Part 15

Visiting Sayori had ended up being a fairly positive experience as a whole. It had been reassuring to see her safe and on track, even if the knowledge that the previous years of happiness had been a complete deception was beginning to weigh heavily on Natsuki's shoulders. It was a harsh reality to have to face so abruptly.

"We were lucky today," Monika said, her voice light as she drove away from the hospital. "We caught her on a high energy day."

"What is she like on a low energy day?" Yuri asked curiously in the seat beside Natsuki, her fingers threading through her hair.

After a brief pause Monika hummed sadly, her hands running lovingly up and down the steering wheel as they sat stationary at a red traffic light. "Distant. Really, really distant. Days like today give me so much hope that she's improving and then...the next time I see her she'll barely respond to anything I say. It's heartbreaking."

"Does she, uh, does she still want to...?"

"Die?" Yuri only nodded despite being pretty far out of Monika's line of sight. "Uh, yeah. She does. She's being honest about it, though, which is good. I've heard some people will pretend that they're better just to break their chains and have the freedom to try again."

Natsuki swallowed through what felt like a lump of coal lodged in her throat. "How do you handle all of this?" She felt incredibly guilty as the thought flicked through her mind but she highly doubted she would ever be able to cope being in a situation like her friends', not in the way Monika did.

She laughed dryly, blinking through shimmering tears that threatened to fall. "I don't. I just grit my teeth and be strong for her like I always have, but...Oh, Gosh, it's so hard. It's so trying on my own mental wellbeing, you know?" Her words sounded lost and sad, yet she smiled anyway with admirable strength. "But she's worth it. She's always been worth it."

That was something freaking special, really; that she was willing to sacrifice a part of herself to help her girlfriend's health. It was something Natsuki could only hope she would achieve with someone one day, that particular strength of bond and love.

"Do her parents know what's happened to her?" Natsuki asked cautiously, tiptoeing around the subject matter. After all, Sayori hadn't exactly had the greatest relationship with her parents since she had announced that she was dating Monika. It had shattered Sayori's heart to witness their disgust and rejection of her relationship.

Tensely, Monika nodded, her grip tightening on the steering wheel. "They do, but they don't care enough to visit her."

A heavy silence hung in the atmosphere for a moment. "How long have you known about all of this?" Yuri murmured.

"Before we became a couple. One day she, uh," Monika shifted a little, the faux leather seats squeaking, "She started crying over burnt toast. Then she just broke down into floods of tears and told me everything about her depression, I remember it vividly." She laughed quietly, this time with a slight hint of humor. "It was as if she had been fighting it for so long and the toast just pushed her over the edge. But I knew I loved her by that point and I was prepared to deal with it."

Natsuki didn't know what to say. As she tried to speak the words merely caught in her throat and she was forced to swallow them down again. A strange, complicated mix of relief and anger sizzled away at her mind, confusing her emotions. Relief that Sayori had had Monika for support all these years and anger that they had both kept it locked away from her and Yuri so perfectly. It was almost betrayal, she thought.

A harsh beeping interrupted the silence and shocked the three of them at once. "Oh!" Monika looked up, realising she hadn't noticed the light changing to green. "My bad." Their nervous laughter continued for a moment, softening the tense atmosphere as Monika proceeded to drive. "Anyway! Next weekend should be fun, yeah?"

The conversation picked back up again for the brief time that they remained on their journey. They were in the process of debating which available movie they would want to see when the car slowed to a halt outside of Yuri's home, the engine shutting off as her and Natsuki climbed out of their respective sides.

"You kids have fun!" With a wink Monika laughed as she pulled away, the dead Autumn leaves crunching under the wheels as the car drove onward. Scowling at the car's rear, Natsuki followed Yuri through the door and into the home and she discarded her bag and shoes by the doorway before wandering along the hall to the kitchen. Yuri followed her after fiddling with a stereo a moment, quiet music filling the house as she did so and contributing to the mellow atmosphere.

"You ready to eat?" Natsuki asked, knowing fine well she'd help herself to something regardless of her answer.

"Of course," Yuri rummaged in her fridge for a moment and pulled out a few ingredients, dropping them onto the counter before moving onto the cupboards and doing the same.

Intrigued, Natsuki watched her careful, deliberate movements as she collected all of the various ingredients together with coordinated grace. She stepped closer, picking up a bunch of spring onions and mindlessly turning them in her palm. "What're we making?"

"Stir fry," Yuri handed her the other vegetables and branded a sharp, black knife from the rack on the counter with a metallic hiss. She pointed it effortlessly towards a waiting chopping board, light glinting off the blade as she did so. "Care to prepare these?" Natsuki swallowed dryly and nodded before taking the knife from her, the handle cold and heavy in her palm, before arranging the vegetables into a chopping order as Yuri busied herself with a wok on the stove.

With shaking fingers she held the knife against the spring onion, hesitating prior to slicing into it a little messily. The sight and sound made her cringe, knives were a little...difficult to look at, regarding what had happened not long before. She moved again to make another cut when she was halted by Yuri's gentle touch.

"Not like that," she said softly as her fingers wrapped around the knife, "Dice them, like this." She flicked her wrist quickly, using her other hand to secure the bunch to the chopping board. Natsuki watched in amazement as the task was completed in a few brief seconds and Yuri used the blunt length of the blade to scrape the diced onions to the far side of the board. "See?"

"Y-Yeah, I think so," Natsuki muttered. She took the cutlery back and watched as her girlfriend returned to floating around the room in the search of spices. Yuri was a little too skilled at knife work for comfort.

But she continued on, trying and so miserably failing to match Yuri's expertise. She did finish the onions after a minute or so, however, and moved onto the cabbage.

As she made a start she soon felt slender arms weave themselves around her waist, locking together at her stomach. A firm pressure pressed against her back as Yuri's chin rested gently on her shoulder, her warm breath skimming her neck through the fabric of her scarf. She hummed happily as she squeezed her a little and Natsuki couldn't help but laugh. "You are so pretty."

Natsuki groaned, feeling her face heating and her heart fluttering. "Yuri," she whined, but her breath was stolen in a quiet gasp as Yuri nipped her exposed shoulder, her teeth digging into the flesh gently.

"I could barely resist," she whispered and kissed the patch of skin she had assaulted, making Natsuki squirm as her grip on the knife weakened. "Seeing you here reminds me so much of our first kiss."

Yuri dotted light kisses along the curve of her neck and shoulder, sighing contently as she did so. Her arms tugged Natsuki closer to her, but gradually that blissful delight that had been clouding her mind began to morph into discomfort and unsated cravings. Her skin felt itchy and overly sensitive and she wanted to simultaneously jump on the girl while fleeing from her safety. She took an unsteady breath, "Yuri, stop." The moment the words left her Yuri leaped back as if she'd touched a burning flame, leaving a fair bit of distance between them.

"D-Did I, um, did I hurt you?" She sounded pained, as if desperately seeking validation. Oh, no no no, Natsuki dropped the knife and swung around, swiftly grabbing Yuri's arms in her hands.

"No, not at all!" she said in a flustered hurry, running her hands up and down her forearms slowly. "I'm just worried about starting something we can't, y'know, finish." Yuri finally met her eye, her whole body seeming to relax at her statement. Natsuki frowned, lowering her voice as she spoke again. "I don't want you to hurt yourself because of me, Yuri."

"I-I see," she took her arms back, stepping away and turning back to the wok silently, overly invested in her cooking all of a sudden. Natsuki nipped her lip unconsciously, cautiously watching her for a few seconds before turning back to the board and continuing to chop the vegetables with numb fingers. It only took a couple of minutes to complete the rest of the work and she pushed the board towards Yuri, who nodded once in confirmation, but only continued to stand motionless aside that.

"What's wrong?" Natsuki finally asked with the courage she had been gathering; she could feel her patience beginning to fade but she had to force endurance with her, Yuri was hardly an open book. The other girl glanced to her, her fingers moving to rub little circles on her wrist. "Yuri?"

"I, uh," she stuttered her words out, clearly uncomfortable. "I am just nervous, that is all."

"Nervous?" Natsuki tilted her head, peering at her curiously. "About what?"

She sucked air through her teeth as she sighed deeply, shoulders slumping. "About reminding you of your father."

Still? Haven't we moved passed that? Natsuki thought to herself and immediately bashed herself for it. Yuri was struggling with a serious, personal problem that would take time, she just had to find the persistence to help her overcome it. "You don't and you won't. Promise."

"You cannot say for certain," Yuri was staring at the floor now; her eyes were partly hidden by a cloak of hair but from what she could see they were filled to the brim with grief and fear. This was really something she was wrestling with, wasn't it?

Natsuki took Yuri in her arms, pulling the taller girl towards her with confidence, feeling Yuri's tension slack against her small frame. "A promise is a promise. Look," she leaned up and kissed her, savoring the sweetness of her lips for the fleeting moment it lasted before Yuri pushed her away with a gentle shove.

"No. You were right, Natsuki," she said softly, "We should avoid starting anything we cannot finish. I am aware my habit is an awful, disgusting one."

Natsuki worked her jaw, unsure of how to respond for a second. She didn't think it was necessarily disgusting, just...strange. And a little dangerous. "That's not it. You don't remind me of papa by doing it either. Any sane person would be worried about their girlfriend hurting herself, right?"

After humming thoughtfully Yuri nodded. She offered Natsuki a quick kiss on the forehead before turning back to her cooking and scraping the prepared vegetables into the wok. Natsuki watched with contained excitement as Yuri stirred them, the pan sizzling as she did so. It smelled delicious already.

Yuri spoke up after a lengthy pause. "Natsuki?"

"Yeah?"

"Do you think I am 'fucked up'?"

Natsuki blinked, processing Yuri's question before the shock of it settled in. "No! Where'd you get that idea from all of a sudden?"

"Just...old acquaintances, I suppose," she said with a sad smile, her eyes still plastered to her cooking.

"Someone called you that?"

"Yes." Anger alighted in Natsuki's chest, her breath catching in her throat. Bastards! "But it is alright, I hardly blame them."

"Why do you ask?" Yuri stilled for a moment, her jaw stiffening.

"I have been thinking..." she started slowly, "About seeking some help."

"You mean like therapy?"

"Yes," she replied, her voice gaining an air of strength. "I think seeing Sayori receiving the help she required was just the motivation I needed. Although, I have little to no idea where to even begin."

Natsuki hummed, relaxing against the counter. She watched as Yuri measured herbs and spices before emptying them into the wok alongside the noodles and the cooking vegetables. "Well if you'd prefer we can look into it together, yeah?" Yuri agreed cheerfully. That was a step in the right direction, right? After all, she was actively searching for some help. That meant she independently wanted to improve, didn't it? A deep sense of pride for the girl rose warmly, spreading soft heat through her veins.

"Sit down," Yuri said with a little smile, moving from the stove to rummage noisily in a cupboard for two bowls. Following her advice, Natsuki trotted to the kitchen table and slipped into a wooden chair. She waited impatiently as she watched the other girl prepare their lunch in the bowls; if her mind wasn't occupied on the food she would have thought her coordinated grace looked beautiful, as usual.

Yuri placed the bowl atop the place mat in front of her and Natsuki barely hesitated to start scooping up the warm food after shooting her a quick'thank you'. The flavours exploded on her tongue delightfully as mild heat spread along her lips, eliciting a happy little sigh from her. Across from her Yuri slipped into her own chair, picking at the food leisurely with a little, pleased smile.

"So, next weekend," Yuri started, "Are you looking forward to it?"

"Not really." With a peeved whine, Natsuki twirled her fork in deliberate circles in the stir fry, her fist propping her head up lazily.

Yuri merely peered at her, her head angled ever so slightly to the side. "How so?" She huffed inwardly, tracing patterns with a noodle she had caught between the tridents of her fork.

"Money," she muttered, well aware she sounded more than slightly crabby. Yuri, however, seemed to perk up at that.

"I will cover it for you, no need to worry." Natsuki tensed, dropping her fork to the table. She had proposed the idea so easily that it felt wrong to deny her, yet...it wasn't fair to accept, either. As she opened her mouth to protest Yuri cut her off by holding up a firm hand, clicking her tongue rhythmically. "This is my treat to you, Natsuki. For being so good to me."

Despite her desire to fight back, Natsuki just slumped in defeat as she slowly chewed another bite. It was a pointless fight against Yuri, she was as stubborn as a brick wall if she set her mind to something. Alternatively, she quickly unlocked her phone on the table and opened up the 'Notes' section, typing hastily as to not alert Yuri. Which didn't seem to work for long. The girl peered at her curiously before moving her gaze to scan the phone before her. "What are you doing?" Dammit, she thought, Not sneaky enough.

Instead of explaining Natsuki merely pushed her mobile towards her, which Yuri took as a valid invitation to look. After a few, long seconds she glanced back up at her, her lips parted and eyes wide. "Is this...all the money you owe each of us?"

Natsuki swiped her phone back and locked it firmly as her face heated. "Yeah, I've been keeping track."

"I never expect you to pay me back, Natsuki," she murmured, her gentle hand finding her own on the table and intertwining their fingers. Why was she so kind? She realised, suddenly, just how genuinely lucky she was to actually have her as her own.

Her heart surged with pure adoration as Yuri shot her a charming smile, her pulse throbbing as she returned it shakily. "I'd like to eventually." A short, pretty laugh from her sent ripples of pure bliss down Natsuki's bare arms, warming her at once.

"You can repay me in other ways."