Pilot: Pissy Mood

Willow's POV

My attention's fixated on the ocean view in front of me, my feet dangling off this dirty scaffolding next to some rich dicks half built mansion. I can't help but feel anger bubble in my stomach when I think about how different the two sides of this island are, I couldn't imagine living in a house with more bedrooms than I needed, or have the money to buy whatever my heart desires while there's people struggling on the south side of the island. Whatever.

"What's got you in a pissy mood?" JJ mutters, a small smile tugging at his lips as he stares me down. 

I never understood his hot and cold moods towards me, I try so hard to not annoy him but it doesn't matter what I do, he always picks on me. It wasn't always that way, he used to be nice, then out of the blue a few months ago; he decided he hates everything about me.

I look over at him before taking a sip from my cold beer, "I wish I could afford more than I can. I hate struggling so much." My voice showing more emotion that I'd like, I quickly shift my gaze to look out over the ocean again.

He sits in silence for a moment, causing me to glance back at him to see if he heard me or not, my eyes roam over his perfect jaw line while he looks out over the water, he seems deep in thought with his brows pinched together, "Same. But at least we got people."

I nod when he turns and smiles at me, "I guess so."

Pope picks up some random tool left behind by the workers building the house, he flips it over in his hands a few times before glancing up at John B while he stands on the roof dangling his foot over the edge with a beer in hand, "I give you about a 1 in 3 chance of survival."

John Bs eyes dance with amusement, he licks his finger and holds it to the wind, "Hm, should I do it?"

Pope holds the tool up in the air, pointing it at John B, "Yeah, you should jump. I'll shoot you on the way down." 

John B does a finger gun, pretending to shoot Pope before taking a large gulp from his beer.

"They're gonna have Japanese toilets with towel warmers." Kie exclaims, distaste clear in her tone. She stops as she walks out of the house, eyeing John B, "Are you trying to kill yourself?"

"Don't spill that beer," JJ yells out while leaning forward to rest his body against the metal railings on the scaffolding, he takes a sip of his beer before looking back up at my brother,  "I'm not giving you another one."

"WHOA." John B wavers unsteadily as he tries to regain his balance at the edge of the roof, his beer falling through the air, a loud smack sounds seconds later when it hits the deck below us, "Oh shit."

"Of course you did," JJ shakes his head in disapproval, "like right when I told you not to."

"Smooth." Kie whispers, her and I share a knowing look. 

These boys will be the death of us.

"You're a dumbass, Johnny." I call up to my brother, "Are you trying to make me the sole survivor of our family?"

John B rolls his eyes at me, "I'm fine, Will."

"Stop calling me that." I jerk backwards after JJ pinches my lips, a light laugh escaping his mouth when he see's my frustration. "Jay." I mumble against his fingers, "What are you doing?"

His eyes stare at my lips while he slowly lets me go, "So plump."

Is plump a good thing.. or is he making fun of me? I can't tell but he seems to be in some kind of weird trance while staring me down, making me feel insecure and nervous. 

"HEY." A mans voice screams, making me break eye contact with JJs ocean blue eyes. 

Pope leans over the deck railing, peering around the side of the house, drumming his fingers on the banister, "Uh, security's here." He turns back to us, "Lets wrap it up."

"Boys are here early today." John B points out while sliding down the roof shingles. 

JJ rolls on his back to face the other side of the scaffolding, pulling me with him, "Humpty dumpty, let's roll."

"Lets go pogies!" I holler while dropping down to the deck.

"Gary, is that you?" JJ asks the security guard, he laughs and grabs my hand, pulling me through the house after everyone else takes off running, "Keep up, Willow."

"I am, Jay." 

Everyone's laughter echoes off the walls while we stumble around, finding our way to the exit.

My hand is ripped from JJs when he collides into one of the security guards, "OOP, not much of a hugger man." He rolls out of the mans grasp and grabs my hand again, yanking me away from Gary before he can tackle me, "Always saving your ass."

"My ass thanks you." I cackle when he looks back and winks at me.

We burst through the back door of the house and run through the yard towards a fence, "Go, go, go, go." JJ rushes Pope when he starts to fall behind panting, he's such a book worm, he needs some exercise. 

Pope gets to the fence first, his hands grab at the top as he jumps, I chuckle when he frantically kicks his legs as his arms slowly pull his body upwards. JJ and I bust out laughing when he falls on his face after toppling over the top.

JJ grabs my waist and hoists me up while I tightly grip the panels, my breath heavy when I hear the security guards getting closer to us, "You got it, Willow." His hands grasp onto the back of my thighs, my heart thumps in my chest from the contact. 

God of only this was in a different kind of situation. Focus, Willow. He pushes me to the top so I can sling my leg over, then I throw myself to the other side, landing with a low thud. JJ jumps over a few seconds later with a wide smile. 

We follow after Pope as he limp runs to the Twinkie, where John B and Kie are already waiting for us. 

JJ tosses me into the van, accidently making me crash into Kie, "Sorry!"

She laughs and helps me up, "It's okay, y'all were slow today."

JJ scoffs, "I wasn't, I had to make sure slow," He points to me, "And slower," he points to Pope, "didn't get caught."

"Hey, I was doing fine." I mutter, my arms move to cross over my chest, "You were the one that almost got caught first."

"I got away and still saved you at the same time." He teases, then he leans out the open van door after we start to slowly drive away, looking at one of the security guards while he chases us, "Come on Gary."

"Gary's gunnin' for a raise." 

I laugh at Pope's joke, "He takes his job way too seriously." 

JJ grabs a beer and hangs out the door again, "You're so close." He tosses the can at Gary and laughs loudly.

"Okay okay." My body leans across the van floor, pulling him into the van while Pope slides the door shut. 

"Ahh, that was fun." JJ plops down on the seat next to me, fanning his legs out while he catches his breath, "Want to go surfing?" He asks me, his voice low so only I hear him, "Just us though." 

I glance at him for a moment, taking in how attractive he is. If only I could kiss those pink lips, I bet they're soft, he's always stealing my chapstick, fuck say something. 

"Yeah, sure." My teeth sink into my bottom lip when I look away after noticing the amused look he gives me, with that stupid smirk he wears when he catches me staring too long. I keep my eyes on the scenery out the window for the rest of the drive, ignoring the conversations around me while my mind wanders.

I really feel like my dad is still alive, he has to just be lost somewhere in the world or stranded. I know that sounds straight up crazy, but it's possible. I mean he went out on his boat that morning and then we never hear from him again, as if he vanished in thin air. Maybe he hand complications with the engine and drifted away, he could have ended up somewhere far, or maybe he did die.

It's hard not knowing, I think that's what I struggle with the most. We need closure, but how do you do that when there's no evidence of anything other than him being gone. His boat was never found, no one talked to him before he left that day, he didn't even tell John B and I where he went because we had a huge fight the day before and we took off in the Twinkie to see our friends. That was the last time we ever saw him, we told him he was a shit dad and left. 

Maybe he left on purpose. 

He could have been tired of raising us and decided to go off on his own to research the ryal merchant without being told to pay more attention to us. I know how important his research was to him, part of me knows that he would probably put it before us if he really had to. Leave us behind to go get filthy rich. 

Does that make me a bad daughter for thinking he's capable of that? I mean I know he loves us, but he didn't really show us that we ever came first. 

~~~~~

"The waves are perfect today." I smile at JJ when he looks down at me.

He nods, my eyes linger on the soft smile on his lips, "Yeah, come on." He tugs my free hand, our boards tucked under our other arms while we run through the sand, "I want to show you a new trick I learned last week."

I let him pull me out into the waves, dropping his hand when I jump onto my board to paddle out farther, "Show me what you got, Jay."

He laughs, "Oh I will, baby."

A blush coats my cheeks, so I'm quick to turn so I don't have to see him eyeing my reaction, after a few minutes he gets out ahead of me and rips through a wave, I sit on my board watching his new trick. It's actually pretty impressive. I love watching him surf because he's actually really talented and it's the only time he genuinely looks happy and relaxed. He's the one that taught me most of what I know when it comes to surfing, I just do it better than him.

After a few passes, JJ paddles his way back to me, "Did you see that?"

"Yes, that was pretty cool." I admit, shifting on my board so I can see him better, "Can you teach me?"

"Hell yeah I can." He squeezes my thigh, "There's so many things I want to teach you."

I look down at his hand on my leg, glancing back up at him while butterflies erupt in my stomach, "Like what?" 

Holy hell, his hand is on me, causing me to internally scream, if only he'd move it a little closer to my.. shit stop thinking like this. 

JJ sighs, "You know what."

It's no secret that I'm still a virgin when it comes to guys. I've been with a couple girls, Kie included, but I never got the opportunity to get with a guy because John B or JJ would always cockblock, and JJ likes to bring it up every so often. I don't understand why he cares so much. 

"I don't think I do." I tease before paddling away to catch the next wave.

I catch a glimpse of him readjusting his shorts when he thinks I'm not looking, making me laugh at the thought of him being even remotely turned on by me. I mean I'm nothing compared to the girls he hooks up with, they always have cute outfits, perfect hair, make up on, perfect bodies. And every single one of them looks similar to me but like ten times better. 

It's almost insulting, why can't I be pretty enough for him? 

I know why, it's because I don't wear make up, my wild curls are always all over the place, since I can't afford the expensive curly hair products. I have the typical broke girl from the cut outfits, most of my decent clothes and bikinis are from Kie, and my body is far from perfect. 

"Damn, Willow, you're getting good." JJ splashes me when I get close, "Have you been out here without me?"

"Yeah, you've been working a lot, and hanging out with other people the past few weeks." I don't look him in the eye now, knowing he probably knows I'm referring to the fact that he's been out with girls a lot lately.

He stays quiet for me moment, "Yeah I guess I have."

I sigh, not wanting to keep up with this conversation, it only makes my stomach twist when I think about him wanting every girl on the island except me. It sounds desperate on my part, I know, but I can't help it. I've known him practically my entire life and he barely see's me. I've always been there for him, I try so fucking hard that it's pathetic and he doesn't even notice. 

Why can't he see me like I see him? 

Why can't I be enough for him to want me like I want him?

We continue to catch more waves, our conversations lighter now when we take breaks to catch our breath. Once our arms and legs turn to noodles we head back to the beach, I sneak a peak at him while he shakes his hair out, watching the water droplets run down his tan skin, his muscles rolling every time he moves around.

My eyes quickly dart away when he glances over at me, "Are you staying at the Chateau tonight?"

"Yeah, is that okay?"

"Of course, it's basically your house too. I was just curious since you haven't been staying over as much these days." I slip my shirt over my head, blushing when he reaches over and pulls my hair out from my shirt for me.

"I was at my dads, but I'll stay with y'all the next few nights since the hurricanes supposed to hit sometime tomorrow." He glances out at the ocean. I follow his gaze and gasp when I realize how close the storm is now, "No wonder the waves were good. We should get back before it starts to rain."

"Definitely," I agree, following after him when he starts to walk towards my house, "I hate these bad storms."

"I know you do," He quietly tells me, his eyes trained on the road ahead, "but you won't be alone." 

I stay silent and walk along side of him, not knowing how to respond. He's been oddly nice again, he's not picking on me today, I'm not complaining but it's weird to see the sudden change in behavior since I was starting to think he was mad at me or something.

We finally make it back to my house, putting our surf boards away in the shed before running inside right when the rain starts. I almost collide into John B when he rushes out of the back door, "Uh, I'll be back later."

I raise my eyebrows and turn to JJ, "That was weird. Almost seems like he didn't want me to ask him what he was doing."

He laughs, "Probably, maybe he's going to mack on some girl before the storm hits."

"Wonderful." I sigh, pushing away my worries for my idiot reckless brother, "Whatever, not like he talks to me much anyways."

"That's not true." JJ leans his back against the kitchen counter, looking down at me while I pour myself a glass of water.

I scoff, "Yeah okay."

"I mean he's always around you, there isn't much he has to tell you that you don't already know."

"That's not what I mean, Jay." I argue, turning away from looking at the rusty faucet to look into his soft gaze, "He doesn't talk to me. Like it was always him and our dad doing their thing and I was just here, you know?"

"I guess that's true, but since your dads been gone he's been a lot closer to you."

My thoughts run rampant while I take a sip of my water, "Has he though?"

JJ shrugs, "Okay maybe he's been a little distant still."

"He acts like he runs the world." I grumble, "My world at least."

"Now that I can agree with," He laughs, his body moves forward when he pushes away from the counter, "but it's because he loves you and worries about you."

"Yeah whatever, he doesn't know anything about me." I walk over to the couch and plop down, hearing him rummaging around in the fridge, "It's always about him."

"I mean he sorta does though, right? Since you're literally always together." He sits down next to me, a beer in hand, "And I can tell you right now it definitely isnt always about him, Willow."

"No we aren't always together, he goes places all the time, but he makes me go around with one of y'all like I have to be babysat or something." My fingers run through my damp hair while anger sets in, "Jay, I'm only a year younger but he acts like I'm this innocent little kid that has to be taken care of and coddled."

"You are young," He softly tells me, making my heart sink, "stop trying to rush growing up."

"Do you see me that way?" My voice lowers, "You see me as a little kid?"

"No, no, I definitely do not see you as a little kid." He gives me a weird look, "You're just innocent, Willow, and so we--"

"You sound like him." My eyes narrow, "You're seriously taking his side on this?"

"No, it's just.." He pauses to take a sip of his beer, "you're the youngest in the group and you're his little sister, so of course we all want to protect you. The world sucks and if you can be sheltered from the bad for a while then we'll do it."

"Yeah like drugs, sex and shit like that?" I huff when he nods, "yeah well I've done my fair share of all of the above."

JJ fully turns to face me with his eyebrows raised, "What do you mean?"

"I'm still a virgin, don't worry." My eyes roll when his shoulders relax a little, "I only have a little experience in that subject." 

"Then what did you mean?"

"Doesn't matter, it's my life. I'll do whatever I want."

"Willow," He lightly grips my chin so I can't look away, "are you saying you've done drugs?"

"It doesn't matter, Jay, it's normal to experiment, I don't need to be treated like a little kid anymore."

"Weed?" I nod, "Other stuff?" I nod again, making him shake his head in disapproval, "Like what? You know I won't tell anyone what you tell me."

I grimace, "Coke and pills. Pretty much whatever was at the parties I've been to.. I did."

"What parties have you even been to that we didn't know about?" He asks, I can tell he's holding back some form of emotions. 

"When I was friends with Sarah, she always went to the Kook parties." I admit, my gaze stays locked with his while our legs run against each others since he's so close now, "John B never worried about me when I was with her because she doesn't do drugs and is a virgin too."

JJ frowns, "So y'all would go to parties with Topper and Rafe?"

"Yeah."

"They're your friends?" He drops his hand from my chin when I nod.

"I mean they were, but not after all the shit went down with Sarah, Kie and I. I haven't hung out with them in a while."

"Did you get with Rafe?" He blurts out, my eyes go wide, did I not just tell him I'm still a virgin?

"Um, considering I've never been with a guy, no I didn't." I pinch my eyebrows together, "Why do you care so much about my virginity? You're always concerned about me losing it."

He shrugs off my question like it isn't a big deal, "You should wait until you're older, that's all."

"No, you're always asking me about it, why?"

"I don't know, Willow." He snaps in a raised voice, "Fuck, just drop it."

"Okay.." I glance away not wanting him to see that his outburst hurt my feelings, my eyes stay on the cluttered desk on the opposite side of the room, wishing the tension between us would go away. 

"I'm sorry." JJ speaks up after a long moment of silence, "I just don't want you to regret it or get hurt by some guy that doesn't deserve your time or your.. body."

"It's just sex, right?" I sarcastically ask while turning back to look at his worried expression, "I mean you do it like its a part of your daily routine. Why take it seriously?"

"No.. no I don't." He stammers, "I don't have sex everyday, and it is serious, sex isn't a game. Willow, I'm not like a man-whore or something, is that what you think of me?" 

"No but," My eyes search his face for a moment, seeing his mask he wears when he's guarding his emotions, "Whatever. I'll have sex if I want to. Everyone in the group gets to do whatever the hell they want while I sit around and watch from the sidelines because y'all want me to be some quiet good girl with no life."

"You have a life. We aren't controlling you." He shifts to fully face me, his voice rising slightly, "You know what? Go fuck whoever you want, don't come crying to us when you feel shitty afterwards. Sex won't solve your problems."

"I will go fuck someone, just like you always do." I'm quick to stand up and rush off to my room, so I can avoid continuing this stupid conversation.

After my door slams shut, I throw myself across my bed and let my emotions flow into tears. 

I regret talking about the things I brought up with him. I should have kept my mouth shut, he's going to tell John B about my drug use, and he's going to tell him that I'm going to try to go have sex with someone now. Ugh whatever, maybe I should just to show them I'm not a good girl. I can be bad, I can have fun. Then again, I don't want to do that. I want JJ to be my first time, but I want him to care about me too. 

Why does he think I'll feel shitty after having sex? He loves sex but he's acting like it's this horrible thing. Does he feel guilty for doing it all the time? 

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