1 | Same As Always

My favorite time of day.

I loved the morning. Almost as much as I loved night. Morning meant the sun would rise and cast beautiful colors into the sky. Morning meant hot tea and freshly baked muffins. It meant waking up in a warm bed, fully rested.Most importantly, it meant waking up next to him. Lou. My love. My everything.

"Good morning, my love ~"

I sung quietly and fixed his blonde hair a bit. He smiled and rubbed his sleepy blue eyes. "Good morning, honey." he said in his tired morning voice. He cleared his throat and looked at the clock on the wall.

He sat up and stretched his arms.He then looked down at me and kissed my forehead. It made my heart flutter, same as always.

He slid off the bed and stood up to find the clothes that we had thrown on the floor from the night. I sat up, not really wanting to leave the bed while he threw a shirt into my lap.

"That's yours, right?" He questioned and put on his own underwear and pants.I nodded and put the shirt on. My lower body was still naked, but it was covered from the blankets.

"You want to eat something before you go? " He stretched his arms again. He had really nice arms. Not too scrawny, but not too muscle-y. He was perfectly toned.

"I don't want to go.."I whined.

He sighed through his nose and sat next to me. "We have to do it this way.. you know how this goes. You have to go early so no one sees you leaving my house."

I knew that. Of course I knew that. But we'd been doing that way for 2 years. I was starting to get tired of the way we were doing things.

"Hey.." his hand held the back of my head. "I love you."Our foreheads leaned against one another. The cologne he wore from last night tickled my nostrils.

I smiled and kissed him. He kissed me back and held my face so he could have more control. I hummed against his lips happily and tried to hold his face too.

He chuckled and pulled away from me. We caught our breath and he glanced at the clock once more.

"You should go now.. my love."

I looked at the clock, too.It made my shoulders drop.

"We'll see each other later.Don't worry."He assured me and helped me finish dressing. He made me a tea and sent me out the back door.

At that time, there is barely anyone walking around. All I had to do was make sure noone saw me coming out the door.

I brought myself home. To my own, sad lonely house and changed my clothes after a nice shower.

When it was time, I left and headed to my class. A voice called my name and ran up to me.

"Hey, Nolan."The voice belonged to one of my friends. His name was Michael.I used to have a lot of friends. People were drawn to my unique look of different colored eyes and freckles. But I got careless and everyone started realizing that I was a sinner. A freak. A gay.

He walked calmly next to me and said nothing else. He never said too much but he was always hovering around me. I often wondered why. Sometimes I thought maybe he was like me. In hiding.

"Michael? We're getting our tests back today, right?"

"Yes. We are."

"How do you think you did?"I reminded myself to talk lower. Like a straight man would.

"I'm sure I did fine. You?"

We kept walking. The test was  on math. The worst thing anyone had ever created."Same."I said it calmly but I knew in my mind, I probably failed.

We arrived to the class and sat in our assigned desks. His was just behind mine.

Everyone from class arrived, including the teacher. I couldn't help but stare at him. He always looked so sharp in his professional clothes. It made me blush.

"Good morning everyone. I hope you're all well rested. I'm sure you're all expecting your tests. I will be handing them back now. If you recieved a score under 60, please see me after our lesson."

He wandered around the room and handed out papers. He made his way to me and I hoped we'd at least make eye contact.

The paper landed on my desk gently and the blonde walked away immediately. Like he didn't know me at all. I admired how good he was at acting like we definitely did not wake up next to each other that morning. Like we haven't seen each other naked. Like we haven't kissed every inch of the other's body. Like we haven't been head over heels for each other for the past 2 years.

I looked at the paper."48..?" I hit the paper against my face."Didn't even pass.."I mumbled things to myself.I looked at the test again and tried to see where I went wrong. I almost didn't notice the sad face that was drawn in the bottom right corner. It was drawn in pencil, but it definitely wasn't from me.I smiled to myself. It must have been Lou.

"48? That's not good."

"Hey!"I hid the paper to my chest. Michael laughed and called me dumb.

"Oh, yeah? Well, if you're so smart, what did you get?"

He grinned and posed with his sheet.My jaw dropped."92?!"

"Read it and weep."

I groaned."No fair.."

He laughed at me and I couldn't help but laugh a bit too.

Lou must have been done handing out the papers because he was in front of the class now. He cleared his throat."Michael, please return to your seat. Don't bother your peers."

"Sorry." Michael responded and sat down in his desk.

Lou finally looked at me. Just for a second. He wasn't angry though. Maybe just jealous.

"Now, let's begin the lesson."He turned around and began to write things on the board.

Some girls in the front began to giggle and point at Lou. They joked about whether he was good in bed or not. They dared each other to ask him out. I wished they'd shut up.

Eventually, the lesson was over.I was about to leave until Michael reminded me of my failing grade.I thanked him and stayed in my seat. There was at least 4 other people who apparently failed too.

We all approached his desk and prepared ourselves for the earful we were about to get.

"The majority of you here have been struggling constantly. I encourage you to reach out to your other classmates if you need extra help. Understood?"

We all nodded. Once again, he didn't spend a single second looking at me.

One of the girls that sat at the front spoke up."Will you be doing tutoring? I don't know anyone else in my class..."

He thought about it."I suppose I might be able to make time for private tutoring."

"At your house? Just the two of us~?"

Lou turned his chair and faced her.

"Perhaps. Unless you'd rather do it as.. a group?"

"Maybe just 2 of us is better..."

"Sure you'll be able to focus?"

I didn't like the tones they were using. He was flirting right in front of me! I probably looked pissed off because he looked at me for a second and changed his attitude.

"I'll look into it. But I make no promises."He turned his chair back. And shrugged her off. She was too busy daydreaming about God-knows-what to notice his change in tone.

"You're free to leave."He instructed us.

The girls and other students left to their desks to get their bags.

I stayed standing. Next to his desk.

After a moment he finally said something, but he didn't look at me."Nolan? Do you need something?"

I didn't need anything. But I didn't appreciate his behavior with that girl. I told myself it wasn't like he was cheating or anything. But it still made me want to throw something. At his head.

"Did you have to do that?"I said.

He looked around to make sure no one was looking.

"That was nothing. Just an act. Okay? We've been over this."His voice was low, like a whisper.

"Well, maybe you wouldn't have to act if you just told them you're with someone. With me."

"It's not that simple, Nolan. Let's talk about this later, okay?"

He turned back to his desk and wrote something down.

"Do you even love me?"

My words made him stop what he was doing. "Of course, I do."

"It doesn't feel like it sometimes. I hate this whole thing. I hate pretending. I don't want to do it anymore."

Lou looked at the girls giggling to each other and hoped that they wouldn't hear me."Don't make a scene. Later."

"What scene? I'm just talking to you! I said I don't want to do this anymore."

He looked behind me for a second and turned away from me."Stop it..."

I didn't think why he told me to stop. It just made me angrier.

"Stop? You don't want to hear it, now? So I can't talk to other guys but it's fine for you to flirt with girls? What else do you do with them?"

"Nolan, stop it..."He whispered again.

"I love you! I want to be together. All the time. Don't you get that?"

I suddenly heard voices behind me. Those damned girls.

"Oh, my god. Did he just say that?"

"So weird. That's so embarrassing. Poor Lou."

"I guess the rumor is true."

Lou stood up and approached."You need to leave. I'm not interested in your twisted reality. Leave. Please..."

His words hurt but I knew he said it because there were eyes watching us now. He was never going to out himself.He was never going to tell everyone about us. I had to do it. That was the only way.

He gave me a look as if he was warning me 'don't do it.' .

I took a deep breath."Love is love... No matter who it's from..."

"Stop it."

"But why should we hide it? Lou, please, let's just.. tell everyone that we're-"

He struck me down before I could get another word out. My head was spinning and for a second I couldn't tell left from right.My right cheek stung like hell.I couldn't help but start to cry.

"Oh, my god. Scary."

The girls began to speak among themselves.

"He had it coming."

Those stupid girls made me cry harder. I couldn't believe Lou had hit me. He had never done it before. Never.

He stood above me. Changing the direction of his body like a confused sims character, as if he didn't know whether to help me up or walk away and act like he didn't care.

I didn't let him do either of those things. I got up on my own and began to leave.

"Oh, my god. Are you okay, Lou? He didn't touch you, did he? I heard it's contagious."

"It's not contagious, stupid."

The girls kept talking while Lou just watched me from a distance.I didn't look at his face.I didn't want to.

I just wanted to go home and die.