Chapter 57

"Want some fun?" Josh whispered in my ear, I shook my head with tears streaming down my face. "I know you do." I felt his lips on my body. "Let's not tell anyone about this tho-" "Lauren!" I opened my eyes and sat up. "Are you okay?" Cody pulled me into him.

It's been a week now, I still get nightmares about it. I still flinch every time someone touches me, accept Cody. I feel as if I'm never going to be me again although when we're at rehearsals I feel free, like I'm myself and I love it. I forget about everything.

"I was dreaming- It was a nightmare.. Josh was there and-" "It's okay, baby, you don't have to say any more." "I just want to forget everything." I looked him in the eye, he didn't know what to say. "Go back to sleep, baby." He laid me down again.

"It's really hot in here." I wiped the sweat from my forehead. "No, you were just panicking." He said softly before kissing my head and laying down next to me. "You're safe with me." He noticed I couldn't close my eyes, every time I did I saw Josh.

"Can we go outside again? Like we did before?" Cody groaned at my request before getting up and pulling a shirt over his bare chest. "Come on then, chick." Cody pulled me up. "Wait, I need to get some clothes." Cody ignored me and threw me over his shoulder.

I giggled as he went down the stairs. "Shh!" He laughed, I stopped laughing. "Why are we going out the back?" I asked as he opened the back door. "Just be quiet." "This is technically kidnapping." "I'm under 18, I'm also a child." "Fine, this is abduction." I said as he put me down.

"We're at my house." He said and took off his shirt, he placed his shirt and sweats on the table and walked over to the pool. I watched him as he did it all. "You coming in?" He asked, I shook my head. "It's freezing!" "That didn't stop you last time." He reminded.

"Come on." He came back over to me. I let him lift my shirt over my head, I covered myself as I remembered I had no bra on. "It's only me, don't worry about it." He slowly removed my hands. "I'm not making you do anything." He led me to the poolside.

"Take these off, hmm?" He pulled at my sweat shorts. I looked down and then shook my head. "Do you want them to get wet?" "I don't want you to- To.. You know?" "I'm not him, I won't do anything." "I want to feel like I can trust people."

"I'm one person you'll always be able to trust." He leaned his forehead on mine. "I do trust you, I want you." I put my hands on his arms. "You do?" "But I'm scared." "I'm not going to hurt you." He pressed his lips onto mine.

"I'm not ready.." I pulled away. "I didn't ask you to be, I asked you to come in the water with me." He pulled at my shorts again. "Can I?" I nodded. Cody pulled them down, they dropped to the floor and I stepped out.

"It's cold but you'll have to live with it." He laughed. Goose bumps formed on my skin, Cody lifted me up. I wrapped my legs around his waist. "It's.So.Cold." I held onto Cody tightly as he went deeper into the water. "How are you so quiet?! It's freezing!" I looked at him, he laughed.

"We should go skinny dipping." I smiled, Cody gave me a look. "I thought you weren't ready?" "I didn't say sex." I tapped his nose. "Come on then." He pulled on the band of my underwear. I leaned back, Cody kissed my chest.

"We should go back to bed, it's really early." I sat up again. "No, we should stay down here." "If everyone comes down and se-" "Sees us naked in the pool?" He finished my sentence for me, I giggled. "Come on, let me bring you back to yourself?" He looked me in the eye.

I felt my back hit the pool wall, Cody leaned in. I connected our lips. As the kiss heated up I felt his hand on me again. "Nooo." I pulled away. "It was your idea." "I told you, I'm not ready." "Fine." He sighed and let go of me.

I fell underwater and then resurfaced. "Oi!" I splashed him, Cody laughed and picked me up again. "I'm sorry." He laughed again. "That was really mean." I giggled. "Let's get you dry before you catch something." He made his way to where he put his clothes.

"What's the time?" I asked as I sat on Cody's bed. "Five, we've gotta be at the stadium in four hours." I nodded. "Don't worry about it, everything will go smoothly." He pushed me back, I giggled and sat up again only to be pushed back down.

"Stop!" I laughed and let go of my towel so I could push him off me. "Make me." He teased as he crawled on top of me and pinned my hands above my head. "Now what?" Cody whispered against my lips. I stayed quiet, Cody's grip on my hands loosened as his lips came to contact with one of my breasts.

"You know I love you, right?" He looked up at me, I nodded. "You trust me?" "I do." "Do you wanna make the most of the next few hours?" He smirked at me, I looked away from him. He let go of my hands and connected our lips.

"If you don't want to, it's fine. Just tell me and we can do something else. I understand, don't feel like you have to please me because just seeing you smile makes me happy." "I want to do this, I'm just scared." Cody sighed and rolled off me.

"I'm sorry, I'm trying! I want to do this but it's too hard! Everytime you touch me I see him and I'm sorry bu-" "I'm not making you do anything!" "What do you want from me, Cody? Can't you see how hard I'm trying?" I sat up and covered myself with the towel.

"I don't want anything from you, I want you to be happy. I need you to be happy. I love you, Lauren." He sat up next to me. "Sometimes it's just not good enough." I got up, Cody caught my wrist before I could walk away.

"What's that supposed to mean?!" He stood up as well. "You loving me doesn't fix what happened! It doesn't make the bad dreams go away. It doesn't make the flashbacks go away. It doesn't change that he touched me, he had his hands where only yours should be! It's not your fault but by treating me like a baby, you're really not helping!"

"What do you want me to do?" He was more calm this time, he sat back down but still didn't let go of my wrist. "I want you wait for me." "I am waiting, I've been waiting and I'm willing to wait forever. I lov-" "Stop saying that!" I shouted and tried to pull away from him, he wouldn't let go.

"I do, nothing's changed. You are still you and I still love you!" "Let go of me." "Go and get dressed." He let go, I went towards the door. "I said get dressed." He pushed it closed, I turned around and leaned on it. "Just go." He took my towel from me and pushed me towards the closet.

"So why were you and Cody shouting at each other at half five this morning?" Angie asked me as she placed a plate of bacon and eggs infront of me. "You heard us?" "Tommy came into our room wondering if World War Three had started." She let out a chuckle, I did too.

"I don't know how it started, everything was fine and going smoothly until I freaked out-" "What did he do to make you freak out?" "Uh- Nothing." I shook my head. "Oh I get it." She winked at me, I giggled a little bit. "Well yeah and then Cody kept saying he loved me but like no matter how many times he says it, it doesn't change what's happened. I snapped and started shouting at him and he shouted back I guess."

"Where is he?" "He went to the shops quickly." I smiled. "You made up?" "We just forgot about it really, no one's said anything about it." "Well eat up, you'll be leaving when he gets back." She smiled and walked out of the kitchen, I sighed and started eating.

"Are you ready?" Cody walked into the kitchen, before I could answer he took my plate from me and put it in the sink. "No but thanks." I said sarcastically under my breath. "Get in the car." He handed me his keys. "What are you doi-" "Get in the car, Lauren!" "Calm down!" I held my hands up in surrender and went and sat in the car.

"You can't be mad at me forever." "I'm not mad at you." He said bluntly as he drove. I scoffed and rolled my eyes. "You need to gi-" "You need to be quiet." He started to drive faster. "Cody, slow down!" I put my hand over his. "Don't touch me." He warned.

I took my hand away and looked out the window. "It's not too late for me to tell Mat I don't want to go on stage." I reminded. "And if you do that you'll find yourself in a lot more trouble than you are now." "What's that supposed to mean?" "Do not push me, Lauren." I let out a big sigh and sat back in my seat.

We drove in silence until we finally got to tonight's venue, we were escorted through the fans who were outside by security and then taken to our dressing rooms. They were next to each other so we weren't far from each other. I was looking at my two outfits when there was a knock on the door.

"Hey." I smiled at Matt as he closed the door behind him. "We need to talk.." He started, I gave him a weird look. "Your boyfriend is worried sick about you, he's so mad at himself right now. He's driving himself insane. He thinks you hate him, he doesn't know what to do anymore." Matt explained as he sat on the couch.

I pulled my body onto the dresser and swung my legs. "He doesn't know whether you're going to go on tonight or not. He said you said you might not.. Is that true?" "I was trying to scare him, I'm going on stage tonight." "He doesn't know that. He's going crazy."

"Why?" "He doesn't think you love him anymore.." That hurt me, my heart sunk to the ground. "I do." "I know that, Cody needs some reassuring." "Should I go now?" "Wait.." He stopped me as I jumped off the dresser.

"You're doing a dress rehearsal in a half hour, you need to be ready in 20 minutes. No excuses." He told me, I nodded. "I'll get dressed and then go and talk to him." I smiled. "Good idea." "Now leave because I'm changing." I pushed him towards the door, Matt laughed and left.

My outfit for stage was white hotpants, they came up to just above my tummy-button. I also had a tight black and white crop top, the shoes were white stilettos. Although I hadn't had my hair and make up done I'll tell you what it's going to be now. My make up will be red lipstick and dark eyes, my hair will be down with beachy waves and a quiff at the top.

Anyways once I was dressed I went to Cody's dressing room. "Why aren't you dressed yet?" I asked, he was facing the mirror with only his pants on. "We have fifteen minutes still." "Look at me?" I walked towards him, he turned around.

"Are you okay?" I cupped his face in my hands, he hesitated before he placed his hands on my waist. "Mhmm." He hummed, I leaned my head on his chest. "Are you okay?" I asked again and looked him in the eyes.

"Do you still love me?" He looked hurt and worried. Matt was right. "Of course I do, don't be silly." "It's just that you got mad earlier when I told you I loved you and I thought that maybe you didn't anymo-" "I was mad because no matter how many times you say it, it doesn't undo what happened." "I wasn't trying to."

"Cody, I love you, more than anyone I've ever loved before. But you'll just have to wait for me like I said before." Cody nodded and leaned in, I connected our lips. "You have ten minutes t-" "To put on a shirt and change my pants, I think I'm good." He chuckled slightly.

He picked me up and sat me on the dresser. "I love this." He rubbed my side as he looked at what I was wearing. "What are you wearing?" "Black pants and a white shirt." "So like this but reversed?" "Yes but I'm not wearing hotpants." He laughed, I did too.

"That wouldn't be too attractive." I giggled. "You love my butt." He joked, I shook my head as I giggled. "I love yours." He moved his face closer to mine. "You do?" "I do." His hands moved down my back and held my butt, he lifted me up slightly.

"You gotta get ready before this moves anywhere it shouldn't." I pushed him back. "Come on." He moaned. "Nope." I shook my head. "It'll be fun to do it in a dressing room." He winked, I giggled and jumped off the dresser.

"You bore me." He fake yawned. "Get dressed." "Stay in here." He sat me on the dresser again. "Can I sit on the couch?" "No, you'll sit here." I rolled my eyes, he playfully hit me. "Don't be stroppy." He told me and walked to the clothes rack.

"I don't get this, we change for our final rehearsal and then we get changed into our actual outfits just to walk down the red carpet, we get changed again to open the show and then get changed again back to our outifts for the show." "Exactly." Cody smiled as he pulled his pants up.

"I feel like a puppet." I sighed, Cody laughed at me and walked over to me as he put on his shirt. "If you don't like it then you don't have to go down the path but once you're on stage I promise you'll forget it and you'll love everything about this." He kissed my nose.

"Let's go do it." He pulled me out of the room. We walked down the hall and found Matt. "You guys ready?" "I'm scared." I confessed. "Lauren, there's no one out there." Cody stated, I giggled. "I know but I've never done this before." I pushed his chest and walked to my place.

After we'd done our rehearsal we got ready to go down the red carpet, Cody and I were one of the first couples to do so as we needed to get ready to open the show. "Baby, are yo- Oh damn." I heard Cody, I turned to look at him. He was looking me up and down and biting on his bottom lip, he looked very attractive.

"I like yo- You look bea- I- Honestly, I don't know what to say." His eyes met mine, I felt myself blush. "Look at us, getting all shy." He laughed and wrapped his arms around me. "You look so damn good." Cody's deep voice whispered into my ear.

"Hmm, so do you." I ran my hands up his chest under his shirt. I leaned in to kiss him, he kissed back and then broke away. "We don't have time for this now, come on let's go." He took my hand and led me to where we needed to go.

"Cody, you're walking on first and Lauren will follow." We were told by a security guard. "I have to go on my own?" "It'll be okay, trust me." Cody assured me, I nodded slowly. "Go." Cody was told, he did so. I waited to be told and then walked onto the carpet.

My name was being shouted from all kinds of directions, flashes and all sorts. It was so crazy to see this, did people really want pictures of me? I felt someone's arm snake around my waist, I looked to the side and smiled at Cody.

"Are you okay?" He asked, I nodded and smiled at him. "They're really loud." I put my head on Cody's shoulder which made the girls scream louder. I felt Cody laugh. We were moved down a bit and took photos together and seperately.

"Go! Go! Go!" Cody shouted as we ran down the hall and into our dressing rooms. I changed as quick as I could and then sat at the dresser as my face and hair was prodded at. After twenty minutes of make up and hair change it was time.

My first ever live performance, well one where I am singing. My heart was beating a million times a second, I looked over at Cody as we went to our places. "Breathe, I'll be up there next to you. It's going to be okay, I'll catch you if you fall. Even if I have to actually catch you.." I laughed at him. "I will do it, now let's go and show them what you got." He kissed my lips softly, I wiped my lipstick off his lips and walked to my place.

I heard Khloe Kardashian, the host for tonight, voice. "And now to open tonight's show we have a live performance from Cody Simpson and Lauren Miller!" She shouted our names. The screams got louder, the music turned on and the lights got brighter. It was time.

The whole performance went amazing, I didn't slip up once and the energy was incredible. Once we'd finished Cody wrapped an arm around my waist as we stood next to each other. Khloe walked onto the stage and stood next to me.

"So how did it feel to open the show tonight, guys?" She asked, I looked at Cody. "It was good, we put a lot of work into this and it actually payed off." Cody said, I nodded in agreement. "This is your first performance, right Lauren?" "Uh- Yeah it is." I rested my head on Cody's shoulder again.

"Well you did a good job, isn't that right guys?!" The whole room cheered, a smile from ear to ear appeared on my face. I looked at Cody again, he smiled and kissed my forehead. The girls in the crowd screamed, I hid my face.

"You have something to say, don't you Cody?" Khloe asked, Cody squeezed my side. "Yes I do. Our single, the one we just performed, will be avalible on itunes tonight at midnight so if you liked it make sure you go and buy it." He smiled, I did too.

"Make sure to do that guys, I know I will be." Khloe said, I looked at her. "Alright, we'll see you guys later. Thank you for the amazing performance." She added. I waved to everyone and pulled Cody off stage. "Oh my gosh!" I jumped on his back, he caught my legs.

"I told you that you'd love it." "The buz is amazing, I wanna go again!" Cody laughed at me. "You can go again but not tonight." "See you in a bit." I said as Cody put me on the floor outside my dressing room. "Don't go anywhere without me." He said and walked into his dressing room.

I changed back into my dress for tonight and had my hair and make up changed back. Once I was done I quickly checked twitter, my mentions were blowing up and my followers were building fast. I was close to one million!

"My lady.." I heard Cody's voice, I looked at him. "My man." I grinned. "Come on, bubba." He held out his hand. "Bubba?" "Mhmm." I laughed at him. "Let's go to find Matthew." I grabbed his hand and pulled him down the hall. We turned a corner and Cody stopped.

"No, let's go this way." He pulled me a different way. "Why?" "I just wa-" "Is that Kylie Jenner?!" I half shouted. "Lauren!" Cody scolded, I let go of his hand. I have to meet this girl, I love her. "H-Hey." I smiled as I approached her. "Hi, Lauren, isn't it?" She asked, I nodded.

"Your performance was really good, I really enjoyed it." "Thank you. I love watching you in Keeping Up With The Kardashians." "Thanks!" "Lauren?!" Cody shouted me from down the hall, we both looked at him and then back to each other.

"You better go, what's your number? Maybe we can hand out some time?" She offered, I tried to hide my excitment and gave her my number. "I'll text you." She smiled, I did too. "Oh there's Jaden, bye!" She walked off towards him, I went back to Cody.

"Are you done with the meet and greets?" He asked as we walked, I laughed. "What's wrong with her?" "Don't you remember?" "Remember what?" "I dated her a few years ago." "Oh yeah!" I remembered. "Sorry but I love her." I smiled innocently.

"You're too cute to be mad at." He pushed me playfully, I pushed him back and then ran through the door which leads to where all the seats are. We found our seats and sat down. During a performance I went to find Alli, she was sat with Madison Pettis.

"Lauren Miller!" Alli screamed and pulled me into her for a hug. I hugged her tightly and then let go. "You are a superstar! Where did that come from? And why haven't I seen any of it?" She asked, I shrugged and giggled. "Girl." She pushed me, I pushed her back.

"I'm so proud of you." She kissed my cheek, I thanked her and smiled at Madison who was stood there awkwardly. "Also, someone asked me for your number, I hope you don't mind me giving it to them." "Well I don't know who it is.." I gave her a weird look.

"You know Nash Grier?" She asked, I nodded. "Him." "Really?!" "Yes, him and all the guys he's friends with wanted to talk to you so I gave him your number." She nudged me. I giggled. "Those guys are hot." I stated, she agreed.

"I'm going back to Cody now, I just wanted to see you." I smiled and hugged her one more time before finding Cody. "Your phone went off." He handed it to me, I looked at the screen. "Who is it?" He asked.

"Like you didn't look." I playfully nudged him. "It doesn't say a name, just a number." He pointed out, I nodded and unlocked my phone. "It's Nash." I said. "Nash who?" "How many Nash's have you heard of?" I gave him a look, he laughed.

"What does he want?" "To be my friend." I locked my phone and passed it back to Cody, he shoved it in his pocket. "Sure." He sounded unconvinced. "Look, I'm allowed frie-" "Stop right there." He put his hand over my mouth. "After everything that's happened I have every right to be worried about who you hang out with." "I haven't hu-" "Or talk to." He dismissed, I didn't say anything else.

We got a pizza on the way home and went back to my house. "My little superstar!" Dad came over to me and hugged me, I giggled and broke free from his grip. "Did you watch it? Was it okay? Did I look alright?" "Yes, yes, yes and I've already downloaded the single." He told us, I grinned.

"I love you Daddy!" I hugged him. "Everyone's in bed as it's past midnight, I wanted to make sure you got home safely." "Okay, thank you for stayi-" "Cody!" I heard Lilly's sleepy but excited voice from behind me. When I turned around she was already in Cody's arms.

"Mommy and Daddy let me watch you two on the tv." She told us. "You stayed up late tonight then!" Cody kissed her head as she nodded. "I'm sleepy but I wanted to see you." "Shall I take you to bed then?" He asked, Dad nodded at him and then he left the room.

Cody and I ate the pizza by the pool. The pool lights were the only lights that were on, it was quite romantic. "Shall we go to bed now?" Cody asked, I nodded. "You go and get into bed, I'll put this in the trash." He held up the pizza box.

I got into bed with only my underwear on and waited for Cody, he came in and turned off the light. I kinda like the dark now, only when he's in here with me. "You'd think I was tired but I'm not." I told him. "I know, me too. It happens when I'm on tour a lot, it's the adrenaline." He explained.

"You know what?" I sat up, Cody raised an eyebrow at me. "I think I'm ready." I whispered and kissed along one of his v-lines. His breathing picked up pretty quickly, you could tell he's been waiting a while.

"Baby, come here." He held my arm and pulled me up to connect our lips, he rolled us over so he was over me and started to kiss my neck. "Are you sure you're ready?" He asked as he unclipped my bra, I nodded slowly.

"I don't want you feeling like you have to do this for me." "I don't." I dropped it on the floor. "Just be gentle." I asked, he nodded and continued to kiss my neck. "You've really been waiting." I giggled as I felt him on my leg, Cody laughed slightly before carrying on with his act.

"What the fuck is going on in here?!" I heard Trey raise his voice, I pushed Cody off me as quick as I could. "Get out!" I held the blankets against my body. "Me get out? How about him?!" Trey pointed at Cody as he turned the light on.

"Trey, leave them, come on." Cara tried to pull him out of the room. "No, he's fucking with my sister! I'm not sleeping in the room next door." "Trey, just go away!" Neither Cody nor I could get up for obvious reasons. "I'm warning you, if you touch her once more then I'l-" "Trey!" Cara stopped him and pushed him out of the room.

"Want me to lock it?" She asked as she turned the light off again. "No-" "Yeah." Cody interrupted me. There was muffled voices coming from Trey's room, an argument for sure. My eyes were glued to the door. "I can't believe he saw that." I whispered.

"He didn't see anything." "How do you know?!" "Okay first, calm down." He told me. "There was no light on for starters and second, we were under the blankets." He pointed out. "But li-" "No, he didn't see anything baby." Cody pulled me down, I laid next to him.

"Stop staring at the door, he's not coming back and anyway it's locked." "It's a sign." "A sign for what?" "We should of waited longer." "Don't be stupid, you've been telling yourself that all week." He said, I was silent.

"I didn't mean to upset you. I just meant you've been telling yourself you're not ready becuase you don't think you should be, I know that and that's why I got annoyed this morning. You're you and only you know when it feels right." "I know." "Well then what's stopping you?!" "I'm scared."

"Scared of what? Of who? Me?" "No, of course not. I'm scared of a repeat, I don't leave the house unless you, Trey or Dan are there. Do you not see how scary it is?" "Of course I do." "I feel like we're not as close anymore, becuase of what happened."

"It's because when we do what we were doing you feel so close to me, don't you?" "Mmm." "The closest you feel to me is when we share those intimate moments together, it's the same for me. We haven't shared that in over a week, almost two weeks. Do you not see why you feel so distant?" Cody's right.

"He could of seen you naked." I giggled, Cody laughed at me. "Well he didn't." "Why so serious?" I poked his side. "I'll show you serious in a minute." He pinned me to the bed with my hands above my head, I giggled and tried to break free.

"Shh!" Cody reminded, I nodded. "Do you want to go to sleep or finish what we started?" He asked, his hot breath hitting my ear. "I wa- Oh god." Cody had obviously made that disicion for me. I connected our lips as our bodies moved together perfectly in time.