CH 41: Bourbon

~ Alastor's POV ~

In all my years down here, I never thought that I would have the luxury of having my darling wife back. Yes, I could observe her, but it was a shell of what she once was. Without her memories, she lacked a certain essence within her. I always thought that if that spark was relit, the feeling that would consume both of us would be enjoyable to say the least. Not this, not this conflict. This absolute chaos that has been brewing over the past couple of hours. I watched her storm out of the hotel, keeping an eye on her from the window of my office. I could hear her barking in the distance, going on and on about how terrible I was towards her. 

It is not possible that I could have done that to her. I remember that night vividly. She fell, she fell back and hit her head. I was there, I held her in my arms. She bled on me, I held her together!

There was no way I was responsible for this. I would have never. I worshipped that woman like she was a goddess throughout our relationship. The ground she walked on, the streets of our city, were never the same from the moment her heel stepped out of that godforsaken train car. She consumed by every waking thought from the first note that left her throat that evening. I would have never laid a finger on that dame in any way that would not be worshipful, pleasurable, desirable, any another adjective that you would like to use to describe bliss. 

She was the record that stayed on my gramophone on a constant loop, and I laid in my quarters like a sailor desperate for her next song.

A force had came over me that evening, one that had made his presence known from time to time. He had vanished when we began our lives together, only to return when she had left me. A force that held the darkness within my soul, the greed, and the wrath. I had never meant to harm her.

The memories of her plague my mind as I continue to pace my sanctuary. I can hear her sweet voice tormenting my mind, "Alastor, please calm down." The possibility of her fleeing from me to New York pulled me from my mind so fast that I began to dissociate. It didn't feel like a reality in that moment, more like a dream.

A nightmare, really.

I had no true intentions of killing her, I swear to it. I just wanted her to sit down and listen to me, to hear that I loved her beyond words could possibly describe. I never wanted to break her heart, I wanted to keep it safe and protected within my hands. That other woman, that viper, that vermin meant nothing to me. When she laid her lips on mine, my entire body froze. I don't know why, I couldn't process it.

I didn't enjoy it, but I froze. I couldn't form words, I couldn't move. I was weak, I know. There was something about the attention that called to me, but my mind and body argued senselessly with one another.  

To be honest, I was a little frightened.

If she would have listened to me, I would have offered anything to convince her to stay. I'll move wherever you want to, I'll leave everything behind. Just, please stay with me. A pathetic train of thought, honestly, something that shook me to my core.  I would have given up my entire life to have her stay with me. She had changed me in a way that I didn't think was possible, giving me the tender care that I hadn't felt in years. She gave me domesticity, normalcy, adoration... 

Her pleas were circling my brain in a horrific loop.

"P-Please Al-Alastor...please calm down..."

My hands find my hair and I begin to rip out red strands into my palms. I wince and pull them away, my claws sinking into my palms. Make it stop! TURN IT OFF! 

"Alastor, please!"

I'm not listening to this all fucking night. My mind had been pervaded with haunting images of her for nearly one hundred years. I refuse to go any further with these rebarbative, tiresome, words in my head. I dust my hands off, not bothering to clean the strands of hair off the floor before I exit my office and head to the lobby. 

A nice bourbon. A glass or two.....maybe the whole bottle.

~ Back with Esme ~

"What is this again?" Esme asks Angel, feeling a little more lighter than she originally did arriving there. All those pesky thoughts and feelings were beginning to subside, leaving her with a warm feeling within her chest. 

"Soju, Dollface. It's rice wine." 

"Wine made of rice? Wow, they come up with everything now~" Esme laughs, finishing the rest of her glass. She'd give it to this restaurant, their wine was strong enough to dull away all of that depression, leaving her with a sense of security within herself one again. Then again, was it security? Do suppressing emotions ever truly bring security, or are they a temporary Band-Aid for what is eventually to well back up?  "Well, I think that's it for tonight."

"Oh, come on!" Cherri shouts, "First Angie and now you? Where's your sparkle babe?"

Esme giggles, clearly tipsy from her several drinks, "I've had a long day, I want to get back in one piece preferably not plastered." She gets up and stretches along the bar, flipping her hair over her shoulder and paying for their meal. Overlords were given a fair discount all around Hell, so it was only correct that (even in her dazed mind) that she pay for her friend's drinks and whatnot.

The three exit the restaurant and Cherri departs from the two as they walk back to the hotel. It didn't make sense why she didn't just move in with them already, but Angel had explained to her that Cherri didn't have any plans to join them soon - although he didn't take it completely off the table. "Thank you for that, I really needed some time away." Esme smiles.

"Anytime, Es, you know that. What happened back there anyway?" Angel's eyes look up towards the Heaven Portal, his eyes furrowing, "No luck for ya whole redemption plea for me?" Although he had made some poor choices throughout his mortal and afterlife, Anthony did eventually want to join his sister in paradise. At the beginning of his time at the Hazbin Hotel, he didn't consider redemption to be possible, but Charlie's optimism and energy had wiped off on everyone - Angel being one of the most affected. He found himself changing, becoming softer, similar to the child he once was. He wondered if it would be enough to join Molly. 

"You don't want to know, but I promise we'll be okay eventually." Esme smiles sadly, reaching for the front door and opening it. Her eyes widen to see Alastor sitting at the bar, his head leaning on his hand. "Great..." They had had a great relaxing night after such drama, but now as soon as the door was open, she was being greeted with that drama sprawled out across the table.

"That's your problem, toots~" Angel chuckles, walking inside and heading upstairs.

At first, Esme attempts to follow him, completely ignoring Alastor and walking right on by until she hears a familiar tune coming from the small radio that sits next to him.

"You'll never know how many dreams,

I've dreamed about you,

Or just how empty they all seemed without you..."

Her fins pop out of the side of her head in shock as she is transported in her mind to their small kitchen, pressed up against the counter. She can still smell his cologne and the scent of food shimmering in the back. Her hand finds her chest, and her breath gets stuck in the back of her throat. That song was the same one playing when she dropped that dish in the kitchen, when he caught her in his arms, and when his lips met hers for the first time. When she reached into his hair, when he picked her up and placed her on the counter, and when those words left her mouth for the first time...

"So kiss me once, then kiss me twice,

Kiss me once again,

It's been a long, long time...."

She turns to look at him as she hears the saxophone's melody swell in the air, dancing through her ears. She sees him sitting there, not saying a word, but humming the tune with his eyes closed. She looks down at his hands to see a half-finished glass of alcohol accompanied by an empty bottle of bourbon standing up on the counter next to him. It was clear to her that this wasn't your typical drinking night. This wasn't a drink to lighten the heart, this was a marathon of alcohol to numb the soul. 

How much did he drink?  She slowly walks over and leans across the counter, shutting the radio knob.

The music stops, he opens his eyes and looks over at her.

"Hello, darlin'~" He smirks, picking his head up and turning to her. The venison's eyes were glazed over and half lidded, but were still has striking as ever. This crimson gaze got closer to her as he grinned and attempted to rub his nose along her own. 

Esme smells the stench of alcohol breeze through his lips and onto her face. She scrunches her nose and scoffs, "How much did you drink?"

"Oh, just enough my dear..." He hums, crossing his arms and placing his head forehead down on top of them. The poor kitten was curled up within himself, finding comfort in the cool rough wood. 

The radio turns back on without him even touching the knob, restarting the song. A subtle, yet notable, display of his powers. 

"This song..." His beloved mumbles, her heart beating a bit faster, and her voice soft and fragile. It was the voice he had remembered, the one he always longed to hear talking to him. 

"It's lovely, isn't it?" He muffles from his arms. "You used to love itttt~" He slurs, "You'd ask every day to dance to it."

Esme can't see it, but small hot tears drip onto the arm of his jacket.

"Alastor..." She says sternly, "It's time for you to get to bed." He doesn't move. Esme sighs and hesitates, staring down at him. She goes quiet, taking a moment to soak in the fact that he is in front of her. Those large red ears that typically stand up straight where now laid tucked in his hair. His hair, which was messy and tousled, also hung across his arms. He looked so soft, vulnerable, as if he was naked in front of her. 

Her husband sits in front of her, frozen in their memories together. She doesn't have to look anymore, there he is. Her husband had been one of his closest friends all the while. The same arms that held her in that swing club back in 1955, the one that would accompany her and Rosie across Cannibal Town in his early days. The looks, the charm, the way he behaved differently now all made sense to her. For whatever reason, he was hiding from her, but now he was bare before her. 

She places a hand on his head and pets it softly, "Come, let's get to bed." She says softly.

He laughs and leans up, swaying softly on his chair, a large grin spread on his face and his eyes glazed over, "Taking me to bed alreaadddyy~" He sings, "Why take me, sweetheart, I'm all yours!" He leans forward flirtatiously.

Esme scoffs and rolls her eyes, pulling him up from the chair, "Not like that you absolute buffoon."

He stands up and chuckles, "I thought you were mad at me~"

"Ohoho, trust me, Al, I want to rip your throat out and feast on it myself, BUT-" She struggles to keep him standing upright, his body weight pushing into her, "Alas, there is a little angel up in heaven who..." She grunts, "needs a father, so you, UGH," she nudges him up the stairs, "Are staying alive."

He laughs, leaning back into her, and scoffs, "As if I could ever die~" He says in a cocky singsongy voice.

"Don't push it." She growls, pushing him forward.

Eventually, they reach his door. Esme holds him up while using her magic to unlock the door and walks him inside. "Now, sit down. I can get you some water." She leads him to the bed where he sits and she turns to go back down to the kitchen. He grabs her wrist,

"Don't leave again..." His voice is a plea, a pitiful plea...

Esme pauses, her heart sinking to her stomach, "...Okay.." She whispers, "But, you should probably take this off. She removes his jacket and places it on a nearby chair. "Just lay down, you'll be okay."

"You're still awfully attentive~" He chuckles, laying his head on the pillow. His hair falls perfectly against the pillow and his ears flop to the side as he smiles at her fondly. His love sits on the floor leaning against the bed. She takes the wrist of her coat and wipes tear stains away from his cheek, "You were the best damn wife a man could ever ask for."

She struggles to swallow her own tears.

Then, why did you abandon me?   She thinks.

He closes his eyes and his breathing slows down, becoming more relaxed. He slowly gets pulled away into slumber before he whispers,

"I never stopped loving you.."

Thank god his eyes are closed because Esme sits there gritting her teeth while several streams of tears run down her face. She sucks them up and stands up, leaning over and rubbing the top of his head with her hand. She kisses it and backs away.

She leaves the room without saying a word, closely shutting the door behind her. She turns and pushes her back into the frame, sinking down and crying softly into her arms.

"I love you too..." She whispers into the quiet hallway. 

~ Author's Note ~

I'M ACTUALLY SOBBING, CALL THE POLICE! I WROTE THIS AND I'M EATING MY OWN TEARS!

Thoughts on the plot now? What are y'all hoping for? 

🖤Words: 2444🖤

~ Artemis 🦌💗