38

-January 16th 1997-

   At Monica and Rachel's.. Rachel is getting ready for her first day of work...Rachel runs from her bedroom wearing only a towel.

Rachel:Okay.Hey.Um.Does everybody hate these shoes?.

Chandler:Oh yeah but don't worry.I don't think anybody's gonna focus on that as long as your wearing that towel dress.

Rachel:"To Ross".Tell him.

Ross:"To Chandler".It's her first day at this new job.Your not supposed to start with her.

Chandler:All right I suppose I can wait a day.Hey.what are you doing Friday?.

Ross:Why?.

Chandler:I need you to come to this bachelor party for my weird cousin Albert you know he's the botanist.

Ross:Oh God.You know botanists are such geeks.

Chandler:Yeah.Is that a dinosaur tie?.

Ross:Hm?.Oh yeah.Gift from Tab.

   Ross makes a growling sound to sound like a dinosaur as Phoebe enters the apartment with a load of purses hanging around her neck.

Phoebe:Morning.Rach I'm here with the purses!.

Chandler:To Phoebe".It must take you forever to find your keys.

Rachel runs into the livingroom.

Rachel:Thank you,thank you,thank you Pheebs.

Phoebe:Your welcome oh please not the one with the turtles.

Rachel:No,no,no,no turtles scare me.I don't need that today.

Ross:Honey just relax it's gonna be fine. Hey um why don't I come down there and I'll take you out to lunch?.

Rachel:Oh honey thank you but Mark's taking me out.

Ross:Mark is that uh the same Mark that helped you get the job?.

Rachel:Yeah it's kinda like a good luck on your first day sort of thing."To Phoebe".Is this actually a lunchbox?.

Phoebe:Um no it's a purse.And there's a thermos in it.

Rachel:Oh.

Chandler:"To Ross".Hey so can you make it on Friday?.

Ross:What?.Oh yeah,yeah I think so.Why am I invited to this again?.

Chandler:Well apparently Albert has no friends.He's very excited about the bachelor party though.I think actually the only reason he's getting married is so he can see a stripper.

Phoebe:A stripper at a bachelor party that is so cliche.Why don't you get a magician?.

Chandler:Well if the magician can open my beer with his but cheeks then all right.

I laugh at that.

*****************************************   I enter Chandler's apartment to see Chandler,Ross and Joey.

Chandler:Don't cry outloud.

Joey:"Hanging up the phone".Yes!.Guess who's in an audition for a Broadway musical?.

Chandler:I want to say you but that seems like such an easy answer.

Joey:It is me!.It's a musical version of Tale of Two Cities.So I think I'm gonna sing New York,New York and an oh I left My Heart in San Francisco.

Tabitha:Babe...Joey I don't think you get to pick the cities.

Joey:What?.

Ross:Mr.Dickens gets to pick em.

Joey:Who?.

Chandler:I'll get you the Cliff Notes.

Joey:The what?.

Chandler:The abridgment.

Joey:Oh okay."To Ross".The what?.

*****************************************

   Me and Joey are at Chandler's place and Chandler is reading Joey's resume as Phoebe is joining us.

Chandler:Three years of modern dance with Twila Tharp!.Five years with the American Ballet Theater?!.

Joey:Hey everybody lies on their resume okay.I wasn't one of the Zoom Kids either.

Phoebe:Well can you dance at all?.

Joey:Yeah I can dance you know.

Joey starts to dance horribly.

Chandler:Oh no,no,no,no.

Phoebe:"Covering her mouth in shock". What,what is that?.

Joey:Sure it looks stupid now there's no music playing.

The phone rings.

Chandler:All right I have to get that but n-no."Answering phone".Hello?...."Happily". Hi!.Yeah listen I'm,I'm in need of a stripper and I was told that you do that...Let me ask you this what,what do you do for the extra hundred?...So would I would I have to provide the grapes?.

Monica enters the apartment.

Monica:Hi!.

Phoebe:Oh how was last night with Julio senorita?.

Monica:It was so amazing he is so sexy and smart which makes him even sexier.Oh gosh I gotta show you this.Last night we were fooling around and he stops to write a poem.

Joey:Get out!.I couldn't stop if a meteor hit me.

Tabitha:You'd stop if I knocked you out.

Joey:"Playfully gasps".You wouldn't.

Tabitha:You wouldn't want to find out would you?."Smirks".

Chandler:Okay we have our stripper.A miss Crystal Chandelier.

Joey:Well sure you name a kid that what do you expect them to grow up to be?.

Monica:Anyway um when he left he forgot to take the poem with him.Now I am like totally dense about poetry but I think it's pretty good all right.Check it out.

Monica hands us the poem.

Joey:"Reading".The Empty Vase. Translucent beauty...

Chandler:To yourself...Hey-hey-hey you know what that's pretty good.

Monica:Oh good I think so too.Pheebs?.

Phoebe:Oh yeah.

Monica:Oh I'm so glad you guys like it.Yay!. All right I gotta go to work.

Monica tries to take the poem.

Joey:Whoa I'm not done.

Monica:All right just give it back to me when your done.See you guys.

Chandler:Bye-bye.

Monica leaves the apartment.

Phoebe:Oh my God,oh my God.Poor Monica!.

Chandler:What,what,what?!.

Phoebe:What?!.He was with her when he wrote this poem.Look."Reading".My vessel so empty with nothing inside.Now that I've touched you,you seem emptier still.He thinks Monica is empty she is the empty vase!.

Chandler:You really think that is what he meant?.

Tabitha:Oh totally.Oh God oh she seemed so happy too.

Joey:Done.

*****************************************

   At Monica and Rachel's Monica is tying a ribbon to a vase as Phoebe enters the apartment.

Phoebe:Hey!.

Monica:Hey.

Phoebe:What are you wrapping?

Monica:Oh-ho look what I got Julio.

Phoebe:Yeah it's a vase.

Monica:Yeah just like the one in the poem.

Phoebe:Well not exactly like the one in the poem.

Monica:What do you mean?.

Phoebe:Remember how you said you were really dense about poetry?.Oh."Hugs her".

*****************************************

   At Central Perk Me,Chandler and Rachel are here.

Rachel:So ah did you have fun at the bachelor party last night?.

Chandler:Oh yeah,yeah!.Look what I got, look what I got."Holds up a pen".See she's fully dressed right?.

Rachel,Tabitha:Right.

Chandler:And then you click it and uh-oh, she's naked.And then,and then you click it again and she's dressed.She's a business woman she's walking down the street,she's window shopping and."Clicks pen".whoa-whoa-whoa, sh-she's naked!.

   Me and Rachel just stare at him as Ross enters the shop.

Ross:Hi.

Rachel:Hello.

Chandler:You know what I'm,I'm gonna spend some alone time with the pen.

   Ross sits down next to Rachel and i drink my tea as i read a magazine.

Ross:I'm sorry I was an idiot.

Rachel:A big idiot.

Ross:A big idiot.Just you have to realize is this whole Mark thing is kinda hard for me.

Rachel:Honey why is it hard I mean we've been together for almost a year now?.

Ross:Well I was with Carol for like eight years and I lost her.And now if it's possible I think I love you even more.So it's hard for me to believe that I'm not gonna well that someone else is not going to take you away.

Rachel:Honey that's very sweet it just seems to me though that if two people love each other and trust each other like we do, there's no reason to be jealous.

I look up to see Rachel kiss Ross.

Ross:I gotta get going.Bye Chandler nd Tabitha.

Chandler:Oh okay Ross.Listen this pen is kinda getting boring so can you pick me up some porn?.

Rachel:Where ya going?.

Ross:Oh I've got to go pick up Ben we've got a play date this afternoon.

Rachel:Oh with who?.

Ross:Oh just this woman that I met last night at the party.

Rachel:There was a woman at the...The stripper?!.

Ross:Yeah.

Rachel:You have a play date with a stripper?!.

Chandler:Man I gotta get a kid.

   Chandler looks at the pen and starts laughing.

Ross:Ah yeah,yeah.Um we started talking after she you know did her thing.And it turns out she's got a boy about Ben's age so we're taking them to a gym boree class. Why is that okay?.

Rachel:Sure is she married?.

Ross:Ah no.

Rachel:Oh.

   Rachel starts shaking her sugar down in a packet really hard.

Ross:Are you jealous?.

Rachel:No I you know I don't see why she has to play with you that's all.I mean doesn't she have any you know other stripper moms friends of her own?.

Ross:You are totally jealous.

Rachel:I'm not jealous.All right this is about um people feeling certain things you know about strippers.And you know and um I...

Ross:Honey I love you too.

Rachel:Ugh.Wait,wait,wait.

Ross:What?.

   Rachel runs over and gives him a very passionate kiss.

Ross:Huh.

Ross leaves.

Rachel:"To Chandler,Tabitha".Well there's a kiss that he won't forget for a couple of hours you know.

Chandler:Yeah.Either that or you just turned him on and sent him off to a stripper.