Ch. 98 - Whispers in the Dark

"Alright," Hange had said, "everyone try and get some rest. We head out at dawn."

When everyone had congregated back into the camp, bedrolls were handed out and everyone started to head to sleep. I couldn't be completely sure of who exactly had been able to get to sleep, but everyone at least had tried to. Most of us were light sleepers anyway, what with being soldiers, but Levi was especially so.

Knowing this, when Levi and I were given our bedrolls, I set us up a bit away from the others so that we could have some modicum of privacy. We stayed close enough so that the flickering light of the dying fire still reached us, though its warmth did not. But this was fine: I was certain we'd spend the night holding each other, which would keep us well warm enough.

Because we were going to share the same bedroll anyway, we were able to double up on the padding set beneath us, and the blankets laid atop us, and so were somewhat more comfortable than we would've been if we didn't. Not that it mattered much; it only meant we were more comfortable as we didn't sleep.

I was certain of very few things in this life of mine right now. One of them was that Levi would simply have a hard time falling and staying asleep, especially tonight. And so would I.

For Levi, I'm sure the reason that he couldn't sleep was the same as mine. It was still rather hard to believe that he was even here, in my arms. But he was. It'd been well over a month since I'd last seen him, much less been able to hold him, speak with him, kiss him. Updating him on the goings-on at the base and in our family just wasn't the same as being able to tell him about it.

That was how much of this evening had been spent, after I'd changed his bandages and well after I'd made him have his dinner. I'd simply been talking, filling him in on everything that he'd missed. I included all the little details that I'd neglected to mention, either by accident or because they'd simply escaped my mind, but also the larger things, the events that I'd already told him about in my letters.

He did not mind, not one bit, from what I could tell. In fact, I might even have been so inclined to say that he enjoyed it. Talking was simply not one of his strongest suits. But he'd always been good at listening.

Before Hange had made the call for us to head to bed, we'd sat together, seated beside one of the wagons, and he'd listened to me ramble on and on and everything and yet nothing at all, while we gazed up at the moon.

The moon gazed back, beautiful in its crescent shape, resplendent in its glow. I'd glance over every so often, to gaze at him sidelong, to appreciate the way that the moonlight danced on his features. Only once did he catch me; I'm certain he knew exactly when he was looking at me, just as I was always somehow hyper aware of each instance in which he looked at me, but only once did he do something about it.

When he caught my eye and turned his head to look at me, I was already expecting it, and so I wasn't embarrassed. I didn't waste the energy on blushing, on being suddenly shy under his gaze. There was no point in that.

Instead, I smiled at him, and I trailed off. We lapsed into a calm, comfortable silence then. This - the familiar silence that came with just being - was something that I'd missed. I figured that I'd missed everything about Levi. I just hadn't realized how badly I'd missed each and every part of living with him, loving him, and being in his life, until I got them back.

I hadn't realized just how much I missed holding his hand until he'd taken my hand earlier.

I hadn't realized just how much I missed kissing him until I had done so, even with the bandages separating us.

Similarly, I hadn't realized just how much I missed just sitting quietly with him until now. This was something that simply escaped my mine whenever I thought about being with Levi, but really, some of my favorite moments with him were spent just like this: looking at him, speaking no words save for those that were conveyed in our eyes.

Everything Levi was as a person could be found by looking into his eyes. And I loved to do so.

I wasn't sure how long we'd been sitting there before he spoke up. "Offer me a distraction," he'd said quietly. Clearly, he meant something other than talking. Judging by the look in his eyes, I knew what it was. Still, I figured I would ask.

"What kind of distraction?" I asked, turning my head to meet his gaze directly.

His eye flickered down, looking rather obviously at my lip, before meeting my eyes again. His gaze traveled between my eyes, as if not too sure of which one to look into. "Kiss me," he requested, adding a quiet, "please."

"Of course," I murmured, leaning in. He met me halfway, but suddenly stopped, leaning away again suddenly. "Levi?"

His hands came up to his face, and he gently tugged the bandages lining his jaw downward, until his lips were bare. Then, wordlessly, and without a single moment more wasted, he leaned back in. Our lips met, gently at first.

And yet, this was enough. Gentle caresses, both of our lips and of our hands, as they trailed delicately over the other. I traced over the gentle slopes of his shoulders, his arms. His own found my waist, smoothing over my back only to pull me closer.

I didn't have the time, nor the thoughts to spare, regarding whether this was good for his injures. I'm sure it wasn't, in hindsight. They were so frail, the stitches so delicate, the cuts so fresh. He was in terrible pain. But when he kissed me, as always, everything else fell out of focus.

The kisses were innocent yet I could think and feel nothing but Levi. I drank him in; that familiar warmth of his palms against my waist, that familiar taste on his tongue, the familiar sounds of his stilted breathing as we continued.

Kissing him was something that perhaps I had missed the most, other than just having him there with me. He was right: kissing offered both of us an excellent distraction. My talking had worked for a while, and I'm sure that once we pulled away to breathe, that I'd go back to talking, and we'd figure things out from there, but for now, this was all that I wanted.

When we kissed, we could focus on nothing else. Even if we could, why would we? This man who had been with me through so much deserved only the best. This man, perfect for all his imperfections, was all that I'd ever wanted in life. And now I had him back in my arms, right where he belonged. And I was right where I belonged, which was in his own embrace.

All that was missing was Emiko. But as soon as we were done here, that's where we would head next. Right back home to her. Together. At least I knew she was safe. For right now though, I could take the time to relish just having this precious chance to hold him.

Really, I was lucky. Lucky that Zeke had contaminated the wine and not, for example, tea. I was lucky that I didn't drink. I hadn't, not since having Emi. And Levi never had been big on drinking anyway.

Lots of people had already been lost in this war. I was incredibly lucky that Levi had managed to put aside the fear and guilt of having to kill his own soldiers-turned-titans, and killed them, and had managed to survive this. Luck. I had no idea it was on my side, but I'm glad that it was.

This... losing track of everything else, forgetting about everything, was as it had always been. Levi had always been and would remain to be an escape for me. It appeared that I acted the same for him.

As we kissed, it was as though we traveled to our own little world. One free of pain. One without the problems this one was facing. One where our loved ones were ok, and we could let go of our worry, for once. One where we could be together, forever, as our vows had requested so long ago. One where we could kiss like this and not feel guilty.

Guilty for stealing time away from preparation, being with the others, or even resting. This was how we were choosing to spend our time. I was happy with it. I could only hope the others understood.

Being in that little world, where we didn't have to worry, or be guilty, or be in pain... that was really all we wanted. All we needed was each other and Emi, and we had it. All we wanted now to complete that was a safe world, one we'd dreamed of raising Emi in.

"Amaya," the sudden call of my name startled me. It was Hange, standing a few feet away, carrying a box towards the wagon we were seated against. She was smiling, though her words were serious. "If you open up those wounds again, you're re-stitching them. Ok?"

"Yes, ma'am," I said, now spending the energy to be embarrassed.

That's when we'd returned to talking, after a few select words towards our commander from Levi. It wasn't long after that that we'd been interrupted again: and at the sudden call of my name, of all things. This time it was Connie, asking for my opinion on something.

"I'll be back soon," I said to Levi as I stood.

"Be quick," he told me.

"Quick as I can," I assured him. Then, I smiled at him, cheekily, one that he knew meant trouble. "Promise to miss me?"

He took my teasing words and managed to force them to make a sweet turn. His eyes and words were sincere as he said, "always."

And now, here we were. Trying to get to bed. But how could I, knowing that this was the first night in over a month that I'd been able to help him sleep? As such, I didn't really want to sleep. I'd rather make sure he could.

...Though I doubted that right now I could even fall asleep anyway, but that was besides the point. I didn't want to waste precious time with him by sleeping through it. Did I love sleeping with him? Yes, of course. Did I feel completely safe and protected in his arms? Always. Had lying here like this, with him, been what I'd been wishing for? Absolutely.

However...

I had no idea what would happen in the morning. Neither of us did.

Morning would come a hell of a lot sooner if I fell asleep.

Hell, we might get ambushed long before morning broke. Or maybe we'd all be running to our doom tomorrow, in chasing after Eren. It was because of this uncertainty that I didn't want to sleep even though I knew I needed to. I didn't want to waste a single second when we could very well only have a few more precious hours together.

He could die tomorrow. These injuries had already pushed his body well beyond its limit. It was by a mere miracle that he was alive right now, that Hange had managed to find him and steal him away and take care of him.

I could die tomorrow. Battles were especially treacherous these days. Titans at least were dumb. They adhered to certain patterns I'd learned to exploit. Humans were... smart. Adaptable. Quick on their feet. If we ran into Yeagerists tomorrow, then we'd be running into soldiers that Shadis had helped train. That Levi had helped refine. That I had helped teach.

Things were dangerous - far more than before. They had new gear, Thunderspears, and top notch training courtesy of we few veterans of the military left. We had gear, no maintenance equipment, few provisions, and that was about it.

That was the stark reality of the situation. At any moment, any of us could die.

I didn't want to think that way, but everything was far too unpredictable nowadays. The limits of my imagination had already been pushed to its limits, but I'm sure this shit-show had a lot more left in store. But I wanted Levi to get some rest, at the very least.

If these were to be our last few hours together, I was not about to waste them by sleeping, that was for damn sure.

So, when our bedroll was set up and we lay down next to each other, I immediately settled on my back and held my arms out for him with a smile. He obliged right away, as though he'd been waiting for me to do it. I knew he hated having to sleep on the ground, and I couldn't say I enjoyed it either, so I'm sure he was grateful for our doubled-up roll.

And if my comfort had to be sacrificed for his, then I would do this every single night for the rest of our lives, if only so he could sleep soundly. The ground was cold and uncomfortable but I could bear it, for his sake.

If it was my comfort or his, I would pick his. Every single time, without fail.

He'd killed thirty titans alone and managed to nearly kill Zeke. The least I could do was lay here so he could be comfortable and get some well-deserved rest. He earned that much, at least.

I adjusted the blankets over us as he wound his arms around my torso, pulling himself impossibly close and even that wasn't enough. His head came to rest in the crook of my neck after he gently nosed my hair out of the way, and his warm breath wafted across my neck as he got comfortable.

"Goodnight, my love," I said gently, pressing a kiss to his hair.

"You forgot something, stupid," he mumbled. For a moment, I was baffled. For the life of me I couldn't figure out what it was, at least until he lifted his head to tilt it back and look at me. The look in his eye told me everything.

"Oh," I said with a light laugh, realizing he only wanted a kiss goodnight, "come here, then."

He shifted so he could lift himself up slightly on his hands, one on each side of me. He pulled himself closer, gently lowering his head to kiss me. I let one hand remain on his back, my fingers curling into the fabric of his shirt. The other slid up to run into his hair, my palm brushing against the fuzzy hair of the undercut. He lifted himself away, a noticeable glare in his eyes as he regarded me.

"What?"

"You're supposed to kiss back, dumbass," he said. "Have you already forgotten how to?"

"Levi," I said with a sigh, "I'm sorry, I just don't want to reopen your wounds. Hange is right, the stitches are still so delicate."

"I don't give a shit," he said, getting to his knees and sitting back. Thankfully, we were far enough away from the others so that no one could hear our conversation, but still, I watched quietly as he pulled away to sit back on his heels and began unwinding the bandages around the lower half of his face.

"Levi," I hissed, sitting up, "what are you-"

"Hush, woman," he muttered. I huffed, doing as told as I folded my legs to sit cross-legged before him. "Or are you trying to wake everyone up?"

I reached out to grab his wrist, but he leaned away, just enough to be out of reach. He didn't unwind the entire bandage, only enough so make sure that his lips were uncovered. Only then did he lean in, setting a hand on the back of my head to keep me still as he kissed me.

I hummed in protest, hoping he'd get the picture, but he ignored it. Levi only pressed against me further, his lips forceful against my unmoving ones. His eyes were squeezed shut, a deep furrow in his brow. His other hand came up to cup my cheek as he drew away only enough to speak.

"Kiss me back, damn it," he said, his lips brushing against mine with each word.

His eyes fluttered open, and I found myself staring right into those beautiful blue eyes of his. The ones that Emi had inherited, the same ones I had fallen in love with and had missed seeing, more than anything. The ones that now reflected the light of the moon. Goodness, they were absolutely breathtaking.

"I don't want to reopen your cuts, love," I breathed out, one of my hands coming to cup his cheek. He leaned into my touch slightly, but his eye still remained unamused.

"Be gentle, then," he said. I must've still looked unsure because he sighed. "Is this really about what Hange said? It didn't bother you before shitty-glasses spoke up." I pursed my lips and he sighed. "If it starts to hurt, I'll let you know. Now stop fighting it, brat."

He was right. It hadn't bothered me, not until Hange cut in. But once she had, I'd realized how reckless of a move it had been, to kiss his split lips as though they hadn't been torn only days before. They needed to heal. To do that, they couldn't be touched.

But... goodness, I wanted to kiss him so badly. And it'd been so long since I'd been able to give him a kiss goodnight, of course.

"Are you sure, Levi?"

"Yes."

I bit my lip, still unsure. His eye followed the movement, then traveled back up to meet my gaze. Finally, slowly, I nodded. "If your stitches need to be redone because of this, I'm punching you," I murmured, before leaning in at long last. That was all the permission he needed to press his lips to mine again.

And this time, I didn't hesitate to kiss back. My movements were slow against his, but equally as gentle. He'd already been in enough pain these past few days, I didn't want to be the one to reopen the wounds. They were still delicate, the stitches still fresh.

But feeling his lips against mine and working back into the rhythm of savoring each other, I couldn't hold back for long, and neither could he. His lips against mine were so gentle, so sweet, so reverent. I could feel the love flowing between us with each brush of his lips against my own.

When my hands came to cup his cheeks, the pads of my fingers cradling his skin with the utmost care, his own skated down my sides, his fingers following the curves of my body as if it were their first time doing so. Meanwhile, I mapped the lines of his face, feeling the old, familiar ones, contrasting against the new ones.

The shirt I was wearing, the one given to me by Reyes, was soft and loose, and his hand found its way underneath the fabric to gently palm my waist. His hand was warm against my bare skin, and the once so familiar feel of the calloused skin of his palm and the delicate movements of his fingertips now felt foreign against the mostly unblemished skin of my waist. But that familiarity soon returned, and I once again felt like I was right at home with only his tender care to keep me protected from the world.

His uniform shirt was buttoned all the way, so as to remain the face of professionalism, or to establish that he was still a commanding officer; I tugged his cravat loose, and with the trained fingers of one hand, undid his top button, so that he may be more comfortable.

This was all he'd needed from me all those years ago, when he'd still had so much trouble sleeping and had all but refused to sleep in his own bed, when he took to sleeping in his chair only when he passed out at his desk doing paperwork. Back when he only slept for a couple of hours at a time, never able to get a full night's rest for the nightmares he suffered each and every single night.

Thankfully, I'd been able to help him from that.

He sighed against my mouth, content with the way things had progressed. I'm sure he was terribly relieved that I'd decided to kiss him. I knew that if I'd have told him no once more, he'd have stopped asking. He respected me and my own boundaries too much to force something like that, just as I respected his own.

But I think he knew that I'd give in, that my resolve was weak. I'd only refused because Hange had made a joke that actually made sense; if his wounds did reopen, I'd never forgive myself. And yet, I had a month and some change worth of kisses to catch up on, and I didn't know for sure how much longer I had to cash it in.

I'd missed this so much. I'd missed him so much.

The way his bangs hung between us as we kissed, the warmth emanating from him, the soft sighs I could coax out of him. We just... fit. He fit so nicely against me. The way our hands were sized, our lips, our bodies. Everything just worked. It didn't matter how much time passed since we'd last seen each other, because everything was just so right between us.

We'd gone from being able to hold each other all day if we were so inclined as to do so, to not seeing each other for over a month with only my letters and his brief messages as our only form of contact.

We'd missed just... being. Being with each other. Being able to see the other, in something more than a memory. And when you became so accustomed to being consistently around something so right, being suddenly without them felt so wrong.

Such was the case here.

I whined against his lips, quiet and faint, and he chuckled. He surged forward then, the kiss becoming more forceful, and he eased me to my back against the bedding again. My hands traveled from his face up into his hair, down to his neck and shoulders, and back up.

His hands drifted up my sides, and back down, and if we were alone at home, in our shared bed, I knew exactly where this would lead. But there was nothing ulterior here. Not like we could do that here anyway, if we even wanted to, but for right now, all we really wanted – and needed – was to feel each other. To get reacquainted with the feeling of being so close.

I'd spent these past few years blissfully able to kiss him like this for as long as I'd wanted. I could recreate his face if I had the time and materials, and his body too, if I had more of each. But with these new cuts and scars, I was presented with a new challenge, yet it was a welcome one; it was a challenge that I was rather eager to begin.

I traced my fingers along his skin to remap the contours of his face into my memory. My fingertips danced lightly along his cheeks, my index finger catching on the bandage left wound around his head to cover his eye. I gently tugged it undone, and let it fall in a small heap against the pillow beside my head. If he was going to expose the bottom half of his face, then he could expose all of it.

He pulled back slightly, surprised, as the bandages fell away, but when I lifted my head to catch his lips in another kiss, he let out a small groan - not one of pleasure, but one of contentment, of submission to what I had done and to my will completely - and eased back into it.

When we drew away to breathe, his forehead came to rest against mine. His eyes were closed, a slight pinch creased his brow. I ran one of my hands into his hair, and as soon as I did, he let out a content sigh and adjusted himself so he was laying atop me comfortably, his forehead now coming to land in the crook of my neck.

"I missed you," he said quietly, his voice muffled as he spoke against my skin, "so much, Maya."

"I missed you too," I said quietly, my other arm winding around him to rest on his back.

I rubbed soothing arcs into it, just as my other hand continued to run through his hair. He was holding me just as tightly, his arms tucked underneath the small of my back. Not even an inch separated us anywhere and I relished the fact that I even was able to hold him like this at all.

"Fix your bandages, love," I advised gently.

He shook his head, leaving it tucked against my neck. "No," he said, his voice as hushed as mine.

"Levi, I don't want the injuries to rub against something and reopen," I said.

"They won't," he said, almost desperately. My eyes widened at that, and I knew that he wasn't backing down on this. Still, I couldn't help but protest. He had very serious injuries and I didn't want to risk them getting infected or hurt by being exposed so long. We already had tempted fate by kissing as we had.

"Levi," I started, attempting to reason with him.

"No," he repeated firmly. "Just let me hold you like this. I'll put them back on later."

With just that, I understood. He didn't want anything between us, for right now.

"Ok," I breathed out. I tilted my head down and placed kiss after kiss to his hair. "Oh," I said suddenly, ceasing my kisses and getting a dissatisfied grunt in answer from him, "in the letter, did I mention Emi running around with her blanket?"

"You did," he said. "Trying to be me, right?"

"That's right," I said with a smile. "That's what she told me. She said she wanted to be a hero, just like daddy."

"A hero, huh?"

"Mm-hm," I hummed happily, rubbing his back gently. "She can't wait to show you how well she can sweep now."

"But she still doesn't like drinking tea," he said quietly, his voice laced with exhaustion. He was only talking to try to keep himself up; normally, if he were less exhausted, he'd just let me talk his ear off. Now, though...

"She's our daughter," I laughed lightly. "She'll learn to love it. Just give it time. But for right now, while you have the time..."

"Don't say it," he muttered.

I sighed. "Levi, you need sleep. Your body needs to rest so it can get better."

"I'd rather stay up," he said.

"I know what you mean," I murmured. "I want to stay up and talk with you all night. But you really do need the sleep, my love." I could still feel his hesitance in the way his arms tightened around me, as if afraid that I'd disappear if he didn't cling to me tightly enough, like sand slipping through his fingers. "It's alright, darling. Go to sleep. I'll be here when you wake up, I promise."

He lifted his head, only enough so that his icy blue eyes could find mine. His eyes were searching for something in my gaze, though I'm not sure what. A tell, perhaps. It was all too possible that his mind – trauma-ridden as it was – would make him believe that he was dreaming of all of this. Of me being here, holding him, laying underneath him, safe.

We'd lain in this exact position so many times before, so it wasn't terribly unlikely that his mind could make him believe that he was here, right where he wanted to be. It wasn't farfetched for him to believe that the next time he closed his eyes, that this vision of me would disappear and he'd wake up alone again by the time he opened them again.

I wasn't sure what else I could say to him to make him believe that this wasn't all an illusion. I couldn't think of a way for me to persuade him to relax. I wasn't sure if it would work if I were even able to find the right words to use. Levi was a practical man, but this war had stripped him of so much.

We'd already lost some of our scouts. So many had died – soldiers on both sides, and even innocent civilians. Half of the Scouts had diverted to the Yeagerists, he'd been in charge of watching Zeke; someone who hated him so badly that he attempted to kill himself, if it gave him a chance to hurt Levi in the process. And it had. Besides all that, he hadn't seen our daughter, and me, in over a month.

Levi didn't have very much family left. Aside from the kids, and Hange, he had the two of us girls and that was it. He'd keep fighting for his family so long as he still drew breath, but he'd be damned if it didn't get harder by the day.

Besides me physically being here, I couldn't think of anything to say that would soothe him to sleep. But maybe... Maybe I didn't need to talk.

I leaned forward, pressing a gentle kiss to his lips. When I drew away, I remained close, and quietly, under my breath, I began to sing. It was a simple song, a loving one that Mason had taught me. But being with Levi had brought it to life, and it was only through him that I could begin to understand what it was talking about.

I sang only just loud enough for him to hear, just above a whisper, so that I didn't wake anyone else up. I lowered my head to the pillow, gazing up at him lovingly. I could only hope that he could see everything I hoped to convey in my eyes, and in the gentle smile lifting my lips as the hushed melodies escaped me.

Levi's gaze dropped down to watch my mouth move, but only for a moment before they met mine again. I laced my fingers of one hand into his hair, following the rhythm of the song as they gently massaged his scalp. A shaky exhale left him, and his brow pinched with reluctance.

He didn't want to sleep. He couldn't. Not when he knew it'd be filled with visions of me not being here, of Emi and me dying, of him unable to save us. As his mind screamed at him to not allow it to suffer in this way, his heart longed to sleep peacefully in my arms, as he always had. His body was screaming too, wanting the sleep it so desperately needed right now so he could heal.

It would be a slow process, and one night of sleep wouldn't make things magically better overnight. But he was granted this small liberty, this rare opportunity that many others in a global war didn't have: to rest well, in the arms of a loved one. There were many people dying right now, from the Rumbling. He had this chance to rest peacefully. He should take it. And it would do a lot for his heart, more than it would his body, certainly, but regardless, he needed it.

Slowly, as if his body itself was reluctant to do so, he lowered his head to rest against my chest. He shifted slightly to rest his ear against my heart, so the strong pounding within could serve as a pendulum, luring him to sleep alongside my song.

And gently, without much warning, he fell asleep in my arms. Not long after I noticed this, I allowed myself to stop singing, my voice tired but my heart warm as I tugged the blanket up further on his shoulders. I pressed another kiss to his hair before lowering my head back to the pillow. I gazed up through the tree branches at the moon.

Dawn was only a few short hours away.

I wanted to stay awake, but my body, welcoming Levi's familiar embrace and weight against me, slipped silently into sleep's hold.

—

"Levi," I murmured against his back, a quiet plea for him to remain in bed.

My forehead was pressed to his back, my arms wrapped around him and, for good measure, I had one of my legs hooked over his body. He was trying to get out of bed, but it was Sunday and still far too early for us to be awake. Besides, Emi wasn't crying or demanding attention in any way right now. Who were we to say no to extra time in bed?

"Stay," I said quietly.

He was propped up on one elbow, peering over his shoulder as best he could to see me. If I opened my eyes and looked up at him, I already knew what I would see: his messy bedhead, his incredulous and possibly annoyed look being sent my way, and his bare skin seemingly glowing in the early light of morning streaming through the window.

"It's so early," I reasoned.

The morning rooster had only just crowed, and the world was only just waking up. It was our day off. A day for us to relax as a family here at home, with nowhere that we needed to go. No meetings, no duties, just a free day to be spent together. We could nap, we could read, we could soak in the bath, or do all of them. Just not yet.

"And we're warm in bed. Don't go out there, it's cold."

With it being the middle of winter, it meant that the sun rose earlier in the day and set earlier in the evening. If we got up now and started our day, it'd mess with our natural schedule. We had a set way of doing things. If we changed the rhythm now, the results could be catastrophic. I would really rather not take that chance if I didn't have to.

"Early morning cuddles are the best time of the day, anyway. You don't want to cut it short, do you?"

Usually, regardless of whatever duties we had scheduled in a day, they would start like this: with the two of us in bed, sometimes one of us going to grab Emi so we could snuggle with her, if only for a few minutes before we really did have to wake up. And it was truly one of my favorite times of day. There was a lot to do on any given day, but there was always one constant, and that was cuddling with my husband.

"Besides," I said, "I haven't given you your morning kiss yet. You never leave bed without it."

Lazy morning kisses, though sloppy and gross if you focused too much on morning breath, were warm and soothing and loving. Though because Levi always tended to focus on the morning breath, our lazy morning kisses would usually consist of kissing around each other's lips, never quite getting there. But that was ok. There were few things I liked more than slowly waking up as Levi's lips languidly skated across my skin, pressing gentle kisses wherever he pleased.

"Just for a few more minutes, love," I whispered. "I won't fall back asleep, promise."

I could ignore the slight chill streaming in through slight raises in the blanket because of Levi's movements that released the body heat that had gathered underneath if it meant that I could simply continue to hold him like this. Goosebumps popped up on my arms, but I pulled myself closer to him, hoping to steal a bit of his warmth. The man always had been something akin to a personal furnace.

"Stay in bed, my darling."

Even though I'd been the one to say all those persuasive words, I hadn't expected them to work. When he lowered the blanket over him again and patted my leg over the blanket, quietly telling me to move it, I did. And it surprised me more when he rolled over in place before his arms scooped me into his chest. Suddenly, I was a bit too warm, but it was comfortable, and I smiled as I sank into his embrace.

"Does this mean we can stay in bed a little while longer?" I asked softly.

"Yes, brat," he said indulgently. "You didn't have to talk at me for five minutes though."

"Hm? When did you give in?"

He chuckled. "When you said my name."

—

When next I woke, it was because I'd heard a gasp. It was strained, surprised, and... scared. My instincts kicked in and my eyes snapped open, looking around for any sign of danger. Any signs of sleepiness were erased as I sat up, and that's when I noticed it. I was able to sit up. If Levi were still laying with his head on my chest, I wouldn't have been able to.

"Levi...?" In the dark I managed to find him. He was kneeling, sitting back against his heels, and covering his eyes with his hands. He was shaking his head, his dark hair unceremoniously shifting around as he did.

"Levi," I said again, slightly more forcefully as I shifted closer to him on my own knees. I grasped his wrists gently, tugging slightly. He refused to let go, instead holding them more firmly against his face. "What's wrong, Levi? Is it your injuries?"

"No, no, no," he hissed, slouching over more.

"Please, love, talk to me," I plead. "I'm right here, I can help you. Just look at me, Levi, please."

"You're not here," he whispered desperately. "Stop talking."

"Oh, Levi," I murmured. "I'm here. I promise, I'm here. Just open your eyes." I couldn't tell if he was still asleep and suffering through a nightmare or if he was awake, but the sight of him like this broke my heart.

"It's not really you! Shut up!"

"Even dream Amaya would never listen when you tell her to shut up," I said to him. I lowered one of my hands, gently palming the space over his heart. "I'm right here baby, please just look at me. I promise I won't disappear. It's really me."

I finally managed to pry one of his wrists away from his face and with a start his eyes snapped open. His mouth dropped open and another gasp escaped him. When finally his eyes focused on me, I released my grip on his wrist and instead took his hand.

His facial injuries were still uncovered but thankfully they hadn't been opened overnight... or at least in the few hours it'd been since we'd fallen asleep. I was most nervous about the one scratched across the entire length of his face, the one through his eye. Thankfully, that one was still sewn shut, despite his movements.

It honestly didn't seem to be too much later in the night, but the sky was turning that pale gray indicative of the coming dawn. There was still time before the sun rose, but I could tell that it was approaching. A quick glance around the camp showed that no one else was up yet, or at the very least, they were still resting instead of getting up and starting the day.

"Maya," he said quietly. Then his gaze fell, and he looked down. "Fuck," he hissed. "Are you really...?" He reached out, his eye glancing up at mine again.

"I am," I replied. "I'm here." I lifted his hand to my lips, kissing his knuckles. I rubbed my thumb over his ring, twisting the metal band slightly. He slumped over, a shaky exhale leaving his lips as he rested his forehead on my shoulder. My free arm curled around his waist, rubbing his back. "I told you I'd be here," I said quietly. "I did promise you, after all."

"I didn't think... I wasn't... shit, I'm pathetic. I'm sorry."

"You're not," I said quickly. "You're far from it. And don't you dare apologize. You did nothing wrong. This entire world is gunning for us. You haven't been home in a long time. You have a huge target on your back through no fault of your own. It is perfectly normal to be afraid right now. Your mind is just taking advantage of that right now. There's nothing more happening, Levi, right now we're safe. It's ok."

"I had to watch you die," he mumbled against me. "And I was... like this, so when Emi saw me, she..." His arms snaked around my torso, tugging me ever closer. I could feel my heart shatter at the way he thought Emi would view him as unsightly with his injuries.

She might be a bit scared at first, but she loved her father, more than anything else in this world. She would still love him, even with the scars. Nothing could shake their love for each other. Levi would go to the ends of the earth for her if she asked him to, and she'd be waiting for his return at home with a smile on her face.

That would never, ever change.

Humanity's strongest soldier wasn't afraid of very many things. Losing the love of his daughter was one of them. But that would never happen: this I knew for certain.

"She's grown up around soldiers," I reminded him gently. "She's seen retired soldiers with missing limbs when we'd go to lunch with Pixis, she was with us when one of the recruits got hurt on the training grounds, and she wandered off into the infirmary one morning. She's seen injuries before, remember? Emi will still love you, Levi." I pressed a kiss to his head. "And we are not going anywhere."

"I thought you were gone," he said quietly.

I knew how much this must have shaken him, for him to be admitting this all so readily to me. Even after all this time he still wasn't one to just up and tell people what was bothering him, much less what scared him. For too long, he lived somewhere where his weaknesses would be used against him.

Even for all my trying, I knew that he never could truly break from the habit of keeping what could be used against him inside, leaving me to try and guess what he feared and therefore how best to help him, because it was so rare that he decided to tell me.

"I... fuck, I missed you so much," he said. "I can't wrap my damn head around the fact that you're here right now."

"You're strong, Levi," I murmured. "So strong. We're gonna make it home. And we're going to live together in the peace and quiet of our home with Emi. And we'll watch her grow up."

A quiet noise escaped him – something between a whine and a sigh – and he pulled me even closer. His legs shifted so he was sitting cross legged, and he pulled me into his lap. I readjusted slightly, sitting as though he'd been carrying me like a bride. His arms wound around me to keep me close, and mine settled comfortably around him as well.

Several minutes passed in that way. I had let my cheek rest against his shoulder while his strong arms kept me in place in his lap. His breathing evened out and he began to calm down, all with no further words exchanged. This was what he needed right now.

The silent, comforting affirmation that I really was here with him. For right now, all he needed was to hold me in his arms. I'd said all the words I could to him before. He didn't want or need to hear them again. And that was ok. I was content to do whatever he needed from me. If that meant staying right here, then that was what I would do.

I had absolutely no complaints about cuddling up to him, anyway. I'd missed being in his arms like this. It wasn't terribly often that I sat on his lap like this, but I loved it each time it happened. It was nice to be held in general, but to be held in my husband's strong arms, in his loving embrace, it comforted me to no end and made me feel so loved, so safe, and so cherished.

Being held like this was terribly comfortable and I began to feel my fatigue catching up to me. I'd been woken up so suddenly and forced into wakefulness by pure instinct that now that my mind knew that everything was ok, it allowed itself to feel as tired as it truly was. As if knowing this, he began to rock us gently back and forth, slowly.

"Did you manage to fall asleep?" He asked.

"Mm," I hummed in answer. As if realizing that was telling of how tired I had suddenly become, he chuckled, leaning down to plant a kiss to my hair.

"I'm not going back to sleep," he told me. "I'll hold you here, if you're comfortable."

"I am comfy," I answered quietly. "But I'm not sleeping until you put your bandages back on."

"Little brat," he huffed. "Only if you give me another kiss, then."

"Oh," I cooed, "is that all?" I lifted my head to look up at him, and he leaned down to meet me halfway for a featherlight, sweet kiss. I sneaked a few more kisses in before drawing away, helping him as he begrudgingly fixed his bandages, winding them around his wounds again, before finally settling back against him. I kept my head tilted back, just to look up at him affectionately.

"Happy now?"

"Yes," I answered easily.

"Finally," he muttered. "Now sleep."

"We could sleep together," I offered.

"No," he replied. "I don't think I could right now. I... I just want to hold you, for now."

A small smile slid onto my lips. "You're so sweet."

"Only for you," he said under his breath. He reached over, grabbed the blanket, and tugged it closer. He set it around me and I helped, snuggling into it. Just as I relaxed in his embrace and sleep was returning to me, Levi spoke. Not to me, but someone else. "You look like you've got something to say, kid. Just say it."

My eyes, which had fluttered closed, opened again and I looked around curiously. My eyes landed on the small boy – Falco, was it? – who was standing awkwardly just a few feet away. There were dark bags under his eyes, and under our sudden scrutiny, he looked nervous.

"Um... I'm sorry. I just... I couldn't sleep, so I was walking around, and I heard voices, and..." He looked at me. His eyes brightened slightly, even in the dim light of the early, early morning. "Was that you singing earlier?"

"Yes," I answered somewhat sheepishly. "I'm sorry if I woke you, sweetheart."

The boy shook his head rapidly, and I was afraid he'd hurt himself. "No, no! It was nice. Your voice is very pretty. It kinda reminded me of my mom..."

Though my heart swelled at the fact that I reminded him of his mother, my heart sank as his face fell, crestfallen as he realized that even as we spoke, she was in grave danger. The Rumbling was quickly approaching, of course. My heart bled for this poor boy. He was young, far too young to be troubled with the curse of now holding a titan. He was too young to even be playing a role in this war. And yet here he was.

"Oh," was the only thing I could manage to say. "I'm so sorry. But I'll sing for you, as much as you like." I said it reassuringly, with a smile on my face. His eyes, watery with tears, blinked a few times as he gaped at me.

"Maya," Levi interjected quietly, so the boy wouldn't hear, "you need sleep."

"And this poor boy needs his parents," I countered just as quietly, before turning my attention back to the boy. "Your name is Falco, right?"

He nodded. "That's right," he answered. "And you're... sorry, I don't actually remember your name."

My smile could do nothing but grow at his sheepish words. "That's perfectly fine," I assured him. "I'm not the best with names either, sometimes. I'm Amaya. And this is Levi."

"Levi," he repeated, his eyes widening. "Ackerman?"

A soft sigh escaped Levi's lips. "That's right."

He swallowed down his fear and his eyes dropped to the ground. "Don't look so scared, Falco," I called playfully. "You'll hurt my husband's feelings."

"Husband? He's your... huh?"

"Why is everyone so surprised that I have a wife?" Levi mumbled irritatingly. I patted his chest lightly, glancing up at him with a smile.

"He's a father, too," I said. "We've got a little girl waiting for us at home."

Falco seemed to perk up at that. "You seem like... like you'd be a good mother," he said earnestly. My heart warmed immediately.

"Well," I said, "thank you. That's very sweet of you to say, darling."

"My mom sings a lot," he said. "That's why I said you reminded me of her. She'd sing to my brother and me all the time."

"You have a brother?" I asked. "Tell me about him."

"He's..." Falco hesitated, and I immediately regretted asking.

"It's ok, sweetie," I said gently. "You don't need to say anything."

"No, I can, it's just... He... Colt died right before the Rumbling when I... when I turned into a titan. That's what they told me."

"Oh, my goodness," I said. "I'm so sorry."

"At the restaurant," he elaborated further, "I accidentally ingested some of the wine."

"You poor thing," I said quietly. "It wasn't your fault, Falco. I know it seems like it is, and I know firsthand what it's like to blame yourself for the death of someone you loved. But you're so, so brave. We're going to fix this, ok?"

He took a moment to answer me, as if trying to determine if I meant it or not. But finally, he nodded. "Yeah."

"There's still some time before dawn," I said gently. "You should get some more sleep, kiddo."

"Ok," he deferred easily. "Um... thank you. For talking with me."

"Anytime," I said with a smile. "Sleep well, sweetheart." When he meandered his way back through the camp, I yawned.

"You need to sleep too," Levi told me.

"Oh, trust me, darling," I said when I finished my yawn. "I'm already almost there." But then I chuckled and glanced up at him. "I want to adopt him."

"Where the hell did that come from?"

"I'm just saying he's a cute kid," I said. "After this is all over, if... well, if his family passes... we should adopt him. I don't want him to lose his family but if he does, which is highly likely at this point, I think he'd make a good fit in ours."

"You spoke to him for all of five minutes," Levi grumbled.

"Right," I said. "And I'm a great judge of character. The kid's a sweetheart, I can tell. I feel so bad for him."

"We're all victims in this," he said. "He's one of the kids who trained to get a Titan, anyway. He's not above the violence."

"Neither are we," I reminded him.

"Go to sleep, Maya," he said again. "This isn't a talk we need to have right now."

"Are you sure you're comfortable here?" I asked.

"Are you?"

"I am," I answered. "But I don't want you to be uncomfortable just so I can be."

"Hush, you damn woman," he said. "I wouldn't offer it if I didn't want to."

"You damn woman this, you damn woman that," I muttered sleepily. "This damn woman is your wife; you should be nicer to her."

A quiet chuckle drifted past his lips. "I'm letting you sleep in my lap, aren't you?"

"Well," I huffed, "yes."

Knowing that I'd given up on that argument, he pressed another kiss to my hair. I adjusted the blanket atop me, then tilted my head back to plant a kiss to his jaw. Before I could snuggle back against his chest, he lowered his lips to mine. I hummed contentedly against him, despite the bandages between us.

"I love you, Levi," I whispered against his lips.

"I love you too," he replied, his own voice hushed. Content and growing sleepy again, I closed my eyes and settled back into his loving embrace. It didn't take long for sleep to find me again.

—

As I peacefully slept like many other people in the camp, Levi stayed awake. He watched the sky go from that inky gray to a pale, pale blue, one that was soon streaked with hues of pink and orange. The sun grew closer to the horizon and when it did the morning sunlight streamed through the trees, casting long shadows across the forest floor.

His legs were numb, as was the arm looped around his wife to support her torso, but it was in his opinion preferable to the pain that he felt throb through his muscles since that bastard had blown him up. There wasn't a single part of his body that wasn't sore or otherwise in pain, and there was the continual dull ache of a migraine pounding through his head. His body was overworked, his mind overwhelmed.

There was just so much going on, and he only knew bits and pieces of it. He was only able to stay awake for so long, but his sleep was restless. It was always fruitless sleep because he was far too alert and paranoid to truly relax right now. The world had already gone to shit and somehow it was getting worse.

And aside from the physical pain and mental fatigue, his heart was exhausted, too.

He'd thought his wife was dead, and only found out that she wasn't because she'd shown up right in front of him, like an angel. Despite being covered in filth and disgusting titan saliva, he'd never wanted to get up and run to her more than he had in that moment.

And he felt guilty because she must have felt the same way. She hadn't known if he was still alive either. How would she, when Zeke had appeared at Wall Shiganshina but not him? She must've been so fucking scared, it hurt him to even think about. There weren't many people in his life who would worry over him like that.

None of that mattered now, though.

They were together again. He glanced down at his wife often, as if to make sure that she was still here. His nightmares lately have felt so real, it was tough to tell if he was awake or not. He could feel the pain in his joints as he fought further, and he could feel her familiar weight in his arms as she died in his embrace. And he could hear Emi wail so loudly, it echoed in his ears and the image of her crying because she feared him now that he was bandaged to hell and mangled beyond belief terrified him.

And nearly every time he closed his eyes, he would see the terrible view of both of them dying, their little girl in the arms of his wife, cradled against her chest as they slowly bled out, gasping for air. His dreams were riddled with his family dying in worse and worse ways, with him getting seemingly closer to saving them but never quite getting there...

There wasn't much good about the situation they were in right now.

But being able to sit and hold his wife... it was something he'd taken for granted. He was admittedly happy for the opportunity to do it again. It was a brief reprieve from the endless fighting, the nonstop pain. Her presence was warm, it was comforting, and it was loving. It was too much to ask for when the world was currently getting crushed under the pounding feet of a million titans, but he would take it.

He was a selfless man anyway. Couldn't he afford to be selfish for once in his life?

—

When my eyes fluttered open, it was because of my husband's gentle calling for me. The rest of the camp was waking up, and when I lifted my head, I could see the other adults in the camp getting up and stretching their aching limbs. We'd made it through the night without an ambush. That was a miracle in and of itself.

I directed my sleepy gaze up towards my husband, smiling when I realized that he was already looking down at me. "Good morning," I said.

"About time you woke up," he said. "I've been telling you to get up for minutes now."

"Must not have bothered you that much," I said, my smile sliding into a smirk, "because you didn't just toss me from your lap."

"I still can, if you want," he said.

"That's not necessary," I chimed. I lifted the blanket up and away from my body and eased myself off his lap. I stretched my arms over my head, feeling the satisfying pops and cracks as I did. I rolled my neck to work some of the kinks out of it before standing up. I held a hand towards Levi, and he took it, allowing me to pull him up.

With my hand still in his I tugged him closer to me, leaning in to kiss him gently. I cupped his cheek with my other hand before pulling away, my eyes fluttering open. "Thank you for letting me sleep in your lap," I said. "I slept like a baby."

"Heavy baby," he commented. I whacked his arm gently. I helped him over to the cart again and helped him sit atop the makeshift gurney for now. I helped Hange and Jean as they began to pack up the camp, and more and more of us started to wake up.

We all collectively decided to let Gabi and Falco sleep in a bit more, and no one seemed to want to wake Reiner up, as heavily as he was snoring. As the two carts brought in by Mikasa, Armin and the others were packed up, I helped Levi into the first of the two.

The sun was completely above the horizon, the morning fog already having burned away and the sky a rich blue, when everyone was up and piling onto the carts. Connie and Armin offered to man the reins for each cart, and the higher-ups took the first cart.

I hopped on, foregoing one of the benches to sit with Levi. From staying up these past few hours, he was already asleep, and I gently lifted his head into my lap and took his hand into mine. Hange, Magath, Onyankopon, and Yelena occupied this cart as well, with Connie taking the front seat.

When we set off, all was quiet. Pieck had gone off ahead to scout and would meet back with us at regular intervals as we continued towards the coast. Her titan was quick, and we'd managed to cover quite a bit of ground even just getting so far as we had. The coast wasn't terribly far away, but it'd be a good few hours before we got there via these carts.

For food, all we had were dry rations left, but we still had the base at the coast that we'd be able to visit and resupply as we figured out our next move. The Rumbling was far past the reaches of our island's borders by now, and as such we had our work cut out for us, in catching up to him. The Azumabito's flying boat was our best chance of that. It'd be the easiest and quickest way of getting to Eren.

Light conversations started to flow between those on the cart I was in, but I didn't speak up much. I just watched the scenery go by, but I wasn't even really focusing on that; rather, I was focusing solely on the feeling of my fingers raking through his hair gently and the warmth of his hand clasped with my own.

It was going to be a long, hard day - though that itself was a grave understatement. I could only hope we'd all make it. But for now, there was nothing to do but wait and pray to whoever would listen, though we'd be hard-pressed to find a god or goddess merciful enough to excuse our sins for the hope that we could save the world and make up for what we'd done.

I sighed.

Yeah. It's going to be a long day.