Chapter 17

I had been futilely trying to fall asleep that night when I was jerked fully awake by someone pounding madly on my door. I turned on the tableside lamp and peeled back the covers, muttering silently to myself about never being left in peace—which was unfair, since it was mostly just my own mind tormenting me—as I made my way to the door.

I opened it, thinking it had to be a colleague wanting something. But of course it turned out to be Rose. I should have known from the way she had pounded the living daylights out of my door.

My eyes widened as I took her in. She looked a little haggard, though no less gorgeous in the black dress.

'Rose?' I urged, inviting her to explain the cause for this nightly visit.

'Let me in,' she insisted, practically bouncing on her feet, which were still tucked into the heels. 'It's Lissa.'

At that I immediately stepped aside for her. Her eyes darted to the bed, to my pajama bottoms, to my chest, and finally to my still damp hair. I realised too late that I probably should have pulled something on first, but that was a concern for later. Rose wouldn't seek me out like this unless it was serious.

'What's wrong?' I pressed.

Her mouth opened like she was going to answer, but then her gaze fell on my naked chest again. And her expression completely changed; the focus shifted. The way her eyes drifted across my body, across my face...it was like a physical caress in its intensity. Her eyes filled with heat, completely undisguised heat, and I was so startled by that look on her—a look I'd never seen before—that what she did next would never have occurred to me in a million years.

She lunged for me.

Before her hands could reach my chest, which she seemed to be aiming for, I hastily stepped back and exclaimed, 'Rose! What are you doing?'

In a sultry voice she retorted, 'What do you think?'

She moved toward me again, hunger written all over her features.

'Are you drunk?' I asked, holding my hand out in a warding gesture. I had no other way to explain what was going on. Not even in my wildest dreams had I ever imagined this happening.

'Don't I wish,' she returned wistfully. She actually tried to dodge around me, coming at me again, but then paused, her features furrowing with uncertainty. I was wondering whether I was going to have to physically restrain her to keep this insanity from continuing when she suddenly said, 'I thought you wanted to—don't you think I'm pretty?'

That was entirely beside the point, and I was astounded that she couldn't see it. 'Rose, I don't know what's going on, but you need to go back to your room.'

She moved toward me again, completely heedless of my words. I was forced to reach out and grip her wrists to keep her from flying at my chest.

And then everything changed.

It was instant. With that touch, an electric current shot through me. Whatever I had felt a second ago—all gone. My worries had been wiped from existence as an entirely new urge seized me, an urge that was dangerous in its intensity.

Rose came into hyper focus. The dark hair, loosely arranged around her shoulders, the tan skin, the parted lips, the eager eyes...god, I was powerless to resist her.

With all inhibitions suddenly out of the window, I released her wrists and trailed my hands up her arms, sliding slowly along her skin, feeling the heat of her sear my hands. I tugged her toward me, pressing her up against the length of my body. The aching need I always kept a tight rein on had come loose; I wanted no air to exist between us.

One of my hands moved up the back of her neck, and I twined my fingers through that lovely mane of hair and tipped Rose's face up to mine. Her expression was ardent, wanting. Seeing it, nothing could hold me back. I brought my lips down, feeling her whole body stretch along mine.

Before our mouths could touch Rose swallowed and whispered, 'Do you think I'm pretty?'

I regarded Rose seriously, wondering if it could at all be possible that she didn't know. But I couldn't think of a more inadequate word to describe her with than "pretty". She was so much more than that.

'I think you're beautiful,' I said, still not finding the word good enough, but my head was so clouded with need that I couldn't think straight.

Rose's eyes flickered between mine. 'Beautiful?' she breathed, her voice hitching a little.

My arms tightened around her. 'You are so beautiful, it hurts me sometimes.' And that was an understatement; her allure downright pained me, all the worse because I'd always known I could never have her. But now I was strangely freed from all such inhibitions and cares. Rose was mine. No, that wasn't quite right. I was hers, she had claimed me, and if she wanted me then I was going to give her all that she had ever wanted.

My lips closed those last couple of inches between us and moved against hers, so soft and warm. I was trying to hold myself back, to keep things slow, but the feel of Rose consumed me. My tongue slid into her mouth, exploring the feel of her while I angled my head to get even closer. The passion ramped up in both of us, until our lips moved with a hard and hungry edge.

I moved my hands down Rose's arms, down to her hips, until I reached the edge of her dress, never taking my lips from hers. I needed to see more of her, touch more of her. I gathered the fabric in my hands and began nudging it up her thighs. Rose's body was bowed against mine, more relaxed now, and I moved back only just enough for the dress to slide over her head, leaving her exposed before me. I tossed the garment carelessly to the floor, preoccupied with the sight before me.

'You...you got rid of that dress fast,' Rose said between heavy breaths. 'I thought you liked it.'

'I do like it,' I said, my breathing as heavy as hers. 'I love it.'

But the way that dress had hugged her shape could never have prepared me for the sight of Rose in just underwear. What a godly figure she had. That wide hip and shoulder, the strong arms and legs, the flat stomach, her chest... There was so much skin showing, such warm and tan skin, smooth and gilded by the nightlamp by the bed. Her lips were red from our kissing, her cheeks flushed, her eyes glowing with private desires. If I'd ever had doubts about Rose's feelings for me, I didn't any longer.

I reached for Rose's hand and drew her toward me again. To spare us both of the height problem, I backed toward the bed, feeling her eyes follow my every movement. I turned and lay her down gently, following on top of her, my eyes tracing the line of her throat, taut and exposed. I brought my lips down and lost myself in her.

I didn't seem to be in control of my actions, but somewhere at the back of my mind was a voice urging me to be slow, to be gentle, to be careful. Rose was not someone you rushed things with.

Despite all the experience the whole school claimed she had, I could sense that this had a certain feel of newness to her. Maybe that was only because it was with me, but I thought about what I knew about Rose—and I knew in that moment, as sure as I knew anything in life, that Rose was not the type to do such a thing lightly, just like she never did anything lightly.

Still, it felt good to finally yield to all those urges I'd denied myself for months and months now. Iron control I might have, but Rose challenged it, reaching into something inside that was more instinctive, more human, more man. I'd always thought of myself as an unshakeable soldier, completely given over to duty, but Rose exposed me, forced me to be vulnerable. And I loved her for it.

We lay on the covers, clinging to each other and kissing, slowly and languorously, lost in the depth of the night. Dawn was still some time away, and we'd have all those light hours to each other, with no need to rush.

Rose hadn't worn a bra underneath the dress, so my hands rove over her bare chest, alternatively stroking her with my hands, or trailing soft kisses along her heated skin until she arched her back for more. I was intent on exploring all of Rose's body, on touching every bit of her. My touches became more firm, my lips more rhythmic. Little noises of pleasure escaped Rose's lips every now and then, breathless and deep, assuring me that I was doing everything right by her. In turn I couldn't help murmuring her name, the Russian variant of it, and it was like a promise, a promise on repeat. Roza, Roza, Roza...

After yearning for her so long, I could barely believe this was happening. A day ago I would have been content to just be near her, but now I wanted more, and kept wanting more. So much more. There was something urging me toward her, like a voice in my head, giving me permission to do all those things I'd denied myself. And seeing the way Rose responded to my touch, none of it felt wrong. It felt so, so right.

When I thought she was ready, I lowered my hand to Rose's hips and gently eased her black underwear down her thighs. I could tell she was nervous, so I did everything in my power to ease her nerves, keeping my touch slow, my voice firm, my eyes steady on hers. Not wanting to shock her with the sight of me naked, I kept the pants on for the present.

At one point Rose shifted so that she hovered over me, her hair falling around the sides of my face. I thought I'd never seen anyone so beautiful. I tilted my head slightly to get access to her throat, and Rose brushed her fingertips over the back of my neck.

'Did you really kill six Strigoi?' she murmured, and I nodded. 'Wow,' she breathed.

Seeing her eyes fill with that pride for me, seeing her impressed by me, did things to me I couldn't begin to understand. I brought her neck down to my mouth and grazed the skin there with my teeth, gently nipping. 'Don't worry,' I assured her, 'you'll have a lot more than me someday.' I was absolutely certain about that.

'Do you feel guilty about it?'

I was preoccupied with visions of a guardian Rose—formidable, strong, protective—that I missed the meaning of her question. 'Hmm?'

'Killing them,' she clarified, and I thought there was no other woman but Rose that would be able to think of such a topic while in bed with a man. 'You said in the van that it was the right thing to do, but it still bothers you. It's why you go to church, isn't it? I see you there, but you aren't really into the services.'

I smiled, surprised and amused she'd so easily guessed another secret about me. 'How do you know these things?' I asked, mostly to myself, while I mulled over my answer. 'I'm not guilty exactly...just sad sometimes. All of them used to be human or dhampir or Moroi. It's a waste, that's all, but as I said before, it's something I have to do. Something we all have to do. Sometimes it bothers me, and the chapel is a good place to think about those kinds of things. Sometimes I find peace there, but not often.' I swallowed, meeting her eyes. 'I find more peace with you.'

I could have dwelled on the significance of revealing that to her, but the urgency was still pounding in my body. I rolled so that Rose was under me and bent my face to hers, picking up the kissing from where we had left it, tongues stroking, one hand cupping the side of her face while my other hand kneaded her hip. God, I wanted her. I couldn't wait anymore. I pulled back a little to gauge her face, and saw decision glow in her dark eyes, felt her body open itself to mine, relaxed and ready.

I smiled and slid my hands behind her neck to unfasten the necklace. I wanted Rose completely naked, wanting nothing between our bodies. I set it on the bedside table. As soon as the chain left my fingers, something changed. The urgency disappeared.

I stared at Rose, confused. 'What happened?'

Rose shut her eyes. 'I—I don't know.'

I blinked, really looking at her. She looked gorgeous as ever, and seeing her like that... I swallowed. But the voice...the voice that had been goading me, urging me, that had erased all inhibition in my mind...it was gone. I had the startling sensation of waking up from a dream, a dream I wasn't supposed to be having.

Something wasn't right. I began to frown, no longer sure of what was happening. Because what was happening? I was in bed with Rose. That could not be happening, that could never happen. There was something here. Something affecting our decisions, our control. But everything was as it always were—except for one thing. The necklace. Puzzled, I reached over and plucked it from the table, meaning to study it.

But the moment my fingers touched it, that clear thought, that wave of clarity, it just disappeared from my head. Desire swept over me, heady, demanding, commanding. I saw Rose sprawled on my sheets, naked and so lovely, and not a single part of me could resist her. I slid my free hand onto her hip, and her own look of confusion transformed into one of burning lust. Her breathing picked up, and I moved my mouth to hers again.

'Lissa,' Rose suddenly whispered against my lips, squeezing her eyes shut. She seemed to be struggling with something. 'I have to tell you something about Lissa. But I can't...remember...I feel so strange...'

Some awareness slipped through the haze. 'I know.' Still holding onto her, I rested my cheek against her forehead, giving myself some time to think. 'There's something...something here...' At last I pulled my face away, and Rose opened her eyes. 'This necklace,' I remembered. 'That's the one Prince Victor gave you?'

She nodded. Something wasn't right here. Some part of me knew I would never be doing this. I thought long and hard about what I knew of charms. Old legends about powerful magic, magic that could infuse objects with certain special qualities. It occurred to me that this necklace might just be such an object, though I had no idea why, how this had been achieved, and that it was affecting what was happening between Rose and me. Maybe even causing it in the first place, a very disheartening thought.

And if there was even a chance of that... of this not being what Rose wanted... Taking a deep breath, I removed my hand from her hip and pushed myself away. Away, I needed to get away. I needed to get rid of this necklace. Then I would be able to think. We'd figure out what was going on.

'What are you doing?' Rose exclaimed, seeming almost distraught to not have me near. 'Come back...'

God did I want to obey her. There was nothing I wanted as badly as giving in to her—but instead I found the will to climb out of the bed. I had to get away, and fast, before my desire ripped through the last of my reserve and drove me to some point of no return. My body had been so ready, so ready to serve her, that being apart from her now was like having some essential part of me ripped away. And yet I moved away from her. Every step was a leaden effort, but I managed it, one after the other, until I reached the window. Nobody could ever say I wasn't up to impossible challenges.

I managed to open the window one-handed, and cold air blasted in, offering a moment's clarity.

'What are you going to—?' Rose began. She sprang out of bed, but she was too late. I flung the necklace out of the window just as Rose said, 'No! Do you know how much that must have—?'

The voice was gone, along with everything else. The necklace had been charmed, some kind of powerful lust spell. I had no goddamn idea who could have wanted to target us with this, but I knew in that moment that I had done irreparable damage. Staring at Rose, naked, the rumpled bed behind her...

Something was replacing the wave of desire the necklace had caused me to feel; burning shame. The dream was gone. I was startling awake, and I had come so close to committing a terrible, terrible mistake.

It would have been so easy to blame my reaction entire on the necklace, but beneath that was the knowledge, the awful knowledge, that I had wanted this all along. That I had done this to my student, to the one I had chosen to mentor, who should be able to trust me above anyone else. I choked with self-hate. It would have completely consumed me if Rose's needs hadn't trumped mine. I was just about to go over to her, to console her somehow, I didn't know, when her eyes flew wide open.

'Lissa!' she gasped out. Terror crossed her face, and for a moment I thought her eyes glazed over, like they do when she entered the princess's head, but Rose seemed to be fighting against it, shaking her head to and fro. Rose lifted her head to mine in panic, all the words coming out of her in a rush. Lissa alone, Christian hurt, Lissa kidnapped.

They'd gotten her.