Chapter Six

I know I said I was gonna upload this like two days ago sorry I had work 😁

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~two days later; squadroom~

"Hey, Fin did you-"

The sound of footsteps invades my ears.

"Benson."

I turn to see Tucker. Again. "Office, now," he orders.

I glance across the room at the other detectives before standing. I feel Tucker's eyes - along with everyone else's - at my back when I walk into Cragen's office.

Cragen's face is unreadable.

"So, Olivia, where were you...say...two days ago?" Tucker asks.

"Home. Remember? You came and took my kids."

"Well we have record of you being checked into a hospital just south of Pittsburgh, which, just so happens, to be where the children were taken."

Cragen gives me a confused look, but I avoid his gaze.

"Must be a-"

"There is nothing coincidental about it. You followed- no. You stalked those children out-"

"Lizzie called me!" I interrupt. "She was scared and she told me where they were and that she wanted me to go get them! What was I supposed to do?!"

"Let Child Services do their jobs, perhaps?"

"I did! Their job was to move the children. That's it!"

"You interfered with WP. That is-"

"Why are you putting two teenagers and a baby in Witness Protection?" Cragen asks. Then it clicks for him. "You sons-of-bitches stuck Stabler in WP?!"

Cragen rarely gets mad like this, but I know he will this time.

"Do you know what you've done to this unit?! To his family?! His wife committed suicide! That's murder!"

"Elliot Stabler is dead by law. It does not count as murder," Tucker says calmly.

"What about their kids! What kind of mental state do you think they're in?!" I suddenly exclaim. "What happens if his cover gets blown?! The perp that shot him never gave a damn about kids! Those children will die!"

They are both quiet for a minute.

"She does have a point," Cragen says. "This guy killed every child that ever crossed his path."

"Fine. But you have to explain to their father why he won't be able to see his own children."

Did I just take three kids away from their father?

~•~•~•~•~

"I don't get it! I'm never going to see my children! This is ridiculous!"

I keep my distance from Elliot. I don't want to take away his kids, but I know it's for the best. Nobody is gonna see it like that, though.

"It was brought to our attention that if you were to ever be found out, your children would be dead before anyone could do anything about it. It is for their own safety."

He draws back a little, but I know he's still angry. He's going to put two and two together sooner or later.

While getting Eli in his carrier, I feel the man's presence behind me.

"Did you have anything to do with it?"

I look up, contemplating whether or not I should lie. "Besides by being upset they were taken away from me Thursday morning?"

"Yes. Did you have anything to do with their realization of that? I know Tucker never changes his own mind."

"No."

"Yes, you did. You won't look at me. Damn, Liv, did you really want children that bad? To take mine?!"

"I didn't mean to! I just brought up that the kids could be in danger."

"They'll always be in danger! Everyone will always be in some sort of danger! You can't save everyone, Olivia!"

Olivia. My full name. He never calls me that.

I feel tears forming in my eyes but I push them down, my hurt turning to anger. "I can try."

With that, I get up and went to gather the twins.

"You bitch!" is the last thing he says to me.

I've been called that so many times by perps it doesn't phase me. Well, at least, I thought it didn't.

I get all of the kids in the car; Dickie riding shotguns do Lizzie and Eli in the back. We are silent for a very long time.

I feel I owe them something, though. I know it's all my fault, taking them away from their father, but it should be only temporary.

"You guys, I know you're unhappy about this. Pissed, even. I didn't want to do this. I didn't even-"

"Save it, Liv," Dickie interrupts. "We know."

"No, you don't. You five lost everything. Everything. I knew you guys would be taken from me but I didn't know your father was still alive. The perp that shot him is a serial rapist and killed and never let anyone live. Especially children. I was worried for you guys but I didn't thank they'd take you away again."

"Mhm," I hear Lizzie mumble. Sounded pretty sarcastic but I let it slide.

"I don't want you away from your father, not in a million years," I try again. "But I want you to be safe. And when he comes to his senses, he will too."

"Liv," Dickie replies. "We know. It's just too much for a short period of time. Our father's dead. Our mother's dead. Our father's alive. We get to see him again. We have to pretend he is dead again."

"I know. I'm going to catch this perp. And when he's dead or in jail, I'll be able to get you five back to him."

"People get out of jail," I hear Lizzie mumble.

"And with the charges against him, he'll have about 307 years to serve consecutively," I tell her.

"Well what if he breaks out? Or gets parole? Or something stupid happens? And what about accomplices? He can never come out of Witness Protection if that guy has accomplices!"

"It was only him. Don't worry. And I'm gonna get this guy if it kills me."

"Don't say that," Dickie warns.

"Sorry. Let's just...go home. Get through the day, shall we?"

It seems like the only thing to do.

We pull up to my apartment and I get out, grabbing the baby from his car seat. The teenagers refuse to make any noise, have any opinions, or express anything really, at all.

It's 5:30 when I have pasta noodles on the stove. Both of them have not come out of their room since we got here at 1:15.

I turn the burner down low and make my way over to their door. My instincts tell me they're fine and I shouldn't be snooping. But I can't help myself from pressing my ear to the door.

"Well I'd rather be here than dead," Lizzie says.

"What if we never see Dad again, huh?" I hear her brother say. "Mom's dead. We are pretty much orphans now."

"What if Dad actually did die? It wouldn't make a difference if we never saw him again."

"What are you saying?"

"I'm saying that if we are kept here, it's like nothing from the past couple of days happened."

"So you're okay with never seeing Dad again?" Dickie asks. "You're his little girl, kinda harsh."

"I don't know. And I don't know if him being alive like this is worse or him being dead is. It's not like we can do anything about it. What's the point in-"

"Liv is doing what she can and you know that. They have to find the guy."

"What if when they do? Will he get out of Witness Protection? Or will someone else go after him? We're never gonna get him back!"

"We can still call and talk to him."

"We're not supposed to do that," Lizzie tells him.

"Like Liv gives a damn."

It's true. I don't. I feel horrible for taking the kids away. But I had to.

But they don't have to know I gave Tucker the idea.

I go back to my pasta and pour the noodles into a strainer. Like a robot, I move my arms. Then my legs, when I go to get the twins for dinner.

~one year later~

"Wivvie! Wivvie!" I hear Eli banging on his high chair, calling me.

"Yeah, buddy, what's up?" I ask, getting up from my case file.

"Icky!"

I look down at his plate and the food is untouched.

"Eli, you have to eat it."

"No!"

"Please, for Livvie?" I beg. Honestly, I don't have the energy to deal with this again.

"No!"

"If you finish your dinner, I'll let you have cookies!" Bribery is the name of my life now.

"I want cookie now!"

"You don't finish this, you don't get cookies."

He starts to whine and say no many more times. I just walk away.

Eventually he eats. I give him two cookies and lie back down on the couch, no longer able to play mother.

The twins - even though they deny it - hate me. Eli has early onset terrible two's. And the oldest two never drop by unless it's to pick up their siblings.

I need to either give up what I love for find who took it away in the first place.

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Kind of a boring chapter, I know. 😷 the next one will be better, I promise!!

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