Chapter 22

A moment can feel like an eternity when the soul isn't at ease. Time seems to reverse and turn over on itself, holding the body hostage to its grapples. It twists the mind, numbs all reason, and feeds doubt. Time can sometimes be scarier than death itself.

Spencer could have sworn the entire day had passed before the pack finally walked through the doors. But the light coming from the outside told her it was still early. They walked in as though nothing had happened, and they hadn't just torn a vampire to shreds. The boys laughed and patted each other on the backs, celebrating as though their lives had not been in peril.

As soon as they came into view, the girl ran to her brother and wrapped her arms tightly around him. She wrapped them around his neck as his own caught her by the waist. Once she felt him with her own hands, she finally let out a strangled breath, allowing all the anxiousness to roll off her body.

"Oh, thank the spirits you're okay," she breathed shakingly. "I thought something happened to you."

"You need to give me more credit here, bean," he chuckled. "We take this job seriously."

"I was scared."

"Come on, he was outnumbered," Sam shrugged. "There was no way we were going to let him go. He was easy meat."

"So, none of you got hurt? You're all okay?"

"Of course we are," Paul interjected. "That guy had nothing on us."

"I told you they would be okay," Emily said, carrying a plate of fresh biscuits that the boys dug into as quickly as it reached them. "The boys always come home. Especially when they know that there's food on the table."

"I knew I could smell chicken," Jared grinned. "I'm starving, man."

"When are you not?" Embry teased as he walked past him.

"Oh, the young kid has some bark in him," Jared chuckled. "You're finally one of us."

Laughing, Embry, Jacob, and Paul walked right past Spencer and to the dining table. Jacob was about to do the same but stopped next to her. "Bella's okay," she said. "She got home a while ago. She's still a bit shaken up, mostly because of the giant wolves she saw."

"Okay," he said as he let out a breath of relief. "Thanks."

"She's tougher than she looks, Jake," Spencer smiled. "She's also smart, and she has a lot of questions."

"I know," Jake sighed. "I don't know what I'm gonna do."

"Forcing the imprint bond hasn't worked out?" the girl teased. "I thought it would."

"Not funny, Spence," he pouted. "But no. I guess everyone was right. It's just... she deserves so much better."

"Don't we all, Jake? Don't we all," she said as she patted him comfortingly on the shoulder. "Now, go eat. You gotta refuel."

"Yeah. I'll see you around, Spencer."

"Bye, Jake."

As the boy left her by herself, her gaze found her brother. He was sitting on a bench in the backyard, his shoulders slumped and a hand over his eyes. Sam was tired, that much she could tell. But it wasn't because of the vampire. No. It was a fatigue she knew very well.

"Hey," she said softly as she sat next to him. "How're you doing?"

"I told you we're all good, Bean," Sam smiled weakly.

"That's not what I mean, Sam. How are you?"

"I'm fine," he breathed. "Just... tired. I was worried before that. We caught the leech's scent first, and we were ready for a fight—finally finish up who's been killing all those hikers. But then your scent was mixed up in it and I got so stressed that I wouldn't get to you in time. I've been worried that a bloodsucker would take you away from me, but I never thought it could've happened this way."

"I'm not going anywhere, Sam," Spencer said as she wrapped her arms around her brother. "Not for a while, at least."

"It was scary to realize how easy it would have been for that guy to kill you." His voice trembled as he spoke, the protector mask quickly falling away. "With how things were going with the doctor, I was sure I would have to get used to not having you near again. But today reminded me about how you could have been gone for good. And what would've happened if you had no idea who we were? You would have no idea that we were trying to protect you, and you would have been just as terrified as Bella was. You would have been scared of me."

"Well, I guess that's one thing you can be grateful about him," Spencer smiled, squeezing her brother's hand comfortingly. "This is one secret you don't have to hide from me."

"It's a shitty secret."

"It's a necessary one, Sam. You taught me that."

"Yeah, it's the reason two of the people I love most in the world got hurt," he grumbled. "It's a shitty secret."

"What? You're saying if it had been a choice, you would have said no?"

Sam sighed and let his head fall back as his eyes closed. "I don't know, honestly," he admitted. "It's an honor to have been chosen to protect our people. But sometimes, I just wish the responsibility fell onto someone else. If it hadn't been for this, so many lives would have been different. I know I'm meant to be the strong one, but I just can't help but wonder why me sometimes."

"Do you remember what you told me before I left for school?" Spencer said. "I wasn't sure why I had been the one chosen for the scholarship and I was so scared that the school had made a mistake that I wanted to stay home. You told me that the only one who didn't believe in me was myself —that I would always be my harshest critic and that I would never believe how amazing I was no matter how much people told me. Well, now it's your turn, Sam. You're doing an amazing job as an alpha. You're keeping out people safe, you have a beautiful fiancée that loves you, and you're the best brother a girl could ask for. If the universe chose this job for you, it was for a reason."

"Yeah, an alpha that didn't have a hold on things and managed to not only scar the woman I love, but I couldn't even stop you from getting hurt," he exclaimed. "And now all these hikers are dead, and even though we killed this leech, another one with a vendetta is gonna come here for the Swab girl. I just can't seem to do things right. I have no business caring for all these people."

"Sam, I can't think of anyone else that would be perfect for the job. You've been taking care of me and mom for a long time. Even when you didn't have to, you always made sure we were okay. You made me dinner when mom was at work after school, you were there at every science fair, you even taught me how to ride a freaking bike," she chuckled. "I don't think you realize how good of a person and a leader you are. How you always step up to the plate when anyone needs you, no matter how trivial the matter is. You're an amazing brother and an amazing alpha. We are all gonna lose someone sometime, no matter how hard we try to save them. Our job is to save those we can."

Sam allowed the words of his sister to skin into his head, slowly allowing his body to relax. He settled into the bench comfortably and draped an arm around Spencer to bring her in for a side hug. "Since when do I have a little sister that is so smart?" he teased lovingly. "Don't remember the moment you got old enough to give me advice."

"Sam, you're barely older than me."

"Doesn't change the fact that I'm older."

"No. You're just old."

The pair of siblings joined the rest of the pack soon after, gathering around the table to enjoy the feast that Emily had prepared. They ate, they laughed, they talked, and finally, they crashed all around the fireplace in the living room. Jared and Embry had taken the sofas, and Emily and Sam had excused themselves to their room while Jacob had said his goodbyes and gone back home. The only people that were left awake were Paul and Spencer, tension surrounding the air around them.

Spencer knew that avoiding Paul couldn't last much longer, especially not when she could have lost him that afternoon. She had waited for him to come home, breathless and terrified that the last moments she had spent with him had been avoiding him. The survival of their friendship rested on the conversation she did not want to have with him, but she knew it was essential if she ever wanted him to stay her best friend.

"So," she said, finally breaking the silence. "How've you been?"

"Oh, you finally have some time for me in your busy schedule?" Paul teased. "How lucky am I? Maybe I should face vampires more often."

"Very funny, Paul."

"Hey, I'm not the one that has been avoiding you for weeks now," he shrugged as he threw his hands up in defeat. "What's that about?"

The girl sighed as she restless her head against the wall, staring up at the wooden ceiling than into Paul's eyes. She could feel his state burning a joke through her skull, seaman ding entrance into her innermost thoughts. "Paul, you know what it's about," she responded. "You were getting too attached, and I didn't know how to manage that."

"Are you serious, Spence? I was growing too attached?" Pail spoke in shouted whispers, wanting nothing more than to explode at that. But exhaustion clawed at his body, and the last thing he wanted was to let his wolf out. "And what have you that brilliant idea?"

"Paul, come on. The night Jacob finally turned, I could hear it in your voice," she recalled. "You said there was something you just had to tell me, and I'm pretty certain I know what it is."

"Oh yeah, Einstein? And what's that?"

"That you want more," she stated. "That you want us to be more."

Surprise ran through Paula's face before quickly transforming into an angry scowl. It had been what Spencer had wanted to avoid, but it was no use to continue pushing the inevitable. "Come on, Spence," he exclaimed. "You can't tell me it doesn't make sense. We work well together, we have chemistry, and we have known each other for so long. Why won't you just give it a chance?"

"Because I don't see you that way, Paul, and I never will," she responded. "You're my best friend, yes, and we get along well because of it. It doesn't mean that I want to be with you. I told you from the start that this was not gonna be anything other than just a physical thing—I was very clear on that."

"So, what? You just use me for my fucking body but won't even give yourself a chance to see if you might have feelings for me?" Paul spat. "Is it because of the bloodsucker? He broke you so much that you won't give anyone else a chance?"

"This has nothing to do with him. I simply don't have feelings for you, Paul."

"You've got to be fucking kidding me!" His voice rose as he jumped to his feet. "He's not coming back, Spencer! He left you. He took his family, and he left you. Why won't you get over him already?"

"Whether he was here or not, my feelings for you wouldn't change. I see you as a friend, and I'll always see you as a friend, Paul," Spencer stated, trying her best to stay calm. She knew that playing into his game would only work to make him angrier, and the result could be catastrophic. "If you can't handle that, then I think it's best we just cool things off."

"Oh my god, you are still in love with him," he scoffed. "After all that bullshit that you went through for months. He told you he didn't care about you. He said you were only a moment in his eternal life. He doesn't love you, and he never fucking did."

By that point, the pair had gotten an audience, the two teens that were asleep on the couches had woken up and Sam had come out of his room. But none of that seemed to deter Paul from continuing with his rant. He was seeing red and didn't care if what he said hurt her. "You don't care that he stomped on your heart and didn't give it another thought. I bet you'd take him right back if he asked," he spat. "I guess you both have something in common, though. You take what you want from people and, once you're done with them, you throw them away."

"That's quite enough, Paul."

"No, Sam, it's okay," Spencer interjected. "From the beginning, you knew what you were getting into, Paul. I didn't want a relationship, and I sure as hell have never given you any indication that I wanted one with you. I'm sorry if you are hurt, but I was very clear about what I did and didn't want. It's not my fault you believed this could ever go anywhere."

"You knew exactly what you were doing when you asked me to be your fuck buddy," the boy seethed. "You knew you'd be leading me on, and you held it over me like a fucking toy."

"Don't you dare put this on me, Paul," she said, her tone rising as frustration overtook her. "I was very clear. I was very honest. Not once did I ever say or even insinuate that I wanted to be with you. I'm sorry that I did use you for your body and the convenience, but it is not my fault that you deluded yourself into believing that we could be together."

"You are honestly unbelievable, Spencer. You used me, and now you wanna make it my fault," Paul pushed. He closed the distance between them, towering over her like a dark cloud. He could see or hear reason; he couldn't even admit that everything he was saying was a lie. All he could see was red. "No wonder you fell for a bloodsucker. You're just as heartless and cold as them. I bet you wouldn't even give betraying us a second thought if it meant you could save one of them. Maybe he left you before you could leave him. After all, it is in your genes."

The words struck a chord in Spencer. She gathered all the strength she had, recoiled her hand, and slapped Paul firmly across the face. But where everyone was expecting her hand to shatter at the contact, the hit went through and made the boy's face snap to the side. The mere surprise had him stumbling a couple of steps back, holding his face as it grew pink from the strike.

After the initial shock, anger bubbled inside him, and he charged toward Spencer. But he couldn't even make it a step toward her before Jared and Embry were shielding her. The boys grabbed Paul's arms and held him back as he fought, yelling at them to let him go.

"That's enough!" Sam's voice bounced off the walls, sending shivers even down Spencer's back. "Get out of here, Paul, and cool off. That's an order. Go with him, Jared."

The second-in-command pulled Paul out of the house and far from view, leaving Sam and Embry with a tearful Spencer.

"Hey, Embry, can you give us a second?"

"Uh, yeah, sure," he mumbled. "You okay, Spence?"

"Yeah, I'm okay," she sniffled. "Thanks."

"I'll, uh, be in the guest room until my shift starts."

Once the boy had left, Sam wrapped his arms tightly around his sister, allowing her to crumble in his embrace. "He's an ass, Spence," he whispered. "And he had no right to say any of those things."

"But he's a little bit right," she cried. "A few months ago, I was ready to leave everyone behind for a man that didn't even spare me a thought. And then I used Pau to fill a void someone else left, knowing he had feelings for me. I'm just like dad."

"Hey, absolutely not. You are nothing like him," Sam affirmed. He cradled her face in his hands, wiping away the tears on her cheeks. "You are by far one of the most amazing human beings I know. You're intelligent, you're caring, and so determined. I don't think you know just how proud I am of you. Paul's just butthurt that you don't like him. He doesn't deal well with rejection."

"It doesn't mean he'd no right."

"What could he possibly be right about? He's barely passing his classes."

"I still love him," she answered meekly, her voice so low and broken she wasn't sure she had said anything at all. "I miss him every single day, no matter what I do to forget him. I keep waking up thinking he'll be just a drive away, but then I get to the hospital, and his office is empty. It's not a bad dream, Sam. It's my reality."

"Bean, I didn't... why didn't you tell me you were feeling like this? I thought things were better."

"Well, I thought the last thing you wanted to hear about was about my ex-boyfriend, who is literally centuries older than me and is your natural-born enemy," Spencer chuckled through her tears. "And it's not easy to say that I'm not over the guys that told me I was just a spec of sand in his lifetime."

"Love is a strange thing, Spence. It's hard to come by, and it takes forever to move on from. It hurts for a really long time, until one day you wake up and it doesn't anymore," he said, brushing back strands of her hair. "I don't care who this guy is, Bean. If you need me, if you need to talk, you just have to tell me. I am here for anything you need. He may have been my enemy, but you are my sister, and that trumps everything."

"Do you think they'll ever come back?"

"Maybe not in our lifetime. The last time they left, they didn't come back for almost seventy years. If they do come back, it'll be long after we're dead," he shrugged. "Do you want them to?"

"Is it selfish if I say I do?"

"I mean, it does make me question how we're related," he teased. "But I don't think you're selfish for it. Just promise me one thing."

"What?"

"If by some weird trick of the universe they do decide to come back, that you won't go back to him, Spence. Or at least give him hell for it first."

"I can promise you I will make him grovel until his knees give out," she grinned softly. "But I do hope that, if they don't come back, living without him gets easier soon enough. I hate carrying this black hole inside me."

"It'll get better one day, Bean," he said as he wrapped his arms around her. "But while it isn't, let me carry this burden with you. And just take things one at a time. Focus on school and work and forget about this whole thing with Paul. He'll see reason soon enough."

"I love you, Sam. Thank you fed everything that you've done."

"I love you too, kid."

"I'm only a year younger than you," she laughed.

"A year is still a year," he smiled as he chuckled. "Now, let's get you home so you can rest and forget this all happened."

Yet, it was a moment none of them would be able to rid from their minds. Spencer should not have been able to slap Paul without hurting herself, and she most definitely should not have hurt him. But, at that moment, no one was thinking about that. All they wanted was comfort and rest, and that's all they did. Because in their town, there was always something new lurking around the corner.