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A few weeks had gone by, Ellie's appearance was sporadic and short. She'd occasionally come to the room to get something she had forgotten but she never slept here. I've tried to talk to her a few times here and there but she never seemed to want to hold a conversation. I've texted and even called but they went unanswered. I was a wreck the first week and a half of not seeing her, talking to her everyday which I so stupidly got accustomed to. I don't know what went wrong and I dwelled on the possibility that there was something horribly wrong with me and that's why she distanced herself.

"You did nothing wrong there's something off with that girl." Liv my best friend, sat with me and held my hands. She was never one for sensitive wisdom and I wasn't sure if I wanted it from her either. "No- you don't get it." I found myself wanting to defend the girl that has put me in this state. I didn't tell Olivia about the physical aspect of the friendship I had with Ellie I figured it would make liv hate her more. "There's nothing to get. She fucked up and it's her loss." I flinch at her harsh words she used to describe my roommate. I knew about how soft and gentle she could be and how bright her eyes lit up when she talked about the things she loved. Olivia didn't. Sure, ditching someone with no say after doing something so intimate is fucked up but I knew there was more to her that I haven't seen yet.

Classes were attended, homework was done, and still nothing. At this point I haven't seen her at the room or talked to her in days, just the occasional glances from across the dining hall. She was either alone or with people I've never seen before. They looked like a rougher crowd and I recognized a few but only from stories. Stories like how they're drug dealer but not just for weed. Did Dina and Jesse know about the people she hung out with? Has Ellie talked to Dina recently? I doubt it. Dina seemed to really care about Ellie in a way a strict big sister would. I'm relying on her to get on Ellie's ass if she's going down the wrong path.

It was a Thursday afternoon, I had finished my last class of the day. I didn't really want to go back to the room. It felt cold, dark and haunted. I felt like I can either let it all go, forget about every interaction I've ever had with her or derail myself completely. If I knew what's best for me I'd just go about my time here, do what I need to do and leave but the thought of that hurt even more.

I found myself wondering the halls, dragging my feet with no particular direction in mind. I didn't have Dina's number but I knew where her dorm was and I figured this would be the last resort. Talk to Dina and maybe get some insight or if Ellie had spoken to her about anything.

My hand hovers over the dark wooden frame, hesitating the connection. I knock softly, feeling like maybe I'd be burdening her. The door opens and Dina's face looked confused seeing my face, but turned into a sympathetic smile. "Hey come sit." She motions her arm, stepping aside for me to enter. I sit in a desk chair that swiveled slightly. I looked down at my hands and play with my fingers. I take a deep breath in hopes I'll think of something to say to explain why I'm here. "You haven't seen Ellie?" Her tone was soft but concerned. She sat on her bed with her hands latched into the mattress on either side of her legs. All I could do was shake my head. Being with Dina I feel a massive wave of emotion build up and when I see her face it all comes to the brim. I cried harder than I was even anticipating. Dina rushes over to me and gets down to hold me, petting my head. "Shh- it's okay. You're okay." She soothes me. It's like she's done this a millions times. "I don't kno- I don't understand." I choke on my words. I felt so embarrassed, like I was being over dramatic. I take deep breaths to compose myself and gestured her that I was okay. "Ellie-" she began to speak but was clearly struggling with what to say. "She- well... she's been through a lot and she has a tendency to push herself away from things and people that are good for her." Dina stands me up and walks me to her bed, sitting me down.I was silent for a minute, it made sense but at the same time it wasn't a good enough reason. I wanted to be understanding but I was angry, hurt and felt betrayed. "She never really opened up to me about those types of things." I wipe the tears away with my sleeve, calming myself down. "You don't owe it to her, but I promise she has so much good to offer if you just be patient." Dina pats the back of my hand. I wanted to spill every feeling and thought I had in my head and I found the words at the edge of my tongue.  "I like her- like really like her." I haven't told anyone not even my best friend about this new found crush but I figured Dina would be the right person to talk to about it. "I don't know if this will make you feel better or worse but I think she likes you too." She lets out a humorless laugh, trying to up lighten up the mood. "Have you talked to her or seen her lately?" I fidget with my hands unsure of wether or not I was prying too much."Not recently but she was sleeping here a couple of weeks ago. I tried telling her to go back but she'd get pissed so I stopped asking questions." From her tone I'm guessing they'd gotten into a argument of some sort over the matter.

It was dark when I returned. I didn't feel a whole lot better but talking with Dina did help me see things more clear. I wanted to sleep and get through another day to slowly forget and move on but I couldn't. I tossed and turned got up to do pointless chores and then tossed and turned again. I wanted to hear from her even if it was in text. I missed her voice and how her hands could feel so gentle in mine. I felt like a love drunk fool but I wasn't in love at least I wouldn't know the difference if I was or wasn't. Was it just a case of wanting something that you can't have?

I scroll though my phone and wavered over the keyboard with the reminisce of previous conversations before they got distant. Miss you- backspace. How are you- backspace."Hey." Is what I settled on. I tossed my phone aside and laid in the dark already regretting my actions. It all felt so pointless she was probably out living it up with god knows who, or maybe she was alone. I didn't want her to be alone but I couldn't stand the thought of her hanging around dangerous people or even other girls that had only one thing in mind.

It was the very early hours of the morning when I finally felt like I could sleep. I turned to face the wall and adjusted myself how I like best when my phone buzzed. My eyes shit open and my hands scramble in the dark to find the device. "Hey." It was a unknown number not what I was expecting. "Who this?""Ur roommate." I stared at the letters like re-reading them would make them any more apparent. "Ellie?" "I need help." I had called the mystery number but no one answered just another buzz shorty after. "No call just text." The words weren't making a lot of sense. The bluntness of it felt eery almost like it wasn't actually her. "Where?" "East end. There's a block party you won't miss it." With that, I grabbed a jacket and left without a second thought. Sure it was stupid, but if It was her I couldn't ignore the call for help.

I rushed, phone clutched to my chest to the general direction of where I was told she was. Sure enough there was a large gathering of people outside one of the building. Music was vibrating the ground and singing could be heard amongst other shoutings. I pushed my way through the drunk students and darted my eyes at the different faces. "Ellie?" I shouted but my voice didn't carry as far as I'd hope. I asked different people if they knew her or if they'd seen her but in their drunken state of mind they didn't pick up the urgency in my tone. I felt hopeless, I had texted the number again and it was left unanswered. The worry began to worsen, tears filled my eyes. I didn't know what kind of help she needed or even if she was in any danger but I couldn't bare to go home without her. I started to feel hopeless and ready to give up when I noticed angry yelling and a scuffle happening outside the entrance. I squinted at the man yelling, trying to see who he was so pissed at. There was a person walking away from the party only turning back to the guy to flip him off. I watched them exit the crowd and I could finally get a better look.

"Ellie!" I ran and pushed through the outskirts of the crowd to her direction. She didn't hear me and she was stumbling along the side walk before she gave up and sat on the curb. "Ellie-" I bent down and put my hand on her shoulder. She turned to look in the direction of my voice. It felt slow motion when we met eyes I wasn't expecting to see what was before me. Her upper lip was split and her cheek bone was bruised. "Oh shit what are you doing here." Her words were slurred and her eyes were bloodshot. "You said you needed help so I came. C'mon let's go back to the room." I had instinct to get her out of harms way and the room sounded like the safest option.

She hung into me as we made our way back to our dorm. She was all giggles which contrasted the shape she was in. By some miracle I had managed to unlock the door with the taller girl hanging onto my shoulders. I scuffled with her over to the bed and plopped her down. She didn't even try catch herself from falling back into her mattress. "Shh we have to be quiet." She tried to whisper but it was definitely more audible than she intended. "Why do we have to be quiet?" I laugh, setting aside my anger for her and began to take off her shoes. "My roommate- she hates me." She threw her arms over her face and blew a raspberry with her lips. I knew she was drunk but not to this extent. "She doesn't hate you, she just worries a lot." I finished pulling off her shoes. It's probably cruel to play along but I figured I could get more out of her."Mm- I'd hate me if I was her." Her voice grew quiet and lazy. "Trust me she doesn't hate you.Here, drink." I helped her sit up right, handing her a water bottle. I sat next to her, rubbing her lower back in a soothing manner. She drank it enthusiastically, gasping for a breath like she forgotten she could breath and drink at the same. "Wow- thanks I needed that." "You feeling any better?" "Yeah the room stopped spinning." She rubbed her eyes and looked at me for what felt like the first time since I found her at the party. From her expression I can tell it finally make sense to her."Oh shit- sky." She sighed and looked down like I was going to scold her. "I'm sorry- I forgot I texted you from that dudes phone. I shouldn't have done that." She nervously scratched the side of her face. "Don't be sorry. Im glad you did." I removed my hand from her back it suddenly felt too intimate and awkward. I stood up and hovered a little, unsure of what to do or what to say. "Uh- do you need Advil or anything?" My pitch went up a octave unintentionally. "Wha- no, no really I'm fine." She dismissed the topic like she didn't want to burden me. "Ellie you don't look fine." I look at her bruised face and the little bit of blood that was smeared on her lips. "Oh this? It's nothing." She points to her face and let's out a chuckle. I wanted to spill everything that I was thinking. I wanted to ask, pry. I just didn't want her to leave again. I walked over to her bed and sat down next to the girl once again. I cleared my throat, preparing to curate a sentence that hopefully doesn't make me sound like I was so distressed over her absence. "What happened?" I didn't have to say more she knew what I meant. "Nothing just a dude being an asshole."I scoffed and shifted on the mattress. I didn't care if she knew I was agitated I wanted more than that bullshit excuse. "You should see the other guy." She nudged my arm and smirked hoping to lighten the mood. I rolled my eyes and bit my cheek, suppressing a smile. "I care about you Ellie. It's hard seeing you like this." I became more serious than before and I can tell she was taken aback and probably annoyed that I'm bringing this up now. "Skyler- don't""Don't what? Are you seriously going to tell me you don't care about me even in the slightest?" I felt the anger brewing inside me. "That's not it you know it's not.""No I don't know that because you never tell me how you feel." We sat in silence for a moment I didn't want to blow this out of proportion and if I kept going the way I was, that's where we were heading. I felt the tears starting to well and fall down my cheeks.

Ellie's POV I've avoided Skyler and everything that reminded me of her for what feels like months. I'd be lying if I said it wasn't hard. I'd stay back in classes, drink and smoke with randoms but it never felt like enough. I found myself wanting to talk to her about how my day was and wanting to ask about hers. I distracted myself with other women that I've only ever met with the sole purpose of selling to or sleeping with, but if anything it just made me feel worse.

There was a party happening tonight and I had a class the next day but it wasn't until much later in the evening so I figured fuck it. I didn't have anyone to go with and I had no idea what kind of crowd would be attending except I figured Allie would be there but I didn't care. If you had weed then you can always make friends. I wondered around until then, hanging out with questionable characters but at least they didn't ask any questions.

I definitely smoked too much before coming and mixing liquor felt like it would somehow even it out. Passing a blunt between strangers and observing the stupidity around me and I saw a familiar face approaching me. "Look what the cat dragged in." Allie in her usual get up of clothing that put everything on display. She had a man attached to her hip and a drink in her hand. From her tone I can tell she wanted to give me hell. "Fuck." I rolled my eyes and fell back into the seat. I tried to minimize myself thinking it would make her forget I was here. "After all the things we've done and I can't even get a hi?" She confidently made her way over and sat on my knee, putting a arm around my neck. "Allie don't start please." I began to push her off when the guy she was with spoke up. "Who the fuck is this bitch." Typical frat bro tone like he's the alpha of the whole school. "Calm down Jason I'm just saying hi to a old friend." She sounded sarcastic and her smile felt cold. I took the last long drag of the blunt before pushing her off and started to get up."Allie we're not friends we're not exes just leave me the fuck alone." I take a deep breath and start to walk away from her. "Don't talk to my girl like that." Gym bro steps I front of me stopping me from leaving the conversation. It was honestly kind of funny so I laughed under my breath. This kind of shit would happen to me. "Oh so you think this is funny?" He steps closer and I changed my demeanor. This guy was seriously pissing me the fuck off. "Yeah it is." I shoved around him, bumping my shoulder into his. "Fucking dyke." He said it just loud enough for me to hear. My blood fucking boiled. I didn't think of the consequences I didn't have time too I just reacted. "Hey-" he turned and I punched him in the face, causing him to stumble backwards. He touched his thumb to his nose and examined the blood. "You fucking bitch I'll kill you-" he started to come at me and I just kind of accepted the fact that we might have a full blown fight break out, but a a few other guys chimed in and held him back. "What the fuck is wrong with you?!" I shrugged and started to walk away when Allie's high pitched, annoying drunk voice stopped me. I turned to look at her and she slapped me hard. I held my eyes shut for a second just to process it all. If this what it took for her to finally leave me alone, I was fine with it. She followed her boyfriend or whatever the fuck he was away from the area and I felt a trickle on my lip. I reached up to touch the sore area and blood saturated my fingertips. Great.

The drugs and alcohol started to way heavily on my body and the room began to spin. I didn't have anyone here to crash and I doubt anyone would be willing to. I pulled out my phone to call Dina or Jesse for help but the screen remained black. "Fuck." Now that my phone is dead and I could barely walk I really put myself into a stupid situation. I look around almost ready to give up and sleep outside when one of the guys I shared a blunt with caught my eye. "Can I use your phone?" I can tell he pitied me, at least in the slightest. He handed it to me with a nod of respect. My fingers sloppily put in the only number I could remember at the time. "I need help." That should get the point across.

I don't remember how I got back to my dorm but I recognized it as my room. Fuck. I needed to be quiet I didn't dare wake her up after purposely avoiding her for the past 3 weeks. I wasn't entirely sure who got me here. Their hands we're gentle and the voice felt familiar, sweet and gentle. She'd given me water and it helped tremendously to sober me up."Oh shit- sky." Fuck. Of fucking course out of all the numbers it had to be her. I really didn't want to get into everything tonight. I was sobering up but that didn't mean my head was pounding any less. She was concerned with my appearance and I can't say I blame her but it's really none of her business. "I care about you Ellie-" she continued on with her sentence but I blacked it out. I didn't want to hear those words it made me feel like more of a asshole than I already did. "Sky don't-" I rubbed my temples and shut my eyes like I could magically make the night skip to tomorrow. "Don't what? You're seriously going to tell me you don't care about me even in the slightest?" Her voice grew louder and impatient. She deserved a explanation but the truth is I didn't have one for her. "That's not it you know it's not." It came out like a confession, maybe it was. "No I don't know that because you never tell me how you feel." I heard her take a deep breath. I know she doesn't want to fight it's not in her nature. I didn't know what to say so we both remain silent for a moment. I hear her sniffle and that's when I finally look at her. I can't tell she was trying to keep it together but that didn't stop the tears that fell from her cheek.

"Sky?" I felt a overwhelming urge to comfort her I didn't want to se ever cry especially because of me. "Hey, hey look at me." I shifted to be facing her on the bed. Everything felt slow motion and like I was finally understanding the impact I had on her. "I'm sorry. I shouldn't have disappeared on you like that." My thumb stroking a pattern on her skin. She wiped the reminding tears on her face and turned to me but said nothing. "Hey- talk to me." I nudged her knee with mine."I like you Ellie. I want you to be able to talk to me about stuff." Her whole body seemed to finally relax like she's been holding back from those words for so long. "I know I'm not very good at that and I'm sorry it's just... complicated." She rolled her eyes and I felt like I needed to give her more. "I'll try- okay?" I held her hand in mine and she reciprocated the gesture. "Okay." She gave me a weak nod and a smile.

Skyler's POVIt felt like a tone of bricks were lifted off of my shoulders. Her being here with me, seeing her face and how soft she can look in moments like this. She opened up to me about her family life and how her mom died giving birth and her biological father was never in the picture. I also learned the only 'family' she had is a man she named Joel that was her father figure and for some reason or another they weren't on the best of terms. She seemed pained to speak about him so I didn't further the conversation any more.

"Tell me something about you that I don't know." She steered the conversation away from herself. "Umm like?" I wavered and felt unbelievably boring compared to her. "Favorite color?" "Really?" I laugh and raised my eyebrows at her. "Why not." She gave that smirk that makes me want to melt into my seat. "I like a good orange. You?" "What like the traffic cone orange?" She teased. "No- oh my god like the sunset orange." I rolled my eyes and bit the inside of my cheek. I didn't want her to know that I was kicking my feet like a god damn school girl on the inside. "Now you answer." I divert the focus on her. "Mm I'm going to have to say green." She made a face like she was contemplating way too intensely.

At this point we were both sprawled out on her bed, taking about our favorite movies, video games and things of that nature. This is what I've missed about her being around. Just someone to talk to in a sense that I knew I'd be safe telling her anything and I can only hope she can feel that way with me. She traced the scar on her arm, telling me the backstory and the tattoo she got to cover it. I observe her lips and listen to her voice echo throughout the room.