𝚂𝚝𝚊𝚢 𝙶𝚘𝚕𝚍

(Warning:) Subtle thoughts of su1cide ahead, don't read if uncomfortable.

It wasn't long until the boys dropped me off at home, the ride back quieter now, like all that excitement had finally started to settle down into something softer. Ma was already in the living room, knitting another blanket like she always did, the soft clicking of her needles filling the space.

I was still smiling to myself, replaying everything that happened today over and over again. It was actually fun riding with them, feeling the speed, the wind, the way everything else just disappeared for a while.

"Hey, Ma," I greeted, trying to sound normal, even though there was still a rush sitting in my chest. I kissed her cheek, rubbing her shoulder.

She looked up, smiling gently, "You're back early."

"Yeah, just tired," I said, then left quickly before heading upstairs.

I was still having that happy feeling as I got to my room, kicking off my shoes and glancing around like everything was the same as I left it—until my eyes landed on the calendar pinned to the wall.

Today's Saturday–which meant the rumble was tomorrow.

The feeling in my chest shifted, not gone but it felt smaller.

I had to be in this rumble.

I just... had to do it without Ma' knowing anything.

The thought alone made something twist in my stomach. I would hate for her to see me come home hurt, knowing that all my parents ever asked of her was to keep me safe.

I sat down on my bed slowly, the quiet of the room settling in around me, and before I knew it, my mind drifted somewhere else.

Back in time.

I spent most of the night remembering everything I could about my parents—their voices, the way they laughed, the way they always tried to make things feel okay even when they weren't. I remembered how my dad used to hog the TV late at night when I wanted to watch something, acting like he didn't hear me complaining, and how my mom would pull me into the kitchen to help her bake muffins, even if she wasn't exactly patient when I messed something up.

They weren't perfect, but they were mine.

And they were gone way too soon.

I swallowed hard, staring down at my hands. I felt bad for Ma, too. She had already lost so much—her husband, years ago—and then her son and daughter-in-law not long after. I remembered the way she cried, quiet but heavy, like it never really stopped.

Mom and Dad were really sick near the end. They made me keep my distance, said it was to keep me from getting sick too. I hated that. I wanted to help, wanted to do something—anything—so I started working wherever I could, trying to save up money.

It wasn't enough.

It was never enough.

The pay was too low, and everything cost too much. I couldn't afford the medicine they needed, couldn't afford to keep them there as long as they should've been. They even charged me just for them staying. I didn't stand a chance.There were too many things against me. I was a greaser, which already made people look at me like I didn't belong, I was a girl, which meant I got paid less no matter how hard I worked, and I was young—too young for anyone to take seriously.

So what was I supposed to do?

I let out a shaky breath, my chest tightening.

All that effort...Just to watch them die anyway.

I was only ten years old, and I remember thinking—really thinking—about ending it all, because it felt like there was nothing left to hold onto. That for some reason the world was against me.But then I thought about Ma and I thought about them.

And I knew they wouldn't have wanted that for me.

So I stayed, even if looking at my past hurt. 

I stayed just for them.

I laid back slowly against my bed, staring up at the ceiling, the faint glow of the streetlight slipping through the curtains and stretching across the walls. The house was quiet. Downstairs, I could faintly hear Ma moving around, the soft creak of the floorboards, the clink of something being set aside. It was comforting in a way. Like no matter how heavy things got, she was still there.Holding me together.

I turned onto my side, pulling the blanket closer around me, my mind refusing to stay still. It kept drifting—back to the race, the sound of engines roaring, the way the wind felt against my face, the laughter, the way everything felt so free.

Then it shifted again.

To tomorrow.

The rumble.

My chest tightened slightly, not out of fear—but something else.Like anticipation mixed with something I couldn't quite name.I thought about the boys. About Soda's easy grin, Two-bit's jokes, Steve's confidence, Pony's quiet way of understanding things without saying them out loud. They didn't treat me like I was fragile.

I let out a slow breath,  as the thoughts started to blur together, the weight of the day finally catching up to me.

Tomorrow was going to change something.

I didn't know what yet.

But I could feel it.

And with that lingering in the back of my mind, I finally let my eyes close, the quiet of the night wrapping around me as sleep slowly pulled me under.