28. Scattered

"You are right here. Still staying here.But I can't reach you again today."- Scattered by Kim EZ

•••

Buzz... Buzz... Buzz...

The sound of a phone vibrated on the side table ticked Bright to open his eyes. He did not bother to check his phone since the vibration was just a sign of group chat notification.

Those big eyes watched the younger man who was sleeping with his face covered with a bolster. Bright smiled bitterly. "What is scaring you? Why are you hugging it so tight?"

Bright stroked Win's hand softly. "Such a wimpy baby." He murmured.

Bright's heart broke into pieces last night, witnessing those tears and listening to the muffled scream. Deep inside his heart, Bright could guess the reason of Win eating his own heart out. Be that as it may, Bright ran out of ways to put Win at ease.

For Bright, this kind of feeling was new. He was so carefree in his previous relationship. It really was only Win that could change him into someone who put others more than himself.

Buzz... Buzz... Buzz...

Another notification from group chat diverted Bright's attention from Win. At the same time, Win started gaining his consciousness.

Realizing his phone disturbing Win's sleep, Bright hurriedly got up from the bed and walked out of the room to check his phone.

Win straightened his back, sitting on the bed. His swollen eyes followed Bright who was standing in front of the room, right at the door, replying messages on his phone.

Last night, how many times Bright apologized to him? Win started asking himself. That deep voice had tried to soothe Win who was in the state of extreme upset. Win blamed the thoughts which filled his head.

"Ai Win," Bright looked into the bedroom, calling his lover. "I will hangout with Ai First and others tonight in usual place. Will you join us?"

Win opened his eyes wider, but useless. They were puffed and heavy. "I'd love to, but I have to skip, Phi." Win, with his hoarse voice after waking up, replied.

Bright narrowed his eyes. He entered the room to find out about Win's fitness. One of his hands grabbed Win's and another hand was used to check body temperature from forehead to neck. "You don't have fever, but your body is warm. It will get better after doing some activities. You still can hangout with us." Bright said.

"Next time, Phi," Win rejected the invitation once again. "I want to have more rest."

Bright nodded. "Then, I won't go. They invited me to come at 7 pm. I will be back so late at night."

"Go and have some fun." Win convinced Bright. "I'll be waiting here while sleeping."

Bright fell silent. His hands moved to cup Win's cheeks. His thumbs rubbed the eye bags gently. How many times he had made Win crying? He never meant it but this younger man ended up in tears again.

"Being with you, my purpose of life has extended. Give me more time to make you happy. I promise I won't stop trying." Bright stated.

Win said nothing. He looked deeply into those big eyes which were directed to Win's. They did not waver even a bit. This person, who was standing beside the bed, beside him, cupping his cheeks with big hands, made Win who was sitting on the bed looking up, was his partner. The partner who was giving his best for Win now.

Win nodded in the end, led Bright to let go of his cheeks. After that, Bright left the bedroom while asking if Win wanted the usual menu for breakfast.

"Stop trying," Win said in muted tones. "You have to stop."

Before he began to cry again, Win got up from the bed, took his towel and entered the shower room.

•

Nothing much to talk when they had breakfast together. Win asked about the plants and Bright told him how he took care of them. No one jumped on last night's case.

Bright finished his meal quicker than Win. He did not move from his seat. He watched Win devouring the food, the view than Bright missed. It always brought a smile on Bright's face but today, it was not. Those swollen eyes were his fault.

Bright extended his arm, asking for Win to give his. But Win only stared at Bright's arm, hesitated to hold it.

"Are you not going to take my hand?" Bright pointed out the obvious unwillingness that showed on Win's face.

"I'm eating, Phi." Win replied to Bright calmly.

Bright pulled his arm back and got up from his seat to wash his dishes, leaving Win alone. He knew that Win was unhappy with how things stack up right now. Even with Bright's attempt to outdo Win's feeling, the younger man was still at the end of his rope.

"Phi..."

"If you're done eating, put yours here. I'll wash them."

"But washing dishes is my task when I am here." Win said as he putting his plate and cutlery in the kitchen sink.

Bright giggled. He did not reply because Win already put them for Bright to wash.

The room was quiet. Bright thought Win had gone to the bedroom for more sleep. At the time Bright finished washing his hands, he turned around just to find Win sitting on the dining chair, watching Bright.

"What are you looking at?"

Win shook his head weakly. He took a deep breath and stood up. This time, Win was the one extended his arm to be taken by Bright.

Bright grabbed Win's arm right away. There was a feeling that if he did not take it, Win would never hold his hand anymore. "Tell me what is wrong." Bright said as he stroked Win's hand.

"Nothing is wrong."

But you cried last night, Bright denied Win's answer in his heart.

Win wanted to drag Bright closer to him. His hand which used to be stronger, had not enough power to brought Bright to him as he wanted. But Bright could feel the weak pull, so he walked until he was near at hand.

Win stepped back without releasing Bright's hand until he reached the edge of dining table. He sat on it while his another hand stretched out to catch hold of his lover's head.

Bright did not need Win to do more. He knew what he must do. Bright leaned in and let his lips meet with the younger man's lips gently.

This is not right, Win told himself. When Bright was about to end the kiss, Win kept the older one's head to him, forced his tongue into Bright's slightly opened mouth.

Bright was surprised, but he did not push him away. He wanted to see where the younger man would lead him. In the end, Bright overestimated himself by that thought because Win defeated him with a a single touch on Bright's ear.

Bright pulled Win by the hand to get up. He pressed his body against Win. He wanted the younger one to know how bad he longed for him right now.

As his waist being locked by Bright's arms, Win moved his hands freely, surrounding Bright's neck and messing the older one's hair up.

They stopped and broke the kiss at the same time. Their lips were swollen. They panted. Their eyes met with each other's gaze. No words came out from them until Bright gave up and hugged the younger man tightly.

Win's eyes dilated. The hug was not only tight, but also warm. Despite the warmth, it was not gentle as usual. It felt more like Bright was hugging for life.

There was no sign of Bright letting Win go. Win rubbed the older one's back. What was Bright thinking? Win wondered. He was pretty sure, Bright had handled him well last night.

Or it was all just what Bright wanted Win to feel?

"You finally come back."

Win smiled. Ah, so he wants to tell this to me. Win planted a kiss on Bright's shoulder. He hugged Bright back.

"I'm home."

•

The bar was crowded since it was Saturday. In a long table, there were 4 people gathered. They did not always hangout together, but it turned out they went to the same place, so here they were.

Tay with his partner, New, Guy, and First. Tay, New, and Guy were sitting on the same side, while First sat in front of Guy.

"Is Ai Fluke really coming, First?" Tay asked the youngest in the group. "He is always on time. Where is he?"

"Oh. P'Fluke is-"

"There he is." Guy pointed someone who was walking to their direction.

Fluke shrugged his eyebrows when he arrived and took a seat in front of Tay, because the middle seat right in front of New was taken by someone who was behind him.

"Aw," New was surprised. "Why are you here?"

"Hanging out with you all, aren't I?" Bright was confused for being asked like that. He was invited to come and join them this morning.

Tay frowned. "Haven't you met with Win yet?"

"I have. He is in my condo right now."

"Then, why are you here alone? Why didn't you come with him?" Guy bombarded Bright with questions.

"I have invited him to join us," Bright said. "He refused me twice this morning and once more before I came here. Nong wanted to sleep, he said."

First rejoined the conversation. "You are not in quarrel with him again, aren't you?"

Bright took a sharp glance at First, shut the young man's mouth immediately.

"Aren't you?" Tay repeated First' question.

Bright clammed up. He stared blankly at the table. His face was gloomy. His heart raced as the image of Win crying desperately last night came again.

"I'm confused. He is worried about me. I have told him that he had to focus on his career. I told him the rumors would pass by time. I told him many times that I was fine. He didn't buy them." Bright spoke up. "I have no idea how to make him happy to be with me."

Guy nodded, trying to process the story. "He might be doesn't want you to convince him like that." He concluded. "He might already happy."

"Umm." New agreed. "He probably doesn't want to hear you telling him to do his job, because he will do it even though you don't remind him."

"That's right." Guy commented.

"He wants to hear more about you, not your concern about his career." New added.

Bright narrowed his eyes. His forehead furrowed. "What do you mean, Phi?"

"Aw," New was annoyed. He turned to his left side. "Tay, this guy doesn't understand."

"He never understand." Fluke responded. When he saw Bright was about to stab him with his gaze, Fluke raised one of his eyebrows, challenged his best friend. "No need to look at me like that. I won't be intimidated."

Tay intervened the dialogue soon afterward. "New means, Nong wants you to talk about yourself, not about him."

"About me khrab?"

"Right."

A deep sighed was heard by others from Bright. "What about me? Nothing to tell about me."

"Whoa, this guy really is something." New remarked.

Bright emptied a small glass of beer, given by First without noticing Guy and Tay observed him carefully.

Fluke shook his head, sick of Bright's stubbornness. He was lazy to be involved in anyone's business, but Bright was his friend.

Meanwhile, First could only take a deep breath. He had to prepare for another season of romance drama.

•

"Ai Win...?"

Bright called his partner's name right at the moment he arrived in his condo. It was few minutes to midnight. The room was so quiet and every lamp was on.

"Ai Win...?" He repeated.

There was no answer.

Bright opened the door to his bedroom. Win was not there. He checked the other bedroom. The result was the same. He tried to call Win's phone, but it was busy.

Bright tried to think clearly. He pulled the dining chair and sat down. There was no message from Win, too. He closed his eyes, recalling what happened that possible to make Win leaving the condo.

"Khrab, Mama..."

Bright opened his eyes when he heard Win's voice faintly. He got up and walked toward the balcony. He slid the glass door slowly. There, he found Win was standing in the dark, talking with someone on his phone.

Win turned his head to Bright. "Oh, P'Bright has come home. Umm. Khrab. See you, Mama. Sawasdee khrab." He hung up the phone.

Bright exhaled heavily after he turned the lamp on.

Win smiled at him. "Why are you so tense, Phi? Is everything alright?" He asked.

Bright nodded.

"Did you have fun?"

Bright nodded again.

"Then, let's get back insi-"

"Why didn't you turn the lamp on?"

"Oh. That, I forgot."

"Why haven't you sleep yet?" Bright asked again. "You told me you'd be waiting while sleeping."

Win bit his lower lips. His eyes looked away for a moment, then he looked back at Bright. He shrugged. "I don't want to sleep alone."

Bright sighed. Still, he curved a smile for Win on his face. He grabbed Win's hand to come back inside the condo. "Why are you waiting for me? You know I will come back a little bit drunk, right?"

"But you are not drunk tonight."

"Umm. I am not."

"I'll come back home tomorrow, Phi."

Bright said yes. He understood because Win went straight from the airport to his place yesterday. Win had not met his family yet.

As Win lying on the bed, he continued speaking. "And the day after tomorrow, I will have interview with several news channel in the office. We can meet there."

"Ok." Bright agreed. "Now, you have to sleep." He covered Win's body with blanket.

Bright walked to another side of bedroom to change his clothes.

"May I come back here after the interview?"

Bright laughed softly. "It's been a long time. I can finally hear your stupid question again." He stated in the time he got on the bed.

Win stared at Bright for a while, watching him dim the lights. A gentle kiss on Win's forehead was the last thing Win felt before he closed his eyes.

•••

Hello.

I will update once a week from now on since my office starts operating normally this week.

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