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11 missed calls, 23 text messages and 3 voicemails- all were of Ellie trying to apologize or say anything to get me to answer.

To be honest, I almost did; my thumbs found themselves hovering over the keyboard without actually typing anything or listening to her voicemails multiple times just to hear her voice.

In the first voicemail, she sounded angry- even if she tried to sound like she wasn't; I could tell in her tone that she wanted to put her fist through a wall if she hadn't already.

The second, she sounded worried, begging for me to answer and let her know I was safe. It was heartbreaking. I wanted to give her that relief and tell her I was, but I had to remind myself why I'm doing this in the first place.

The third- the fucking third voicemail she left me, was cruel, not in a mean sense- just borderline cruel. Her voice was horse, sniffling into the phone through shaky breaths- she apologized in every configuration she could think of.

I still hear it even if I don't want to- "you don't have to come back- just please talk to me. I'll leave you alone forever if that's what you want, but I just need to hear you say it- please sky"

A few seconds of silence broken up by soft sobs and rustling,

"I love you." I replayed it over and over- on speaker or with my headphones, just to hear it in different tones and volumes.

It felt malicious, weather she meant it in that way or not. Ellie is messed up- that much I can see, but to say something like that with the intent to use it as a tactic to get me back? That I can't say for sure.

I was angry. It's only been a few hours, and I'm angry because I fucking missed her. I missed the way she'd casually strum her guitar from across the room, looking up at me with a smile before she'd coax me over, and I'd nuzzle into her side, feeling the vibrations of the strings through her.

I'd stooped so low- I stalked her Instagram, looking at the same four outdated fucking pictures, all poor quality and slightly out of focus, but that's beside the point.

"Seriously sky? You need to get a grip." Liv took my phone from my hands, shutting it off and tucking it under her pillow.

"Hey! I need that- what if my mom calls me?" I whine, furrowing my brows at her in a way that practically stamped 'desperate' on my forehead.

"No! You're going to drive yourself crazy."

I sulk, falling back on her bed with my hands over my eyes. I wanted to cry but couldn't allow myself to, not wanting to let myself get puffy eyes and lips right before I had to present myself to a stranger that I would be living with.

"Get yourself together. Go take a shower, put on something nice and go make friends with your new roommate." -Olivia's advice actually worked for once. I felt better after a shower and getting myself put together, even putting on some makeup to really give the impression that I wasn't currently going through the most earth shattering heartbreak of my life.

"You sure you don't want me to come with?" Liv asked, looking up from her phone, cozied up in her bed.

"M' a big girl, liv. I have to be able to do things by myself."

She laughs, rolling her eyes and clearly not believing me, but she doesn't say otherwise.

I hold out a hand, signaling for her to give me back the my phone that she still kept close to her side.

She slaps it in my hand with a huff, shaking her head in disagreement. "Fine, but don't respond to her.. I mean it." She shakes a stern finger and I nod, giving a smile smile to pacify her. -I make my way to the bottom floor, holding the key in my hand, reading the number over and over as I try to locate it.

"8A, 8A-" I say to myself, probably looking slightly clueless and out of place as I navigate the halls.

I read the rooms as I pass them, 12A, 11A, 10A- growing closer and closer to my destination, my guts started to twist with each step.

"8A..." I whisper, taking a big breath in as I stood in front of the door. Should I knock? It seems wrong to just go in... what if she's in the middle of something? I wipe my palms on my pants, ridding them of sweat before I knock on the wood gently.

I held my breath as I waited; the few seconds it took for the door to open felt like minutes.

"Oh- hello.." Hello, really?

"Uh- hi?" The women on the other side cracks a hesitant smile, seemingly confused by my company.

I open my mouth to speak, but nothing came out. I didn't know where to start- my name maybe? Or the reason why I'm knocking on her door at 4 p.m. on a Sunday. Honestly, I didn't know what to expect, sure I knew she played football, but holy shit, nothing could've have prepared me for this.

She was tall, maybe even taller than Ellie, shoulders broad and her arms were bigger around than my head.

"Are you lost? Do you need directions?" She asked, snapping my attention from her biceps to look at her face. She was beautiful too, clear skin, slightly tanned, long blonde hair tied back into a neat braid.

"S-sorry- I don't know if you were told yet, but I'm your new roommate-"

I awkwardly shift on my feet, holding a hand out to her. "Sorry- m' names Skyler- or just sky for short." Mentally, I wanted to slap a hand over my face, hide my embarrassment for how shaken I sounded, rambling on like she's supposed to give a fuck.

I held my breath, waiting for her to shame me or shoot me down, but instead she giggles, taking my hand in hers and shakes it.

"Abby, and you caught me at a good time, I was just about to leave." She opens the door, standing flat against it to make room for you to enter.

"Oh-?" My head tilts at her before looking around the room. It was clean for the most part, trophies lining the shelves, shades of grey and navy bedding that was only slightly disheveled.

"Yeah- I was about to go to the gym... you can come if you want?" She asked, sounding genuine about the offer which made me feel bad for failing to hold back a laugh.

"Sorry- I'm not the working out type, plus I don't want to make an ass of myself."

She laughs in response, her hand coming up to rub her trap.

"Alright, fine... I'll give you a break since you just got her, but be warned, I will force you to come with one of these days." She crosses her arms, making her biceps and forearms even bigger.

I felt my face erupt into lava, surly she was doing it on purpose.

I turn away to hide the ever growing blush on my cheeks, tossing my bag onto the unoccupied bed.

"Threatening your new roommate on the first day? Where's your hospitality?" I pretended to sound hurt, scrunching an eyebrow at her.

Was I flirting with her? To be honest- I couldn't tell if I was easy or just being friendly. It felt wrong; I mean, I just got out of a "relationship" if you can even call it that, but damn... why did it feel so natural with this woman I barely knew?

It definitely wasn't this easy with Ellie in the beginning, hell.. I thought she hated my guts for the longest time.

"You're right- how rude of me. I'll pick us up dinner on my way back, deal?" She said, exaggerating a playful apology, and swung a black duffel bag over her shoulder.

I nodded, giving her a tight smile to not out how fucking pathetic I was, heart racing and cheeks cramping as I suppressed a wide grin.

She smiled, flicking her braid over her shoulder and left the room.

For the first time in a while, I was alone- like truly alone. It felt different from when Ellie would disappear, leaving me to my thoughts. It felt almost calm. I wasn't angry or anxious.. I felt like I could breathe.

I sat on the empty mattress, picked up my phone, and selected Ellie's contact, but I paused. It was weird- I wanted to talk to Ellie about it- the moving, the new roommate... Ellie wasn't good at a lot of things, but she was good at listening to me vent about my problems when she wasn't involved in them. She would speak calmly, reassure my decisions and help me come to logical conclusions, and it felt weird not being able to have her for that.

I put my phone face down on the nightstand, not wanting to remind myself of her if she were to text or call again. It's probably better this way.

I stand up, taking in my new surroundings. It was almost identical to the old dorm, but the decorations couldn't be more opposite. I walk over to Abby's side, her nightstand had a shaker cup with the schools logo printed on the front, and a keychain lanyard that matched.

The wall decorations above her bed were neatly lined, and not a cease in sight. She had sports posters with motivational text and a shelf that held trophies and memorabilia of her successes.

My eyes landed on a hoodie at the foot of her bed, royal blue and silver that matched the school color. I pick it up, bring it to my nose, and take and sniff. It smelled fresh, crisp even. Irish spring?

"Don't be fucking weird." I mutter to myself, placing it back like how it was before.

- I scroll through my phone for a bit to pass the time, ignoring Olivia's pestering texts about what I thought of my new roommate with a obnoxious about of winky faces.

I got to Instagram, rotting and wasting away looking at pictures that held no significance to me. There was no denying Ellie still weighed heavily on my mind, even if she never posted on social media, I had to check.

I felt a wave of emotion wash over me, a pang of sadness mixed with sick, four pictures was all I had, and I fucking studied those pictures like my life depended on it, but one of those pictures I held closer to my heart than the rest because it wasn't a picture at all, it was a video.

Her face was out of frame, guitar covering her torso as her fingers strummed a song into the camera. It was a tune I've heard her play before, and she'd always have to remind the name of the song. 'Too afraid to love you' by the black keys. She'd play it constantly, and I'd always found comfort in it.

I held the speaker close to my ear, my eyes squeezing shut as tears started to fall. Just as quickly as it started, it got worse. Full on sobs, chest heaving, and I couldn't breathe again. You did this, not Ellie, you. I could have ignored it, pretended it did bother me as much as it did, like I've done time and time again with her, but for once... I let myself see the world for what it really was, for who Ellie really was.

I clutched the phone in my hand, pressing it against my chest as I continued to cry into the crook of my elbow, not noticing that Abby had returned from the gym.

The rustle of the to-go bag in her hands alerted me, making me break free from my own embrace. "Shit- sorry." I wipe away tears and snot, using my sleeve as a tissue.

Abby was visibly confused, maybe even worried as she dredged cautiously to my side of the room, placing the brown paper bag on my nightstand.

"S' is everything okay?" 

I waved my hand at her in an attempt to lighten the situation, a humorless chuckle emitting from my lips as I hid my face in embarrassment, still trying to dry my eyes.

"Yeah- sorry, this is so embarrassing." I sniffle through forced laughs, not wanting to give the impression that this was something I did often.

Abby wasn't sure what to do- I mean, she doesn't know me, and she definitely has no reason to give a fuck that a stranger is crying in her room, but she still felt the urge to give a sense of comfort.

"Hey-" She says in a hushed voice, tossing her duffel bag to the side as she sat down next to me, placing a tender touch to my shoulder. "Do you want to talk about it?"

I know she was only trying to help, but the kindness in her voice, the gentle touch she brought to me, only made me cry harder.

I sobbed into my hands, and Abby just sat in silence; her hand rubbing large circles on my back. She didn't talk or try to calm me down- instead, she just let me feel my emotions, quietly reassuring me that I wasn't alone.

"S-sorry- I promise I'm not usually like this" I sniffed, straightening my posture to pull myself together, wiping away more tears and snot with my sleeve.

She looked at me with a worried expression, her hand retracing back to her lap. "Don't apologize.. we all go through shit, doesn't mean you aren't allowed to cry about it."

She continued to look at me, a stern expression mixed with pity.

"I'm just going through a breakup-" I motion with my hands in a way that made me seem unsure of what to call it. "-It's why I had to switch rooms.. it wasn't a very healthy situation for me." I said, taking a deep breath in and out. It felt good to talk to someone about it, even if I didn't go into detail.

Abby nodded to herself, feeling a sense of relief knowing someone was going through a similar situation as her. "I get what you mean... m' sorry. You don't deserve that."

I laugh coldly at that statement, my eyes still blurry and irritated. "Maybe I do."

Abbys eyebrows furrow together, slightly irritated that I would say such a thing.

She reached for me, holding my hands her hers and demanded for me to look up at her.

"You don't. I don't know what you went through, but I do know one thing..-"

My eyes go wide at her passion, slightly taken aback that she cared enough to get so serious about it.

Abby paused, looking down to collect her thoughts before looking back up. "Out of all the strangers that could have possibly been my roommate... I'm glad it was you."