Chapter 19

I shot the guardian I'd spotted through the window before he even knew what had happened. He fell to the floor, his eyes empty, but I had already turned to my next enemy. The guardians filed off into different parts of the cabin, kicking in doors and firing off shots without a second's doubt. I was just about to advance into the room on the right with Alberta when we heard Lazar call from behind. 'We've found Dashkov!'

'The princess should be nearby,' she called. 'Have the others arrest him and go find her. I'll clear this room.'

I nodded and moved to join the others. When my eyes fell upon prince Dashkov, healed, healthy, and almost an entirely different man, I was disappointed to see that my colleagues had already disposed of his other guardian and apprehended him. Biting back my fury, I advanced and met his mocking eyes. Here was the man who had set me upon the student in my care, and tortured the Moroi that was my charge.

'Guardian Belikov,' he drawled, a bit breathless. 'Nice of you to join the fray. I see you were able to tear yourself away from your pup.' He smiled. 'For a while.'

If nobody else had been in the room, I might have strangled the man. Prison was too good for him. But giving in to my anger would only confirm what he suspected: that the charm had worked to full effect. He couldn't know that, not for sure, and I was not about to enlighten him. The best tactic was to pretend like nothing.

'Prince Dashkov,' I said instead, keeping my voice smooth and cold as steel, 'you are under arrest.' Seeing that I was not going to take his bait, Victor only gave me an amused look and raised his hands to be cuffed.

While Stevens and Lazar cuffed him and left to deposit him in one of the cars, the remainder of our party searched through the rest of the cabin. Yuri, who had gone to check on Alberta, was just inquiring about her absence when her voice crackled on the earpiece.

She was breathless. 'I'm in the woods, southbound. I have sights on the princess, and Rose.' Her voice was drowned out by two loud shots. The mention of Rose had me bolting out of the window, Yuri tight on my heels.

I was pelting through the woods, every coherent thought lost to me besides the compulsion to find her. I flashed quickly back to her tight-lipped nod in the car. Of course she had not intended to stay. Of course I should have known better. And if anything happened to her now...

By the time I reached them, it was over. Four psi-hounds lay dead on the ground, and...

'Rose!' The sight of her, unconscious, with her leg torn and her neck punctured, had me on my knees.

'She's fine,' Alberta said, giving me a relieved but attentive look. 'She lost a lot of blood. But they're all...they're fine.' Alberta was checking Christian's pulse with wonder on her face. He was lying on his back, blinking rapidly, with the princess unconscious at his side. 'The princess is exhausted. She...she healed him. I saw it with my own eyes.' Alberta's face lifted to mine, and if I'd ever doubted Rose's story, I didn't any longer. Alberta looked like she had just witnessed a miracle.

My voice was hoarse. 'Her magic, their connection...it's extraordinary.'

Alberta nodded to Yuri and the others, who had also caught up. 'Let's get them out of here.'

Leaving the princess and the Ozera boy to the others, I let myself focus on Rose. Sliding my arms gently beneath her bruised body, I lifted her easily into my arms. As I carried her back to the car, Alberta spoke again.

'She took on those psi-hounds herself. In that damn dress, no less.' She shook her head.

What remained of it, I thought, glancing down at her. Rose's dress was in tatters, and her heels must have been chucked in the fight. But the mention of psi-hounds nagged at my memory. Something that Rose had said, all that time ago. That the academy had sent them to hunt her and the princess down. It hadn't been the academy at all. It had been Victor. Not even he had been able to find her during those two years. She really had done it. She'd kept the princess safe. I relayed this information to Alberta, and she made a noise of disgust. 'To stoop so low as to let those beasts on the loose...I do hope we see the prince behind bars.'

I frowned, my eyes on Rose's face, slack in sleep. 'You think there's a chance we won't?'

She shrugged, her voice bitter. 'Well, no. But he's a royal. You never know. It's a matter for the Moroi.'

I nodded solemnly, praying they would make the right decision. With Rose's blood on my hands and her wound stark on her leg, I found myself having to swallow more of my fury toward Dashkov. Rose's injuries weren't permanent, but they would scar. Unless...

Unless Lissa healed her.

But seeing Lissa unconscious in Yuri's arms, I was reminded of how much she had suffered tonight. She could heal, but it cost her. That's what Rose had said. The self-harm, the instability...clearly, the powers Lissa possessed was no ordinary elemental magic.

Once again, I found my loyalties warring. My duty was to Lissa. Not just her physical welfare, but her mental welfare too, especially when her mental struggles could cause her so much harm. But Rose...

I swallowed. I couldn't bear to see her harmed.

Regardless, Lissa was in no shape now to do anything else but recover. Rose was going to have to heal herself, with some help from Dr. Olendzki. I reminded myself that she was strong. She was soon to be a guardian. In this line of work, she was bound to get hurt. But she was skilled, more skilled than most, and I had to trust that she could take care of herself. I simply had to.

As we pulled into the academy, I carried Rose into the clinic and relented her to the doctor's care. It hurt to let her go, but I knew she would get better.

The only problem was that I had to stay away. Two long days dragged by while they forced fluids and sugar into her. Dr. Olendzki let me know that my 'favourite student' was recovering well, when she'd caught me hovering outside the clinic doors. The word 'favourite' had stopped me from entering Rose's room. I recalled the look Alberta had given me back in the woods. Victor had figured us out, and others were beginning to. It couldn't continue. And so I had to stay away.

Confined to my room, I had too much time to grumble on recent events. The memory of Victor's charmed necklace was like shackles around my neck. I tried to tell myself that it was magic that had compelled us. That it wasn't our fault. But hard as I tried to keep the memories at bay, they would find me. As a lay awake in bed, as I dreamt, fretfully, in bursts, caught between worry and nightmares of losing her, I gave in again and again. And when those memories found me, I found them entirely too welcome, too familiar, too forbiddingly enticing.

The necklace might have been charmed, but there was no doubt about it: there was more to what had happened between me and Rose. It was more even than desire, more than this strange attraction that I had to her. It was a force pulling us together, a force I had to fight to not give into, every moment of everyday.

Even admitting it to myself left me short of breath, my heart racing, my mind scrambling for purchase. It was forbidden. Impossible. Not just because of our age difference. But because we were guardians. They come first. There could never be anything between us. We couldn't escape what we were, we couldn't run away from our duty and our responsibilities.

The guardian code was all I had. If I let Rose in, I would unravel all that and become something else, something I didn't dare to fathom. A man unbound by rules and honour. It was too close to what my father was. Too close to what many royal Moroi were. And I couldn't allow myself to become like that. For my mother, for my sisters, and...for Rose. I had to do this for her.

The fact was that I couldn't ever be alone with Rose again. The horrible truth was that I had committed a crime, and I needed to be punished for it. No matter what Rose felt for me, she had to report what had happened. I don't know what punishment they would cook up for me. Suspension. Banishment. Prison, possibly. Whatever it was, I deserved it, and at least it would keep me away from her.

With our practices indefinitely suspended, it wasn't hard to keep away. As time passed, I waited for the inevitable. I knew that Rose was cherishing having her best friend back, cherishing being alive, and focusing on her healing. Eventually though...she would have to do it.

Four days passed before, inevitably, we ran into each other. I was leaving gym after practice. I hadn't expected Rose to be back here for a while yet, but seeing her exit the girl's locker room with her gym bag, I froze.

We were alone. She seemed as incapable of speech as I was, but in that brief glance, I saw that she had recovered. Relief that she was better mingled with the awkwardness of the meeting and the fear of what now had to happen. I wanted to examine her every injury. I wanted to stroke her cheek, to see if she was okay. I wanted to hear her laugh again. But the rest trumped me. Like a coward, I started to walk past.

And then I stopped. 'Rose...' I began after several uncomfortable moments. I couldn't hide from this. Rose deserved closure. And I deserved whatever was coming for me. I swallowed and pushed on, forcing my eyes to look at her. 'You need to report what happened. With us,' I added.

It was so hard to maintain eye contact with her, but I managed it. As it were, Rose's eyes were searching mine.

'I can't do that,' she said after a moment. 'They'll fire you. Or worse.'

'They should fire me,' I managed, keeping my voice even. 'What I did was wrong.' Wrong wrong wrong.

Rose matched my evenness of tone, her expression veiled and almost guarded. 'You couldn't help it. It was the spell...' Those words...couldn't help it. Like I was a baser man. Like I was an animal.

'It doesn't matter,' I pressed, reining in my anger. 'It was wrong.' I shook my head with self-abasement. 'And stupid.'

Immediately I realised it had been the wrong thing to say. Rose's shock was palpable. She bit her lip; her eyes turned shiny and she looked away. With obvious effort, she covered her emotions. 'Look, it's not a big deal.'

But this only egged me on. 'It is a big deal!' She was downplaying how serious this was. It wasn't her fault, but she needed to understand. 'I took advantage of you.'

Her next words surprised me, because they were completely even, and completely direct. It was the Rose behind all the bravado, all the jesting brashness and impulsiveness. It was the Rose that knew me inside out. Who exposed me and left me vulnerable. Who satiated a part of me I didn't know was starving.

'No,' she said, her eyes as frank as her words. 'You didn't.'

Those three words rang with honesty, and a question between us was answered. Our eyes met and held, deep and serious and intense. The implication of what she was saying would have been everything I could have ever wanted in a different life, but in this one, it was the worst possible thing she could have told me.

'Rose,' I began, sinking the verbal knife in where it would hurt her, and me, the most. 'I'm seven years older than you. In ten years, that won't mean so much, but for now, it's huge.' I searched her eyes before delivering the next words. 'I'm an adult. You're a child.' I saw her flinch and felt the echo of her pain. But she needed to understand this. She needed to accept it. The impossibility of it.

But as Rose normally did, she covered her hurt with attitude. 'You didn't seem to think I was a child when you were all over me.'

Now it was my time to flinch. And she had a point. If this was my excuse, it was a poor one. I tried to explain. 'Just because your body...well, that doesn't make you an adult.' I immediately realised my error and changed tack. Alluding to her body and beauty was not going to help my case. 'We're in two very different places. I've been out in the world. I've been on my own. I've killed, Rose—people, not animals. And you...you're just starting out. Your life is about homework and clothes and dances.' As it should be, I wanted to add. At least for a little while longer. She needed to cherish that life while she could.

But Rose, exasperated, cried, 'That's all you think I care about?'

'No, of course not. Not entirely. But it's all part of your world. You're still growing up and figuring out who you are and what's important. You need to keep doing that. You need to be with boys your own age.' Like Mason or any other of the novices, I thought bitterly. She could have her pick.

Rose was silent. Some of the steam seemed to have gone out of her. The dark side of my mind filled in the blanks. That it was me she wanted. That Mason was nothing to her. But I beat the demon back where he belonged.

'Even if you choose not to tell,' I continued deliberately, needing to drive the point home, 'you need to understand that it was a mistake. And it isn't ever going to happen again,' I emphasised.

Rose watched me with big, searching eyes. 'Because you're too old for me? Because it isn't responsible?'

I kept my face perfectly blank. Unless I said the next words, Rose would not relent. 'No,' I said. 'Because I'm just not interested in you in that way.'

Rose stilled; something in her eyes transformed. Whatever hope she had been holding on to, whatever pretensions, I saw them crumble before her eyes.

Hardening my heart, I pushed on, relentless in my attack. 'It only happened because of the spell. Do you understand?'

Rose's hurt morphed into attitude again. Shrugging, she said, 'Yeah. Understood,' and she turned abruptly and left the gym.

Feeling like a machine, I stood there for a long while after, just staring at the spot she had vacated, feeling nothing at all except a big, echoing emptiness.