Chapter Eighteen

[WARNING: SENSITIVE CONTENT]

Lisa•••

While waiting for Jisoo to finish getting ready, Chaeyoung and I continue eating the mocha cake Jennie and I had baked for her late birthday present.

No, we're not eating without permission.

After dropping it off at her apartment this morning and going about the day, Jisoo waited to share the cake with her friends. And it's a pity that Jennie isn't here to enjoy her masterpiece with us. She was the one who did most of the baking.

"I think we should have made one for Chaeng, too."

Jennie's laughter erupts from the other end of the phone, but the mouth-filled Chipmunk isn't budging a smile. She gestures me to hand over the phone."You should seriously put this on your menu, Jennie." Chaeyoung states.

While the two talk dessert, I walk in Jisoo's room to see what the hold up is. She said she would be ready in five minutes, twenty minutes ago. I find her in deep concentration over her drawer of accessories. "Chu, we're gonna be late."

She beckons me to come over to her. "Gold or silver?" she asks seriously.

"Gold. You never wear silver." but she picks up a pair of silver hoop earrings. "Yah, why ask for my opinion if you aren't going to listen?" She adds a silver necklace to match the earrings.

"Gold is overused."

"And silver isn't?"

"Gold is tacky and people will assume it's fake."

"I don't think anyone would dare to think Kim Jisoo's jewerly isn't real gold." She applies a bold shade of red lipstick. It's in complete contrast to the pink tones she's so loyal to. "Don't tell me it isn't yourself you're trying to impress." I dare say, because I have an idea she's going to tell me exactly that.

She purses her painted lips to fasten the lipstick and shoots a wink through the mirror.

"So what, is Taehyung into silver chains?" I question.

"Maybe. Maybe I just want to switch it up tonight." she walks over to the closet and scans the contents.

"Don't change just to please a guy, Chu. You know better." I'm all for Jisoo hitting it off and I trust her words saying he's a decent man, but why be with someone who won't see your true self?

"You're just putting words in my mouth, Lis." she sighs. I hear Chaeyoung's holler in the kitchen to hurry up. Jisoo picks out a black clutch to match her outfit. "Let's go."

I didn't want to carry on with the topic with Chaeyoung around because I didn't want to stir any bad blood between them, so I had to put it to rest even if I hadn't gotten through to Jisoo's real intentions.

I didn't get the chance to find out when we arrived at the party either, because she was swept away in the sea of people at the dance floor. She's never one to miss out on a good song. While Jisoo went dancing, Chaeyoung and I headed up to the second floor balcony, to sit with Nayeon and more of their friends. I'm introduced to more idols like Joy, Sana, Jimin, Jin, and a popular choreographer named Seulgi. I get to know the group more as we drink, and the drinks keep coming.

My tolerance for alcohol has always been above the meter. It's one of the many things I learned in college. I can take a number of rounds, but whatever expensive alcohol this is, its hitting me faster and harder than I expected.

The place is a little hazy. I would blame it on the smoke from Jimin and Jin's cigarettes, but since I'm starting to see two Chaeyoung's, it may be the booze clouding my mind.

"Shots! Shots!" Joy calls over a waiter who carries a tray full of them.

Chaeyoung hands me a glass. "Last one." she says, but who is this blonde chipmunk to tell me that I can't handle ten more rounds? "I mean it."

"I'm sober. You should take it easy."

"I have work tomorrow. I haven't had a drink all night." and I realize that she doesn't even have a shot glass in her hand when the group takes a cheers.

I down it and my throat burns and scratches at me, telling me to slow down. I straighten on the couch, not wanting to show my indecency just because I'm a little tipsy. Some water would help wash it down.

"I need to pee." Nayeon says.

"I'll go with you." Chaeyoung adds.

So the two could relieve themselves, I stand up from the couch, as I'm seated by the edge.

And I'm tipping,

tipping,

tipping,

almost falling over before Chaeyoung yanks my arm and sits me down on the couch. "Don't take another glass from them, okay?" and she's dragged away by Nayeon.

My phone vibrates on the table. "Paparazzi are covering the party. You guys stay safe, alright?" it's Jennie. In the midst of taking every glass handed to me since we arrived, I hadn't replied to her other messages of "Just got off the phone with Mr. Lee." and "Take care of Jisoo. She told me Taehyung was going."

I wish you were here, I want to text, but the screen is a little blurry and the words are spinning. My head is growing heavy and my chest feels hot. I should reply to Jennie because she'll worry.

"One more!" Jimin exclaims.

I'm kinda dizzy.

"Come on, come on!"

Maybe a little more than tipsy.

Jin passes the shots.

Last one.

"You drink pretty well, Lisa." Jin says. I just nod, trying not to show how painful that last shot actually was.

I slip away from the couch and walk to the edge of the balcony overlooking the dance floor. Jisoo is nowhere to be seen. She's not seated by the other couches or booths either. While scanning the area, my eyes land on a familiar face by the entrance of the club.

"Momo!" Sana, who comes up beside me shouts at the top of her lungs and over the music for the black haired girl to hear us from up here. Momo waves with a smile and walks over to the staircase.

I continue searching for Jisoo. She's not by the cold cuts or the photobooth, but by the bar- sitting on the stool with the slit of her dress exposing her thigh for Kim Taehyung to gawk at beside her.

And he's really staring.

Next thing he'll stare at is the cold hard ground if he doesn't shape up.

On my way to show Taehyung some chivalry, I hold the railings of the stairs to steady myself. Thank god, I chose a casual outfit for sneakers and not a dress with heels. It hurts my pride enough for getting drunk like this.

It's like my ribcage is on fire and my weight has shifted to my head. I'm so unsteady that I nearly trip on the last step.

"Whoa, whoa."

Strong arms.

Soft hands.

"You okay?"

Momo.

"Y-yeah." I manage back on my feet, surprised myself that I can't walk on my own feet. "Sorry I- Hi, uhm- H-hey, Momo." stammering in this state of mind isn't new, though. The words in my head are as jumbled as what's coming out of my mouth.

I think I drank too much.

She's giggling. "Hey, there." and holding on to the tips of my fingers. "I guess I have some catching up to do at this point." she refers to the drunken celebrities and strangers around.

Them, not me.

I think I'm fine.

I just need some water.

My throat is sore and my lips are drying up.

"Let's get a drink." there isn't enough time to process how Momo manages to get us across the dance floor and to the bar, but I find myself with another glass of expensive alcohol I can't pronounce. Momo is beside me, glancing around the scene.

Fuck, I'm thirsty.

But the bartender is on the other side making drinks for others and I can't wait any longer for the water. So I take what I can get and chug the cold raw liquor.

"Did you come with Chaeyoung?" Momo asks.

"Y-yeah, and uhm..." my eyes wander around the bar.

Jisoo and Taehyung are gone. They aren't where I last saw them, or dancing together, or sitting on the couches.

"Jisoo should be..." she's leaving. She's leaving the club with Taehyung.

"Jisoo what?" Momo leans in because I can't speak loud enough for her to hear.

But Jisoo is leaving and she's leaving with Taehyung. The paparazzi are right outside.

The music is so loud that it's bursting in my ears and the party beams flashing all around are hurting my eyes. I want a different drink because I'm too fucking thirsty, but the bartender can't hear me and my ribcage is burning and everything is spinning and Momo is wrapping her arms around my waist and I don't like it because I want Jennie here and it should be Jennie, but I can't pull away because her arms are strong and helping me stand and "I think you need some fresh air." she says and that's a good idea, I think, because I can make sure Jisoo doesn't do anything stupid.

There's pushing and slipping and dancing and more pushing on the way to the door. My vision is blurry, but I know its the side exit we're approaching. I hold back for a second because we should be going the other way. "I gotcha." Momo wraps my arm around her shoulder and her arm around my waist to lead me outside. "The parking lot should be cleared from paparazzi."

"W-where's Chaeyoung?" she can call Jisoo.

"Haven't seen her, babe."

I gasp when we make it outside. It's freezing. "See, no paparazzi around." but the snapping shutters of their cameras are heard from here.

I'm cold. "I-I need to c-call J-J-"

"Jisoo's fine, Lisa." No, Jen- "I saw her with Taehyung." her soft hands run over my shivering arms. "You had a lot to drink, come here." Momo leans me against the wall.

"S-sorry, I'm... I'm ruining your n-night. Y-you don't have to stay with me, I'm fine." we don't know each other well and she should be dancing and having fun with her friends.

"My night has just begun, Lisa." she's standing really close and her hot breath hits my skin. "Don't worry, I'll take care of you." I'm lightheaded and drunk and tired and I close my eyes and let my head fall back on the wall because I just can't do anything else. My knees are trembling and I think they might just give out.

Her leg goes in between mine and her body presses on my front. I try to pry my eyes open and shove her away because she's too close but I can't.

I'm numb and I'm so cold.

I want Jennie.

Please, I just want Jennie.

"Stop." kissing my neck, strong arms pin me to the wall. "M-Momo."

It's wet and trailing up my jaw. The shutters are growing louder and the wind is blowing and I'm so so cold and I can't move and my eyes are watering. "Relax, babe." Please stop calling me that.

She smashes her lips on mine.

"N-no."

"Mhmm..." her hands are touching me everywhere and she's sucking, licking, hurting.

There's a click.

"Fuck." I don't know if I was finally able to push her off or not but when I get my eyes to open, she's searching around the parking lot frantically.

The shutter was so loud, it sounded closer than Momo's breathing in my ear. "S-someone-" My heart is pounding so fast that it's hard for me to keep up.

"Shit, I think someone took a picture." she's panicked.

Oh, god.

Oh, no no no.

"Get away from me." she kissed me and touched me and-

"It was probably nothing- there's no one around."

I slap her hand away because she's trying to touch me again. "Please, d-don't come- just go- please, you can't-"

"Hey, calm down."

I can't b-because you kissed me and- and you aren't supposed to kiss me cause I have Jennie and oh, god, Jennie- the picture is somewhere out there- a picture of Momo and me and me fucking everything up-

"Stop crying, hey, Lisa."

"I said, get away from me!" I can't breathe.

"Sorry, fuck. Relax." Momo starts walking away, muttering words I can't understand.

Everything is muffled and blurry. My lips have pins and needles from how rough she was.

God, she was so rough.

I slide down to the ground as my knees buckle. My body is shaking and I almost mistake the vibration of my phone for the freezing weather nipping on my skin.

I slide it out of my jeans. Through my tearful eyes, I see it's my mother calling. It rings and it rings and when it ends, I shift to an unread message from Jennie. "Leaving the café soon." Five minutes ago it said.

No. Wait for me. "I'll take you home." Please, wait for me. "I'm on the way."

I'm running out of the parking lot and into the street with all the strength I have. I shut out all the pain in my chest and my legs and my head because I just want Jennie and I need to tell her what happened before someone else does because she might not believe me then and I need to hurry because she's gonna walk home by herself.

The freezing air hitting my face as I run to the nearest bus stop is punching in sobriety. I have five minutes to make it before the last bus arrives. What happened with Momo flashes through my mind in split vivid memories and I'm crying all over again.

I don't want to hurt Jennie but I don't know how to explain all of this without doing that.

With two minutes to spare, I make it to the empty bus stop. I might just pass out before the bus arrives. The air is so thin that it takes a while to even out my breaths.

My phone starts ringing.

"Chaeyoung?"

"Lisa, where are you?"

"I-I'm at the bus stop." and the bus is pulling up. "S-something happened, I have to go." I jump right in. I scan my phone in to pay.

"What? Where are you? I'll take you home." I hear her say when I bring it back to my ear.

"I'm- I'm already on the bus."

"Lisa, are you okay? What happened?" I take the seat closest to the heater. "Aren't you freezing? You left your coat and your purse too."

"I-I know." the bus rolls out for Hongdae. "Chaeng, I can't- I don't know-" my mind is fuzzy and fucked and I'm afraid of how I could tell Jennie what happened when I can't even tell my best friend. "I'm on the way to Jennie."

"Where's Jisoo? Are you with her?"

"She left with Taehyung."

"Fucking hell."

"C-call her, Chaeng. I have to go." I hang up the phone because my hands are shaking too much to keep a grip. I blow on my frozen fingers and fix my top right. The damn heater isn't working.

The streets are empty at this time of night and Hongdae is on the next stop. I'm hoping and praying that Jennie hasn't left yet and that all of this is just a really bad dream- that Momo didn't do that to me and no one took our picture for everyone to see.

The closer we get to the bus stop at Hongdae, my heart beats faster and I get colder. When it actually stops, I'm bolting out towards the café. I don't have much energy left, but I keep sprinting.

Because after four blocks down, I'll be in Jennie's arms and in three, I'm closer to telling her everything because I won't lie to her.

And in two, I'm praying she'll forgive me.

In one, I can already see the light.

Then I'm sinking outside of Coffee Pages because she's looking at me.

And she knows.