Chapter Nineteen

Jennie •••

I'm gonna have to find more ways to attract customers if I want to stabilize my income and support myself with the bills I have to cover. I'm not short of money, no. But it's only enough to cover the bills exactly.

It's not an option for me to live life without leisure or enjoyment of the simple pleasures that come with pampering or pottery or cooking. So, getting more customers to come in is the only solution to keeping my hobbies as hobbies.

Mr. Lee settled the deliveries for January and that's all I have for now. It was a hunt to find another coffee distributor, but I managed to get a hold of someone he recommended. Still, nothing is certain.

Adding to the coffee menu isn't an option until I have the right beans, so I might just have to do those red velvet cupcakes like Lisa wanted.

As my last thing to do, I search on my laptop for the ingredients necessary for the cupcakes and note them on my list of things to buy. My hands are cramping from typing and calculating and noting for hours after closing. I didn't think it would take me until one in the morning to finish all the work.

Letting out a deep sigh, I turn off my laptop and do a little stretch. I go on to my last text to Lisa. She hasn't replied to any of my messages since the three left for the party, but I tell myself not to worry like I did earlier because she must still be having fun and making new friends. She might not reply again, but I text her anyway to let her know I'm heading home.

I keep my laptop in its case and tidy up my papers and other belongings on the bookstore counter. When my phone dings, I'm quick to slide open the text because it must be Lisa.

And it is.

But not exactly.

Still, ice cold panic surges in me.

I zoom in the picture to be sure because it can't be.

It shouldn't be.

The unknown number must have made a mistake. This shouldn't be Lisa pressed up against a wall, kissing another girl.

"I'll take you home." this is Lisa. "I'm on my way."

My stomach starts churning in different directions. Another text comes through. "Still sure about this love, Ruby Jane?"

Please tell me it's all just some sick game and crazy good photoshop. That this is just Kai's way of getting what he wants.

I take a better look at the picture by steadying my hands. It's from a far distance, but I know.

She's in the outfit she asked me was too casual. Those are her long legs in skinny jeans. Her hair is wavy on the ends because she likes it best that way. She has her eyes closed, but I know their Lisa's eyes. And I wouldn't have known if Kai never sent me this picture.

And none of this makes sense to me because it's Lisa and she would never do this to me because she said she loves me and she takes me to the station every night and makes sure I eat a lot for dinner and lends me her clothes and kisses me and makes love to me and even fucks me but Lisa's kissing someone who isn't me.

Every part of my body is burning up. All the stress from work is adding up to whatever this feeling is. Whatever feelings come with your ex boyfriend catching your girlfriend cheating on you and whatever runs through your mind when you aren't sure if this is really her cheating because you just can't believe it.

The thought of Kai stalking Lisa tonight has my throat tightening thinking that he has gone to this extent to pull us apart. And the thought that it just might work because of Lisa is worse. The thought of Lisa is probably what hurts the most.

I can't really think or do anything and I can't tell if it's because of the picture or if it's the stress of everything that's been going on these past few days. This might be anger or denial or maybe I'm just tired because it's all too much.

But the next thing I know is my papers are flying off the desk and scattering on the floor. In the next second, I'm scrolling through Korean news websites and articles, but I find pictures of a pair I'm not looking for, but concern me nevertheless because it's Jisoo getting in Kim Taehyung's car like a car show for test driving the newest editions.

I scroll a bit more because maybe it is my denial that Kai would do this himself, but there are no paparazzi pictures of Lisa and that bitch pressed against her or her hands all over her or her tongue down her throat.

My phone goes flying next.

It's too much, it's crushing me.

And I think I should go. Because Lisa is on the way and I don't think I should see her because I don't know what I'll do.

I put my coat on and when I see the yellow scarf, I'm spiraling into a feeling I actually recognize. My mind goes empty of all the noise trying to convince me that none of this is true, then my heart doesn't seem to be in its right place because my ribcage is tight and weighing on me. Then it's like I'm the one with the camera because the picture snaps in my mind over and over again until the salty tears are springing to the back of my eyes.

I know this feeling all too well. And if I don't leave now, I finally have an idea of ​​what will come next if I see-

Lisa.

She's halfway down the street. It's dark, but I know. She's panting heavily and stumbling over a few times, but her eyes on me don't falter once.

I snatch her yellow scarf from the chair and storm outside. She's watching me stride toward her. She's only in her top and jeans and I wonder where her coat is because it's cold out, but when I see lipstick smeared on her neck and her hair a mess, I shove the scarf to her chest as hard as I can. "J-Jennie." I shove her back a few times more and she's trying to grab on my arms, but I smell the alcohol and I see the kiss marks so I shove her harder and she stumbles a few steps away.

Now, I'm the one backing up and she's hurt by what I'm doing, but I don't even hesitate to leave her there and walk to the café because I just don't want to cry these tears for Lisa.

"Jennie, wait."

I don't want this pain to come with Lisa.

"I promise, it— I didn't— Jennie, please." She grasps on to me.

Her hands are so cold around my wrist. Her fingers are trembling. She's stammering over words I can't understand. I swallow down hard to get rid of the lump in my throat to voice out firmly, "Let go, Lisa."

"Please, don't go." she holds tighter but is shaking more.

"I don't want to talk right now."

"Y-you have every right to be angry with me, I know, but please listen to me."

She's right.

Suddenly, I'm face to face with her disheveled state because the tears I was afraid of falling loose dry away as anger rightfully courses through my body because "Fuck you.". It's a painful wrench in my chest. Like a rock scrapping against my heart to ignite a blazing resentment inside, like I'm being torched from the inside out. "Fuck you and that bitch you fucking kissed." I push her. "That fucking bitch and her fucking lipstick." she winces in pain and brings a hand to her neck when I press on the marks.

Tears are streaming down her pale face and she's struggling to get any words out, but still manages to look at me with those eyes. I can't tell if it's a look of pain or a drunken state.

"I made a mistake." she chokes out.

I'm so angry that it's bringing tears to my eyes again.

"I drank too much and— Chaeyoung said to— I didn't know what— Jisoo left with Taehyung a-and I went to, I think I went down a-and— the bar was crowded—" I try my best to cool off my hothead because it's difficult to process the fragmented story and her struggle to breathe is a bit worrying. "M-Momo brought me outside a-and there w-wasn't anyone there."

"So it was a perfect opportunity to kiss her, right? Is that what you're trying to say?"

"N-No, I didn't kiss her—" I've never seen Lisa so flustered. Her face is crumpled up in pain and her hand is still clutched to her neck. "I-I couldn't stand straight and I shouldn't have drank that much. I leaned against the wall and- oh, god, she—"

"Lisa—"

"I swear to you Jennie I didn't kiss back." she's heaving painfully. Panic cascades on me watching her struggle. "I tried to push her off but—" I step closer to her and tug her hand off her neck. I tilt her head to the side and look closely. "I-I was so dizzy and she wouldn't stop." under the kiss marks are the soreness of black and blue.

"Fuck, Lisa, what did she do to you?" I hold her by the shoulders because she's losing her balance.

"Momo— She tried to— Her hands were—" she shakes her head repeatedly and closes her eyes shut, pouring heavy tears down.

"Lisa, did she hurt you?" I cup her pained face and keep us both standing with her weight ready to collapse on me. My heart is pounding so quickly in worry that whoever this Momo is might have-

"N-No, I pushed— or she pulled— it sounded like someone took our picture and n-now I'm sure someone did because you know and— and it's probably all over— I knew the paparazzi were close by, b-but I just couldn't— "

I realize how bad everything must be in Lisa's head. She was drunk and taken advantage of and so scared of what was going on- even thinking that it was the paparazzi that caught them. And she's still scared and scared of me and cold- fuck, she's fucking freezing.

"C-Come here." I bring her into the café and sit her down against one of the shelves. I put my coat around her. She's trembling and sobbing so much that she can barely keep her eyes open now. I release the scarf of her stiff fingers and I regret being so harsh on her with it and wrap the clothing around her. I rub on her hands to help with warming her up as much as I can. "Lisa, breathe."

"I'm so sorry, Jennie."

"It's okay, Lisa. I-I'm not mad."

"No, it's not, it's not okay— I'm so sorry, Nini." she chokes on her tears. She's so guilty for something that isn't her fault and I know that now, but she's in pain and I made her think she deserves it.

I pull her so close to me and embrace her tight enough to keep her from tearing herself apart. "It's okay, Lisa." she has to know. "It's okay, baby." she cries harder. I run my hands over her back and her arms and head because she's as cold as ice. "Shh, you're okay, love..." I shouldn't have accused her without knowing anything but the picture. I still don't know everything. She said she wasn't hurt, but she wasn't in the right state of mind and anything could have happened that she wouldn't even remember.

I keep her in my arms until she finds an even breathing pattern. She's not trembling from the cold anymore, but I still hold her hands soothingly, playing with the tips of her fingers to relax her. I rest my legs on either side of her, as she's curled up her knees to her chest within my body's warmth, and I wipe the last of her tears with the pad of my thumb. She doesn't look up at me, only staring down at our fiddling fingers. Then her eyes shift to the floor and the papers I had thrown so angrily before. "Hey," Now that everything loud and noisy of earlier has died down, I speak softly and meek. I lightly pull her chin to face me. "I'm not mad at you." she closes her eyes.

I stare at her pale, tear-stained face and brush her bangs gently. The hickeys on her neck are more noticeable under the light and they look to have been painfully imbedded. I adjust the scarf. "Can you look at me, baby?" I ask. I place kisses on the top of her hand. She's hesitant, but lifts her head and opens her eyes to me. Those big, doe eyes are red and swollen, still holding a glossy slate of tears. "There you are." a small smile curves on my face because she's getting there. "Are you cold, baby?" she shakes her head 'no' and I nod in understanding. "Okay, that's good. I'll go get you some water, okay?" she shakes her head again, so I don't get up, but inch closer to her instead. I know it might be too soon, but the uncertainty of it all is only going to put more weight on us. "Lisa, can you tell me what happened tonight? What you can remember, love."

I continue with the fiddling until she finds the words to speak. She takes a deep breath and leans her head against the shelves. She tells me about the drinks and how they weren't like anything she's had in college. She tells me about Sana, Joy, Seulgi, Jimin and Jin. Chaeyoung told Lisa to stop with the alcohol, but she was already way out of her sobriety. She told me about Momo and how they met on New Year's. She got another drink with her and saw Jisoo leave and she told me everything Momo did to her at the parking lot.

It did ease my mind in the slightest knowing that Lisa wasn't violated to the extreme. But the intentions were there and whenever I hear 'Momo', I only see red.

"I ran as fast as I could and took the bus and Chaeyoung called, but I told her to call Jisoo and— fuck, Jennie, where did you see the picture?" she runs her hands through her hair and balls her fist. She still thinks that it must be plastered all across South Korea by now, together with Jisoo and Taehyung thanks to the paparazzi.

Telling Lisa about Kai wasn't in my playing cards and I thought I would never have to bring it up between us.

But even when she doesn't know about him, he's still out to get her. 

I take her hand back in mine and comb her hair in place. I inch even closer and rest our hands on her knees. "Baby, I have something to tell you, too. It wasn't the paparazzi who took your picture." I tell her. "It was Kai."

"W-wha— I don't get it. Kai? Your friend?"

"No one else knows about what happened, okay?" I squeeze her hands to assure her.

"Fuck, my head is pounding." she groans.

Absorbing any information right now would be hard to swallow for Lisa and I can't watch her suffer like this. "Let me take you home, Lis. Then, I'll explain everything in the morning."

"B-But the picture."

"No one else knows, Lisa. You're okay, don't worry. Let's go home."

•••

It was nearly three in the morning when I finally got Lisa to bed. There was a lot of dragging. Up the stairs and into the shower. I had to defrost by the heater because I gave her my coat to wear on the way to her apartment. After her shower, I had some instant ramen ready. It was the only food she had in the pantry, but it served as comfort food to help her sober up. She dozed off right after tucking her in bed.

It was a quick slumber for me. I woke up at dawn to ask Wendy to open up the café for me and I gave a quick run down of what happened last night without giving away the climax of it all. She understood and was keen on doing the favor.

Knowing Lisa would wake up with a hangover, I get dressed in a hoodie of hers and some jeans, then head down to the pharmacy for pain and stress relievers. I stop by the convenience store to buy fresh meals, too. When I get back, she's still in deep sleep.

It gives me some time to think about what I'm going to say about Kai. The past relationship is a given because it would explain why Kai would go out of his way to pull Lisa and I apart, but I might only be able to scratch the surface. It was a difference in personalities and a falling out of love- I might say, because even going into detail of it in my mind is making me nervous and what more if I have to say it out loud. I don't think I could ever bring myself up to tell Lisa about my past with Kai. 

It's too much. Kai is too much. 

Lisa will be infuriated and I know she'll do anything to protect me, but she doesn't know Kai. I know what he's capable of doing. 

My phone starts ringing and I'm quick to answer as to not wake Lisa. "Hello?"

"We all need to talk." Chaeyoung speaks sternly. Whether it be about Lisa or Jisoo and Taehyung, there's a great need for regrouping. "Is Lisa okay? Did you meet last night?"

"Yeah, she came and we talked and uh- it- it's a long story— Rosie, who the fuck is Momo?" and I'm sorry for being so blunt.

"Momo? She's Nayeon's choreographer. Why?"

Why? "Because she—" does she not know? "She kissed Lisa."

She definitely didn't know because she's audibly disgusted with Momo and asking if Lisa is okay a second time. I tell her about Kai, too, and she's even more enraged with him.

"I'm gonna tell Nayeon about Momo. She can't get away it."

"Just keep it lowkey, okay? Any media outlet would die for a story like this."

"I think they already hit the jackpot last night. Have you talked to Jisoo?" I learn that the issue is blowing up and Jisoo and Taehyung's appearance together last night was enough to prove to the public that the rumor of their relationship is real. I myself am starting to believe the two are catching feelings, but nothing is certain until Jisoo tells us herself. "I'm a little worried. She's not here at YG even if she has a recording session." Chaeyoung adds.

"How about we meet at your place tonight? If we can't reach Jisoo then let's go to hers. If she goes to work, let me know, okay?"

"I will. Text me when Lisa wakes up."

We end it at that. I ring Jisoo's phone countlessly as I prep the food I bought. She could be hungover, probably still asleep like Lisa as it's only seven in the morning. Though, she could be panicking about the photos and ignoring our calls out of anxiety. I try not to think that she's still with Taehyung. Whatever it might be, I leave a few voicemails.

I'm growing a little restless while waiting for Lisa to wake up. I've already had breakfast and done the laundry for her. Now I have nothing to distract me from the fact that Wendy is at the café taking care of orders by herself. I still have to go to the grocery and hardware store to buy some necessities. My, hopefully, new coffee distributor is expecting a call from me, too, but I just can't talk sweet, nutty, or salty beans right now.

Another hour goes by and I decide to check on Lisa. As I peel the door open, she shifts on the mattress, turning to face me. Her bangs are messily drawn the the sides and her tired eyes are half open. "Good morning, baby." I whisper and crouch on the floor beside her. She holds her palm open for me to hold. "Did you sleep well?" I kiss her soft cheeks.

"Mhm..." she replies, still with her eyes closed.

"How's your head?" I check her temperature with the back of my hand. Thankfully, she doesn't have a fever from being out in the cold last night.

"Hurts." she rasps out and pulls me into her chest. I envelope her in my arms and we stay like this for a moment.

"I bought food. I got you some pain relievers and something to relax you, too." I tell her, rubbing her back soothingly. She hums in response. "I'll go get them, Lili."

"Nooo." she pulls me tighter and buries her face in the crook of my neck.

I giggle at her clinginess. "It will help with the headache. You need to eat something, too."

"I just wanna lay here with you." she says groggily and lifts her face to display a puppy pout.

"How about this," I start to stand, but she keeps hold of the collar of my hoodie. "I'll go get the food and pills for breakfast in bed and we can lie here for as long as you want, okay?" I'll have to call Wendy, too.

"Really?" she cocks her head and it seems my plan has woken her up completely.

"I'll be right back." I uncurl her fingers from my hoodie and retrieve the breakfast and pills like I said. I text Chaeyoung and call Wendy while I'm at it. She said there's no need, but I'm in big debt to my trusty co-worker friend.

Lisa sits up on the bed and leans against the wall with a groan. I set the tray of food in front of her. "What time is it?" she asks and gasps all of a sudden. "Jennie, the café."

"I told Wendy to take care of it today and to close up early." I sit beside her and hand the water and pills. "It's almost 8:30." she downs it all and brings the plate of bibimbap to her lap.

"Babe, I'm— I can— You don't have to skip work." Lisa stammers. I smile at her. She's been asking me to take a break these couple of days, but knowing how committed I am with the café, she doesn't want to interfere. 

But this is different. "If you think I'm leaving your side, then you're an idiot."

"Well, graduating with honors definitely didn't go to waste." she nuzzles her head on my shoulder cheekily. "Here." she takes a spoonful and holds it up to me.

"I already ate, Lili."

"I don't care— say aaaa."

I don't deny the serving. "Chaeyoung called. I told her a bit about what happened."

"Shit, I should talk to her and explain." Lisa sighs. "What about Jisoo, is she okay?"

"I've been trying to call all morning, but she hasn't picked up. We should all talk about last night, though, and make sure everything is okay with Chu." I tell her about our plans tonight and she agrees to meeting the girls.

It's silent between us while she eats, with occasional hand holding and kisses on the cheek. We both know what we have to talk about next and a dense fickleness hovers on us. The truth about Kai is clawing it's way up my throat and it hurts to keep it down, but I wait it out until Lisa is on a full stomach and draping herself on me as we lie together like I said.

And after another minute, I break the air. "You might be angry with me."

She shakes her head and pulls me closer.

"I dated Kai for around a year."

She stiffens.

My voice quakes a little.

"He was just always around and we hung out and it was the time after my uncle died, so it was extra nice to have someone by my side. We were both running our own businesses, too, so it felt kind of right." I pause, waiting to hear if she has something to say.

But "Oh." is all she utters.

"I'm sorry I told you that he's just a friend. We aren't even friends anymore, really."

"You aren't?"

"No." god, no. "I- I broke up with him because he was going a bit too fast and he was changing and—"

"Jen." I realize that I'm fisting the sheets when she places a hand on mine.

"It was a difference in personalities and a falling out of love kinda of thing." I stick to the script and I'm going to force myself to believe that that's all it was to it as much as Lisa will. "He didn't take the break up too well. It was eight months ago and he's been trying to get back into my life so he comes by every now and then to 'catch up.'. And when I went to work the other day, he came by and saw my hickeys and found out I was seeing someone new. He's always been the jealous type and he was furious when he saw the marks. Then before you and I had our fight about work, he saw you kissing me from outside the store. He found out about us and went to stalking you, and getting that picture last night was the perfect opportunity for him to pull us apart. And fuck, Lisa, I'm so sorry." my breath hitches in my throat.

"Don't be sorry, Jennie." she props on her elbow and cups my cheek.

"But he won't get what he wants this time because I love you, Lisa, and this is the only love I ever want and I just want you— I love you."

"Hey," she rests her forehead on mine and the soft touch of her skin is relaxing the tension in me. "I know, baby, I love you, too. I want you and everything we have."

"I'm so sorry he did that to you." it's my fault he did that to you.

"Stop that." she says. I hold her hand on my cheek and kiss it. "Baby, was he the one you were talking about that one night? At Coffee Pages, when I showed you my photos and you saw Minnie. I said that love is a bold word. I asked if you've had it before and you said a little too much. Was it him?"

"It was a rocky relationship through and through and he wanted more from me, that's why I—"

"Did he hurt you, Jennie?"

"Lisa—"

"Tell me." she looks at me seriously, but with pleading eyes, asking me to tell her the truth this time.

And my mind travels all the way back to that time when I was his. From the sweet gestures like flowers on every date, then to the constant arguing over rushing to have sex, to the breaking of glass and booming voice saying that it's just not enough, and to every agonizing, hurtful thing he did to me— I can't tell her.