Chapter Nine

Jennie •••

We find our way to the couch without tearing apart. My back hits the cushion and her body presses against mine. I pull her closer. Our lips move in sync and the need for friction has me bucking my hips to meet hers. My tongue asks for entrance and I'm granted with melodious movements of her own. A moan pries out of me when she starts to grind.

"Jennie."

Her lips are pulled away and I open my eyes to find us still in the kitchen. She stares at me with a thumb rubbing my cheek. Then I realize my hands are on the hem of her shirt, stopped halfway in the midst of removing it.

Oh, god.

I shouldn't have.

She's my friend.

She's been so kind and caring to me and I shouldn't think of her this way.

"Sorry." I let go of her shirt and step back. Her hands drop to her sides and she purses her plump lips.

"I, uhm..." I have to turn around. I can't look at the unsettlement that dawns on her face because the guilt of thinking about her in such sexual impulses is already striking. "Jennie?"

"Sorry, I should have asked." I shouldn't have let my desire to go further take hold.

"N-no, please, stop apologizing." she's stuttering. I think I made a mistake. Maybe I misread it all. Maybe she didn't want to kiss me. Maybe she leaned in to tell me something, but I subconsciously pressed my lips on hers and she didn't want to pull away because it would have been awkward and Lisa's just too nice to make someone uncomfortable, but I'm an idiot who does a great job at ruining things and- "I'm just not sure if this is... what you want."

The night I met Lisa again after our time apart, after our group dinner, was the beginning. The beginning of whys. Why speaking of matters that were so difficult before were all of a sudden, so easy. Questions like why walking home in the crisp air wasn't so grim with Lisa's scarf around me, why waking up in the morning was motivating, why standing by the counter waiting for the bells to chime was suspenseful, why I always hoped that it would be Lisa, why moving boxes wasn't such a chore, why missed memories and ex girlfriend talk was embittering, why crying was as relieving and natural as it was with her, all followed the day after.

Slow dancing to my favorite song in my cozy bookstore café with Lisa on what was supposed to be the hardest day of the year was part of the icebreaker. How she was able to turn yesterday into a memory I would want to remember forever. How she makes difficult matters seem not so difficult at all, how she makes me feel safe walking home when she can't be right beside me, how she makes waking up in the morning so motivating, how she makes me look forward to brewing coffee, how she makes moving boxes the most hilarious thing, how she makes me long to be in every memory from here on out, how she makes me cry without an ounce of shame, and how she makes me look forward to Christmas again.

Then when she walked through my apartment door this evening with her duffle bag and stuffed teddy bear in hand with her radiant smile, determination to help me cook even if she's not as fond of it as her father, the comfort she gave me while we sat together on the couch, the aroused sensation I got when that scene came on, and every single moment that led to her lips dancing against mine was the capstone to what I really want. 

I spin around. I take back the step I made to move away from her and intertwine our hands. She leans closer and I'm dying to kiss her again. "I'm sorry if you don't feel the same way- I completely understand. But I really like you, Jennie."

I just can't help myself.

I kiss her.

For a second, I regret not asking, but when she returns this second kiss, I'm smiling from ear to ear.

She said she likes me.

She said she really does.

I pull away and see her smiling, too. "You shouldn't apologize, either." she chuckles at this. I brush her bangs back into place.

And I really can't help myself. Frankly, I don't want to hold back.

"I really like you too, Lisa."

"You do?". I nod my head. "Yes!" she sweeps me up and spins us around in circles.

"Lili, you'll wake them up!" I whisper shout through the giggles and she puts me back on my feet. She peers at my bedroom door and snaps her wide eyes back to me.

"Do you think they heard us?"

"I think they would have kicked the door down if they did."

"We should probably get some sleep, too." she whispers this time, pressing her forehead on mine. After the gush of euphoria from the last ten minutes, I don't think I could drift off into slumber, but that doesn't mean Lisa shouldn't get her rest. We tiptoe into my bedroom, where Chaeyoung is spread out on the mattress on the floor and Jisoo is in a comfortable position on my bed. Lisa sighs at the sight of Chaeyoung taking all the space. I have to stifle a laugh so they wouldn't wake.

I settle under the covers of my bed and mouth a 'goodnight' to Lisa. Her expression softens and she gives me a flying kiss in return before pushing Chaeyoung's limbs to her side of the mattress so she could lie down to sleep.

I don't know how long I stared at the ceiling for, nor can I tell you how many times I replayed our kiss over and over again. Though, I may have done it enough to still feel her soft lips tingling on mine.

I'm not sure what comes next. It's an odd situation to be in. To have romantic feelings for your friend of many years, but not exactly her friend through and through. To have kissed her in your apartment with your two best friends sleeping in the other room. To have to eat breakfast across from her while shoving the need to kiss her again out the door because your two friends are around this time.

I don't know if this means Lisa and I are together. The cards laid out for us are still a bit shuffled. Does this make me her girlfriend? Does this make her my girlfriend?

She must feel the same way because she can't look at me for too long without shying away, stuffing her face with the pancakes I made so she can hide her grin. I take a deep breath to keep myself from laughing at her cuteness, because Jisoo's topic of YG's demands from her isn't at all amusing.

"I'll even have to go down to the company tomorrow and it's Christmas for crying out loud." she stabs her fork on a piece of pancake.

"But you're finished with that promo video aren't you?" Chaeyoung asks.

"Yes, but this time he wants to talk about a collaboration with another idol. Not sure which company asked, though."

We're a little stunned to hear this because Mr. Yang isn't easily persuaded with his artists doing collaborations. He's greedy. He doesn't seek clout or promotions from other companies because he wants to gain popularity with his idols all on their own. No one under YG Entertainment has done a collaboration.

Not even Chaeyoung, who is one of, if not the, most popular Korean musician known internationally has worked with anyone else. "That would be a good opportunity, right?" the blonde suggests and Jisoo merely shrugs at this.

"That meeting tomorrow just means I can't get drunk later." we laugh at Jisoo's main concern for Christmas Eve tonight. She'll be spending it with her family in a luxurious penthouse suite in Gangnam as her family's sophistication and prosperity do not settle for less. Chaeyoung would be celebrating with her senior idols in Itaewon. This would be her third year spending Christmas without her family and the underlying disappointment is understandable, but she never shows it and thinks only of the boundless gaiety awaiting with her friends.

"Are you sure you guys don't want to come?" Jisoo directs to Lisa and I.

"Yeah, you turned down my offer to come with me, too." Chaeyoung pouts.

I face Lisa and her grin has turned to one of confidence. She even tilts her chin up, stretching her nape to show off a protruding vein on the side. I have to take another deep breath to suppress my impulsive groan of attraction towards it. I'll admit, veins are a weakness to me.

"Jennie and I have plans, actually."

"You do?" We do? We never talked about actual plans for Christmas Eve after her offer to make it the best one for me yet. We didn't talk about it being a surprise, either.

"Mhm." She takes a sip of water and I have to grip my seat to stop myself from lunging over the table and sucking her tempting pulse. And I almost cringe at myself for thinking that. "Don't worry about us, you guys have fun tonight." I grip harder when she sends a wink.

We finish up breakfast and get ready for the day. I hang back in the living room after dressing and while Jisoo and Chaeyoung share the bathroom to do their make up, I slip in my bedroom to talk with Lisa alone. "Hey, pretty girl." she snakes her arms around my waist and presses a kiss on my cheek. I push the door behind me closed and return the kiss on her lips. "What exactly are our plans tonight, Lisa?" I ask, rubbing my hands along her back.

"You'll see." she coys.

"Lili..." I snug myself up against her with my charming gummy smile. I tiptoe up to her ear and wrap my arms around her neck for a hug. "Come on, Lili, tell me." my voice lowers to a whisper and her grip on my waist tightens at the seduction.

"Lisa!"

Shit!

My back is pushed to the door and Lisa jumps on the bed in a rattle. "What is it Chaeng?" she shouts back, then whispers, "Are you okay?" to me. I nod my head in response and fumble with the doorknob to get it open. When I manage, Chaeyoung enters with her make up kit in hand.

"Did you take my concealer?" she asks in annoyance.

"Uhm..."

Behind our friend, I gesture to Lisa to calm down because she's breathing heavily from the surprise that wasn't even supposed to be very surprising, but was under our circumstances. She shifts her gaze to Chaeyoung and they proceed to looking for the concealer amongst their belongings while I exit the room.

I let out a huff on the couch from the rush of what could have been Lisa and I getting caught. I'm not sure what Jisoo and Chaeyoung would think about Lisa and I, and whatever we are. There's no questioning their stance on different sexualities because we all believe love is love and all are equal, but not knowing how they would react to their two best friends catching feelings for each other is unsettling to me.

Jisoo comes out from the bathroom and plops next to me. "We never finished our conversation about Kai." she speaks with caution.

"Can it wait one more day?"

"That one more day is going to turn into a year if you don't do something, Jennie."

She's right. It's already been eight months of avoiding it. And for those eight months since I broke up with Kai, he had been shadowing me- calling and texting me constantly until I blocked his number for good. He'd show up at my café multiple times a week until Wendy threatened that she'd call the police if he came back. That lessened his visits, but didn't stop him completely. The other day was one of his monthly drop bys.

And it's all in attempt to bring me back into a toxic relationship with him.

I get up from the couch and open the door to my bedroom. "Jisoo and I are gonna go ahead to the park. We'll meet you there?" I suggest, seeing that Lisa is still helping Chaeyoung get ready. They agree. "Let's go." I tell Jisoo and she gets up without contradiction. She doesn't speak again until we complete the five minute walk to the park by my apartment building.

"I'm sorry if I've been pushing this on you too much, Jen, but he's harassing you." I wince at her words. It took me six of these eight months to accept that Kai was physically and emotionally overpowering me in our relationship, so fully believing that his coaxing continues on is hard to swallow. "Please tell me you have some sort of plan to get rid of him."

"You know I can't do much." I've tried to file for a restraining order, but there wasn't any proof against him to support my claims. Showing my friends the bruises was favorable, but justice didn't play out the way I had hoped. If there was one good I did for myself, it was never inviting him to my apartment and telling him where I lived. Resorting to spending time at his place had its risks, but now he can't come to mine and bother me there. "Blocking his number and turning him down every time he shows his face is all I can do."

"Then, let me help you!"

"What are you gonna do, Jisoo?" I stop us in middle of the snow covered grass. "Yell at him and punch him in the face for everyone to see?"

"Damn straight." She tugs down her mask angrily. I glance around us, but no one has noticed our heated argument to watch. "I'd punch him thrice more than he did you."

"Put your mask on." I continue on our walk, treading a little heavier from my frustrations.

"I don't care about what people would say if they see, Jennie." she steps in front of me to stop us again. "You're my friend and I care about you too much to just watch you go through this. Do you really think Chaeyoung and I are going to stand aside forever?"

"Sorry Jisoo, but I care more about your lives more than mine. People can fuck around with me, but I won't let anyone or anything do that to you guys too."

They're in a tight space. A scandal like this with their involvement could taint their names in a matter of one headline. Chaos would erupt in the media and their careers would be shredded along with their years of hard work to earn it.

"Jennie! Jisoo!" I turn around to Lisa's voice. She's approaching from the far end of the park with Chaeyoung, also behind a mask. I face Jisoo and pull hers up to cover her face. She stares at me in disbelief of my act- my taking of opportunity to dismiss the discussion again. "We caught up pretty fast, huh." Lisa sighs out of breath when they reach us.

"Yeah, right on time." Jisoo mutters and strides head on through the park.

"Wait for us!" Lisa jogs up to her with Chaeyoung and I trailing behind.

I ring my arm around hers and lock it by putting my hand in my pocket. She does the same as we walk. "There's something you should know." She starts and I'm afraid for her to continue. "Lisa asked about Grooving '94 because we passed by it yesterday- but don't worry, I didn't tell her much.".

"What did she ask?"

"At first, she wanted to have lunch there, but I said we shouldn't, then she asked why and if something happened and she really wouldn't quit it because she thought someone had hurt me." That's expected of Lisa. I have a hunch on where this is going. "I shouldn't have told her without talking to you first, but I said it had something to do with you."

I nod my head in comprehension. "It's okay. We never talked about excuses for never eating in Grooving '94 to Lisa, right?" I try to lighten the mood.

"So you're going to tell her?" she must be hopeful at the idea because she's bouncing in small inches off the snow.

"No." her feet sink, along with her cheerful expression. "I-I don't know, okay. Maybe. When it's all over, I will."

She sighs. My statement wasn't very promising to me, either. Kai has been crawling his way back into my life for almost a year and I've known him to be a very pivotal and potent man. It's wishful thinking for him to stop running after what he wants. 

"Well, I didn't say that it was Kai's pub, but I told her to never go near it." 

We catch up to Jisoo and Lisa who are taking pictures by the fence. The surrounding waters are iced over and the sun shines down on it to shimmer like crystals. "Nice! Nice!" Lisa clicks the shutter button of her camera while Jisoo poses. "Get in there, you two!" Chaeyoung and I join in and our trusty photographer captures the moment while hooting compliments and flattery. "I'm printing these out for sure." 

"Let me take some of you guys." I get hold of the camera and Lisa takes my spot in the shot. She has the cheekiest gleam on her face that I'm smiling behind the camera, too. 

Strolling around the park for another hour without making any suspiciously flirtatious moves on Lisa was adamant. Pulling her into a kiss was even more unwavering. These feelings carried themselves out until our lunch finished. 

A kiss was made last night and confessions were shared, but there wasn't time for us to discuss labels and we have yet to do that when we have our time alone. I would call this 'exclusive' at the moment, but I'm not even certain if Lisa wants to seal the deal any time soon (or seal the deal at all). Nevertheless, I wouldn't want to get caught in an exclusive-but-not relationship with Lisa by our two best friends just because I can't contain my affectionate impulses. 

Lisa must have gotten on track with my divided attention on her and the girls because she, too, placed her boundaries and settled for friendship over lunch. It was only when Jisoo and Chaeyoung left for their next plans, that Lisa and I started our own.