Ch. 97 - Campfire

"Instead of staring each other down," Hange said, looking up from the stew she was making, "could some of you help me?"

"Of course," I said right away, standing from the cart and gently prying Levi's hand from my own to offer up my help.

He shifted slightly but did not stir from his sleep thankfully, and it was admittedly still so strange to think that he was sound asleep around so many strangers. When it was just us, alone and safe in our bed at home, he even now still had such difficulty getting and staying asleep - the result of untold trauma going unchecked for so long, but gradually there was progress and he was getting so much better at it.

But still, getting blown the hell up was enough to make sure he slept? If I knew that before, I'd have done it myself!

...I'm kidding, of course.

I fixed the cloaks and blankets over him, working to keep him as warm as possible. Any loose fabric had been gathered up, because he needed to be comfortable - or as comfortable as he could be while out in the woods. Satisfied that he was as comfy as could be given the circumstances, and still deep in sleep for now, I walked over and crouched down next to Hange, helping to peel some of the vegetables she had out. As I began to work, there was an indignant humph from my right. I turned my head, meeting the steely eyes of General Magath.

"To think we'd all be here taking a meal together after all the time we spent trying to kill each other," he said. "It's interesting. What changed your mind? You know you'll get the world you want if you just let Eren Yeager go. That heaven for you island devils."

...Is that really what he thinks we want? For the rest of the world to die? Really? He must not have had a good conversation with Hange yet. The most curious human being on this planet – there's no way she'd want those from around the world to die before she could learn everything she could.

And I certainly didn't want that, either. Me and my damn bleeding heart. Stopping Eren was the goal now. I couldn't allow this mass genocide to continue. I just wasn't sure how to stop it... which is why, I suppose, that this alliance had formed.

"We were so close to keeping Eren and Zeke from coming into contact," Magath continued. I returned my attention to the food, dumping some of the vegetables into the stew. "If only you hadn't helped them out."

"Like I explained, General," Hange spoke up, "none of us want genocide. We wouldn't have scurried off to a forest to lay low and make stew if we did."

"So you're saying you finally see whose side justice is on," Magath said in a snarky sort of way.

His words left a bad taste in my mouth. Justice wasn't black or white, it never had been. On paper? Sure. In practice? Never. He was a general, for Goddesses' sake. Did he really not understand that? Even war was never just black or white. I wanted to tell him off for that kind of off-handed comment, but I held my tongue. I only just met the guy. I didn't want to get on his bad side immediately, but honestly, it seemed he held us all in that regard anyway.

At any rate, it seemed like I didn't have to say anything at all, because Jean got rubbed the wrong way by that comment, too.

"Justice?" Jean repeated. "Were you just talking about justice? You? So we were the bad guys for fighting against those Titans you people kept sending over to us?"

Our people, I fought not to add.

"Listen up," Jean continued. "The reason we fought as hard as we did is because we didn't want to be eaten alive by Titans! And you're over there trying to say that's something only devils would do?"

"Yeah," Magath affirmed with nonchalance oozing from his lips, lifting a bottle to his mouth, as though he'd done nothing wrong in his life, "you do look like devils to me. All our concerns about Paradis have come true, and now you're working on destroying the world. This is the result of all your hard-fought battles, is it not?"

Oh, he's just looking for a swift kick to the balls, isn't he?

"Listen here," Jean argued back, "if his mom wasn't eaten alive after the walls got torn down, Eren would never have done this in the first place!"

"You're the ones who backed him into using the Rumbling, aren't you?"

Ok, well.

What would you have us do? ...Is what I wanted to ask, but this could get bad. We only just started working together. To fracture immediately would be bad. So, I settled for, "Could we refrain from fighting right away, gentlemen?"

"Oh," Magath mused, ignoring me completely, looking right at Jean.

I rolled my eyes. Ok. Guess I didn't speak at all then, asshole.

"So now you want to talk about history? You at least understand that Eldia was the first to devastate Marley and make its people suffer, right?"

"How long are you going to play the victim over something that happened two millennia ago?"

Magath groaned exaggeratedly. "It's like I'm talking to a child."

Anyone's a child compared to you, you old bag of dirt.

"Do you think that nonsense holds water in the face of two thousand years of real history?"

"...Excuse me?!"

"Jean," I said in a gentle warning.

His eyes flickered to mine briefly and indecisively before snapping back to Magath who looked cool and collected, if only a bit irritated. I knew it was a tough thing, a tall order, to want him to calm down. It was hard to be calm when this old fool was being so damn discriminatory when it should have been clear what side we were all on.

I looked over at Magath now, intending to put this to rest. This man was on thin fucking ice. To get Jean so worked up? My own emotions I could handle, but coming after Jean like that, who was defending us so heartily...

"Please refrain from calling my soldiers children, General. We've shown your soldiers respect, please show mine the same."

"Yeah, well-"

"We're also making you dinner," I said coolly, leveling an even gaze at him.

He opened his mouth to speak further, but Hange cut in, then. "Stop it," Hange said to all three of us, though I knew it was mostly directed at the two men. "No one wants to hear you bicker about things none of us saw two thousand years ago."

Hange then directed her attention to the boy, and I looked his way, too.

"Jean," Hange said, "the General here is baffled by our existence. The existence of us strange devils who are so desperate to save the very people who tried to wipe this island clean that we're willing to throw heaven away." Frustrated, Jean turned away as I added another peeled vegetable to the pot and Hange continued. "We lived in the outside world for a few months. We can't go back to being ignorant island devils."

When next someone spoke, it was Annie. "And so, you can kill him now?"

"...What?" Armin asked.

"Can you kill Eren?" Annie asked slowly and clearly.

"Killing Eren isn't the only way to stop him," Mikasa said.

"Yeah," Annie said, "I thought you'd say that. Then what? Are you going to convince him? Is the kind of person who tries to commit mass murder really going to have a mind you can change that easily?"

"We don't know," Armin replied. "Not until we talk to Eren..."

"Okay, then say you're able to speak with him. What are you going to do if he still doesn't decide to stop this genocide? Don't you think we should have a last resort in mind?" Only silence met her, and for a moment, she almost looked satisfied. "Thought so."

As much trouble as Annie had caused me, she was making a pretty damn good point. It was hard to think about, and it was definitely not an encouraging thought, but Eren had picked this. He had chosen this as his path. He'd talked to Zeke and made his decision. When he touched Zeke, he could have done anything, but this was what he'd decided on.

Whether that choice was based on what Zeke had said to him or if he was acting completely on free will was still up in the air, but I didn't want to think that Eren had freely picked mass genocide. I wanted to still believe that Eren was still there, that he was still that boy I'd met so many years ago.

Maybe he was, maybe he wasn't. But still... I wanted to see him one more time. Just to talk. To ask him why.

"If we try to protect our homeland of Marley by killing Eren," Annie mused, "you're going to end up fighting us in order to protect him... aren't you? That's how it is, right?" She directed her eyes to the other Ackerman in the circle. "Mikasa. Because I doubt you've ever considered something to be more important than Eren."

Mikasa took that rather harshly. "So, you're saying I should die?" Mikasa readied her gear, stalking across the camp towards Annie. In preparation, Annie flipped a small, curved blade out of the ring she wore.

"Hold on," I said, readying myself to stand up and intervene.

"What...?!" Hange exclaimed.

"Leonhart," Magath shouted.

Annie held up a hand then, as if to halt Mikasa. "I understand exactly how you feel. I only have one reason I want to stop Eren. I don't want my father in Marley to die. That's why I need your help. If you can convince Eren to stop, then fine. At the very least, we shouldn't fight until it comes down to that."

With a huff, Mikasa sheathed her blades and turned away. "Okay."

I was, for a moment, temporarily offended by the fact that no one thought to ask if I would be able to kill him - before I came to the saddening realization that it would likely never come to that. Would I, insignificant as I am, be tasked with killing him? Would that be my role in this history being spun? It would not. It would never be.

The bubbling of the stew stole our attention away from the girls that could very easily cut each other – and all of us – to shreds. "Alright! Stew's ready! Eat up!"

I grabbed the stack of bowls and picked the top one up, holding it so that Hange could spoon in a portion. The alliance gathered in a tighter circle, and with each full bowl I passed it along so everyone could get a bowl down the line. When everyone had a bowl, we all began to eat in relative quiet, and I made sure that a portion was saved for Levi for when he woke up. While we ate, the buzzing of insects surrounded us in the forest and kept time until Hange began to talk strategy.

"It'll be five hours at full speed to the harbor, even with rested horses. We'll be relying on the Azumabito. According to Miss Kiyomi, there's a flying boat meant to observe the Rumbling ready at the port. We can approach the Founding Titan using it."

"I knew it," Magath grumbled, "so the Azumabito were helping you behind the scenes."

"The problem is figuring out where the Founder is," Hange went on to say, ignoring him completely. "We'll run out of fuel in no time if we just fly around aimlessly."

"True," I mused. "Running out of fuel and falling into the ocean isn't exactly the best idea. I'm not the strongest swimmer around, to say the least."

"That's right," Magath said, suddenly very agreeable. "We need to figure out where the Founder has gone. It can be anything, but we need a lead."

That thought from before came to mind: Eren could be anywhere. This world was a big one. And then, another thought: Eren could be anywhere. Sure, we could find the Founding, but there wasn't exactly a nape, was there? From what I'd seen, it was all bone. There'd been nowhere for a body to hide.

Unless... he wasn't with the Titan at all? Theoretically, couldn't he be literally anywhere, using the power of the War Hammer? Before I could ask, the conversation continued.

"That's why I captured her," Magath had said, gesturing to Yelena. "Where is Yeager heading to first?"

"Why would I know? And even if I did, why should I tell you?"

"You're the one who offered Yeager your knowledge of the mainland when he had none," Magath countered. "He has a path in mind for this Rumbling of his. You should be able to take a guess."

"Bastard," Yelena muttered under her breath.

Did pathing really matter when the entire world was ending anyway? I was sure we could make an educated guess at where he was headed. Marley was the closest nation to us. If he could make it to their borders, his main enemies would be killed first, and it would mean it could start faster. This was terribly frustrating, but without other options, I simply continued to sip my soup.

"Huh?" Magath said in response to Yelena.

"I'm asking why I ought to help Marleyan bastards like you."

Annie scoffed. "Because we decide if you live or die, I'd say."

"It's pointless," Jean countered. "She wants to die."

"But aren't you fighting Marley for the sake of your own homeland?" Connie asked. "Are you fine with doing nothing and letting it be trampled?"

She was quiet, which was as unnerving as it was strange, because usually she was so outspoken. All of us looked to her for an explanation. "Yelena?"

"She must not," Magath gathered. "Because she's a Marleyan bastard just like the rest of us."

That got my attention. Many of us were surprised, perhaps Onyankopon was the most, if his reaction was any indication. "What?!"

Pieck, still in her Titan form, spoke up: "After the way you got the better of us in Liberio, Yelena, we did a full look into your past. We couldn't believe it. Born into a run-of-the-mill Marleyan family, yet you pretended to be from a small nation annexed by Marley. Ever since you first met Zeke."

I bit back my laughter. She really was horny for him, wasn't she? That was pretty damn funny... and pretty damn disgusting. She was that desperate to get the approval of that cretin? She really couldn't have done much worse for herself. He sat at a pretty low standard, in my opinion.

"Disillusioned with Marley, you came up with a story. A miraculous tale of saving the world with a prince. You'd plastered over your own life until you made it into a part of human history. I'm impressed by just how deep your desire ran."

So, she was a little girl running with the delusions of fairy tales. Pathetic. Trying to force her way into the history of the world. She wanted to have a legacy, no matter the cost. And for something this costly to be her ticket there... I was disgusted with her in a whole new way.

The girl chuckled in a self-satisfied kind of way. "It almost sounds like you claim to be any different. What exactly do you think separates any of you from me? Saving the world. Are there any words sweeter and more alluring?"

No, I inwardly mused. But it'd be very nice if someone just gagged her to be done with it. I don't think I can stand to hear her talk much longer without losing my temper.

"You give yourselves to the sublime excitement that is the idea of saving hundreds of millions of lives," Yelena continued. "You gulp it down as if to wash away all your hatred until now, as if it never existed. That's how all of you look to me right now. Just look back a bit, won't you?"

She looked over each of us in turn before landing on Reiner, who blanched under her sudden and intense scrutiny.

"Reiner Braun. I wonder how many Eldians were eaten alive by Pure Titans after you made that hole in the wall. From there, you snuck inside and shared times both good and bad with your so-called comrades here. And then you betrayed them. You killed them. And now you're pretending to be their comrade once more?"

She was right, though I didn't want to admit it. For a time, Reiner had been one of our recruits. Erwin had written him into our formation, none the wiser that not only was he the Armored Titan, but that he was working with the unknown target of the 57th Expedition.

I sighed. What a shit-show that had been. So many of us had been lost. And the one that had killed them...

"Annie Leonhart," Yelena continued. "It seems like you killed a number of Survey Corps members yourself. Oh, and that you trampled countless residents of Stohess District as well. And yes, all of you from Paradis were quite brave yourselves when fighting against the great nation of Marley."

I excused myself quietly from the conversation as she continued to prattle on. I checked on Levi, finding that thankfully he was still asleep, just as I had hoped. I was hoping the arguing wouldn't wake him up. And so far, so good.

It seemed as though moving brought me to Yelena's attention and it appeared as though she didn't want me to go without my sins being made public.

...As if they weren't already.

"Oh? What's this? You don't want to hear the truth, captain? Too difficult for the so-called mother of the Survey Corps to bear, that those she cares for might turn to such crime and oh, shall we mention the mass genocide? Or are you too scared to come to terms with it?"

I turned my head to look back at her. She didn't so much as flinch at the look I sent her way, not that I'd been expecting any kind of reaction from her in the first place. She didn't care what happened to her. She was free to say what she wanted because Magath thought there was still some use in her being alive, no matter how much I might've wanted to take care of her myself right now.

"Scared? Not at all," I replied easily, continuing to stare her down over my shoulder. "It takes a lot to scare me."

"I'm sure that's the truth," she said evenly, in a carefully calculated sort of way.

"You can talk about my crimes and my sins all you like. I've come to terms with them by now, and I've nothing to hide. I'm not running from the conversation - only checking on my husband who was nearly killed by your so-called god. So please, don't let me keep you from whatever it is that you're doing. Do continue."

"Is that an invitation? We can talk about you, then," she said with the faintest ghost of a smirk playing on her face. "I've spent several years here, and we haven't talked much, you and I."

"Well, that's easy," I muttered, looking at Levi in hopes that his calm, slumbering face might calm me down. "I just don't like you."

"Maybe, but I've heard all about you, you know. Rumors surround you and your husband. Is it true, then?"

"You'll have to be a bit more specific, I'm afraid," I told her, kneeling beside him, then trailing the backs of my knuckles reverently down Levi's cheek, the bandages rough against my skin. "We've done a lot."

"So you have," Yelena agreed. "I'm speaking of your background as a criminal, of course. What were you two, again? High-rollers in the underground black market?"

I eased myself to sit beside Levi, perching as gently as I could so as not to rouse him from his sleep. Once settled, I loosed a sigh of relief, for he was still soundly asleep. Before answering Yelena, I leaned forward to run my hand gently down Levi's arm to clasp his hand.

I couldn't tell if he was awake or not, but something must have unconsciously alerted him to my presence because his hand flipped over, catching my hand in his own. That made me smile, and I lifted my other hand to run my fingers through his hair gently, but the smile faded as soon as Yelena began to speak again.

"It was a long time ago," I replied.

"And yet the Paradisian military was so corrupt as to allow you into its ranks," Yelena tutted.

"If anything," I said slowly, looking at her again, "our days underground made us better soldiers. We knew how to fight, to adapt. Formal training will only get you so far."

"Getting defensive, are we?"

I sighed once more, shaking my head. "If you're hoping to get a rise out of me, I'm afraid that this won't work. I'm completely fine having a conversation with you about what I've been through, but if your only goal is to make me look bad, I'm sorry to tell you that I don't give a damn about what you say or how I'm viewed. I've come to terms with what I've done. I'm not ashamed of it, anymore."

"Is that right? And when your daughter finds out about your sins?"

I fought the urge to get up and beat her down right now. I let out my sudden frustration through my nose and looked down at Levi, hoping it would calm me down. "It would do you well to keep from talking about her."

"It would do her well to not follow in her parent's footsteps."

"That's unnecessary," Hange said hurriedly. "Let's avoid bickering like this, yes? Doesn't anyone want more stew? There's plenty of it and isn't it delicious? Goodness, even out here, the seasoning is simply-"

"I think they're some of the best role models one could have," Jean piped up. If I wasn't still fuming with anger, I would have smiled at the boy, thanked him for saying such a sweet thing. Despite everything, I could always count on him to have my back, and that was a nice feeling.

"I agree," Armin said, followed by hushed murmurs of agreement from the other kids. I'd have to thank them all later. For now, though...

"You talk of my crimes as though it will do anything," I noted calmly. "Everyone here - save for those from across the sea - know of my crimes, yet still work with me and trust me. I cannot say the same for you."

As soon as the attention was off me, and I got my temper under control, I looked over Levi, the remaining anger left in my body evaporating as my gratitude that he was even still alive replaced it.

He was still breathing. He was still alive. My brain could still hardly wrap around that idea. I'd been told so many conflicting things about him recently, it was hard to keep track. And it was harder still to hold onto that hope when the situation we were in currently was getting increasingly more hopeless. I ran a hand through his hair. Thankfully he was still asleep despite the noise of the argument.

"What was it, again?" I heard from Yelena, sent to Jean. "The name of that good friend of yours you once told me about."

Oh, for the love of... Why again, with targeting this poor boy? Hadn't he been through enough? They all had - but why pick on Jean? But... who she was referring to...

Marco.

I knew those stories. Over the years he'd told me a lot of them. Platonic or not, the boy held a lot of love in his heart for Marco, and I was sorry that I hadn't been able to meet him, because he'd died in the breach of Trost.

Jean told me about repeated nightmares that he'd had of seeing his dearest friend dead and having to clear away his body and seeing those bones burn away with the others. It was always tough to lose friends, but the first to go always hit harder than others. The first death was the one to show how cruel the world was, how fickle our mortal lives were.

I only wished that these kids hadn't needed to learn that lesson. But they had. Such was the way of the world. They chose this path. They chose to fight instead of standing idly by. My new wish, then, was that they would all make it out alright. And even that wish could never truly be granted: not with Sasha gone already.

"That's it," Yelena recalled, "Marco. Yes... you said Annie was involved in his death, didn't you? Have you asked her about it, yet? About the truth behind his death?"

I looked across the circle at the Marleyan Warriors. They were both avoiding his gaze. Jean's eyes traveled between them slowly, almost challengingly. They didn't need to be asked to explain themselves.

"I took Marco's vertical maneuvering equipment," Annie admitted, her eyes downcast. "That's why a Titan ate him."

"Annie was only following my orders," Reiner interjected. The boy was sweating now, looking considerably guilty... which was to be expected. "Marco overheard a conversation Bertholdt and I were having about something he couldn't know. We were afraid of being found out, and we thought the best way to shut him up would be to have a titan kill him. I... slammed Marco into a roof while in the air. I held him down to keep from moving... while I made Annie take off his vertical maneuvering equipment."

That at least made sense. Way back when, when Sawney and Bean were killed, Armin had figured out that Annie's gear was not her own. It had been Marco's, so she flew right under the radar when the inspections and investigations were done. It'd been pretty damn near our only solid piece of evidence that we had to base our mission on in Stohess, that her gear hadn't been our own and so could have easily been the killer of the Titan duo.

Holy shit.

"Marco was stuck there," Reiner said, "until a Titan came from behind and ate him."

"Marco," Jean trailed off, his voice forcefully smooth as he nearly shook with both sudden anger and years of built-up grief, "is there anything he said to you at the very end?"

"He said 'we haven't even tried to talk this out yet'."

"That's it," Jean exclaimed, and just the way he said it both startled and concerned me. The poor boy was almost hysterical. "That's it! We haven't been trying to talk this out. That's why... we've been fighting to the death with each other like this, isn't it? If we'd just talked to each other at the start, we wouldn't be killing each other like this."

"That's why we're going to try," I said gently, hopefully in comfort for him.

"That's right," Hange agreed. "It's still not too late. We've all fought tooth and nail to be here. but at the very least, we're talking now. Not fighting. Who could have imagined it? That we'd all be eating around a fire like this."

A few quiet minutes passed then. I stood but stayed bent over by the cart just to stretch my legs out and refresh my tired knees from kneeling all that time, leaving my hand in Levi's the whole time I did.

The one who disturbed the silence this time was Reiner. "I watched as the Titan ate Marco," he said. He was still sweating bullets, the guilt eating him alive. "And I wondered why Marco was being eaten by a titan. I flew into a rage after that and killed the Titan. Cursing it for what it did... to Marco."

What the hell is he doing?

Jean shook his head. "That's enough," he sounded dejected, defeated. It couldn't have been easy, hearing that the one who left your closest friend to die had killed what had eaten him, seemingly in a guilt-induced rage. "You're saying the guilt messed with your brain, right?"

"Don't forgive me," Reiner said. "I really am a worthless man."

"I said that's enough," Jean bit out.

"I'm sorry," Reiner pressed, almost desperately.

Jean suddenly leapt to his feet, practically flying towards Reiner around the fire. Faster than anyone could react to it, he punched Reiner, sending him to his back from the force. Jean began beating the shit out of Reiner and I jumped to my feet, taking my hand from Levi's. Not like I was needed, because Armin and Connie grabbed him and pulled him back before I could reach him.

"Jean!"

Restrained as he was, Jean couldn't use his fists, but he sure could use his feet. Reeling back, he swung his leg to kick Reiner, but Gabi dove in, getting the hit instead. I gasped, knowing he didn't mean to hit the young girl, but it nearly made me panic all the same.

Falco dropped to his knees beside her. "Gabi! Are you ok?"

I jumped in then, barely registering a single word that was said in the next few minutes because of how startled I still was. My heart was beating quickly as I watched Gabi bow and say something or other. God damn it... so much for not fighting.

Jean broke away from us then, walking further into the forest. Shadows quickly overcame him, and I cursed quietly to myself. "Where are you going, Jean?"

"Jean? What about your seconds?"

I made to go after him but paused seeing that Levi had pulled himself into a sitting position as others looked after Gabi, and now muttered a grumpy, "Will they shut up?"

I couldn't hold back my smile even if I tried, seeing his awful bedhead and groggy expression. I walked over to him first, crouching down again and meeting his eye.

"Good morning," I said cheekily. It was incredibly late evening by now, and he knew that. But the poor man needed his rest so desperately right now, no one could blame him. "Jean just walked off alone. I'm going to go get him, and then I'll change your bandages for you. How does that sound?"

"Be quick," he said quietly. "And don't go far."

"Of course," I promised. "I've spent enough time away from you, my love." I leaned closer, kissing his bandaged cheek. "I'm only going to make sure he's not, I don't know, banging his head into a tree or something. I'll be back soon."

With that I stood, making my way after Jean into the trees. My shadow was stretched thin in front of me as I walked further from the camp and further from the fire. I walked slowly, not wanting to miss him or walk past him into the dark woods far from the light and warmth of the camp. These were unfamiliar woods for me, and it wouldn't do well for me to get lost. Just as I was about to call out for him, nervous that maybe in his grief and pain that he'd wandered far further than he should have, I saw him.

"Jean," I called gently, relieved and overwhelmed all at once as I came to a stop beside him. He'd had his hands over his ears and tears were in his eyes that were squeezed shut tight. I knew the answer but asked anyway: "Jean, are you alright?"

His eyes snapped open, watery and wide, and lowered to meet my worried pair. The look in his eyes told me everything. No, he wasn't alright, just as I had guessed.

"Have you ever... not known how someone died? Someone you cared about? And it was a mystery?"

"I have," I answered him. He looked surprised by that. I crossed my arms over my chest, angling my body in a way so that I could see the flickering light of the flames – dim from here – dance across the bark of the trees and mingle with the shadows of the forest. "Haven't I told you about my adoptive father?"

"El, right?" He asked. "You have."

"He was murdered," I told him. "He was a Military Policeman stationed in the Underground City. Just a few days after my little brother was killed, he was murdered too. The First Interior Squad got him. It's not quite the same, because I didn't know who did it. So, Jean, I... I'm just so sorry for you."

"Nothing to be done about it now," he sighed, his eyes still watery. "We have to work with him, regardless."

"Jean," I sighed. "I know you better than you think. I know you're more upset than you're letting on."

"I knew he was a piece of shit," Jean muttered. "Since he revealed who he was... who they were, Annie too. So why the hell am I still so surprised?" His fists were clenched so tightly his knuckles were white. "I shouldn't be, right? They murdered so many of us. Why would they think that Marco was different? Just another number to them."

"I think... Marco was a turning point for them," I said. "They knew Marco. When they attacked the first time, they didn't know anyone, right? But they spent time with you all by then. They knew Marco. They couldn't risk getting caught, but I still do think they felt bad."

"They're murderers," Jean spat.

"So am I," I said. "So is my husband. And... so are you."

He looked at me by then, like he didn't want to believe it - but knew it to be the truth. There was a quiver in his lip, and I knew that he was doing his utmost to keep it together, which was far more than I felt I could ask him to do right now. So, I didn't ask. Wordlessly, the look in my eyes let him know that he was safe here. I would not judge him. I would be there for him, as I always had.

"War is bloody," I continued. "We know this. We all have blood on our hands. What separates a monster from a human is how we feel about it. The lives I've taken all hurt. What right do I have, ending someone's life, stealing away their opportunity for a future? All the thoughts they've had, dreams, aspirations, mistakes they've made, and everything that made them who they were died with them and it was my fault. When it's someone I don't know, it's easier, of course, but still a life taken. But the number of people I've killed does not mean that each added one hurts less, that it affects me less."

"It just sucks, captain," he said. "I don't know how else to put it."

"Sometimes that's all you need to say," I said. "And I agree." I looked up at him with a smile. "...I'd have liked to meet him. Marco, I mean. He meant a lot to you, and you are my favorite, so I have a feeling I'd like him, too."

He chuckled. "Yeah. He was a good guy. Better than me, anyway. Not sure what he would choose to do in this situation."

"What would you do?"

"Stop sulking, I suppose," he said through a drawn-in breath. "Thanks... again. You need to stop doing this, captain. I'm never going to be able to catch up."

"You don't need to," I chuckled. "Don't worry about it. I just know what it's like to go through a lot on your own. I'd rather not have you do that, if I can help it."

He shook his head with disbelief. "Sometimes I forget you used to be a criminal. You have too big a heart."

I shrugged and grinned up at him. "That's the thing, though," I said. "Just because you're a criminal, it doesn't make you a bad person. Everything I did, it was for my family. And... all the same, being a warrior doesn't mean that they're bad people, either." I patted his arm gently. "Take some time to clear your head, but don't stray too far, got it? And don't stay up too late, please. No one knows what tomorrow will bring."

"Yes, ma'am," he affirmed. I sent him a firm look, and he laughed, bringing one arm up to wipe his eyes. When he lowered his arm, his eyes were still watery but his smile was bigger. "Sorry. Yes, Amaya."

I rolled my eyes and shook my head. "Goodnight, Jean."

With that, I turned on my heel and started to head back to camp, but I slowed in my step when Jean spoke once more, and quietly, as though he hadn't wanted for me to hear it. "Goodnight... mom."

I smiled, knowing he wouldn't see it and knowing all too well that he wouldn't want me teasing him about that. So, I walked quickly, happily returning to the light of camp. I picked up a small bundle of medical supplies on the way to the cart where Levi was sitting, but before I could make it, I was approached by someone else.

"Annie," I greeted uncertainly.

At this, the far side of camp, we could hold a fairly private conversation. I could feel the acute weight of Levi's gaze on me, analyzing and monitoring the situation closely, surely. This was a strange situation to be sure - speaking and looking directly in the eyes of the one who had killed so many of my comrades... my very first squad included.

"Amaya," she said, and I'm not sure exactly why I was so surprised she hadn't referred to me as my title. I was nothing to her - only an adversary from long ago.

"I'm sure you're spending far more time on Paradis than you anticipated," I said simply. No reply. "...Did you want to speak about anything in particular?"

"I'm not doing this for no reason," she said. "I'm trying to return home to my father." It seemed this was an attempt to connect, to share her motivations. But why?

"All of it?"

"All of it."

"You're doing a lot," I noted. "You've done a lot. Risked a lot. And all to see your father again..." I considered that for a moment. "You must know how strange this is, Annie. I never imagined I'd talk to you."

"I know."

"But I appreciate you telling me," I told her. "I had a father I would do anything for as well, but I never got the chance. I'd... I'd do anything to see him again."

"Can you ever forgive me for what I did?"

"I don't know."

"Can Levi?"

"I don't know. Do you want forgiveness?"

No reply. I took the opportunity to think it over, especially once her icy eyes looked away.

She killed my subordinates to, ultimately, return home to her father. Given that choice... would I have done the same? I don't know. I don't think I would ever know. At the time, when he was alive, I might have. I might not have. To say she would do anything for her father was an insurmountable, uncountable phrase. Anything meant a lot. But she'd already done a lot, hadn't she?

And so have I. Not that it got me any closer to seeing my father.

Before I could say anything else, she walked away. And before I could do anything else, I remembered I had someone waiting for me. Levi looked up at me expectantly as I approached.

"Hello, my love," I said in greeting.

"Took you long enough," he complained. I rolled my eyes with a smile.

"I know, I know."

"What did she want?"

"Explain her motives, I suppose," I said simply. "So, nothing terribly important at the moment. Not to me, anyway. Come on, up we get."

I took one of his hands in mine and helped him to the edge of the cart. He stood, slightly shakily but he stood all the same. I ducked closer to his side, letting him sling an arm around my shoulders for support.

My arm came around his waist, the other holding his hand slung over my shoulder as I helped him to our destination. We were headed just outside of the camp, where a small tributary stemming from a river flowed. We were still within the camp's circle of light, though it was rather dim from this distance.

As soon as we were near the river, I helped him to sit, letting him sit on my cloak that I'd spread on the ground by the bank, knowing he wouldn't like to sit on a muddy riverbank. He settled on the cloak cross-legged and I knelt in front of him, close enough so my knees resting against his shins. I leaned over and readied the bundle of medical supplies, feeling the weight of Levi's gaze on me the entire time I worked. As I prepared fresh bandages for him, I smiled and gazed at him sidelong.

There was a question dancing behind his eyes, and before I went further, I looked at him straight on and took one of his hands in mine. I'd taken his injured hand, without even realizing it. I didn't let him see my initial surprise, shocked though I was. I just wasn't used to this, yet. It was the stark reality of the situation, sure, but never had he been so injured.

And now... he could barely walk, he was weakened further than I'd ever seen him, he was exhausted beyond belief, he was missing fingers, and... in only a few moments I would see what lay under these bandages wrapped around his head.

"You look like you've got something to say, Levi," I said quietly, my thumb brushing over his knuckles. "No one is around to hear. What's on your mind?"

"I didn't expect you to be here," he admitted.

"I'm making it a habit to show up places where I'm not expected," I said simply, only to realize that it's not what he meant. At all. My eyes widened as I realized what he meant before he even needed to say it.

"I thought you had died," he said. "You had that meeting with Zackley."

"What?" I asked. "How did you..."

"Your letter," he replied quietly.

My eyes widened. "Oh," I gasped, "that's right. I'm so sorry, you must've been so worried."

"It's not your fault," he said. "But the runners told me that someone assassinated him right before I read it. I thought... when the Rumbling started, I wasn't sure if you even were... I was worried, but had no idea if you had even lived long enough to see it happen."

I knew exactly what he'd thought. He didn't need to voice it.

"It happened before I got there," I assured him. "The runners must not have seen me when I arrived. Vincent would have told you if he had. The big heads wanted the runners taken in, because they knew where Zeke was. And didn't want to risk a leak." He didn't reply after that, and so I returned to my prep work for the medical supplies. "Your hand, my love?"

Slowly, and almost hesitantly, he lifted his injured hand towards me, and I began to unwind the bandage gently, revealing the extent of the damage. He'd lost those two fingers right at the knuckle, and I had to guess that either it was done deliberately, or the more likely option that they'd gotten taken off with the controller grips during the explosion, because I was certain that he'd have had his blades drawn if he were anywhere near Zeke.

As I cleaned the injuries as gently as I could, I glanced up into his eye for any sign of pain. It had to hurt. It had to. But I knew him well enough to know that he wouldn't reveal that outright. And I was right. Hidden in his eyes was pain and exhaustion, but also... disappointment, and perhaps a bit of reluctance.

"Levi," I called, "what's wrong?"

"Nothing," he said.

He looked up to meet my eyes then, and he saw the way one of my eyebrows quirked up: a clear sign that I'd seen right through his attempted bullshit. "You know I don't believe you. Just say it."

"There's no fighting to be done," he said, and I nodded gravely.

"Yes," I agreed. "I know."

"If I die," he began, and I opened my mouth to protest, but the look in his eye silenced me right away. "If I die, you are to go right home. Understand?"

"And if I die? What then?"

He didn't have an answer for that. I knew he wanted to say he wouldn't let that happen... but how could he, in this state?

I wanted to say the same, that I would protect him, but I'd already failed in doing that. He'd nearly died. He was barely holding on.

And the threat we were to face next... only the biggest the world had ever seen.

"You're here," Levi said, which was obvious. "That means you're here to fight, no? Tell me I'm wrong, Amaya. Tell me you're here to do anything but fight."

I knew what he wanted. He wanted me to leave. To run while I still had the chance. But how could I possibly do that now?

"Please," he said quietly.

I wanted to say it. I wanted to appease him. But I couldn't very well lie to him, either.

"I'm here," I said softly, "to fight. I am here to make sure we can all go home safely."

Something like resignation glinted in his eyes. "That's a tall order, Amaya."

"I know. It'll be a damn miracle if even half of us make it through this. But if nothing else..." I leaned in close, pressing my forehead to his, ensuring that my words reached him and him alone. "If nothing else, if no one else... I want to save you."

"Dammit, Amaya," he hissed. "I can't protect you like this," he said, clearly irritated. "I let Zeke get away. Now look at me."

"I am," I said, lifting my head so I could see him clearly.

"How can you not see it?" He asked. "I'm fucking pathetic."

"Pathetic," I repeated incredulously. "You're not. You are anything but pathetic, Levi. You took down thirty Titans and managed to cripple Zeke, didn't you? That's what Hange told me."

"I let those soldiers drink that damn wine," he said. "It was my fault."

"You didn't know," I said. "No one did. I even gave them snacks to go with the wine." His eyebrow quirked up at that, as if to ask if that really had been me. It must have confused him, really, to find that snacks he hadn't approved of had made it into the provisions, somehow. Even the wine had barely managed to be approved. "There was no way for any of us to know. Pixis, Nile, the other big wigs... they all drank it too. Don't blame yourself."

"Did you?" He asked. "Drink any, I mean."

"No," I answered. "I'd be dead already if I had. And you don't like alcohol, so you didn't, right?"

"Right," he sighed.

"Good," I said, beginning to wrap his hand again. But then I unwound it, lifting his hand to my lips. I pressed the lightest of kisses to his hands, my lips ghosting from his knuckles to where he'd lost his fingers to his palm, and everything between.

"Maya," he said sadly, but made no move to pull his hand away.

"You are," I said, lowering his hand to lift my eyes to meet his, "still every bit of the captain you once were. I can see it in your eyes. You're disappointed in yourself. I understand how you feel. When the Rumbling happened, even though I joined the fighting, I couldn't save everyone. And to think that everything is your fault... I get it. But I hope you know that no one blames you."

The look in his eye told me that he did. He blamed himself. Just as he always did.

But he didn't voice it, so I bandaged his hand. Only once I was done did he choose to speak.

"And... what of the man you loved?"

Loved?

Does he think that... because of this, I wouldn't love him anymore?

"Still you, Levi," I said, placing my free hand against his cheek. "Always you." His eye closed and he leaned into my touch. "Nothing in this world could stop me from loving you." I squeezed his hand gently. "No injuries, no scars. You are the love of my life. You always have been, and you always will be. Nothing will ever change that, Levi."

When he opened his eye, I smiled at him affectionately, before reaching further with my hand and beginning to peel back the bandages lining his head. He allowed me to, letting go of my other hand so I could have both free to work. It felt like I was doing the most delicate work of my life. I didn't want to hurt him any more than he already was.

With the last of the bandage unwound, I was able to finally get a good look at his face. His injured eye was stitched shut, the cut deep and long and running down the length of his face on the right side. It started beyond his hairline and traveled all the way down to his chin, cutting through his lips. There was another cut running parallel to that along his right cheek, not as long but just as deep. There were smaller lacerations littering his face, not nearly as deep but still there.

"How bad is it?" He asked tentatively.

I didn't answer with words. Instead I traced over the cuts delicately, the pads of my fingers brushing light lines along each injury so he could feel where they were. He let his uninjured eye close as I did, mapping out each injury as he felt it.

When I was finished and lowered my hands, looking into his eye for any sort of reaction from him when it opened, he didn't seem satisfied. He shifted slightly, leaning over to look into the still water of the pocket we'd found to see his reflection.

His face didn't betray how he felt inwardly, but from just the way he kept looking at himself, I knew that those doubts he'd pushed back for years were resurfacing. The fear that he wasn't enough, that my love for him would fade, that I didn't trust in him to protect me. That I would no longer find him handsome, desirable.

Before I could speak up, he did, taking me by surprise. His words were quiet and almost timid as he uttered them. "You would... still have me, like this?"

I leaned closer to him, taking his face gingerly into my hands. I guided him to look at me, doing all that I could to keep from tearing up. It didn't work, because of course it didn't, and rebellious tears welled up in my eyes.

"I'll have you however you are," I assured him. "We're soldiers. We were criminals before that. Getting hurt has always been a possibility, and we've both gotten our fair share of injuries. All I care about is that you're alive. That is all I need, Levi. It's you. You are still breathing. Everything else is secondary to that. I'm just so sorry that I couldn't get to you sooner."

"I'm... happy that you're here," he said quietly.

"I'm happy you're here," I replied. "A lot happened to you. I'm just so glad you made it out alright."

"I know that I didn't want you fighting," he said, his voice soft, "but I knew you would anyway. Don't think I didn't notice that you avoided promising that you'd stay away from it."

I smiled at him. "You saw through my clever plan, huh? We're both stubborn, love." I began to ready the medical supplies again, soaking a small piece of cloth with alcohol to clean his wounds. I dabbed his injuries gently, cleaning them with steady, careful hands.

"Emi must have been scared," Levi said. "When the Rumbling started, I mean."

"I'm sure she was terrified," I agreed with a sigh. "But I'd already left her with Reyes by then. They were already on their way to Historia's property when it happened."

"Where were you?"

"Shiganshina," I told him. "I followed the Yeagerists there because they had Hange and the others in custody. Of course, I didn't realize Hange had been taken to go find you. But anyway, Reyes gave me his gear, an old set, but it was just when we heard the first Titan transform. I wasn't sure who it was or what was happening, but all I knew was that I needed to go help. Titans in the city, the kids trapped underground... I had to break them out."

"That's the problem," Levi muttered. "Your damn bleeding heart. You want to help other people too much."

I laughed gently. "That's just how I was raised, Levi. I can't stop now." Now done cleaning his wounds, I readied the bandages and gauze. "As soon as I had the gear on, I told Reyes and Emi to run, to take Strider and go."

"You gave up your horse?" He asked incredulously. "You love that damn animal."

"Don't you?" I asked teasingly. "He's a sweetheart. Anyway, there was chaos before I'd even gotten to the main part of the fighting. Troops were dropped in, Yeagerists were fighting them, but I figured it might be a good time to stage a jailbreak. Luckily for me, Onyankopon had the same idea. We let everyone out, they threw some gear on, and we jumped into the fight."

"You don't look worse for wear," he commented. "You didn't need me there to save your ass."

That made me smile, but it faded quickly. "I, um... fought recklessly, because... I'd figured that you were dead. All I knew was that Zeke was suddenly at the wall, and Eren was trying to get to him, and there were a thousand soldiers between me stopping them. So, I started to fight. I don't even know how many Marleyan soldiers I killed before Zeke screamed and turned Pixis and the others into Titans."

"Pixis died, huh," he mused.

"Nile, too," I said. "And nearly every high-ranking officer and official. They'd had the wine, so there was nothing left for them to do." A dry chuckle left me. "I almost gave up."

"What? What do you mean?"

"Seeing how many Titans there were, and how many soldiers were left, and knowing how many I'd already killed... I was running low on gas, and blades, and even just thinking of the possibility of you being dead – because, well, you weren't there with Zeke – I... I almost lost my will to fight."

"But you kept going," he said, a statement yet a clear prompt for me to elaborate on it. I had fought on. He just wanted to know how - what had kept me going. He reached out with his uninjured hand to hold my own, supporting me silently.

"I realized that I didn't know for sure how you were," I said. My heart felt heavy again, just remembering how close I'd been to just giving up my life. If I had anything to be ashamed of, it was this. "And I realized that I'd never know for sure if I died there, and I'd never see Emi grow up, or how this war ended. So I got up. I killed more soldiers, more Titans, but it wasn't enough, because, well..."

"You did all you could," he said. "Don't you dare blame yourself, dumbass."

"I'm not," I said. "I just wish I could've done more." I laughed self-deprecatingly, adjusting my hand in his so I could link my fingers with his more comfortably. "You should've seen Jean when he saw me, he nearly panicked. He said I was shaking; I'd overworked myself so much. But, um... Floch was the one who told me that you were most likely dead. He said he'd gone to find you and Zeke, but only found Zeke. He said Hange had taken you before he could check for himself."

"They were just going to shoot me," he muttered. "Regardless of whether I drew breath. We got away before they could."

"They're scared of you," I said.

"How did you end up here? Shitty glasses didn't want you involved."

"She didn't," I agreed. "She did all she could to keep me from getting here, actually. I'd been on a walk by myself when I passed Jean on his way to go meet with her, actually. I might have followed him and eavesdropped and picked up on the plan. And... stowed away. Again. In Pieck's nasty-ass Titan mouth."

That got a chuckle out of him. "You always were good at recon, brat," he said, hearkening back to our days underground. "Better than I was, anyway. What did Farlan call you? Our esteemed actress?"

"Well, it's no community theater, but I suppose I had a certain talent for it." I lifted my eyes to meet him. "You know... even during all the fighting, and nearly dying, and while everything was on fire and the world was starting to end under the feet of a million Titans... all I could think about was you." A flicker of emotion flashed in his eyes, and tears brimmed in mine. "Cheesy, right? But it's true. I didn't have time or energy to think of anything but you and our little girl. I couldn't stand the thought of you being somewhere alone and in pain and I wasn't around to help."

Levi reached out, gently wiping away the lone tear that escaped my eye. Noticing that it was his injured hand, he lowered it, but I caught his wrist gently and guided his hand back to palm my cheek gently. Another tear rolled down my cheek, but I smiled at him with watery eyes.

"I missed you," I said. "So much."

"We're going home," he assured me. "As soon as this is all over."

There was a pause where we just gazed at the other. It was strange, seeing him again. I'd wanted to so badly for weeks now and here he was, right in front of me. It was strange, if only because we were in the middle of a global war. Was it really ok for us to steal a few peaceful, loving moments like this?

"I promise," he continued, after a quiet moment.

His words caught me by surprise. Did he say what I think he did?

"Levi..."

"You and I are going to go home," he said. "We'll pick up Emiko, go home, and never get into this damn gear again. I promise."

My bottom lip quivered as sobs threatened to escape me. "And we'll buy a nice little shop," I offered, taking it further. "We'll sell tea and little pastries. The kids will come by and chat for a while, and annoy you, but it's ok because Emi adores them."

Hesitantly, he nodded, and I could see his eyes become glassy. Suddenly, Levi pulled his hand – the one not holding my cheek – from mine, only to reach into his inner jacket pocket. And then something was pressed into my now free hand. I glanced down, to see a small, folded piece of paper, writing lining both sides. "What's this, love?"

"For you to read," he said, "but only if I die."

"Levi," I said immediately. "No, I don't want it."

"Amaya, listen," he said.

"No," I said firmly, thrusting the paper back against his chest. "You just promised-"

"This is just so you have something to remember me by if I don't make it," he argued. I shook my head, giving in as he took the paper in both of his hands and placed it in my palm. He gently curled his hand around mine, guiding me to close my fingers around the slip.

"Levi," I said weakly. "I can't..."

"If I die, you are to go right home. You understand?"

"We already went over this, right? I'm not... you can't die, Levi. Please don't talk like this, not after I fought so hard to even just see you again. I... I saw Eren. He's a monster, now, I can't... we can still..."

"We can't run away," he said firmly. "There aren't that many of us. That brat needs to be stopped."

"You're already hurt," I said softly, tears threatening to fall. "In any other situation, as a soldier you'd be released from active duty. Please, Levi, we can go home."

"No," he said, his voice quiet. "I can't."

"Then I'll stay," I said resolutely. "I promised Emi I'd bring you home."

And nothing short of death will keep me from doing that.

I didn't need to voice that thought, however, because in his eyes I could tell that he understood. I knew he understood, because he shared the sentiment. We came to a mutual understanding. We were both scared: both of what was to happen, and how we'd be affected. The alliance was up against a threat that no one knew how to deal with.

Neither of us were stupid; we knew what we were going into. Eren was well on his way to destroying the entire world under the feet of so many Colossal Titans, so many that we could never hope to kill them all. How the hell would we? It was terrifying to think about.

The odds were against us, that was for sure. It was terribly unlikely that either of us would get out of this unscathed. It was even more unlikely that both of us would. Even in the best-case scenario in which we defeated Eren, if that were at all possible, the effects of this war were already long-lasting, and not just for us.

Levi was already injured. I'd pushed myself far past my own physical limits just the other day. Emi would have to grow up in a war-torn world, if there was even a world left at the end of it. Thousands were already dead, by his hand. We are war criminals now.

Even if... if we saved the world, there was absolutely no guarantee that we would be at peace. No one would be happy that Eren started the Rumbling. Well, except Eren and the Yeagerists, of course. Everything had gone from bad to worse and it'd spiraled down from there. I was just so tired.

We both understood that and finally, we understood the dark truth that we needed to do this. More injury, and potential death, was inevitable. There was no way out of it. But the two of us were far too stubborn to run away now.

Hundreds of soldiers had given their hearts to this cause: to help humanity, to save those within the Walls. Now, our role has shifted slightly. Instead of devoting our hearts to saving the world within the Walls, the one we'd known for so long, we were fighting to save everything outside of it.

And there was no going back now.