CHAPTER 18

A few days passed and Aera was feeling good about her decision to back off from Chan. He was trying to make it work between Jihye  and she seemed to be making a conscious effort to spend more time with the family. Felix was making frequent trips between there and Sydney, obviously concerned with what was going on with his best friend. And Minhee   didn't say anything else to Aera about Chan. She didn't feel good about what was happening, about being away from Chan, but she felt a bit of peace knowing she wasn't adding to the drama of his life anymore.

But unfortunately as she went into the kitchen that morning to feed her caffeine addiction, Aera had the pleasure of walking right into one of Chan and Jihye 's fights.

"I don't want to go to Brisbane, Chan. You convince me every year to drop everything and spend the summers at here Merlbourne. I don't want to be forced to go to Brisbane too," Jihye  snapped angrily at her husband.

"Forced? We haven't seen my parents and my siblings since Christmas, Jihye . The kids miss their grandparents, uncle and aunt," Chan argued, pleading with his wife. He sounded so submissive and it made Aera cringe.

"Chan, there's nothing to do there. It's in the middle of nowhere and I can barely get cell phone reception," Jihye  complained selfishly.

"Brisbane is not that far away , Jihye," Chan growled, obviously upset.

"And what do you suggest? That we ask Minhee and Aera to just pack up and come with us?" Jihye  questioned, looking at Chan incredulously. Aera froze in apprehension. Go to Brisbane with them?

"Yeah, why not?" Chan asked evenly.

"Oh! Aera! You can settle a dispute we're having," Jihye  proposed, spotting Aera out of the corner of her eye, waving her over.

"Uh..." Aera stammered, slowly walking toward them.

"Jihye , this is between us," Chan growled through gritted teeth, his back to Aera.

"No, no. Aera, how inconvenienced would you be if we just packed up and flew all the way to Brisbane? I mean, that's crazy, right? It's like halfway around the city. And the cell service... ugh," Jihye  rambled on. And even though Aera couldn't see his face, she noticed Chan was pinching the bridge of his nose in frustration because of his wife.

Aera's insides tightened with reluctance – about going with them to Brisbane – and annoyance – because of how disrespectful and rude Jihye  was to her husband.

"Uh..." Aera was at a loss for words. A moment later, Chan finally turned to look at Aera, his expression apologetic.

"Aera, you don't have to be a part of this. We're done discussing this... for now, Jihye ," Chan stated sharply, turning back to Jihye .

"I'm not going to Brisbane, Chan," Jihye  huffed, folding her arms across her chest.

"Fine, whatever. Nothing I want ever matters to you," he growled, throwing up his arms in defeat. Aera felt incredibly uncomfortable standing there with the two of them.

"Chan, I am committed to this family, okay. I have been cutting down on my work – for you. I have been spending time with the kids – for you. And now you're trying to get me to fly off to the middle of nowhere. I'm sorry, no," Jihye  argued, putting her foot down.

"Aren't mothers supposed to want to spend time with their kids?" Aera blurted before she got a chance to stop herself. Both Chan and Jihye 's heads snapped in her direction.

"Excuse me?" Jihye  asked, furrowing her eyebrows at Aera.

"You said you're spending time with the kids for Chan. Aren't you supposed to do it for you and the kids? To build a stronger bond between you and your kids? I mean, that's the point of having children, right? To want to be a mother? Want to raise them? I've spent countless hours with Jaehyun and Areum, and I couldn't imagine – if I were you – I couldn't imagine not wanting to be in their lives. They are amazing kids. And I just feel like you're missing out on that, Mrs. Bang, and you don't even realize it. And you're missing out on your marriage because you're never here – because you're always upstairs on the phone. I don't understand it," Aera ranted without a filter.

She felt like she was having an out of body experience. She could hear the words coming out of her mouth, but she couldn't stop them from spewing out. It was her talking, but some distant part inside of her was screaming 'shut the hell up, you idiot'. It was not her place and never would be her place to have a say in anything Jihye  Bang did or didn't do.

Jihye 's mouth dropped open in awe or disgust or utter confusion – maybe all three. Aera couldn't bring herself to look at Chan, but she was pretty certain his expression was something similar.

"I-I'm sorry," Aera apologized quickly, her eyes wide with shock because of her rant. Both of the Bang' were silent, so Aera took the opportunity to flee.

She ran down to her room, adrenaline coursing through her. Jihye  deserved to hear everything Aera said to her, but it shouldn't have come from her. It should have come from someone like Chan – but she was sure he already wasted so much breath on making Jihye  try to realize what she was supposed to do. Aera could never understand why he would stay with her. She had seven years to become a mother. No matter how much turmoil she put their marriage through – their family through, Chan was still going to stand by her. It made Aera sick to her stomach. She needed to get out of that damn house.

Without permission, Aera took the family's rented SUV and went for a drive. Without realizing how she got there or how she remembered how to get there, she ended up at the Bondi Beach Pier. She exited the vehicle and made her way down the boardwalk. She walked all the way to the end of it, standing in the same place she and Chan did the first time he kissed her. Tears spilled from her eyes as the ocean breeze hit her face. Aera's heart was breaking and she felt incredibly stupid for letting her heart get involved at all.

People were walking all around her and suddenly she felt incredibly vulnerable, so she walked back down the pier and just sat down in the sand below.

...

"How dare SHE," Jihye  growled, looking over at Chan.

"How dare she!" Jihye  exploded again more angrily. Chan stayed silent, just staring at her in utter disbelief.

"You're just going to let her talk to me like that?" Jihye  scoffed at him.

"She didn't say anything that wasn't true," Chan snapped, causing Jihye 's jaw to drop open, looking appalled.

"I want her fired, Chan!" She yelled at him.

"Jihye , no," he said evenly, shaking his head.

"This is absolutely ridiculous! You're going to take the nanny's side instead of your wife's?" She shot at him with pure rage in her eyes.

"I've had it, Jihye ," Chan snapped, his eyes narrowing at her.

"You asshole," Jihye  whimpered.

Seconds later, her face scrunched up with emotion and the ugly cry-face was back. Chan immediately wanted to let out a groan of annoyance, but had enough sense to hold it in. Luckily she fled the kitchen before he had to endure it for too long.

Chan stabilized himself with his hands on the kitchen counter as he took a deep breath and let it out violently. What the hell just happened? His brain almost couldn't comprehend it.

"What is going on?" Felix asked, walking into the kitchen out of the blue. Chan's head snapped in his direction.

"What are you doing here?" Chan asked quickly, his eyes wide, completely startled by his presence.

"Came up for the night to see how things are going. Caught Jihye  running up the stairs in tears," Felix explained, pointing back toward the kitchen doorway.

"Aera just completely went off on Jihye ," Chan confessed, feeling completely astonished.

"What? What happened?" Felix asked, wide-eyed and concerned.

"We were... we were having a fight. Me and Jihye . I suggested we go visit my parents and Hannah in Brisbane. 'Course Jihye  shot it down first chance she could," Chan started to explain, shaking his head with annoyance.

"How does Aera come into this?" Felix asked, completely engulfed in the story already.

"She... she must have walked in and heard everything. Jihye  pulled her into the conversation to try to get Aera on her side of the argument, which completely backfired," Chan continued and Felix let out a little chuckle, which Chan honestly didn't find funny at the moment. Felix bit back his smile when Chan sent him a glare.

"Go on," Felix insisted a moment later.

"Uh... Jihye  said something like... uh, like she was cutting back on work for me and spending more time with Jaehyun and Areum for me and... and Aera just... she just snapped, I guess. I mean, she wasn't rude. She didn't say anything that wasn't the truth," Chan reiterated, shaking his head again.

"What did she say?" Felix asked, his eyebrows furrowing.

"Something like Jihye  should want to be a part of the family and want to be a mother. How she's spent time with Jaehyun and Areum, and thinks they're amazing kids and Jihye  should want to spend time with them. And then she said something about her spending all her time in the office. And, fuck, before my mind could even wrap around it, Aera ran out of the kitchen and Jihye  was screaming at me to fire her," Chan continued to explain. Felix let out another chuckle to which Chan sent him another glare.

"Sorry. Just can't imagine you firing her," Felix said, heightening an eyebrow.

"No. Absolutely not. Told Jihye  as much and she was less than pleased. Started crying and ran off," Chan finished, rolling his eyes.

"That's heavy, mate," Felix acknowledged, blowing out a breath.

"Fucking hell," Chan grumbled, running his fingers roughly through his hair.

"What're you gonna do?" Felix asked carefully.

"I just... I need to get out of here for a bit," Chan told him, letting out a weighted breath.

"Wanna go get some food or something?" Felix asked, quivering an eyebrow.

"Sure," he said with a nod, knowing she couldn't spend another minute there, thinking he might explode.

When he went to grab the key for the SUV, he realized it wasn't there. And when he checked the garage, it was gone. He was certain Jihye  didn't run off with it, but he shrugged it off anyway and let Felix drive them. Halfway through their late lunch, Chan got a call on his cell phone from Minhee   saying that Aera wasn't there for her shift with the kids and that she wasn't in her room either. And then it dawned on him – Jihye  didn't drive off with the SUV, it was Aera. Chan and Felix hurried back to the house to relieve Minhee  .

When Chan and Felix walked in, they found two massive suitcases in the foyer. For a second, Chan nearly lost it, thinking they were Aera's bags – that she was leaving, that maybe Jihye  got to her and fired Aera herself. But then it dawned on him. Those weren't Aera's bags, they were Jihye 's.

"What is going on?" Felix asked Chan, looking confused.

"I don't know," he grumbled, giving him an odd look.

"Can you watch Jaehyun and Areum for a bit while I go find out?" Chan asked him hopefully.

"Yeah. Of course," Felix consented as he walked toward the living room where he heard the kids playing.

Chan took the stairs two-by-two, finding Jihye  in her nearly empty office.

"What is going on, Jihye ?" He asked her firmly, feeling the anger flare up inside of him.

She looked up at him briefly before she went back to packing up her laptop into its bag, ignoring his words.

"Where are you going? I swear to god, if you're leaving for work again—" He growled angrily.

"Clearly I'm not wanted here, Chan," she snapped, her eyes narrowed at him.

"What are you on about, Jihye ?" He scoffed at her. He was so sick of the melodramatics.

"You're done? Well, I'm done too," she shot at him, slinging her laptop bag over her shoulder.

"So you're just gonna leave ?" He asked her as she walked toward him to exit the room.

"Yes. I'm leaving. There's plenty of things for me to do in Korea. I just... I don't belong here, Chan," she said evenly, her dark eyes staring into his.

"I swear to god—" Chan grumbled angrily.

"This is what you wanted in the end, isn't it? That's why you've been so defiant, why you haven't acknowledged anything I've done for you or the kids to make up for before?" She challenged and it fucking pissed Chan off.

"You think this is what I want?" Chan snapped at her, his anger bubbling over.

"I don't know what you want anymore, Chan," she stated, shaking her head in exasperation.

"If you leave now, Jihye , you can't come back. I won't let you back. We're done if you walk out that door," he threatened. He was completely fed up. If she was leaving, he was done for good, no matter the consequences.

"I've already talked to my lawyer. The papers are being filed as we speak," she told him, no emotion in her voice what-so-ever. A divorce? Chan's heart dropped thinking about what it would do to Jaehyun and Areum.

"Is this what you really want?" Chan's voice cracked with emotion, realizing it was really happening.

"You've left me no choice. I can't live like this," she said emotionlessly, like it was him who was at fault for everything.

Chan was so blind-sided. He couldn't even think straight. She already filed for divorce? It was only a couple of hours since their fight. Did she even have time to think it through before she got her lawyer on the phone? Or was she thinking about divorce all along? During his thought process, Jihye  turned away from him and headed for the stairs.

"I swear to god, Jihye , if you don't say goodbye to those kids—" Chan choked out, his emotions ready to consume him.

"I already did," she sighed, turning back to look at him with a sad expression.

"You didn't tell them—" He asked, horrified, thinking about having to explain it to them.

"I told them I need to go home for work," she concluded, shaking her head. Chan nodded and watched as she continued toward the stairway, disappearing out of sight.

Chan stood there for a moment in shock over what just happened. Without another thought, he dragged his feet to the bedroom he used to share with his wife and shut the door behind him. Not much changed, but the room definitely looked and felt a bit different with all of Jihye 's possessions gone. As he sat on the bed, Chan couldn't believe how empty he felt inside. He didn't realize how connected to Jihye  he still was until the moment she finally left him. Wasn't it what he wanted? Well, not really – but deep down, a part of him knew it would be the endgame. Why did he feel so torn apart?

Chan let his face drop into his hands and allowed himself to fall apart. It was an extremely trying summer and everything that built up inside of him finally had a chance to come out. Every raw emotion, every bitter feeling, every single second he felt worthless because of her – he just let it out.

Once he finally composed himself, he found himself standing in the doorway of the TV room where Felix was with the kids.

"Hey, love. I'll be right back," Felix told his niece and nephew as he pulled himself off of the couch. His expression was concerned as he walked toward Chan.

"What happened?" Felix asked in a low voice, his eyes taking over Chan's face.

Chan turned out of the doorway and walked toward the front door. Felix followed him out onto the front patio.

"She left," Chan confessed quietly once he sat down on one of the chairs feeling the weight of everything on his shoulders.

"I-I saw that, mate. What happened?" Felix asked with a sympathetic expression.

"She-she's filing for divorce," Chan choked out, feeling himself break down again.

"What?" Felix gasped, looking at his mate with nothing but concern on his face.

"She-she said she wasn't wanted here and that her lawyer was already filing paperwork for her," Chan explained as the tears built up in his eyes again.

"So suddenly?" Felix asked, his mouth dropping open.

"That's what I said. I didn't even know she had the notion of divorce in her head. I just... I don't fucking know," Chan sighed heavily as he wiped at his eyes.

"I'm sorry, mate. I'm sorry," Felix cooed, rubbing Chan's back lightly.

"I just—how am I going to tell the kids? I-I don't know," Chan cried, wiping furiously at his eyes.

"God, I don't know," Felix murmured quietly.

For a while, the two of them sat silently until Chan quietly asked him to go back in with the kids. Chan knew he needed to be alone to sort out his head. He wasn't really aware of time while he sat there in self-loathing and despair, but he knew he might have sat out there for hours because the sun seemed to have lowered in the sky during that time.

Felix came out a little while later, letting Chan know he put a movie on for the kids. He quietly sat down in the chair next to Chan, looking out at the ocean. He didn't speak, but his presence meant a lot to Chan. The two of them sat there watching the sun as it set over the horizon and Chan couldn't help but think of how fortunate it was that Felix decided to show up that day. It would have been hard for him to go through everything alone.

"Uh... we're hungry," they heard Jaehyun's voice come from the front door.

"Oh, Hyunnie. I'm sorry," Chan apologized immediately, feeling absolutely terrible that he let himself get so wrapped up in his own mess that he wasn't able to be there for his kids. Chan stood up quickly to make some dinner for them.

"Chan, I've got it. Just... just take some time," Felix interjected as he got up out of his chair and grabbed Chan's arm to stop him.

"Are you sure?" Chan asked him quickly.

"Of course I'm sure. Sit down, mate," Felix asserted, pointing back at the chair Chan just got out of.

"Thanks," Chan said with a nod, letting himself drop back down in it.

He watched as Felix followed Jaehyun back into the house and shut the door behind them, allowing himself to sink back into his misery.

...

Aera sat in the sand below the Beach pier for hours, just thinking. She watched the sunset, feeling completely numb. She finally felt like she over-analyzed her feelings enough that they were put to rest, for the time being . When she felt a chill run through her body, she pulled herself up out of the sand and wiped off her legs and backside. Slowly, she walked back to the vehicle and got inside. Thank God Chan programmed the house's address into the navigational system early on that summer or she might not have found her way back, especially in the dark.

When she pulled back into the driveway, the night sky was bright from the glow of the moon and it was the only light to guide her as she slipped out of the vehicle. Aera walked up the sidewalk in a daze, not sure of what she was doing or how she was feeling.

"Grand theft auto," she heard. It scared the crap out of her and she was left clutching her chest, breathing deeply.

"Chan..." Aera gasped, seeing that he was sitting in the dark on the front porch.

"What are you doing out here?" She asked, looking at him wide-eyed.

"Wondering where the hell you went. Aera, what's going on? You missed your time with the kids this afternoon," Chan questioned, sitting forward in his chair.

"Oh my god. The kids," she gasped. She was so busy wallowing in her own mess that she failed to remember why she was there in the first place. Those kids were first and foremost her responsibility.

"Chan, I am so sorry," Aera gushed, feeling absolutely horrible for her lack of regard.

"Aera, it's fine. Felix was here to help," he said quietly and she could hear the weight in his words.

"Chan, there is no excuse for my behaviour. It won't happen again," she assured him and he nodded his head morosely.

"And there is no excuse for the way I spoke to Jihye . I will apologise to her the next time I see her," Aera continued, feeling terrible about her unprofessionalism.

"Aera, sit down," Chan said quietly, motioning to the chair next to him.

Fear spread through her. She was going to be fired and sent home and it was going to be at the hands of her former lover. Her stomach turned violently and she thought she might throw up. Aera sat down next to him without a word. He was silent for quite a while and Aera sat there swallowing hard, waiting for him to say something, anything. If he was going to do it, she needed him to just fucking do it. She couldn't handle the suspense or overwhelming anxiety. She was dying.

"Jihye ... She tried to apologize to me last night. She... she tried to have sex with me to make up for... things..." Chan's voice wavered with emotion.

Aera was silent, but she was struggling for air. She couldn't help it. She knew Jihye  was his wife and she knew someday they would become intimate again, but she hoped she would not be around when they did. She hoped she would never have to know about it.

Chan didn't continue right away and it was killing her. She wanted to run again and this time never come back.

"She... she tried?" Aera choked out. She didn't know why she asked. It was self-sabotage at its finest and it caused the bile to rise in her throat.

"I told her 'no'. I told her it was going to take a lot more than sex to make things right between us," Chan answered and Aera nodded, relief flooding her system.

"She... she left. She went back to Korea," Chan confessed, hanging his head.

"What?" Aera gasped, looking over at him, hoping he was alright, hoping the kids were alright.

"She said she wasn't wanted here and that she had things she needed to do in Korea," Chan continued, getting choked up. Aera's heart broke listening to the emotion in his voice.

"I-I'm sorry, Chan," Aera breathed lowly.

"What could be more important than her kids – her family?" Chan asked, looking almost broken.

"Chan, where's Felix?" Aera asked quietly. She could feel her entire body shaking and she knew she couldn't handle any more of this conversation. Not right then anyway.

"Why?" He questioned, his sorrow-filled eyes finding hers.

"I think you need to talk to him. I think he's the one you should be talking to..." Aera told him quietly, shaking her head.

"Why? Why can't I talk to you?" He questioned, looking at her with tears in his eyes.

"Because, Chan... because I am about to tell it to you straight and I don't think you're ready to hear it from me," she told him honestly.

"Tell me what?" He asked, looking almost hurt. Aera took a deep breath but proceeded.

"She's no good for you or your kids. She's poisonous. You tried, okay. You tried to make her understand, to be there for the kids, to be a mother, but she still... after seven years... she still hasn't accepted it," Aera told him with a little too much truth. Chan looked completely taken aback by her sudden outburst.

"Look, Chan. I'm sorry, okay. You should be hearing this from Felix, not me. I told him that," she sighed, shaking her head, her eyes dropping away from his.

"You talked to Felix about this?" Chan questioned, his eyebrows furrowing.

"No. I did not talk to Felix about this. He talked to me about this. He is honestly concerned you're so stuck on her that you can't see things clearly," Aera explained, her heart beating wildly in her chest.

"Aera... I just..." Chan stammered, shaking his head.

"Chan... please, just talk to Felix. I don't want to get involved. In fact, I think I am going to go pack," Aera told him as she stood on her feet.

"Pack? Why would you pack?" He asked, looking up at her concerned.

"Because I shouldn't be here. Not anymore," she told him, shaking her head.

"Aera..." Chan breathed, his mouth hung open as he looked at her.

"I'm sorry, Chan. You need to figure things out and I am just here complicating everything. I am just here feeling things that can never be reciprocated," she sighed as she made a move for the front door.

"Feeling things?" He asked, suddenly standing behind her.

"Chan... please..." she sighed, turning to look at him sadly.

"Feeling what, Aera?" He asked insistently.

"Chan..." She sighed again.

"Feeling what?" He demanded, gripping onto her arm. He needed her to say it out loud. He needed to hear it.

"Feeling feelings for you," she huffed, taking in a ragged breath that almost made her feel light-headed.

"You feel... Aera..." He whispered, looking like he was almost in awe.

"Chan, don't," she warned as she pulled her arm away. As she went to grab for the door handle, it opened in front of her, revealing Felix.

"Felix..." Aera gasped wide-eyed.

"What's going on out here?" Felix asked, looking between the two of them.

"Chan needs someone to talk to and it can't be me," Aera told him as she pushed passed him through the door.

"Aera!" Chan yelled, but she kept walking toward her room.

"Chan, whoa. What's going on?" Felix asked, his brows furrowing in concern.

"Shit. Shit," Chan growled, running his fingers through his already messy hair.

"What just happened?" Felix asked him, looking worried.

"She's freaked out. Fucking hell. I knew this would happen. I'm such an idiot!" Chan growled angrily.

"What happened?" Felix asked him again.

"She just told me she has feelings for me. But she like... she's... fuck. She's going to go pack. She's leaving," Chan told him, feeling the emotions bombard him again.

"What?" Felix gasped, his eyebrows furrowing tightly.

"She thinks she has to leave because... I don't know. I don't fucking know," Chan growled.

"Go. Go talk to her," Felix coaxed him immediately.

"Christ," Chan breathed as he quickly slipped in the house and headed in the same direction Aera went.

How was this happening? How was he losing his wife and Aera on the same day?