15 ~ The Black Sheep

They argued with the enthusiasm of people who would have been unbearably bored without each other.

     Left or right?           Making a decision was not easy, never. Even if it was a banal one, yes, even then. Those were usually the most difficult of all.      One did not think that a simple decision could change life so much. Decisions had it in them to change life, even if they were banal, because it was like walking a path, and again and again taking a different turning. Behind you, the old path disappeared.      There was no going back.

     Left or right, this question dominated me, robbed me of time.           With my schoolbooks pressed tightly to my chest, I stood around in the corridor indecisively. P     upils moved out of my way and I did not notice their figures passing by me. A sigh came over my moistened lips. Moistened, because my lower lip had served as a victim before. It was a bad habit; I kept biting on it.      I stood in the corridor and a fork in the path was in front of me. I wanted to go to the library, yet I no longer knew the way. Now I stood there. Simply uselessly standing around, while people moved around me like I was an obstacle.      I watched the masses of people pass by me, and the image of them blurred at the edge of my vision. But the peace was not meant to last forever; nothing was meant for eternity, absolutely nothing.

Waiting, waiting for disaster.

     "Watch where you're going!", an annoyed exclamation rang out and within a few seconds my schoolbooks were on the floor. They scraped along the stone floor, came to a stop.      I staggered, yet caught myself again and stood there as if frozen. Motionless, not able to do anything, I stared at my books lying on the floor, some of them open. The pages facing upwards and revealing their knowledge.

Why anyway? What was one really supposed to do? Nothing, nothing... Why not then? I do not know and will never be able to know either. "But you will, namely when you crawl out of your hollow full of self-doubt!"

     Decisions were not easy. It was very much like trying to keep a dam from breaking without knowing where the leak was, although one could prevent absolutely nothing. The dam, its fate was known to everyone; it would break.      And just as a dam would break, I already knew in this very moment that the books fallen to the ground had only been the waiting before the storm.      "Behold, oh behold her!", laughter broke through my inner indecision and for the first time I looked to the right.

Right or left? Right, was the answer, or merely an illusion?

     Beside me stood a group of pupils and from their green-silver ties I could assign them to Slytherin House. It was a group of five boys, all of whom were looking at me with nasty grins. They had to be about my age, perhaps older, and were having a splendid time.      One pointed his finger at me and held his stomach. Another displayed his much too large incisors while laughing, yet all their eyes glittered.      I had been told about the conflict between the Houses, yet that I should soon experience it first-hand was surprising. Among them was their alpha animal.      One boy was holding his apparently aching side and his scornful jeering was directed at me alone. His hangers-on, gathered in a flock behind him, did the same. They sounded like dying animals, squealing, yet still very much alive. They laughed at me and seemed to revel in this situation.      "Know this!", the alpha boy abruptly stopped laughing. His glassy, grey eyes - glassy because of the laughter that had shaken his body before - examined the boys behind him.      With a much too long finger he brushed one of his brown strands of hair out of his face, then he continued speaking: "My father taught me to be courteous, so", he bent down and picked up one of my books that had fallen to the ground.      His swollen words faded away in the corridor, then he straightened up, looked at me condescendingly. He presented the book like a trophy, looked at me, then back at the flock behind him.      The tall, slim Slytherin crinkled forehead and nose alike, displayed a greasy smile. He acted as if he wanted to hand me back the object that had fallen to the ground because of him, but that did not happen.      His grey eyes looked at me and a shiver ran through me. My muscles tensed, prepared themselves for a fight.

"You must always fight, Phil!" I can't...

     "However, I am not like my father and treat others courteously", after the boy had said that, his fingers loosened and once again the book flew to the ground with a dull thud, right onto my feet, which made me grimace. "Disgusting blood-scum should not attend this school. Your father's name is known, Aquila!"           His words did something to me.      I lost my strength, because he had hit a sore spot. I could do nothing for my father's actions, yet everyone hated me because of him.      The boy came the last few steps towards me, looked down at me, afterwards continued speaking: "If one were to think that a Mudblood is the worst thing to be found here, one would be mistaken. Now something like this lives here!", he gave me a shove against the shoulder and I staggered one step to the side, the book slipped off my toes.      There was no one except us in the corridor, yet my inner voice told me that no one would help me anyway. Again I heard laughter as I stumbled, and the boys took pleasure in annoying me.      "Dumbledore's standards keep sinking lower and lower. I feel sick to my stomach just looking at you!", came the remark and as he wanted to take another, threatening step towards me, a figure slipped into my field of vision.      Shortly afterwards a back blocked my view. Someone had stepped between us and cut short the Slytherin's dominance.      Behind me I felt two arms on my shoulders, pulling me closer. I let it happen.      His words had shaken me too much for the physical contact to bother me.      "Mulciber Jr.", to my left I heard a familiar voice, which I could assign to Sirius Black. He spat out that name as if it were nothing but dirt.

Perhaps it is as well.

     I became puzzled, raised my brows and concentrated on the boy in front of me. Looking more closely, I recognised that he was none other than James Potter. The back of his messy head gave him away.      I had no more time to think about the situation, because Sirius raised his voice once again: "Have you really nothing better to do than tyrannise innocent schoolgirls, Mulciber? Perhaps you should get on with your vile activities as a Death Eater, hm?", the Gryffindor crossed his arms in front of his chest with eyes blazing aggressively, which rose and fell at irregular intervals.           "Black, in the flesh. Truly a shame that you bear this name, I correct myself, are allowed to bear it. You are always meddling in other people's affairs. Sad, truly heartbreaking." The Slytherin took a step back, with raised hands.      Afterwards he spoke words in farewell: "You are right, Black. I have better things to do and will now get on with my vile activities, see you around." Mulciber Junior signalled to his hangers-on to leave, then they were gone.      I hardly felt better.

Not at all...

     Without saying anything, I looked behind me. I could make out Remus, who was watching the Slytherins go with a dark expression and discreetly tightened his grip around my shoulders.      I, however, no longer paid attention to the Slytherins, and Remus' hands also became unpleasant to me. That was why I bent down and set to work picking up my books, freeing myself from his grip in the process.      By the time I reached the last one, someone got there before me. My book was lifted from the stone floor and held out to me.      Remus Lupin stood in front of me and, looking into his green eyes, I took the book.      Now I was standing there again, just like at the beginning. My schoolbooks pressed tightly to my chest and not knowing whether left or right.      "Are you alright?", Remus asked me, and James and Sirius also seemed interested.           I shrugged my shoulders, answered quietly: "Have to be", then I looked at each of them in turn, "apparently I shall have to live with the fact that my family name is unpopular."      But in the next moment Remus immediately said: "Even so, that gives them no right to harass you."      I now looked at him, could see how tense his jaw was. As my unreadable gaze moved through their ranks, I could recognise that all of them supported Remus' words.           "Thank you", I managed, because they had helped me.      Sirius, still worked up, replied: "You don't have to, something like that is a matter of course. I would have loved to set more hexes on him, but I only had detention the day before yesterday."      Grimly he looked in the direction where the Slytherin had disappeared. The others also seemed worked up, wanted to protect me.           I decided to change the subject: "Is the library left or right?"      "Left, then one staircase up on the right.", Remus pointed to the left and lost some of his tension.      So left was the answer and I had also learnt something else: The boys seemed to have developed a protective instinct towards me, yet whether I should find it good or bad, was beyond me.

Sirius' POV:

     Tense, we watched Phil disappear. When we had still offered to accompany her to the library, she had refused. For a while Moony kept looking after her, and he did not look good. Soon this mysterious girl had already been here for a month, which meant that the full moon was drawing ever closer.      Deep dark circles were Moony's accessory. In the last few days he had been tired and wound up at the same time. Phil, on the other hand, looked better, yet I knew too little about werewolves to be able to draw proper conclusions from it.     In this moment Remus was what counted, whom Prongs pulled out of his trance. We were still thinking too much about the girl, about whom we knew absolutely nothing. Supposedly she was the daughter of the notorious Aquila, but she spent the whole time in her dormitory.     Of course we would not have been the Marauders if we had not found out that Phil was not taking part in lessons, since she was getting private lessons from the professors. Dumbledore seemed to be protecting her, which meant that she had a secret, or was full of riddles.     Unfortunately we were interested in riddles, yet we had only managed a few times to have Phil to ourselves. We knew that she did not care that Remus had attacked her in the forest. Her words 'can happen' had not helped Moony, but Prongs and I had been less worked up.     We had also got out of the girl that she remembered having seen all of us at the full moon. We told her that Dumbledore must not know, because then we would get into trouble. She had only nodded in confusion.

But she does not seem to be someone who blabs.

     The day before yesterday we had had Phil to ourselves in the common room for half an hour, before Lily had pounced on us like a wild animal. Really, it would not have surprised me if she had taken Phil piggyback and gone with her to the dormitory like that.

But anyway.

     At least we had got out of her that Phil had lived in a house in the forest. Her mother was dead and she had ended up in a Muggle orphanage, where there had been a witch who had brought her into the Forbidden Forest every full moon. Later this witch had got in touch with Dumbledore, since a young witch belonged at Hogwarts.      So Phil would have come to Hogwarts without our doing anything. We had only sped up the process.          Yet something about this story was a stinking lie.     It seemed too well thought out, too seamless, as if Dumbledore had served it up to Phil.          The new girl seemed to be his parrot.     Prongs agreed with me, yet Remus believed it. Everything that made him feel less guilty, he ate out of someone's hand. Even licked it clean.

But anyway.

     In the present we continued our way to class. We had Herbology, which I had absolutely no desire for; I simply hated this subject.      Only unfortunately the new Professor Sprout was far too nice to be able to hate her. Since this year she had been teaching this subject and she was always wearing that broad smile on her face.      For some reason she liked me, which was the only reason why I made an effort to get through it.

     Soon we reached the greenhouses and because of the winter these had a cosy temperature, so not. It was so cold that I could see my breath. The Snapping Snarlers did not make the morning any better. They were the most useless plants there were, and someone seemed to have overfertilised them with dragon dung again. They protested loudly, which made the gardening shears seem like the best solution to me.     "Couldn't we just put them in another greenhouse?", someone else asked, although this question had likewise been on the tip of my tongue.      Unfortunately I could almost dislike this voice even more than the Snapping Snarlers, because it belonged to Elizabeth Lestrange.      We had Herbology with the Slytherins and if Mulciber Jr. had still been in my year, I would have used the gardening shears for very different purposes.      Luckily the bastard was a year above us, but we still had lessons with the Slytherins.      Granted, only a few times a week, yet the professors apparently found it funny to pair the lions with the snakes in mixed lessons.      Why had we not got the Hufflepuffs? Like last year?           But no...      With crossed arms I therefore studied Lestrange, who was looking at the Herbology professor with raised brows.

I hate you, Lestrange.

     "I had actually planned for us to take care of these lovely little chaps today. Then I wanted to have you trim the Trembling Broom Bushes as well, since it is winter and they are calmer."      After the young professor's words a mass sigh went through the rows, because the first ones present were already covering their ears. The protests of these Snapping Snarlers were unbearable.     "As long as Black suffers, I can put up with this task", Lestrange said, as Sprout began to check everyone's attendance.      Immediately my gaze shot to the girl with the black hair, which was usual in the Lestrange family. As the sister of the Lestrange brothers Rabastan and Rodolphus, she was a dreadful contemporary.           Since first year we had been at each other's throats and I hated her ridiculously. Not for nothing was she a snake.     That was why in the following moment I spoke my answer: "As long as Lestrange loses a finger while repotting, I'm in."          "Oh, someone is sadistic today. Are you really sure you ended up in the right House, Black?", she asked and we were standing opposite each other at the table. The first ones were already fetching fresh soil as well as the Snapping Snarlers, in order to repot them.          "Black?", Sprout's voice asked.     "Present!", I called back, then I studied Lestrange again and said coldly: "I doubt that even counts as sadistic, but go on. I suppose I must believe you; you are in the House of snakes."          "Lestrange?"     "Present!", came the reply and the first Snapping Snarler stood in front of the girl. She looked at it out of poisonous green eyes, afterwards her gaze landed on me again. Her brows twitched briefly.          "You're right", she said calmly, "I will probably know better. Interesting that you brought it up at all with your stupidity."     "Who are you calling stupid?", I hissed and leaned over the table.          "You", came the answer. Lestrange leaned forwards as well. Just as I wanted to throw soil in her face, however, Sprout made her round and stopped by us.     "Could you two refrain from this?", she asked wearily, "stay out of each other's way, but immediately! I do not want to have to admonish you so early in the morning, let alone take House points." She sent Lestrange to the other end of the table.      The snake picked up the plant in front of her with too much force and the Snapping Snarler shrieked louder. The Slytherin actually snapped at it as well, which made its screaming twice as loud. Because of that Sprout shook her head, then sighed, with her gaze on James.     "Mister Potter, could you please not treat this plant like that?" I looked over at James, who was holding the Snapping Snarler up in the air, underneath it the fresh pot with unfertilised soil.      Prongs was tickling the plant's belly and said: "Coochie, coochie", but he stopped and nodded. Moony beside him shook his head, repotted his Snapping Snarler properly. Peter was still struggling to open the sack of soil. When it was open, the whole sack tore and the soil spread across the floor.     Sprout sighed again, but did not want to concern herself with this stupidity in the morning and went to Lestrange, whose Snapping Snarler was the loudest.      I got on with the repotting and I still hated Herbology. With today the hatred had even grown worse.

Elizabeth's POV:

     "Could we study together today?", I heard Sev ask Evans after Herbology.     Sometimes I hated my life, especially when dear Severus spoke with Evans. A Muggle-born girl who was his childhood friend, but in Gryffindor.          I did not like her.     It did not bother her, since she did not like me either.

Lestrange and all that.

     Supposedly bad company for dear Sev, yet without me Severus would be the bullying victim of the brainless ones. I defended him, which was why Evans always greeted me.          Yes, yuck and creepy.     I did not pick fights with the brainless ones for Sev. That had personal reasons.

Deep-reaching and all-consuming.

     "That sounds great", Lily replied, "I'm in the library with Phil until eighteen o'clock, but after dinner we can study until curfew."          I wanted to vomit.     At a safe distance from the group of Gryffindor girls, I leaned against the wall. We were still standing near the greenhouses. The next lesson was History of Magic with Binns, however, which was why I still enjoyed my freedom. The ghost only spoke about the goblin rebellions.           It was torture.     Sev was just confirming his date with Evans and my gaze fell on the brainless ones as they came out of the greenhouse. Sprout had made them tidy up the soil on the floor.     "Lestrange, you look so lonely!", it started right away. Black had spotted me.     "Snivellus has left her. Now she's sulking like a child", Potter giggled.          I hated those blokes.     They were puffed up and always had to prove themselves.Yet I would not be myself if I did not bask in their attention.     So I waited until they were closer to me. Through the coloured windows in this wing of the castle, the floor shimmered green and blue.     "You know, Blacky", I said, "I've been waiting for you."          "Oh really?", he played along and stopped in front of me.     I pushed myself off the wall and stretched. Pretending, I yawned and said: "I was awake the whole night and had to think about you. I wrote you a love letter."     In the background I saw Lupin roll his eyes and continue walking with Pettigrew. Potter and Black stayed with me.     Potter looked at me, then he said: "Really?", he looked at Black, "she's fallen for you. Did you hear?"     "Of course she has. Who could not?"

Every intelligent being, Black.

     But I continued playing my role and said: "Your last prank with the shoelaces got me thinking. Do you want the letter, Black? I'll have it delivered to you."          He weighed his head, then he said dryly: "I think it will only be your revenge."     "Oh, no, I would never do that."          "Of course", he snorted.     Black was only half a hand's breadth taller than me. At fifteen years old that would still change, yet I enjoyed the minimal difference in height.      I moved closer to Black.           He did not step back.     "Why would I do anything to my sugar bunny?", I asked in a high voice.     Black pulled a face and stepped back. Yes, for now girls were still disgusting.     "You know what, Lestrange."          "What is it, bunny?"     "Let the letter reach me. I'm asking you for it."          I grinned. "Of course."     "Thanks, and as a farewell", Black stepped closer to me again, "you would be the last person I would touch."          "Was that a compliment?"     "No."          "Thanks", I laughed and tapped Black, which made him take distance again and walk away with Potter.     I sighed contentedly, then turned to Sev, who had finished speaking with Evans and was waiting for me. I straightened my shoulders and together we went to the next lesson.