Now That Its Over

<SFTC: Lucy by Skillet>

Chapter 16

As we were told, we were called back to see Austin at 8:45, though it was family only and the max in a room was 3. So our small trio made the short trek through many emergency doors until we find room 246. Above the room number is a saying, as it is on every room we pass.

"A life spent making mistakes is not only more honorable, but more useful than a life spent doing nothing. -George Bernard Shaw" is the inscription. I like it, it actually relates to Austin right now for taking out his phone while driving. I let mom and dad walk in first. As much as I want to see Austin, I don't want to see him. I'm scared and I honestly wish Tanner could've went with me.

"Mr. and Ms. Swift, may I talk to you both? Miss Swift, you can go on in," An older, bulkier doctor I had come to know as Doctor Philips says. He was Austin's regular doctor, one who had somehow ended up in Nashville this weekend by spontaneous chance. He was usually based up near Vandy, and that's why Austin usually went to him.

I swallow hard, giving a nod to a very concerned mom as I walk into his room. The droning of the tv on some news station beats as a background to the slow beeping of the monitor. I round the curtain to where he lays in the most horrific position. His neck is in a brace though it leans dully to the side of the bed and doesn't move. All his limbs are frayed all over the place and yet he doesn't move a muscle. He looks so uncomfortable, so pained, so different from my little brother. I really hoped he was just asleep. That the machines inhaling and exhaling for him were just there for help, not for complete support. That the black and blue were some kind of paint that a little kid ran in and painted on his face. That the swollen, wrapped part of his body that are still red from bleeding are from when we played Doctor when we were kids. That this was all a joke, that he'd just get up and laugh, shouting "you've just been punk'd" with Tanner running out, laughing.

But he doesn't. He just sits still, swollen eyes huge and purple, staring at a black oblivion in whatever world he's in right now. I feel tears burn at my eyes and I go his the side of his bed, taking a swollen hand from hanging off the side.

"Hey Aus," I whimper, trying to laugh but it sounds more pathetic. "You're an idiot, you know that?"

No reply. More tears start pouring out, harder than before. I attempt to smile through it, obnoxiously squeezing his hand.

"Why'd you have to go do that?" I whisper to my hands, letting the hand drop back into its original place.

Mom and Dad walk in a minute later, Dad holding moms shoulders from behind as he guides her to where Austin lies. He looks nauseous while Mom just bawls, and I can't tell if it's from seeing him or talking to the doctor or both. I decide to wait until she's sobered up a little until I ask her about what he said. I've had enough, I can't just sit here and listen to my parents cry and the constant slow beeping of monitors reminding me of my hopefully-asleep brother lying next to me.

I don't say anything to them as I leave, just walk out. Mom calls for me just as I turn out of the doorframe and I stop, turn, and find mom nodding to slide into the hallway.

"Taylor.. they, um, they said he's brain dead. The force-wow this is hard-" she choked up, already bawling again. I feel my lip start quivering and warm tears start dripping off my cheek. Mom never cried. Not unless I won a huge award or for happy tears, not in tramatic events. "-the force was too much and that cord in there was the only thing keeping him up. I don't know how long we can keep him up. I mean, the money is there, of course but I don't know how long we can just do this. He isn't there, Taylor. To keep him here, and to not know if he's in pain or not- it just hurts, you know."

All I can do is nod hysterically, trying hard not to look her directly in the eye. She swipes at her nose momentarily, choosing to look up at the ceiling.

"What I really wanted to say was that- they found his phone records and that phone number wasn't going to call Anna, it was set to Tanner.." I barely hear the rest of her sentence, it's more of a fuzzy, "I don't know what he was doing calling him.. a photography thing or something.. maybe about you.."

I was zoned out. I shook my head at her, starting to back away slowly. Calling Tanner. He was calling Tanner. Why? Why would he call him? Why wouldn't Tanner tell me about this? His phone was off, he didn't answer. The call didn't even go through, whatever he spent his life on wouldn't have mattered anyway. It was my fault, all my fault. If I would've just said no to Tanner to go the truck thing, maybe something would've gone different.

"I have to go-" I continue shaking my head as I back away from mom who attempts to reach for me.

"Taylor," she pleads but I'm already gone. Nurses give me sympathetic looks as I pass, wiping my eyes with the palm of my hand.

"Miss Swift?" A soft voice says to my side. I turn to it, looking a bit aggravated to be bothered right now. A young nurse with very curly black hair stands next to me, looking up. "Sorry. I just wanted to say that you may not want to go outside, there's a whole hoard of reporters and stuff. Just a fair warning, sweetheart."

I rub my eye with my palm again, trying to sober myself up again. "Thank you."

That's all I can say before she nods solemnly and walks off. I watch her go for just a second before continuing my pace toward the waiting room.

Tanner sits impatiently, tapping his foot obnoxiously on the tile floor, getting looks from frustrated family members. He stands as soon as he sees me, his breath getting knocked out all at once when he does.

He opens his mouth but closes when I shake my head and push myself into his arms. All I needed at the moment was a hug, that and to forget everything that's happened in the last 12 hours. I'm sure people are getting pictures, but I truly don't care for once. So they see me crying uncontrollably into my boyfriends chest because I just found out my brother is basically gone in a hospital, why in the world should I care that they found out. Ooh, shocker; Taylor Swift cries over brother. You know, screw them. No, wait, they can screw themselves.

"I want to go home." I mumble against his shirt, not even understanding why I said it. I think I just need to get away from this hospital and the smell and the horrible thing surrounding this hospital scene. I feel his chin tilt on top of my head.

"Okay baby, lets go home," He cooes, rubbing my back softly. I wish that he could just kiss it and make it better, but that isn't life. Life isn't just some childhood fairytale, it doesn't go perfectly and if it does, it doesn't last long. Happiness turns to sadness as quickly as you see the sun set at night. But to some people, that sunset means happiness and to some it means sadness. And to some, they just enjoy the sunset.

•

As soon as we get back to the apartment, I'm back on my bed, pulling up the comforter over my head and groaning loudly. Tanner joins me a second later, pulling me up into his lap and tugging the comforter down. He pushes a strand from my face and sighs.

"What's the news?" He says after a long moment of staring at me. I take a deep breath and start blabbing on, not being able to do so without the crying coming back harder. It's becoming real but it hasn't truly hit me but I'm sure it'll come like a bus.

"He-he was calling me?" Tanner swallows and I see tears start building up in his eyes. He pulls me into his chest before I can see if he does but I feel them trickling down my back a moment later. He was crying. I lost it. I lost every ounce of holding back I just cried. We both just cried and cried and cried until we just couldn't cry anymore. We just held eachother and cried until exhaustion took its toll and we fell asleep.

It doesn't last long. I wake up in the middle of the night screaming with tears pouring off my cheeks. Austin nightmares. Tanner simply stands up and returns a few minutes later with a cup of hot tea and a cookie before pulling me into his arms and singing a song I don't recognize between my sobs. It finally puts me to sleep though after Tanner removed his shirt and put it over my tanktop to "keep me warm", either way I am not complaining. He pulled me to his bare chest and kept a hand on my hip so I wouldn't toss and turn as much. He whispered soft assurances to get me completely asleep, which helped. Not by much but it did help.

I feel somewhat embarrassed for him seeing me so hysterical like this but I know he doesn't care. If anything, he says he likes taking care of me. Which is weird considering I'm crying most of the time. But by the morning, I'm essentially out of tears and ready to just write because that's the only way I can get it all out. And that's exactly what I do.