🖤2🖤

It had been a few hours since we'd talked about what happened and Yuu seemed to have gotten his mind off the matter somehow. Whether it was because we wouldn't have to perform again for three days or if he was just pretending to be fine, I couldn't tell, but he was sitting rather calmly on his bunk, reading a book. Meanwhile, I was sitting in the chair in the corner, looking through an old sketchpad that I'd had for years. I took up drawing to take my mind off of everything, not that it really helped, and I was never that good at it in the first place.

"Why did you stop drawing?" Yuu-Chan asked out of nowhere. I looked up to see that he had set down his book and was now sitting up, looking at me with his head tilted to the side. He looks adorable. I sighed and tossed the sketchpad on the table next to me.

"Because I suck at it," I told him as I got up from the chair and sat down beside him.

"No, you don't. You're actually pretty talented, not only that, but you always looked so happy when you would draw," he told me, "it kinda made me sad when you stopped, cause that's also around the time you stopped smiling."

"What are you talking about?" I asked, raising my eyebrow at him, "I still smile."

"Not as much as you used to, and even when you do I can always tell when your smiles are fake," He said with a sad look in his eyes. "I just want you to smile again like you used to."

I had no idea he was this worried about me, he'd never mentioned it before. I leaned forward and placed my hand on his cheek. "I can't Yuu-Chan, I'm not the same as I used to be back then. But just know that I care about you, okay?" I said.

His face had gone red and he pulled away, turning his head as if to hide the blush. "O-okay," he squeaked, nodding frantically. For some reason, I found this hilarious and burst out laughing, meanwhile, Yuu just glared at me.

"I'm sorry," I said once I'd calmed down, and he just rolled his eyes at me.

"You're absolutely ridiculous," he informed me as he leaned back against the pillow with his hands behind his head and his eyes closed. He looked beautiful, his raven hair fanned out against the pillow and a content expression on his face. I couldn't help but stare at him. "Mika, why are you staring at me?" he asked after a minute as he opened his eyes.

I turned my face away as it took on a bright shade of red. "I uh. I w-was just um zoned out," I said, rather unconvincingly.

"Uh-huh, you know, I don't believe that for a second," he said as he pushed himself into a sitting position, leaning back against his arms.

"I was just uh thinking," it sounded more like a question than a statement, and Yuu gave me a look.

"About what?" he asked, grinning at me. It lit up his whole face and made him even more beautiful. I really wanted to kiss him in that moment.

"You're beautiful," I told him, and his eyes widened, his face taking on an expression of shock.

"I-what? Where did that come from all of a sudden?" he asked, sitting up properly.

"You wanted to know what I was thinking about, that's what," I told him matter-of-factly as I leaned closer to him.

"What are you doing?" he asked, backing away. His face had gone red again and he was looking around frantically, looking for some kind of escape probably.

I stopped momentarily and looked him in the eye, building up the courage to say what I was thinking. "Yuu-Chan, I uh," I bit my lip and turned away from him, "I might kind of like you, a lot," I told him. That's the understatement of the century.

I felt him put his hand on the side of my face and turned to look at him. "I might kind of like you a lot too," he said, smiling at me.

"I really want to kiss you right now," I told him.

"Then do it," he said, moving closer to me again, so I did. It was soft and gentle, yet filled with all the emotion that we'd both been holding back. Yuu was the first to pull back, just far enough to lean his forehead against mine. "I love you," he whispered.

"I love you too."

**time skip brought to you by Mika's thigh highs**

I woke up to the sound of Mika's light snoring. He was lying on the bed on his back with my head resting on his chest and his arms wrapped around me. I smiled, remembering the events that had transpired the night before, and snuggled up to him.

"Morning Yuu-Chan," Mika said through a yawn, causing me to look up at him.

"Did I wake you?" I asked, rolling onto my stomach.

"No, I was already awake, just waiting for you to wake up," he said, smiling at me, "Now get off, I have to use the bathroom."

I snorted and rolled to the side, freeing him, before watching him walk into the bathroom.

***

When I came back out of the bathroom I found Yuu sitting on the bed, curled into a ball. I walked over and sat next to him. "Yuu-Chan? Are you okay?" I asked, placing a hand on his shoulder. He looked up at me with wide eyes and a panicked expression.

"I can't breath," he told me, "too cramped." he was shaking and gasping for air. Another panic attack. Normally when this happened we'd go outside until he calmed down, but since we were traveling right now that was impossible. So instead, I opened the window closest to the bed and brought him over to it, this usually helped a little, but it didn't seem to be doing jack this time. I stuck my hand out the window and waved at the driver, Ferid, until he pulled over to the side of the road and got out, coming over to the door.

"What is it?" he asked, sounding annoyed as usual "if Alestair finds out I stopped, he's gonna kill me."

"He's having a panic attack," was the only explanation I gave before taking Yuu out of the RV and into the grass at the side of the road, where he stood for a moment, breathing, before emptying the contents of his stomach into the ditch. We sat in the grass until Yuu had calmed down before Ferid forced us back into the RV and pulled back onto the road.

"Thanks, Mika," Yuu said, sitting back down on the bed with his feet under him.

"Anything for you," I said, smiling at him. We spent the remainder of the day reading, talking, and joking around; anything to pass the time.

***Time skip to next morning***

I woke to a banging on the door "Bentornato in Italia," Welcome back to Italy, Ferid yelled, swinging the door opened. He seemed a bit too excited, although I understood why. We had a 'permanent' residence in Italy and didn't have to live in the RV. We'd all been forced to learn Italian and act like locals when we were in Italy, but Ferid always went a little over the top and refused to speak any English the whole time we were there, every single time. (By the way, sorry if I'm getting any of the Italian incorrect, I'm literally just looking up the Italian translations on this translator I have on my phone. Y'all are welcome to correct me though, and I will fix any mistakes that are pointed out.) I was also glad to be back in Italy, since we were treated a little more like humans here, and we always had a little more fun with the concerts; although, I had a feeling that had come to an end since Yuu was now terrified of performing. We still weren't permitted to leave the house though, except for concerts. We typically stayed in Italy for up to four months at a time.

I shook Yuu awake since he had somehow managed to sleep through Ferid's unnecessary yelling. "Svegliati, stronzi!" Wake up, assholes, Ferid shouted, and I picked up a book that was laying on the floor and chucked it as his head. He tried to dodge it and managed to fall out of the RV.

"Huh, looks like the trash took itself out," Yuu said, still sounding tired and I burst out laughing. (The only reason Ferid's even in this is to lay the foundation for stupid jokes like this. So get ready for more of this stupidity.)

After I calmed down, we went inside to find Alistair waiting for us by the door. "I know I told you guys that there wouldn't be a concert tonight, but the one for tomorrow got rescheduled to tonight unexpectedly, so there will," he informed us. I turned my head to look at Yuu, who had gone pale.

"Bene che fa schifo," Well that sucks, Ferid said, stopping next to me and using my head as an armrest.

"Ferid, do me a favor?" Alestaire asked.

"Certo, cosa?" Sure, what?

"Shut the hell up."

Ferid scoffed and walked away, but not before he mumbled "Mangia il mio culo," Under his breath. Lucky for him, Alestair didn't seem to have heard him, but Yuu apparently did, 'cause he snorted.

"Anyway, no hiding in the bathroom till the last minute, we don't want a repeat of last time, do we?" Alestair asked before walking away.

I turned to Yuu again, who had gone an odd shade of pale green. "Yuu-Chan? Are you alright?" I asked and he violently shook his head before running to the nearest bathroom, which happened to be the one the two of us shared.

***half an hour later***

"Yuu-Chan, please open the door," I called from outside the bathroom door. I was worried, he'd been in there for nearly half an hour and he wouldn't let me in. He'd turned on the shower at some point, but I doubted he was actually showering.

I heard him sigh after a few moments of silence. "The door isn't locked," he said in a strained voice. I opened the door and walked in, closing it behind me. I found Yuu curled into a ball on the shower floor, still in his clothes.

"Yuu-Chan? What on earth are you doing in there with your clothes on?" I asked and he looked up at me. He was a mess. His eyes were red and puffy and his face was tear-stained. I reached over and turned off the water, before grabbing a towel from the linen closet in the corner and wrapping it around him. After a moment, he finally climbed out of the shower and sat down on the toilet, still wrapped in the towel.

"Are you Alright Yuu-Chan?" I asked, kneeling down in front of him. (Yes, I know it's a stupid question. FIGHT ME!!)

"I don't know how much longer I can handle this," he told me through his tears.

***After the concert***

Alestair yelled at me again, but this time it went beyond saying he was gonna kill Mika or that I was a useless piece of trash, which I was starting to believe. This time he said that Mika doesn't love me, that he was only pretending to because he felt bad for me. I knew that I shouldn't let what he says get to me, but it was becoming increasingly difficult to do so. I pretended that it didn't affect me, so that Mika wouldn't worry, but once we were back at the house and he was sleeping, I quietly left the room, so I wouldn't wake him and went out to the back of the house and sat on the ground, pulling my knees up to my chest.

I wanted to get out of there. I wanted to go home, to see my mother again. I wanted to stop doubting everything that everyone said to me. I didn't know what to believe anymore. I wished Mika and I could run away and never look back. He doesn't love you. Said a voice in the back of my mind. I didn't know what to think.

I was broken out of my thoughts when the door opened and Mika stepped out. I wiped my eyes on my sleeve before he could see me crying and plastered on the most convincing smile I could muster. "Yuu-Chan? What are you doing out here?" he asked, looking down at me.

"Nothing. Just needed some fresh air," I told him.

"I know you're hiding something from me Yuu-Chan, and I know you're only doing it so that I won't worry, but it's only making me worry more," he told me. The smile dropped from my face and I sighed.

"Yeah, fine, I have. I've been hiding a few things actually," I told him.

"Like?" he asked, sitting down in front of me.

"Alistair yelled at me again while you were in the bathroom earlier. He's trying to convince me that you don't care about me," I said quietly and he frowned.

"He's not succeeding though right?" he asked. He panicked when I didn't say anything. His hands were shaking when he grabbed mine and he had a horrified look on his face. "Yuu-Chan please, you have to know that I love you, more than anything else in the world," he sounded terrified; like he was scared that I wouldn't believe him.

"I don't mean to scare you," I said, through my tears, "it's just that all I seem to be capable of doing these days is worrying you, and I can't help but think that it's not possible for someone to love me when I worry them so much."

A single tear rolled down his cheek. "But I do love you Yuu-Chan. How could I not? You're the most selfless, most amazing, most beautiful person I know."

"I love you too," I said with a genuine smile this time, and he smiled back. We talked for a few minutes, mostly just him telling me that he loved me and that I should never doubt it.

"Was there something else you were gonna say?" he asked after a few more minutes.

"What do mean?" I asked, tilting my head to the side.

"A few minutes ago you said, and I quote 'I've been hiding a few things actually'. So what were the other things?"

"Well, you know how a few days ago you asked me when I started being scared of performing and I said 'yesterday'?" I asked and he nodded. "Well, I might have been lying."

"What? Since when then?" he asked, sounding concerned.

"Since always I guess. I have social anxiety, so it's hard for me to really do anything in front of people," I told him, turning my head to the side.

"You have social anxiety?" it sounded almost like he didn't believe me.

"Yes, I didn't want to worry you, so I've been kind of hiding it from you. It's been hard and socializing with people scares the hell out of me, but I do it anyway; so that you won't have to worry," I told him.

"Is there anything else you've been lying to me about?" he asked. He sounded kind of mad.

"No," I said shaking my head, and then after a moment, "Are you mad at me?"

"Kinda, yeah. I mean really? How could you hide something like that from me?!" he yelled, causing me to flinch.

"I DID IT FOR YOU!"I yelled back, tears rolling down my face. I curled into a ball again and buried my face in my arms. I couldn't deal with this right now.

"W-wait, Yuu-Chan I-"

"Go away," it was barely above a whisper.

"At least come inside," he insisted, setting his hand on my arm.

"Please just leave me alone," I begged, pulling my arm away.

"Not until you come back inside," he said and I looked up at him, he had his hand held out to me, ready to help me up. I sighed and allowed him to pull me to my feet, before going inside and into the room we shared, where I curled up on the bottom bunk of the bunk bed with my back to the door. I hated fighting with him, but I hated being yelled at even more. I fell asleep a little while later, curled into a ball with my face buried in a pillow.

***

Mika lay on the floor, bleeding, and there was nothing I could do about it. I ran to him, dropped to my knees, and held him in my arms, watching the light fade from his eyes as I cried. He was dead, and there was nothing I could have done to stop it.

I screamed, sitting up so fast that I nearly smacked my head on the bunk above me. I was crying so hard I could barely breathe. "Yuu-Chan? What's wrong?" I heard Mika ask before he was suddenly right beside me. I flung my arms around him, sobbing uncontrollably.

"You were dead, I couldn't save you, I couldn't do anything," I said through my tears, with my face buried in his chest.

"Yuu-Chan, look at me," he said, so I did, "I'm alive, I'm okay, I'm not dead," he told me.

***

Yuu calmed down after a few minutes and took a shaky breath. "I can't lose you, Mika," he told me.

"I can't lose you either Yuu-Chan, and I'm sorry for yelling at you earlier, I was upset and I shouldn't have," I said, pulling away to look at him.

"It's fine Mika, I deserved it anyway, I shouldn't have kept those things from you. I'm sorry," he said lowering his eyes.

I was horrified at that response. Did he really think that poorly of himself? Then something occurred to me. "Hey, Yuu-Chan? Have you ever thought about running away?" I asked.

He nodded, "More times than I can count, but I'm scared. Thinking about attempting it scares me. What if Alestair were to catch us? Then he'd kill you, and I-I'd be all alone," he trailed off towards the end, and I had to listen carefully to hear it. I could tell that talking about this was upsetting him, so I decided to drop the subject for now.

***

It had been a couple of weeks since that night and we were currently doing a concert. I was worried, Yuu looked paler than usual. I decided to ask him about it after the show. But I didn't get a chance, he suddenly collapsed halfway through the second song. I immediately ran over to him to find him unconscious. I could hear people in the audience yelling, but I ignored them and carried him backstage. This wasn't the first time this had happened. It's happened a couple of times actually, the most recent was just a few months ago. Back then I told Alistair that if he didn't call an ambulance I would refuse to perform, so he said that if it happened again, he would. So within twenty minutes, there was an ambulance out front and a building full of worried fans.

***

I woke up feeling light headed and dizzy. I groaned, turning my head away from the window to see Mika sitting in a chair beside the bed with his head laying on the bed beside me as he held my left hand. "Mika," I said quietly, and he lifted his head to look at me.

"Yuu-Chan, you're awake. Thank god. I was so worried," he said giving me a sad smile.

"What happened?" I asked, frowning.

"You collapsed during the concert, and I convinced Alistair to call an ambulance. You've been unconscious since," he said, right before there was a knock on the door and the doctor came in.

"Yuichiro, you're awake, good. How are you feeling?" She asked in heavily accented English, though the accent was noticeably French, not Italian.

"Kinda light-headed," I said, sitting up a little.

"Well, the test results are back. Turns out you have anemia. Do you know what that is?" I shook my head and she proceeded to explain, "It's where the body doesn't have enough red blood cells, which leads to a reduced flow of oxygen to the body's organs." She then proceeded to say that I was going to have to take iron pills. I was discharged a few hours later and Alistair, looking angry as per usual, picked us up and took us back to the house. Everything went back to normal the next day.