59

-January 8th 1998-

At Monica and Rachel's Monica,Rachel and Chandler are trying to throw cards into a vase...Joey wearing a blue blazer and Ross enter the apartment.

Joey:Hey.You guys.Check it out,check it out.Guess which job I got.

Chandler:I don't know but Donald Trump wants his blue blazer black.

Everyone looks stunned as I try not to laugh at his tounge twister.

Ross:What?.

Chandler:Blue blazer back.He,he wants it back.

Rachel:But you,you said black.Why would he want his blue blazer black?.

Chandler:Well you,you know what I meant.

Monica:No you messed it up.You're stupid.

Tabitha:So what job did you get him?.

Joey:Oh ah tour guide at the museum.Yeah Ross got it for me.

Rachel:Well how can you be a tour guide don't you have to be a dinosaur expert or something?.

Joey:No not really.They give you all the information it's uh it's like memorizing a script.And on your left,you have Tyrannosaurus Rex,a carnivore from the Jurassic period.

Chandler,Monica,Rachel:Great.That's great.

Tabitha:Way to go.

Ross:Uh actually Joey it's the Cretasous period.

Joey:Yeah but I can pronounce Jurassic.

Phoebe:"Entering".Hey.

Everyone:Hey.

Phoebe:Guess what.Frank Jr and Alice got married.

Everyone:Oh my God.

Phoebe:And,And they're gonna have a baby!.

We all look at Phoebe shocked.

Phoebe:And,And they want me to grow it for them in my uterus.

We are all stunned at the news.

Ross:My God.

Monica:Are you serious?.

Phoebe:Yeah.

Cassius:You're really thinking about having sex with your brother?!.

Phoebe:Ew.And Oh no.It's-they just want me to be the surrogate.It's her,it's her egg and his sperm and I'm,I'm just the oven it's totally their bun.

Joey:Huh.

Monica:What did you tell them?.

Phoebe:Well they said that I had to think about it first but what is there to think about?.I'm gonna be giving them the greatest gift you can possibly give.

Chandler:You're gonna be carrying their baby and give them a Sony Play Station?.

Rachel:Honey this really is an incredible thing to do for them but there are things to think about.

Monica:Yeah like you're gonna be pregnant.I mean pregnant.

Phoebe:I know.

Tabitha:Pheebs you're talking about putting your body through an awful lot I mean morning sickness,labour and it's all for somebody else.

Phoebe:Yeah what's your point?.

Tabitha:"Sarcastically".Well the stuff I just mentioned.

Rachel:Wow.I don't know if I could ever do that.I always figured the first time I had a baby was with somebody I love and that baby would be a...keeper.

Phoebe:Y'know you guys were a lot more supportive when I wanted to make denim furniture.

Joey:No Pheebs listen if you decide to do this we'll be supportive like crazy.

Everyone:Yeah.

Monica:We just want you to think it through.

Rachel:Yeah honey maybe you can talk to somebody who's had a baby.Like your mom?.

Phoebe:My mom never gave birth.Oh.But my birth mom did.

*****************************************

-January 15th 1998-

At Monica and Rachel's it's morning Ross and Phoebe has joined us for breakfast as Rachel is returning from shopping.

Phoebe:Hey.

Ross:Hey what are you doing shopping at eight in the morning?.

Rachel:Well I've been up since six.Thanks to somebody's dumbass rooster.

Phoebe:You guys you really should get rid of those animals.They shouldn't be living in an apartment.

Rachel:Yeah.Especially not with all of these knives and cookbooks around...

Phoebe:All right.I'm gonna go to the fertility doctor and um see if I'm ready to have Frank and Alice's embryo transferred into my uterus.

Ross:Now how will they know if you're ready?.

Phoebe:Oh they're just gonna um look to see if my endometria layer is thick.

Chandler:Oh i can uh check that for ya.

Phoebe:Okay everyone think thick.

Everyone:Goodbye.Good luck.

Phoebe opens the door to reveal Monica and Cassius.

Phoebe:Hi.Wish me luck.

Monica:Oh good luck.

Cassius:Good luck."To Monica".And I'm still right.

Monica:That is so not true.

Rachel:What?.

Cassius:She's mad because I know today's her laundry day and that means she's wearing her old lady underpants.

Chandler:I can check that for ya.

Monica:I just I can't believe that you think that you and Chandler know me and Rachel better than we know you.

Chandler:Well...we,we do.You can only eat Tic Tacks in even numbers.

Joey:Yeah what's that about?.

Chandler:"To Rachel".And you...Ross I believe if you check Rachel's bag you will find a half eaten box of cookies in there.

Ross does so and finds a half eaten box of cookies.

Ross:You're good."Tries a cookie".These are not.

Rachel:I'm so not impressed.Everybody snacks when they shop.

Monica:Yeah.

Cassius:Oh yeah?.Ross how many items left in that bag?.

Ross:Five.

Chandler:Okay ten bucks says that we can name every item in that bag.

Rachel:How many guesses do you get?.

Cassius:Six.

Ross:Challenge extended.

Monica:Deal.

Ross:Challenge excepted.

Cassius:All right we'll start with apples.

Ross:We'll be starting with apples.

Chandler:"To Ross".Stop that now.

Ross reveals a bag of apples.

Chandler:Yes.

Cassius:Okay.Uh tortilla chips,yogurt.

Chandler:Diet soda.

Ross:Yes.Yes.Yes.

Chandler:Orange juice.

Rachel:No!.There's no orange juice in there.We win.

Monica:Haha.

Tabitha:They have another guess.

Rachel:Okay well we won that one.

Cassius:Okay the last thing...

Chandler:Oh,oh,oh,oh,oh."Whispers something in Cassius's ears".

Cassius:No,no not for like another two weeks.

Chandler:I got it.Scotch...tape.

The roomates are correct and me and my husband smile at eachother.

Ross:How did you know she would buy scotch tape?.

Chandler:Well we used there's up last night making scary faces.

Monica:Aw man.

Chandler:All right.Ten buck.Fork it over Cough it up.Pay the piper.Gimme it.

Monica:That does not mean you know us better I-I want a rematch.

Rachel:Yeah and none of these stupid grocery questions real personal questions.

Monica:Yeah.And the winner gets a hundred bucks.

Cassius:Serious?.

Monica:Are you scared?.

Cassius:No.All right who,who makes up the questions?.

Monica:Ross will do it.

Ross:Oh sure Ross will do it.It's not like he has a job,or a child,or a life of his own.

Rachel:Fine.We'll ask Phoebe.

Ross:No,no,no I-I wanna play.

*****************************************

Phoebe:"Entering".Hey.

Chandler:Hey.

Joey:Hey oh Pheebs are they in there?.

Phoebe:Um yeah uhuh they're implanted.

Monica:How do you feel?.

Phoebe:Well freaked.Cause it turns out that the odds are really sucky.And this is Frank and Alice's like only shot.Like they are literally putting all of their eggs in my basket.

Chandler:Yeah but I bet it works.

Monica:Really?.How much?.

Phoebe:All right I'm gonna go take a pregnancy test right now.

Joey:Oh wow.You can tell this soon.

Phoebe:Well the doctor says it takes a couple days but my body's always been a little faster than Western medicine.

Rachel enters from her bedroom and sees the foosball table.

Rachel:Oh my God.I can't believe you guys are actually think you're moving in here.

Chandler:Well believe it baby.

Rachel:Well I-I-I'm not moving.

Cassius:What?.

Rachel:No it was a stupid bet.We were just playing a game.

Cassius:You can't just ignore the bet It's a bet.You bet and you bet and if you lose,you lose the bet.

Monica:Look Rach we have to move.I mean if they had lost we would've made them get rid of the birds.Right?.

Rachel:No.

Monica:All right look I hate this as much as you but if it makes you feel better it's all your fault.

Rachel:What?.

Monica:Chinadolor Bong come on we steal that TV Guide every week.

Chandler:I knew it.

Rachel:I don't care I'm not going anywhere.

Chandler:Cool girl roommate.

Phoebe comes in from the bathroom as Rachel sits down in disgust.

Tabitha:Well?.

Phoebe:Nope not knocked up yet.

Monica:It's only been a couple of hours so just give it some time.

Phoebe:Yeah all right.Meanwhile I'm gonna do whatever I can to help this so I'm just gonna y'know lie it your chair.

Phoebe climbs into the chair and drapes her feet over the back of the chair.

Phoebe:Y'know?.Yeah good I'm let gravity y'know do its jobs.

****************************************

Phoebe is still laying in the chair and plays the guitar as she sings.

Phoebe:"Sings".Are you in there little fetus?.In nine will you come great us?.I will buy you some Adidas.

There's a knock on the door and Monica answers it.

Monica:Hey.

Frank,Alice:"Entering".Hi.

Alice:Hi Phoebe.We were just at the drugstore and we got you a little present.

Phoebe:Oh.Oh.

Frank:Um it's a lollipop and a uh a home pregnancy test.

Monica:Hey don't mix those up you could really ruin that lollipop.

Alice:So um you feel like taking a test?. There's only one question.

Phoebe:All right I will.No I will.But um y'know just remember that it's still really early okay so if it says that I'm not pregnant that doesn't mean that I'm not gonna get pregnant okay and,and just please just so I don't go completely nuts just try not put all your hopes on this.

Alice:Okay.

Frank:Okay.

The newly wed couple both squeal in expectation.

Phoebe:Great."Goes to take the test".

The door opens and Cassius and Chandler ride in on the big fake dog.

Rachel:Y'know what you are mean boys who are just being mean.

Cassius:Hey don't get mad at us.No one forced you to raise the stakes.

Rachel:That is not true.She did.She forced me.

Monica:Hey we would still be living here if hadn't gotten the question wrong.

Rachel:Well it stupid unfair question.

Ross:Don't blame the questions.

Chandler:Would you all stop yelling in our apartment.You are ruining moving day for us.

Rachel:Will you stop calling it your apartment.

Cassius:But it is our apartment.

Rachel:No it's not.

Everyone bickers as Phoebe returns from the bathroom.

Phoebe:You guys!,You guys!.You're gonna have a baby!.They're gonna have a baby!.

Frank:My sister's gonna have my baby!.

We all go over and hug Phoebe.

Tabitha:Just for the future Frank.Maybr not say it like that.

Phoebe:Okay but this can't be good for the baby.

Everyone:Oh!.

We stop hugging her to let her out and resume the hug without her.