the last word in.

She knew I was fucked, and she knew she was the reason for all my failed relationships after her.

I can't blame it all on her though, I made those decisions.

I've been digging my own grave for a long time- dirt frozen solid and roots too thick to cut through. And it felt like my body would be ready for a burial long before I'd finished moving the earth.

There's a lot that I can't answer for right now, but one thing I do know is that staying here isn't going to fix anything.

I can go back, start over, and forget. Pretend nothing ever happened, and just pick up where I left off.

It can't all be for nothing.

𝐒𝐤𝐲

It had been several hours. I'm not sure how long exactly, but it long enough to have watched a good amount of the slasher horror franchise.

Abby passed out right around the time the credits rolled for the third one.

My ass was teetering on the ledge of the mattress, and Abby's shoulder smushed against the wall. I didn't have the heart to wake her since she looked to be sleeping pretty heavily.

And you guessed it, I'm wide awake.

For a while I felt better, Ellie still everlasting in the back of my mind, but I was able to keep my focus on the movie and Abby's little fun facts throughout watching it.

But now that the movie is over and Abby is fast asleep next to me, it is quiet.

I felt like I had to give up or give in that it was just as I thought it was, catastrophizing the situation so it wouldn't come as a surprise.

Drastic, sure, but it's what I know, and how I cope. But it's harder to do that when it involves someone I've sworn to fight for.

It's late, and I'm tired- physically and mentally.

Another day.

I'll give her another day, and if I don't hear from her, I'll let it consume me all over again because that's what you do when you love someone.

Right?

I turned over, making sure my phone volume was up just in case she did call during the night, and set it down on the bedside table.

I faced outwards into the room, and my moving around caused Abby to shift in the bed. Still asleep, she but her arm around me, and pulled me closer to her front.

I knew this wasn't right, and I could've moved her arm or switch beds all together, but the extra weight helped.

I felt a pit in my stomach- a twisting, unsettling feel about it, but I held onto her arm like it was the only thing that would keep me nailed to this earth.

Ellie wouldn't understand, and I'm not entirely sure I understand it myself, but I know where my loyalty stands, and I know how far I'll go to protect it.

Ellie on the other hand, I couldn't say for sure.

-

I hear knocking, and I felt a hand on my shoulder, shaking it back and forth weakly.

"Sky." My name is repeating over and over again, each time pulling me further away from a sleep induced haze.

I hummed a response to the voice, and I felt the mattress shake from behind as Abby rolled into her back.

Her hand came down to the side of my hip, patting me more awake, "The door." She said like it was instructions, her voice far away, and retaliated all consciousness.

I scooped myself out of bed, gravity weighing extra heavily on my feet, and stumbled to the door.

"Who is it-?" I asked, rubbing my eye before actually looking at the person on the other side of it.

My hand drops from my face, and my eyes widened.

"Ellie?" I said, her name rolling off my tongue, and tasted dull on the exhale.

At first, I was at a loss for what else to say- seeing her here when I half expected never to be graced by her features again. It was unexpected, like a funeral for a person you witness die, only for them to be in the audience of their own wake.

"What the fuck?"

Her soft green eyes narrow in an instant, looking past me to Abby still lying in my bed- the only difference now is that she's wide awake.

I reach my hand out, and grab hers, "Ellie, it's not like that-"

She yanks her hand back down to her side, ridding herself of my touch without hesitation.

"This what you've been doing, huh?" Her head cocks to the side as she tunneled her face closer to mine, getting so close that all I could focus on was the speckles across her cheeks, and the ridges across her bottom lip.

Her closeness made me take a step back into the room, cowering away from her, "Ellie..." I voiced, trying not to sound as scared as I was, but it didn't matter anyway.

She was visually and audibly upset, which I can understand, but who is she to judge when she hasn't even bothered to send me a fucking text to let me know she's okay?

I felt a gust of stale ac air brush against my arms as Abby approached from behind and took position between Ellie and me, dividing us, "It's my fault, Ellie. She didn't do anything." Abby spoke calmly, bringing her hand up, and hovered it a few inches away from Ellie's chest, creating a physical barrier between us two and Ellie.

I furrowed my brows at Ellie, and hope my expression matched what I was trying to convey to her without saying a word.

Why?

Where have you been?

What did you do?

Her eyes drilled into mine but seemed hollow, and clouded, being too much in her own head to realize how unfair she was being.

Something about her seemed off. I couldn't pinpoint it, but her face looked ever so slightly altered- her cheeks lacked any- if not all vitality, a deep purple, blueish shadow cast under her eyes, and a glaze of sweat covered her nose and forehead.

She looked sick.

I watch Ellie's eyes drift from mine, and her attention turns towards Abby.

I didn't sense it as fast as Abby did, but I realized how serious it was when Abby straightened her posture, easily growing another 4 inches from doing that alone, and Ellie's hand reaching behind to grab something from her back pocket.

Whatever it was, it couldn't be good. I never would've thought Ellie would pull a knife out unless given a good reason, but clearly, this isn't the Ellie I'm used to right now.

"Ellie-" I finally spoke up, and stepped in front of Abby, slightly pushing her away from behind to create distance between the both of them.

Ellie didn't react to me, and continued to keep her focus on Abby when I grabbed her wrist, pulling it away from wherever she was reaching.

"Ellie, look at me."

Her eyes dragged across, skipping in sections, and her pupils dilated amidst the green. And even though she was looking right at me, inches from my face, she felt miles away.

Seeing her like this- her behavior, erratic and aggressive, and how clearly not okay she was- I knew I was right.

I love Ellie, I'd do anything for her, but this? Whatever the fuck this is? There has to be a line somewhere.

I take a deep breath, my body trembling, but not from fear.

"Nothing happened, and you fucking know it." My pointer finger lands on her chest, digging it into her.

The anger I've suppressed has come to the forefront of my tone, nails, and needles against metal sheets and acidic solution burning behind my eyes.

Ellie takes a second, first, a little surprise, but not in the way I was hoping.

She scoffed, tilting her head and eyes to the floor, and her tongue poking the inside of her cheek, "C'mon, Sky." She grins, not in that familiar, charming way, but more like the kind that told me she was looking for a fight.

"We both know how you are."

How I am?

As much as I would like to say I was the bigger person in this scenario, I wasn't.

I was screaming at her, lungs too big for my fucking chest type of screaming.

I was screaming at her even as she walked away, following her down the halls, and all the way to her room. She tried shutting me out, but I pushed myself inside before the door could latch.

Tick, tick.

Tick, tick.

I don't even know if half of the shit I was saying to her made sense, but it pissed her off enough to put her hands on me. She was shoving me away, keeping me at an arms length, but I kept coming.

"Fuckin' tell me, Ellie- tell me exactly how the fuck I am!?" I was moving my arms around in the air, and kept moving closer to her, backing her up into a corner, which in hindsight, wasn't the safest idea.

Tick, tick.

Tick, tick.

If I wasn't so heated myself, and the tears that were falling weren't so fucking depriving of my judgment, I would've seen it coming- the retaliation.

Her eyes were dark, devoid of any virtue as she shoved me away, hard.

I had to catch myself on the bed to avoid falling to the ground, Ellie using this time to flank me.

"You tell me, baby-" She spat, bending at the knees to get down to my level, "-bouncing from one person to the next. Throwing yourself at anyone willing to fuck you just to feel loved..." She whispers, her lips tugging at the corner, "Am I getting that right?"

Her voice, sharp. Withdrawn. Like every intimate moment we've ever shared- I was nothing to her from the beginning.

And even then, I still had hope.

How fucking stupid.

"You don't mean that." I said, voice cowering in the same way it used to in the beginning when I wasn't sure how far she'd go to express her anger.

She never hit me, but sometimes I wish she did.

Tick, tick.

Tick, tick.

It would've been easier, less confusing.But I was always told love was supposed to be enough.

"I don't mean it?" She repeats, and a humorless laugh follows, "Well I guess I didn't mean to shoot up my veins or cheat on you either."

Boom.

I was deaf- ears ringing, and my body numb.

I had nothing else to give- nothing else to fight for.

She chose her side. Now it's time to choose mine.

—————☆ 𝐋𝐢𝐤𝐞 𝐭𝐡𝐢𝐬? 𝐜𝐡𝐞𝐜𝐤 𝐨𝐮𝐭 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐬𝐞𝐪𝐮𝐞𝐥 "𝖻𝖾𝗍𝗐𝖾𝖾𝗇 𝗍𝗁𝖾 𝗅𝗂𝗇𝖾𝗌" :)

a/n - WE MADE IT!!! 😩😩 I know I've probably said this a thousand times at this point but thank you to everyone who has taken the time to follow along on this journey. I never expected anything to come of this story when I started it nor was I serious about it, but the constant love and appreciation you guys have shared with me has made it become its own thing and that truly makes it more special.