53 ~ The Last Days in Peace

There is something comforting about finding another person who also doesn't want to go home

     "Come on!" I complained and looked at my reflection. I focused on my eyes.          My face was framed by my wet hair because I had just showered. I was not even wrapped in a towel, since nobody would disturb me in the bathroom, and beside the sink lay my wand.     It was there for a specific reason, though for that I would first have to achieve something.          "Come on, come on, I can do this!"     I listened within myself. Once again nothing happened.

McGonagall told you not to try it until she's figured it out, Phil.

     That was what the voice called reason whispered, and it was right. It was also boring, because ever since the meeting with my father during the full moon before last I had of course told Dumbledore everything, who had passed the new discoveries about my nature on to the Transfiguration professor. In her opinion and also mine, a half-transformation was the key to my suppressed magical abilities. Just as that half-transformation could delay the power of the full moon, it could probably trigger other effects within my body.     During the full moon my father had possessed glowing eyes and I too had reached that stage of transformation. Now, however, my question was whether I could somehow enter that state when there was no full moon.     After all, I could transform into a werewolf whenever I wanted, which was the foundation of my theory, a stupid theory. Ethan J. Aquila was a gifted wizard, therefore the mystery of my nature would not be easy to unravel.

"Phil, there is much you still need to know about yourself. I can teach you," my father's voice whispered in my head, because those had been his words.

     Yes, you can teach me, I thought in response, but I do not want to see you anymore either.          That was the truth, because I still hated my father and despised his actions.     To my luck, he seemed to accept my decision for now, wanting nothing to do with him, and he also seemed to believe that I belonged at Hogwarts. At least I had not seen him during the last full moon, though someone else had ensured that as well.     Sirius Black had decided to follow me around as a dog the entire time. Later the Marauders had explained to me that it was for my own safety, but I believed they wanted to make sure I did not do anything stupid.     I could not hold it against them, however, so they could follow me around for the next few months then. I had even enjoyed the black dog's company, since I had led Sirius through the worst areas of the forest, which he had complained about afterwards.

But: As you do unto me, so I do unto you.

     "One more time," I spoke to my reflection again, which thankfully I was able to look at. During the last half year I had made half-peace with my appearance, meaning I accepted myself and that was bloody great progress for me.     I was still thin, though no longer skinny, and one could tell that it was my natural body shape. My father and also my mothers had been slim, which was why I had inherited my mother's figure: small breasts, little bum and thighs. Everything a hint of nothingness.     I believed there was nothing bad about those traits, because that was simply how I was. Others were tall, others short and I was simply Phil. A girl currently failing at what she was trying to do.

This can't be that difficult!

     I continued complaining in my thoughts and closed my eyes again. My hands supported themselves against the counter. I blocked out my surroundings and breathed in and out calmly, then focused on my inner self.     It was as though two paths were forming before me. Through one I could transform into a werewolf, which during the last years had become something natural, and the other path was only a shadow.          That was the correct path.     I imagined the call of the full moon and when I opened my eyes, they flickered blue. It faded quickly again, therefore I tried again and again.     Once my hair was almost dry, I managed to maintain the state. Whilst studying myself in the mirror like that, I reached for my wand to confirm my theory. However, as previously stated, it was a stupid theory.     The very moment my hand closed around my wand, a shockwave, a small explosion burst from it and I was hurled against the wall behind me.     The back of my head slammed into the wall. I grunted, then landed upon the tiled floor. I twisted my face into a grimace and rubbed my head. My wand lay beside the shower.

Yes, I am stupid.

     I had truly believed that the secret of my nature would be that easy to solve, but of course it was not. McGonagall had not been puzzling over it for almost two years for nothing. And I had believed I could solve it during a normal afternoon after a shower in the bathroom.

Yes, ridiculous...

     For that reason I finally pulled myself up. When I looked at the mirror, my eyes were completely normal. Consequently I reached for my brush and got ready. Until dinner I wanted to read.

     "I'm in favour of jinxing their dormitory," Elizabeth commented beside me. It was night and we were sneaking through the castle because after dinner we had been bored.          "Wouldn't that be invading their privacy though, I wouldn't forgive myself for that," I gave back my answer, and in a whisper at that.     "Yeah, fair point too, but you could do something else," she replied, "We'll just write them a letter telling them to watch out, which you slide beneath their door. Like in the corridor when they installed those slime glands, we thought they were only playing some psychological game with us. We should do that now, so they live in fear."          "Mean."     "Oh, come on, you like it."          "Fine, yeah, I like it." I stopped in the corridor. In the darkness I looked at Elizabeth, who was grinning, then I asked, "Wouldn't we then need a proper prank as well, if they trick us again?"     "Don't worry, I'll handle that. The brainless lot sneak around the castle often. It would be funny to ruin their prank before they carry it out."

Wait, the map!

     "That won't work," I replied and thought about the map, whose purpose I did not fully understand. At the very least it seemed to show the location of people, though I did not know its full extent.          "Why won't it work?"     "Because you can't ambush the boys whilst they're wandering around the castle themselves, I've experienced it often enough."          "You're out in the middle of the night often?"     "Yeah, sometimes I can't sleep," I admitted, afterwards looking around the corridor and walking towards a painting.          "And what do you do then, when you can't sleep?"     "Explore the castle, go to the kitchens for example."          "Kitchens?"     "Yeah, the kitchens are in the dungeons and you reach them through a secret passage where the house-elves prepare the food. But you can visit them just like that as well, because they're always happy about visitors. Hungry?"     I raised one eyebrow, whereupon Elizabeth nodded slowly and I smiled.

     "Can I ask you something personal?" came from Elizabeth once we were already in the dungeons. We were in the brighter areas, illuminated by orange fire torches, and I searched for the painting with the bowl of fruit, but answered Elizabeth with a nod.     "Why are you always at Hogwarts during Christmas?" Apparently she was ready to speak about why she had not gone home this year.     Therefore I told her the truth: "My mother's dead and my father, well, you know."          "So you live in an orphanage?"     "No, Dumbledore lets me stay in the castle over summer, it's safer, and that way I've been able to catch up academically. Until my arrival at Hogwarts I knew nothing about the wizarding world."          "You're taking the piss right now, aren't you?"     "No," I laughed, "I grew up in a forest and my mother had no intention of sending me to Hogwarts because she'd been afraid of my father and had been very paranoid herself. When she died, I was left on my own, and since my stepfather wanted nothing to do with me, they finally decided to send me to Hogwarts, where I am now. Dumbledore let me stay there during summer, which is why I didn't take part in lessons at first either. He thought it unfair that as a witch I'd been robbed of the development of my abilities, and I'm glad as well that I'm allowed to be here, that Dumbledore did that for me."     "But why do you say Hogwarts is safer?" she wanted to know and it was obvious that I was speaking with a Lestrange.

She simply has to know everything, just not with me.

     "You'll find out once you tell me why you're at Hogwarts this Christmas."          "Is that blackmail, dear Phil?"     "Yes," I said shortly and reached the painting with the bowl of fruit. We stopped.           Before tickling the pear, I looked at the girl beside me. Our eyes were at the same height, but Elizabeth then studied the painting and said: "I want a bit of distance from my family. The changes in the wizarding world are getting on my nerves, so I'll deal with them properly in summer instead. I also like Hogwarts more than my family's large manor. I mean, it's magnificent, but there I can't look at an ugly painting of a fruit bowl right now. I don't fully know the real reason why I'm staying during Christmas either. It's more of a gut feeling."     I was surprised that she was being honest with me, which was why I would be honest with her as well.     "Hogwarts is safer because, as you point out, the Dark powers are rising and my father is very likely not dead," I explained and withheld the full truth.     The following moment I heard the pear laugh as I tickled it, then it transformed into a door handle.          "What does 'very likely' mean?"     "As much as I'm allowed to tell you," I answered and looked at her whilst turning the handle. When I looked into Elizabeth Lestrange's face, I knew she understood me. She nodded, and as I stepped into the secret passage behind the painting, she said: "A lot is going to change. One has to stand on the right side."

But what is the right side?

     "Oh, hello, Penny gladly welcomes late visitors," I heard the house-elf's voice.          We arrived in the kitchen. It was the entrance for visitors, which resembled the Great Hall, at least judging by the four long tables. I knew that the kitchen was directly beneath the Great Hall and that the food which appeared magically was simply transported upwards, just as it had been arranged downstairs upon the tables. After the meals, the dirty dishes vanished, only to appear downstairs in the kitchen.     That was how Penny had explained it to me during my first visit to the kitchen.     I had to admit that I had not found the secret passage on my own. I probably would have, had Penny not told me about it herself during my first summer holidays. She had only been at Hogwarts for a few years and constantly enjoyed visitors, just as she did now. She stood before us and gifted us a broad smile.          "What can Penny bring them?"     I answered: "I'd like a hot chocolate and a muffin."          The house-elf's gaze moved to Elizabeth, who raised her voice: "A hot chocolate for me too, but with apple pie, please."     "Penny will get to work immediately and is pleased to serve you, take a seat." she gestured towards a table, which in reality was Gryffindor's.          We sat down. Elizabeth watched Penny walk away.     "They are interesting creatures who are treated badly, which is only truly occurring to me now. A lot of things are only occurring to me recently," she said, though she did not explain herself further.     So we waited for our order and the next days of the Christmas holidays passed similarly. Yet soon the other students returned, because the peace had to end. In any case, I could claim that after the Christmas holidays I knew Elizabeth better.