Part 45

The air was colder outside. The warm summer days started to turn into breezy, fresh autumn days.

September came so quick it felt like I blinked, and the entire summer was over.

It happend quickly on monday I was still out with a jeans skirt and I top I found at my local thrift store a couple weeks prior and this morning I had to decide if it was already time to get out my coat.

I didn't, but the way I even had to think about it was already bad enough. I simply wore my favorite pair of light blue washed jeans and a random hoodie I found in the back of my closet this morning when I was running late.

Luckily, I made it right on time. Otherwise, Miranda would have probably sent her secretary to find a guillotine.

Miranda, my boss, was strict, but at the same time, she's good at what she does, and I really want to learn from her, so I have to live with the consequences.

It's crazy to think about how my internship is almost over. I know it was only for 3 months anyway, but they just pasted in a blur.

I mean, I still got a little over a month left, but times running fast.

It was a normal Friday afternoon only that it wasn't.

Quen was throwing her party tonight, and Billie was about to pick me up in a few hours.

Billie.

I couldn't stop thinking about her. Even if I wanted, I dont think I could.

But it was like I got dizzy thinking about her all the time. Because things were difficult.

I knew that she liked me. Or at least that's what she told me. But late at night, I couldn't stop thinking, what if she just told me to make me feel better. I was a mess the night she told me that.

I was just constantly in my head about it and couldn't seem to escape. And I hated it. I wish I could just stop thinking about anything.

As much as I wanted to get back with Billie, there was still this fear that she would leave me again.

I didn't plan to, but I started writing a diary again. Mom had been right it really helped me with my complicated thoughts.

I found the box full of my diarys in the back of my closet a couple of months ago again. I didn't look through them . I couldn't. I just pushed them further back so that they were out of sight.

But they gave me the idea to start up again.

So that's what I've been doing every night since.

Right now, I was just laying on my bed sprawled out like starfish. Enjoy my half day off. The first in like a month. I was just staring at the sealing thinking about life when my phone vibrated.

It was Billie.

She was reminding me that she would pick me up in 2 hours. So it was time to get ready. I dragged myself out of bed and into the bathroom to take a quick shower to freshen up a little.

I decided to go out a little today. Simply because I wanted to as I haven't had the opportunity to dress up in a while.

Though it took me like half an hour to find a good outfit in my closet, which was lowkey a mess and definitely needed to be cleaned.

In the end, I pulled out a pair of black baggy jeans and a see-through black lazy top.And because I was feeling bold, I wore a bright red bra underneath.

Because i took forever with the fit, I had to rush hair and makeup up a little, but it was fine.

I felt good today. Confident. Something I hadn't felt in a while. When I looked in the mirror, I was genuinely happy about my appearance.

My phone on my bed vibrated. Billie was here. I quickly pulled my phone off the charger and threw everything insight into my bag in case I needed it. I probably didn't.

Billies porsche was parked in the far back. Just in case someone would come around.

She was leaning against the driver side, arms crossed, her eyes flickering over my body. Something in her expression shifted, but I couldn't quite place it.

"Sorry I took so long." I quickly apologized as I made my way over to her." Didn't mean to keep you waiting. "

Billie shrugged, a smile tugging at her lips. " Don't worry about it."

My eyes caught her outfit. Massive pair of jeans only holding onto her frame by a belt and a camouflage long-sleeve. She looked chill , like she didn't try hard because she knew she didn't have to.

I felt a little overdressed now, but I knew Billie would turn up to big fancy events looking like this. Because this was who she was, and she didn't try to be someone else .

"Do you wanna keep staring, or are you planning on actually getting in the car?"

My eyes shot up, finding hers. I could feel myself blushing the heat creeping up my cheeks. That was embarrassing.

"Sorry. You look good, by the way." I tried playing off while rounding the car to get in.

She smiled.

"Thanks, you too."

Once I reached the passenger side, I stopped my hand only inches away from the handle. Wait. Billie was letting me get in by myself? At least she still stood opposite me by the driver's side.

Usually, she would always open the door for me. It's not like I couldn't do it myself. No problem. But she always did, and now she didn't?

I shrugged before opening the car door getting in. Billie followed me quickly, slipping into the driver seat." You ready?" She asked after buckling her seatbelt. " Yup."

Billie's pov

I didn't open the door for her. I know she realized it. The way she stopped for a second looking at me before opening the door.

And I knew she was wondering why. I could see her fidgeting with her back on our way to Quens house. She was probably making up thinks in her mind on why. Most of them probably negative.

Valerie always did that.

Since we first met I realized shes a big overthinker. It was cute. But at the same time it worried me. She would over analyze every interaction she had and always come to the conclusion that she did something wrong.

Even when she didn't.

The answer to why I didn't open the door for her was simple.

I wanted to.

But I knew that if I came too close to her tonight, I wouldn't be able to hold back.

She looked way too beautiful tonight.

I was really trying to take thinks slow for her and wait as long as she needed me to. But it was hard. It was hard if she looked like that. And if she looked at me like that.

And then I would wonder if I was gonna wait forever. And if she would ever love me like I love her.

To be honest it hurt. It pained to see her. But I would go through all this pain for her. Because she's absolutely worth it. Even if she'll never take me back.

It just hurts even more to be away from her then waiting for her.

I handed Val the Aux to let her play some music hoping it would calm and distract me a little.

Luckily the drive to Quens house wasn't that long so soon we pulled up into her driveway which was already filled with a bunch of cars.

This house was gonna packed today.

Valerie pov

As soon as Billies car stopped I was out.I spent the entire car ride thinking about why Billie didn't open the car door for me and came to the conclusion: she hates me.

I basically sprinted up the steps to the front door . Still trying to be not too obvious about how uncomfortable I had gotten in the car .

She probably only invited me because she felt bad that I had no more social life. Right? Ugh. What am I thinking .

The house was already full of people with cups in hand. Great I needed tgat, too.

I searched my way to the kitchen, where I was just luckily enough to bump into Quen.

"Omg Valerie, you're here. So great you came. Where's Billie?" She asked as she pulled away from the quick hug she gave me. Carful not to spill her drink in her hand.

I shrugged.

Quen looked a little confused for a second but pulled me with her anyway.

"What do you wanna drink? We have everything. " She asked as she showed me the bar.

"I dont care. Give me something strong ." I shrugged. I really didn't care what she mixed me as long as it made me calm down and let loose a little.

"Okayy! Thats the vibe." She yelled. Her gace flew over the different bottles infront of her before her face lit up again.

"Tequila time!" She yelled once again pulling out the bottle of tequila.

"Wait did I hear tequila?" Someone behind me said before pushing past me.

"Omg Larray! I've been searching you forever. And all I had to do was yell Tequila and you suddenly appear." Quen laughed grapping three cups and filling each up with tequila and adding each a lime.

"Cheers bitches." She yelled before we all chugged down the contents of our cups.

I felt the familiar burn down my throat.

Good .

Quen filled up my cup up again. This time with something different before she pulled me with her again. This time into the livingroom which was surprisingly empty. Only a few people were scattered around the massive couch.

One of them- Billie.

She was sitting on the couch next to Odessa. They were laughing about something Odessa just said.

Something in my stomach turned and it wasn't from the alcohol.

"Billie there you are." Quen smiled before flopping down in between the two girls.

I stood there awkwardly and alone. I wasn't sure if I should sit down aswell or keep standing here. Sitting was probably the better option. But.

I didn't want to sit next to Billie and I didn't want to sit next to Odessa because we basically didn't know each other .

And sitting away from the three of them alone would be akward too. So I just stood there unsure of what to do.

Quen had her arms wrapped around Billie and Odessa laughing with them about something they just talked about.

I felt so out of place I wanted to cry.

No I was just being dramatic I told myself.

Billie caught my eyes her smile faltering a little as she saw me just standing there before her smile turned softer.

She reached her hand out softly gracing mine before pulling me closer making me flop onto the empty space beside her.

She leand in a little before whispering into my ear." You ok?"

I nooded.

But seeing her expression she didn't believe me.

"Can we talk? Somewhere more private."She asked her lips accidentally gracing my ear as she leaned in. A shiver ran down my spine.

I nooded once again.

Billie pulled away from Quen next to her getting up and holding her hand out for me to grab.

I hesitated for a second before grabbing it and letting her pull me up off the couch.

"We'll be back in a second. " Billie said to Quen and Odessa who where barely even listening but nodded anyway.

Billie led us down the hall away from the crowd, her hand still wrapped around mine as we walked.

We pushed past some people in the hall before Billie opened a door to our righ, pulling me.

She flipped on the lights before letting go of my and and closing the door behind me.

It was a bedroom, potentially a guest bedroom. One Billie had probably used before as she knew exactly where it was.

It was rather small, though still a decent size. I made my way for the bed in the middle of the room, carefully sitting down.

I could feel Billies gace on me the entire time.

"Valerie, what's wrong?" Billie broke the silence. I didn't look at her . I couldn't. Instead, I looked down at my shoes, which were suddenly so interesting .

"Nothing." I shrugged.

Billie let out a deep breath.

"Is this because I didn't open the door for you?" She asked, making her way over and sitting down next to me. Close but still keeping a surten distance.

Yes.

"No"

She probably thinks Im losing my mind because I turned a small gesture into such a big thing.

"Are you sure?" She asked her voice soft and gentle.

"Maybe."

Billie let out a huff almost sounding like a laugh. I looked up at her confused. Why was she laughing.

"You're cute you know that." She smiled.

My cheeks flushed a red color which made me instantly turn away again.

"Do you hate me?" I blurted out.

"What?"

"Did I do something wrong? Is that why you didn't open the door for me. I can leave if you want that, you know." I rambled before Billie cut me off.

"God no. Of course, I dont hate you . And no, you didn't do anything wrong. You did everything right, and I want you to stay.I just forgot to, that's all." Billie smiled softly.

"You're sure?"

"Yes, I'm sure."

God, I was so stupid." I'm sorry."

"Why are you apologizing?"

"Because I'm stupid, and I was mean to you because - because I'm stupid." I wished I could just disappear and save myself from this embarrassment.

Billies expression softend. She carefully lifted her arm and layed her hand on my back , rubbing up and down trying to comfort me.

"You're not stupid. You just overthink all the time but that's ok."

"Yeah?"

"Yeah."

I could feel the uneasiness leave my body with ever stroke of Billie's hand on my back.

"Ok." I said after a while smiling again.

"You wanna go back out?" Billie asked and I nooded.

I dont know if it just me but the house felt even more full now then like 10 minutes ago. At least the hallway back to the livingroom andthe living roomm itself were packed.

Quen and Odessa where still in the same spot on the couchs as they were when we left. Just now the rest of the couch was manned aswell.

"Hey you two are back! Come here."Quen yelled her words already a little slurred and her cup empty. At least nothing spilled out as she yanked it into the air when she saw us.

Billie flopped down onto the last empty spot on the couch next to Quen. And without even thinking about it ,grabbed my arm and pulled me into the lap like it was the most normal thing ever.

I froze up for a second before relaxing a little against Billie. Her warmth radiating of her onto me and I swear I could feel her heard beat against my back.

No one bat an eye or looked at us weird, and neither did Quen and Odessa. They didn't care that I was sitting in Billies lap. They just continued their conversation like nothing happened.

"You can relax, you know. I got ya." Billie whispered into my ear. And I did. I let myself relax against her, pressing my back against her front .

We stayed like this for a while . I just listened while the girls talked about Coachella again.

"God, it was so much fun this year." Quen said, throwing her head back with a sigh." I miss it."

"Yeah me too." Billie chimed in and I could feel the vibration of the voice against my back. It was kinda soothing.

"We definitely have to go again together next year." Odessa laughed like she was already planning what crazy shit their gonna do this time.

"You going again aswell next year Valerie?" Quen asked next to me suddenly pulling me into their conversation I was simply listening to.

"Nah i don't think so. I mean I would definitely but I'm too broke." I laughed but it was the truth. I had to save up 2 years for this years Coachella. And the amount of planning this took was unbelievable.

" Don't worry, maybe I can sneak you in." Billie laughed behind me.

"Girl, you dont even have to sneak Valerie in. You could just buy her a ticket like it's a sandwich." Quen laughed reminding us that Billie is literally a millionaire.

Sometimes I forget that she isn't the girl I grew up with any more and instead is rich as fuck and also a superstar with millions of fans.

They continued talking about whatever. I didn't even listen kinda just zoned out again until I realized that my cup that I had put onto the coffetable when I went of with Billie was no longer there.

"Quen did you see my drink?"

"Uhm. No where did you put it?"

"I left it on the coffetable before I left but its no longer there." I explained. Quen shrugged

"I dont know I haven't seen it. But to be honest even if it was still there I wouldn't drink it. Because lowkey who knows who's here tonight." Quen said her expression a little more serious.

She was right I shouldn't have left it there.

"Girl its your party how do you dont know who's here?" Odessa chimed in from the other side.

"Well I told Larray he could invite some people and it just kinda escalated i guess." She shrugged like she didn't care at all.

"Come on Vai let's get you a new drink. " Quen added pulling me of off Billies lap and dragging me into the kitchen.

The kitchen was the worst place out of the house because this is were everyone else was.

"Ey yo everyone. Shots!" Someone yelled.And somehow I ended up right in the middle of everything. Quen got me to do shots with her. One after another we chugged them down. This burning sensation getting more weak with ever shot.

I was drunk even though I didn't want to admit it to myself. I was gonna reach for another shot when I stumbled over my own feet. Luckily someone caught me , slipping their arms around my waist from behind.

"Careful pretty."

"Heyy Billie!" I slurred turning in her arms so I could look at her. I was so happy to see her . Her hands stayed clamped around my waist just to be save I wouldn't fall over again.

"Hey Valerie. " She smiled back at me."Good you have so gorgeous eyes." I blurted out. I had absolutely no more control over my own words and they just came out of my mouth without getting stopped.

"You're drunk Val." Billie stated. It was really that obvious that I was absolutely wasted.

"Noo." I whined." I'm not."

"Yes you are."

"No no."

Billie just shoock her head smiling finding it absolutely funny that I was basically acting like a toddler .

"Come on, let's get you a glass of water." She said, pulling me through the crowd .

A.NThis was supposed to be one whole chapter but it was like almost 5k words so and I wasn't even done yet . So Im splitting it up into two parts. Lowkey really proud of this. How we feeling about Billie's pov ?