2 | Break Up

"At least I held back."

"Oh, yeah. Thanks for not knocking my teeth out. Let's throw a party for you. Why not?"

"Hey, I told you to stop. You were going to- you were going to tell everyone."

"2 girls is everyone?"

"You know what I mean. They would've told. Can you please let me in, so we can talk properly?"

I was in my house now. Lou was outside on the front porch. I had the kitchen window half open so we could talk.

"I would but I'm too busy icing my face. My face that you punched... W-why would you hit me?"My voice was breaking. I still couldn't believe he would hurt me like that.

"I panicked! I won't do it again.. Just please let me in so I can take care of you."

I took the ice pack away from my face and unlocked the door.He heard it and opened the door. He looked around for any witnesses before closing it behind him. He looked at my face and flinched as if there was a jump scare."Shit!"

I just glared at him.

"I'm.. sorry."He grabbed the ice pack from my hand and put it on my face.The right side of my face was red with a tiny bit of bruising. He examined it with his eyes and kept holding the pack to my cheek every few seconds. It felt a lot better when he did it.

"I don't think this is working out. It worked for a while, but it's not working anymore."

"Don't talk like that..."He said softly.

"Then just come out. Tell everyone we're together."

"I can't do that... It's too dangerous. And I've worked too hard to get where I am. Do you know what would happen if everyone found out I was gay? I'd be nothing."

"I guess we're not together anymore then..."

His hands fell to his sides. I think he was trying to figure out if I was joking or not.

"I'm sorry." I said. The throbbing of my face reminded me why this had to be done.

He shook his head."I can't do it. I'm- I'm too scared. People like us get killed just for existing. I can't.."

I held his hand."Then don't. I don't want you to be scared. That's the point. I love you so much, I don't care what anyone else does or says about me. But if you don't feel the same.. well, I don't see how we can keep doing this."

He held my hand back."I'll get there eventually. I promise... Don't leave me."

We talked for hours.

Reluctantly, he eventually agreed that we should go our seperate ways.At least for now.

I had to wait a few days to go out again until the bruising had gone.

I was at a store when I ran into someone familiar.

"Nolan, hey."He jogged next to me holding a grocery basket with vegetables and some other boxes.

"Hi, Michael."

"I haven't see you in a while. You alright?"

I nodded and picked a box off the shelves.

I was fine, physically. But mentally, I didn't feel like socializing. I hoped maybe he'd go away.

I moved on to the next aisle and amazingly, he just followed me silently like always. It reminded me of how a puppy would act following its owner around.

"Um, I'm gonna go pay for this, now..."

"I'll go with. I was finished a while ago."He claimed and followed me to the checkout.

When it was time to pay, he suddenly put his card onto the pay pad before I could.

"Uh- what are you doing? You paid for my groceries."

"Mhm."

He handed me the print out receipt and started scanning his things. I looked at him strangely.I decided to wait for him out of courtesy.

When he was done, we walked out together.

"Michael? Why do you always follow me? I'm not that interesting, you know?"

"I think I'm just attracted to you."

I could feel my face get warm."What do you mean by that?"

"Well, I think you're cute."

My heart skipped a beat. I'd been so lonely and depressed I'd forgotten what it was like to be called something so heartwarming.

"Thanks..."

We walked in silence. I wasn't sure if we were walking somewhere specific. Luckily, our bags were not heavy so it didn't matter too much.

"Michael..?"

"Mhm?"

"Are you..?"I had to be careful. He did just call me cute, but asking the wrong person if they were like me could end in death or worse.I tried to find better words.

He interrupted my thoughts."Am I... gay?"

I looked up at my him. My next instinct was to see if anyone heard.

"I don't care who knows."He shrugged.

"You don't? But aren't you scared?"

"Well, sure, sometimes. But I don't want to be who I'm not, you know?"

I nodded.

We walked quietly again until Michael offered to walk me to my house. I agreed.

We made it, and I decided to let him in. I wanted to keep talking to him.

He sat at the kitchen table while I put my bought items away.

"You've got a nice house by the way. It's cute."He on the chair while looking around.

"Michael? Do you think there will be a time where we don't have to hide?"

He thought about it."Sure, eventually."

"When? Soon?"

"Why are you asking..?"

I sighed. And closed the fridge. I leaned on the table.

"There's someone I want to be with, but... He's scared to come out to everyone. I understand the dangers, but I don't want the kind of life where I'm constantly watching everything I say and do. I can't be with him until he's comfortable enough to be with me in public."

He looked down at his lap for a second. Like he was thinking about something.

"Time will tell.. but I think that if people like us keep hiding, then nothing will ever change."

I hadn't talked to Lou since we broke up. I've seen him around, obviously. But I guess there was nothing more to say to each other.

Michael grabbed his bags and stood up."I've gotta go now. But there's actually a house party later. Maybe you want to come with me? I promise you'll like it."

I thought about it. A part of me would've rather read a book and ate a tub of ice cream to myself.

"Um.. I don't know..."

"There'll be food."

I paused and thought about it.My stomach liked the sound of that.

He smiled."Dress casual. I'll come get you at 8pm."

"W-what? But-"

"See you later!"

And he was gone.I huffed out some air. I couldn't help but cross my arms and pout.I never even said I would go.But now I had to.

I picked a chocolate bar from its brand new box and headed to my closet. I usually just wore my uniform for class. I looked around at the dress shirts and denim clothes. I picked a white t-shirt, denim jacket and black jean to go with it. The shoes were white and I picked a black crossbody bag that carried nothing except my wallet and lip balm.

Finally, it was 8pm. I was waiting outside my house on the front steps. The sunset made the sky a dark pink before it turned to black with tiny lights everywhere.

"Hey. You ready?"

I stopped looking at the sky and saw Michael. He wasn't in his usual uniform either. He wore a black fishnet top with a black tank underneath. His jeans weren't skinny jeans but still tight enough to show off his assets.

I never noticed how toned his arms were. Or how fit he was. It made my body tingle and it made my mind think of things it probably shouldn't.

"Follow me."He instructed and started walking.My eyes were drawn to his backside for a second. I hated myself. What was I doing?

I stood up and walked next to him. I wondered if he was cold in that outfit, although he looked fine. Like, really fine.

"I like your outfit."I finally said.

"Thank you. This is my first time wearing it... You look really good too by the way."

I guess I was expecting him to lead me to a house, because it didn't make any sense to me when he left me to a cellar door.

"It's just in here.."He opened the door and gestured for me to go in. It looked dark and spooky. Like maybe it'd lead to a dungeon from a thousand years ago.

"Um... I thought you said it was a house party?"

"Oh, it is."

I blinked at him.

"Well, it's not in a house.. but it's a party. Don't worry, it's not a trick."

I looked at him and back at the rusty cellar door that lead underground, and then him again.

"You're not gonna murder me?"

He laughed, it almost made him lose his grip on the door.

"I won't."

"Promise?"

"I promise."

I didn't quite believe him so I stuck my pinky out. Everyone knows that pinky promises are the strongest promises that you just can't break.He smiled and linked his pinky on mine. I took a deep breath and crawled down.He followed after me.

It was a long tunnel at first, made of concrete. There was a metal door at the end. It really did start to look like a dungeon.

We opened them and entered the small room. There were some chairs and a woman smoking a cigarette. Her siren makeup matched her dark hair and gothic outfit.

"Michael. You showed."

"Hey, Val. I brought a friend, is that alright?"

She exhaled a small cloud and looked at me. I couldn't help but step back, closer to Michael.

"You know you're not supposed to bring people here without asking us, right?"

"I know.. but he's safe. He's never been to a party like this. He's one of us."

She exhaled again and looked me up and down. I didn't recognize her. I'd probably seen her around before but we were never allowed to wear heavy makeup in class, so I wouldn't be able to tell for sure.

"What's your name, sweetheart?"

"Nolan.."

"Oh. So the rumor is true then? Interesting."

She looked over at Michael again.

"Have fun, both of you."

Michael thanked her and led me to doors on the other side of the room. The ground shook steadily on beat and suddenly I could hear laughter and music.

"It can get a bit wild, so stay close to me, okay?"

I nodded. I had no idea what to expect of this mysterious place.

He opened the doors and my heartrate increased. The music was louder now and colorful lights flickered all over. Dozens of men and women were there, dancing, talking and drinking. Some were dressed drag or gothic.Michael grabbed my hand and led me in to wear the tables were. We stopped and he let my eyes wander. I couldn't help but notice other men looking at me too.

"What do you think?"Michael leaned closer to me so I could hear him.

"Some house party."It was more like a rave, in my opinion.

"Guess what?"

"What..?"

"Everyone here.. is gay."

My jaw dropped."Everyone?!"

"Well, I mean there's lesbians, bisexual, transgenders... But yeah, everyone."

I looked around again. There was at least 50 people there. I never knew there was so many of us. I guessed that they must have been good at hiding it. Like Lou was.

"Wow.."I couldn't hide my excitement. All my life I thought there were few of us in that town.

But there's a whole lot of us!

I couldn't believe it.