Chapter 28: Questions Answered

*****

Though it's not noticeable, because of the terrain of the South Pole, the sun can still be seen above the horizon even though it's technically night. Laughter and chatter could be heard outside. A feast is clearly being held in the living room, celebrating the restoration of the Avatar's connection to the previously severed elements, as well as having the knowledge of how removed bending could be returned.

However, there are two people who are not part of the celebration and are currently inside a room. One sits in the bed, her back resting against the headboard, hand gently brushing through the hair of the one lying on her lap. 

The woman notices the younger one stirring, a sign that she's beginning to wake. 

The first thing Yuze realized when she woke up was that for the first time, she felt light. The heaviness of the nightmare that always plagued her sleep was gone, and in its place was something almost... levitating. She couldn't remember the last time she felt this kind of contentment. 

The second thing she noticed was the warmth that her pillow brought her, so comforting that she didn't want to wake up. She just wanted to stay there, wrapped in its comfort.

"How'd you sleep?"

Yuze's eyes snapped open when she heard that familiar voice, then that's when she realised she was not sleeping on a pillow or anything, but she was sleeping on someone's lap. She immediately shot up and winced when there was a pounding on her head.

"Easy."

She felt strong but gentle hands helping her to stabilize her swaying body. Once she's sure the room has stopped spinning, her eyes go to the other person in the room besides her. "Oh my gosh..." were the only words she had blurted out when she realized she was lying on Lin's lap a moment ago, "I'm sorry... I..." heat rushed to her face in embarrassment.

Lin looked at her, amusement dancing through her eyes, "Don't be," she reassured as she stretched her legs and lightly hit her numb legs, "So... how'd you sleep?" 

Yuze was taken aback at how casually the other woman asked. As if it's nothing to her that she just woke up lying on her lap... maybe it really is nothing to her, "I... It's fine..." she whispered, still embarrassed from what happened a while ago. 

Don't get her wrong. She could be shameless and unabashed about a lot of things. But intimacy? That was a whole different thing. Sure, she could hug— even loves it. But what happened earlier is on a whole other level.

"How about your dream? Any nightmare?" 

"Umm... no. Actually, my dream is not unpleasant, but I could not say it's that lovely either," at the raise of Lin's eyebrow, she elaborated, "It's just felt so real. I dream of Firelord Izumi waking me up, then me calling you..." she trailed off as she caught the look the other woman was giving her. Realization hit her, "Agni Kai! It happened, didn't it?" she exclaimed, hands flying to cover her red face, "What's wrong with me?!"

Yuze snapped her head when she heard Lin chuckling. There was clear mirth in the older woman's eyes. She scowled, "It's not funny! I'm delirious! I didn't mean to say those things. I—" Her words died in her throat when she saw the look of laughter slowly fade. Guilt stabbed at her chest. She ducked her head and whispered, "I'm sorry."

Silence enveloped the atmosphere. The two kept to themselves, lost in their own thoughts. It went on for several moments until Yuze broke it.

"I think this is the first time we became awkward around each other, huh?" The firebender chuckled, attempting to lighten the atmosphere in the room with a joke.

Yuze was startled when Lin suddenly clapped her hands, "Alright, let's get on with this. I can't handle this anymore. Go on, ask. I'm sure you have many questions." 

As it was a sudden question, Yuze asked the first thought that came to her mind, "When's my birthday?"

The older woman raised an eyebrow, not expecting the question. Nonetheless, she still answers. It's the question after all, "The 15th of November, Year 149 AG."

"Wow, that's cool," she nodded, then she realized something, "Oh gosh, then I'll turn twenty-one next month?" Yuze exclaimed excitedly.

"And you're happy because?" Lin asked in confusion.

The firebender turned to her, eyes almost sparkling in enthusiasm, "That just means I'm a few months older than BJ."

"BJ?"

"Bataar Jr.," at the look of confusion from the other woman, Yuze elaborated, "Your sister's eldest son."

Lin just nodded, "Ahh..."

"Anyways, I'm just so happy that I'm older than him," Yuze stated, almost jumping in her seat in glee, "He's the one I least get along with among Suyin's children. And he always used his age as a way of gaining an upper hand." 

The former Chief rolled her eyes, muttering under her breath, "Of course."

The firebender paused when a realization came down to her, "Come to think of it, does it mean Suyin is my aunt and BJ and others are my cousins?" Her eyes widening every second that passed, "And Toph Beifong is my grandmother?! That's. So. Cool!"

"It looks like you are handling it well..." Lin commented.

Yuze gave her a small smile, "Just like what I said a while back then, my heart already knew who you are, even if I still don't know who you really are to me." she caught the other woman's face and added, "And please don't get mushy."

Lin let out a watery laugh as she wiped the tears that had begun to gather in her eyes, "I'll try."

The firebender turned to her mother. The joy in her eyes was replaced with remorse, "I'm really sorry, Beifong, for what I said earlier. It's just—"

Lin interrupted her daughter's sentence, "You don't have to apologize." She put a hand on Yuze's daughter as a gesture of assurance, "I understand."

Yuze nodded, and even though she still felt guilty from earlier, she had decided to put it aside for now. Instead, she changed the topic by asking another question, "Why Yuze?"

"The truth is that's not your full name."

A look of interest can be read on Yuze's expression, "Really? What is it then?"

"Yuze Qianxi Beifong."

Lin could sense that her daughter wanted to know the meaning behind her name, so she told her.

"When I gave birth to you, the city was experiencing a big thunderstorm. It's a week full of rain, and the streets are flooded. However, it all came to a stop when you let out a smile." Lin chuckled at the look of disbelief from the younger woman, "It sounds like an exaggeration, but you know who I am, Yuze." 

Her daughter nodded, and she continued.

"Additionally, while I was carrying you, whenever there was a storm, I could feel you getting excited inside me. You would kick every time there was a sound of thunder. So... it's just felt right to name you Yuze. I gave you the name Qianxi because of its meaning, 'a thousand beginnings'," Lin smiled at the surprise on Yuze's face, then gently cupped her daughter's face in her hands, "You, Yuze... you are my meaning of beginning. You became my light in a world full of darkness... my hope in the middle of the storm."

Tears began to pool in Lin's eyes as she brushed her daughter's cheek with her thumb, "So imagine when you were taken from me," she tried to keep her voice stable, but failed. "My world had... been crushed. And I... I..."

Her words faltered, and she closed her eyes to pull herself together. Then she felt warm hands gently hold her cheeks, thumbs wiping away her tears. Lin opened her eyes and met with another pair of tearful emerald eyes staring back at her.

"What happened?" Yuze asked in a small voice, "Why didn't I grow up with you?"

Lin took a deep breath before she told the story.

It's another day of work. Ten months had passed since Lin gave birth to her daughter. Her daughter. Lin smiled at the thought of her little bundle of joy. At first, she was scared of the thought of being a mother. There were hundreds of thoughts swirling in her mind. Questions of what-ifs. 

What if she were to become her mother? 

What if history were to repeat? 

What if it were to become Suyin over again? 

And so on. 

It's a never-ending worry. It's a nerve wracking becoming a mother. She thought having an experience with her younger sister would prepare her for this thing. But no. It's not the same. 

But all of that worries wash away the moment she sees those soft emerald eyes looking at her as if she were her daughter's entire world. She felt like she could overcome all of the obstacles life would throw her way. And she would. She would do anything to protect that smile and happiness on her daughter's face.

When she decided, she would keep her daughter and become a mother. She was ecstatic for a moment before she began panicking when she remembered she didn't prepare anything for her daughter, expecting that she would go home without her daughter. Fortunately, Katara and Kya helped her go through those things.

While Katara kept her company, helping her with her baby, Kya went out to buy all the necessities: a feeding bottle, clothes, cribs, and everything else a newborn would need. With Lin's permission, the waterbender also informs Jin. At first, the Captain was shocked and speechless when he heard that Lin had just given birth to a healthy baby girl.

It's unexpected, because who would have thought that the new Chief of Republic City slash your partner slash your best friend, would become a new mother? No one even suspected she was pregnant. Now the question of where Lin went and why she suddenly asked for a four-month break has been finally answered. 

Everyone was confused by her decision because, first, she never requested a break or any vacation. Second, a four-month break is a stretch. Many had raised an eyebrow at this, but no one dared to question. A Beifong privilege is what they call. 

People had speculated that Lin was in no condition to lead a whole division, especially after the news broke that Tenzin was now dating an air acolyte, Pema. Some guess that it was the news of her younger sister founding a new civilization that did it. But no one had imagined the reason would be that she's pregnant, because there's no rumor that she's seeing someone after she broke up with her ex-boyfriend, and it was also believed, Lin doesn't want kids.

Well, just like what everyone said, expect the unexpected.

Jin helped to prepare the nursery room and assemble things in the room. With some discussion and head-butting, he and Jin had finally agreed on the design of the room. It's a sky theme. The wall was colored soft baby blue and deep midnight blue. An illustration of clouds, stars, and the moon was painted. And being an artist, they outdid themselves. 

Her break had come to an end a month after she had given birth to Yuze. Lin doesn't want to leave the bubble of comfort she had built around her and her daughter, but she needed to come back to work. It was heartbreaking and painful to hear her daughter cry for her whenever she left the house. The first days were the hardest. Each wail felt like a dagger to her chest. Over time,  while it's still painful, it has become more bearable. 

It was thanks to Katara and Kya's help, taking turns looking out for her daughter, and assurance that helped her adjust to the life of being a mother. Jin also plays a significant role in it. When the clock strikes four and there is still some paperwork left, her friend would insist on taking over so that she can go home to her daughter. For that reason, even if her job was demanding, Lin managed to find a balance between work and motherhood.

 She refused to be her mother.

Five months after she gave birth, Lin made a big and risky decision. She brought her daughter to the headquarters. To say, everyone was shocked and she's sure someone fainted at the sight of her, carrying a mini-me of her. Lin introduced her daughter to her officers, and though it was unexpected, it was not unwelcome. She received a lot of congratulations, and the next day, her officers threw a party. A late baby shower.

Her officers named her daughter as Young Chief. It's a little bit silly, but at the same time, cute. They even made her a mini police uniform with a tiny badge similar to hers. Whenever she brought her daughter to the precincts, everyone was ecstatic. Yuze was loved by everyone. And this love came with protectiveness. She knows her officers had sworn to themselves that they would protect her daughter no matter what.

Everyone swore that they would keep Yuze a secret. They didn't let the little Beifong be seen by people who are not part of the Police Department. When someone visits the Chief's police, the front desk will inform everyone, then together they will clean the mess created by the adorable but mischievous baby, and they will hide her for the duration of time.

Three months after she first brought her daughter to the headquarters, her assistant had unexpectedly resigned for an unexplained reason. That's why she finds someone to replace the old, but a week later and no one still meets her standard. Until one day, Kya came to her and introduced a woman in her forties named Lian. The waterbender said she's the one who found a woman who found her daughter when Yuze went missing, when Kya took her to the park.

The first time she heard the news when she went home, she nearly had a heart attack. There was some reprimanding happening, and Kya received it all with a guilty look.

After that incident, every time Kya goes to the park with Yuze, she will see the woman. And from there, the two form a friendship. Lin suspected Kya was a little bit attracted to the woman, but she let it slide.

Lin hired the woman as a way of gratitude for saving her daughter. Lian was the first one to know about her secret outside of her police officers. Lian is a kind, soft-spoken, but smart and hardworking assistant who made Lin give her approval.  Over time, she and her new assistant also formed a friendship. But she sensed something about the woman. Her gut was telling her the woman was hiding something. However, because of the relationship they have formed, she ignored it, which she wishes she hadn't done.

One day, while she was searching through their archive, she accidentally stumbled upon a file case. She will ignore it at first, but something is telling her to read it. A wave of dread ran through her veins when she opened the file. For a moment, she forgot to breathe as she saw the picture of her assistant staring back at her, together with several people. It was said in detail that Lian was part of a triad a decade ago that was raided by the Republic City's Police. 

She remembered it as if it were just yesterday. The thrill. The adrenaline. The surge of excitement coursing through her veins. It was memorable as this was her first operation, and this is also the day blood tainted her hands. The excitement and the drive to prove herself were gone after the raid, replaced by guilt and disgust for herself. It wasn't supposed to end with bloodshed; it was supposed to be a simple raid operation. But things went south when one of the triad members, Shui, broke free from an officer's grasp and attacked. Lin acted instinctively and shot her metal cable. She miscalculated the trajectory and killed the member by accident. 

It took her several days and a lot of assurance from her family and friends before she got back on her feet. That was also the first time her mother gave her a heart-to-heart talk.

"Our job isn't easy, Lin. And this may not be the last time a life will be taken by your hands. It won't ever be easy and will never be. But we need to live with it. To carry it without letting it break you."

Those were her mother's words.

She shook her head, shoving the thought of her mother to the back of her mind. It just leaves bitter memories.

Lin continued reading, then stopped at one sentence. What she had read made her run out of the archive room and to the floor where her office is. Everyone stopped and stared at her as she sprinted and flung open her office door, creating a loud sound as it hit the wall. 

Her blood ran cold when she saw the room with scattered toys across the floor, but no sign of the baby who should have been there playing with them.

Lin tried to calm her racing heart as she whirled around, facing her curious but concerned officers.

"Where is Yuze?"  

"Chief..."

"Where is Yuze?" Lin repeated, her eyes staring deathly at her officers.

"Chief, Lian took your child with her," answered one of her officers.

Lin felt the world crush down on her. It was as if her lungs had forgotten how to function. Breathing became difficult, shallow, and sharp. She gripped the doorframe for support as everything began to sway.

"Find her."

When no one moved, Lin looked up, eyes blazing with fury.

"I said, find her! Lock down the building if needed. Just bring my daughter back to me!"

Everyone heard the urgency in their boss' tone and immediately went to work.

Lin felt a hand on her shoulder, and she already knew who it was.

"Lian is Shui's mother, Jin." Her eyes met with the stunned expression of her old friend.

Jin quickly recovered and looked straight at her, "We will find her, Lin. We will get your daughter back."

But two weeks had already passed, and her daughter was still not back in her arms. It nearly made her insane. Her job as Chief was getting affected, which people outside her department also noticed. She knows reporters and journalists want to know what's going on. Rumor of her finding a child, and them suspecting that the girl was hers (remembering that the months she's away was her being pregnant), got around. Honestly, she doesn't give a damn what people think. All of her attention focused on finding her daughter. Thankfully, her officers were doing a good job of keeping the paparazzi at bay.

Another week had passed, and Lian had finally found. But when they got her, it was already too late. Her daughter was nowhere to be found.

Lin loomed over the woman sitting across her. Hand cuffs on the table.

"Where is she?"

The woman didn't say a word but just responded with a smirk. Blood boiled beneath her skin, and she had to fight the urge to wipe that smug expression off the wretch's face.

"What did you do to her?" Lin asked through her teeth. If it wasn't just the law tying her hands, she would've already punched the woman.

This time, Lian gave a response. She shrugged, putting an indifferent face, though a smirk played on her lips, "Clearly, not here."

Screw the law. She'd had enough.

Lin rounded the table and swung the back of her hand behind Lian's head, slamming her on the metal table. When the woman bounced back, her hand was tightly gripping her jaw.

"Where is my daughter?"

"I will not tell you."

A back of a hand flew to Lian's cheek, which made her face the other way before she was forced to look at the cold emerald eyes.

"Where. Is. My. Daughter?"

"Damn you, Beifong!"

Lin grasped the other woman's hair and slammed her once again to the table. She yanked her back, forcing her to look up. Blood was now flowing to the other woman's nose, but she didn't care.

"Answer me!"

The sound of the metal door opening was heard, followed by a warning voice, "Chief Beifong, you need to stop. This is against the regulation."

The said woman snapped her head and stared at her old friend and two officers besides her, "I don't give a damn about the regulation, Captain," she hissed, eyes daring them to do something that will stop her, "And stay out of this if you know what's good for you!"

Lin didn't wait for an answer as she go back to the woman who had took her daughter, "You better answer me, Lian, cause I have all the time in the world slamming your head on this damn table until your skull crack open. So answer me," she growled, veins pulsing at her temples, eyes ready to murder, "WHERE IS MY DAUGHTER?!"

Lian saw the look on the woman's eyes and hid the shudder that went down her spine. Putting on a false bravado, she screamed, "Somewhere you will never find!" 

Then Lian's expression twisted into a mad one. Full-blown grin revealing bloodied teeth, wild eyes, "A child in exchange for a child," then she leaned closer to Lin's face as far as her cuffed hands would allow, "You took him away from me, I took yours. It's a fair fight, Beifong."

Lin let out a hiss as she slammed the other woman's face on the table, harder than the first two. The impact was enough to knock the light out of Lian.

She turned on her heel and walked towards the corner of the interrogation room, far away from the unconscious woman. Then, in a low, dangerous tone, she ordered, "Get her out of my sight before I completely forget who I am."

She heard reluctant steps towards the prisoner and out of the room. 

"Get out of here, Captain Jin."

"Lin..."

"Get. Out."

There was a defeated sigh before the closing of the metal door was heard. Lin closed her eyes and didn't bother to stop the tears flowing down her face. Her fist slammed into the wall, leaving a deep dent in its wake. She wants to free the rage within her, and so she did.

A heart-wrenching scream tore out of her throat as she turned on her heels. She let all her anger out by tearing the metal table at its roots. With a roar, she ripped it apart, flinging the pieces across the room like they weighed nothing.

The next to taste her rage were the two chairs,  both of which ended up stuck against the wall.

When there's nothing she can unleash her rage on, she pauses, breath heaving. Her legs gave out, dropping to her knees. Her fingers dug into the ground, the pavement warping to her will like a fabric. 

Lin gritted her teeth, trying to calm her racing heart, but didn't succeed. Pain still coursed through her veins, waiting to be freed. 

And she let it out.

While the anguish scream filtered through the soundproof walls, it still reached outside the room. The entire city felt her pain.

 The ground trembled. Cracks formed in the streets. A few buildings collapsed. Panic surged as citizens avoided the falling debris, scrambling to survive her wrath and grief. 

To this day, no one knows—except for a few who know the truth—that the unforgettable calamity that shook the Republic City was caused by a grieving mother.

Lin chuckled at the look of mixed disbelief and awe on her daughter's face after she finished the story. 

"Is that why you didn't have an assistant before me?" Yuze asked in a soft voice.

Lin nodded, "Yes, that's the reason I don't have one. People thought it's because I'm too prideful to have assistance," she said with a bitter smile, " They didn't know it's because I lost the ability to trust anyone in that position."

She let out a deep sigh as she moved, looking outside the window. To avoid her daughter's eyes, or specifically, the expression she feared might be there when she said her next words.

"You must hate me for I failing you," she muttered, eyes stinging, "When you were born, I promise you. I promise that I will never fail you. That I would protect you with my entire life. Keep you safe and never let you go. But..." Lin swallowed the lump in her throat. Hands fisting the sheets as she let out a dry, bitter laugh, "I think its my curse. Everyone I love... I always failed them. My mother, for not living up to her expectations. Suyin, for not being a better sister to her. Tenzin, for not wanting to carry his children and give him the family he wants. And you, for—"

"Did you stop looking for me?"

Lin's body tensed. Head snapping toward her daughter, eyes narrowing at the young woman who had lowered her head, face obscured by the curtains of her wavy hair—hurt by the implication of her words, "Of course not. I didn't give up looking for you, even though everyone already had. I couldn't just let you go—"

"Did you want what happened?"

"How could you say that?" Lin asked in disbelief, "I almost died when I lost you. My life was a mess. I had no reason to live. And you dare to imply that I wanted what had happened—"

"Then that's enough for me."

Lin paused, a look of shock written on her face. Yuze finally lifted her head, showing her tears-stained cheeks. 

"When my adoptive mother told me the truth about me being adopted, it didn't matter to me. At first, I wanted to know why my birth mother gave me up, but I deem it to be unimportant. After all, Eu-Meh loved me unconditionally as if I were her own. And that's enough for me." 

Yuze swallowed the lump in her throat.

"Or so what I'm trying to convince myself. Because the truth is, I did want to know the truth. Every time I saw a mother and a child laughing together, I always wondered, Why did my mother give me up? Did she not want me? Did she hate me?"

Her voice wavered, but she managed to hold it together.

"Then I'd see a complete family and ask myself more questions. Did my father even know about my existence? Am I just an accident, a mistake born by lust or drunkenness? If he knew... then why did he agree to give me up? Did he not want me, too?"

Yuze let herself breathe before continuing.

"It is an endless question, I don't have an answer, but when that thing happened, I completely forgot all about it and let myself drown in misery. It just all came back when I decided to go back to my home in the Fire Nation and read Mom's diary. I decided to find my parents to find the truth, regardless of the answer, it will give peace to my mind, heart, and soul."

Eyes that became dry throughout time, once again dampened.

"But now that I know the truth— that my mother wants me. My mother didn't abandon me, but I was taken from her... that she loves me so much, it broke her when she lost me— it made me confused and overwhelmed."

Yuze wiped her tears with the inside of her wrist.

"At one point, I felt angry and sad, and thought what would happen if I were not taken from you? What if you found me and got me back? Will I still be me? Or completely different? Would that incident not have happened? Would I be just known as the Chief's daughter? Will I meet Suyin and the others?

She got tired of bringing her hand to dry her tears, so she simply let her hand rest on her eyes.

"But I also felt grateful because I met so many amazing people: Eu-Meh, Firelord Izumi, Lord Zuko, Prince Iroh, Princess Ursa, Grandma Fumiko, Jun, Chyou, and the others. I learned a lot throughout my life, being independent at a very young age. I became what I am today because of all of it..."

Yuze sniffled, her words becoming unrecognizable.

"But I don't want to hurt you... I just— I don't know what to feel anymore..."

She felt strong arms wrap around her and bring her into a warm embrace. The comfort shattered her last bit of restraint, and Yuze broke into sobs, soaking Lin's clothes with her tears.

"It's okay. I understand, bǎobèi. I completely understand," Lin rubbed her daughter's back soothingly. Lips pressed into her child's temple. 

Her daughter's confusion and the turmoil of emotions and thoughts... she understands it all. 

If Yuze hadn't been taken from her, would she be who she is now? Can she keep her daughter safe? Can she be successful being a Chief and a mother? Would her daughter grow to loathe her for not always being there?

Lin stopped dwelling on it. She was just grateful that her daughter had been left in the right hands— and that she was now back in her arms.

The mother continues giving comfort to her daughter with gentle gestures and soothing words. Gradually, sobs quietened, then became soft hiccups.

Lin suddenly let out a chuckle, remembering a memory from a long time ago. She — the one who needed to let everything out, who wanted to share all her failures and shame, to drown herself in sorrow and self-pity — turned to a friend, only to end up being the one who offered consolation to the very person who was meant to comfort her.

She really took after Hideo.

"Who is Hideo?"

*****