Chapter 34

I stagger down the stairs the next morning aiming to get to the kitchen. When I woke up, the clock said 11:34 A.M. I slept late last night. I rolled around for at least an hour, after plenty of time laying there just thinking about Harry and Zayn.

As I make my way to the bottom step, I see Eve on her laptop watching some music video- some band she has been into for a while now.

"Hey," she says as I walk past her.

"Morning," I respond.

"It's almost noon."

"I know." She shakes her head and goes back to typing on the computer. I smile at how she is disappointed in me. She has always been the morning person, not me, so I am not really bothered. As she types, I notice she only uses her left hand. "How's your wrist?" I ask her.

She lifts up her arm and stares at it with distaste. "It hurts when I move it, but it's just swollen right now."

I nod. "I would've been freaking out yesterday if I was you."

She shrugs. "It didn't hurt that bad. And Zayn sort of-". She stops herself, pretending like the words didn't even come from her mouth.

"Zayn sort of what?"

"Nothing." I can see the blush appear on her face.

"Eve."

She shrugs again, and then goes directly back onto her laptop, typing in something random on google. "He was just nice to talk to, nothing."

I start to grin. "Oh my god," I say with a bright voice, when I realize what has happened.

She frowns and closes the laptop.

"You have a crush on him!" I yell. Her head rolls back and rests on the couch.

"Well-"

I refuse to let her deny it. "Eve." I go and sit with her on the couch. "Tell me what you think about him."

She is completely tense, and she avoids looking at my eyes. I can feel how warm she is because she is that embarrassed. "He has nice hair," she answers in a shy voice. "And I like his tattoos. And he's really sweet."

Her eyes peel up to me, but they retreat when she sees how big I am smiling.

"It doesn't make a difference though," she continues.

"Why? Because you're 10 years younger than him?"

She rolls her eyes like age doesn't matter. It matters when the difference is a decade. "Yeah, but no. I meant that he is completely in love with you in the first place so I won't matter to him."

I narrow my eyes. Of course I know he likes me, but is it that noticeable to everyone else, including my baby sister? "In love with me?"

"Obviously. He stares at you all of the time, Jessie. And all he tries to do is be close to you." Her voice ends up bleak. I feel a flash of guilt that I get his attention when Eve is the one who wants it. But then again, there is no way I'm letting my eleven year old sister get near a boy, especially not one who is an adult, especially not Zayn.

It almost shocks me what she says, though. I did not realize how obvious Zayn was in letting others know that he liked me. Why could I not see it before? Harry could, and I guess that's why he was so against Zayn from the start.

"Why don't you go out with him?" Eve says. I stifle a laugh. When I see she's serious, I realize I never told her about Harry.

"It wouldn't work out," I tell her. The idea makes me grin because of how true it is. There is no way Harry would allow me to get close enough to Zayn to consider dating him. He detests the idea of me being just Zayn's friend.

"Why not? Don't you like him back?"

My smile quickly retreats to a frown. "Why would you say that?"

She raises her eyebrows at me. "Jessie, really."

The doorbell rings, and I hurry to get up to answer the door. It saves me from Eve's interrogation, which is nice. But I guess I have to tell her the truth now. It's been more than six months, it's probably time my family finds out about Harry. "I have a boyfriend," I say to her. I let the words come off my tongue confidently, so it doesn't sound as big of a deal as it is that she didn't know.

Regardless, she looks utterly shocked. "What?" She gasps.

I open the door and Safaa walks right in and past me to the stunned Eve sitting on the couch.

Zayn stands in front of me, and he smiles. I smile back. "Hey," he says in his sweet voice.

I like him being my friend. It's crazy how yesterday I hated seeing him at my door, but today it makes me smile. Zayn has this presence that makes me feel like anything could happen. It always leaves me anxious and on my toes, but equally just as excited. And now since we have established where we are at relationship-wise, the excitement of being around him overshadows any of the anxiety that comes to mind.

"Did you know she has a boyfriend?" Eve interrupts our happiness by yelling at Zayn.

He clears his throat and glances at me. "Erm, yeah."

She turns her attention to me. "What's his name?"

"Harry," I say back quickly. Eve let's her stare burn into me for a few more seconds before pushing it aside and returning to Safaa. I'm certain that she will bring up Harry again later, but I'm ok with it, as long as I don't have to deal with it now.

"Safaa wanted to see how Eve was, since she wasn't doing too well yesterday," Zayn says to me.

"How sweet." I watch Safaa and Eve talk and Eve smiles at whatever Safaa said. It is sweet. They are sweet.

"Ok, I'll pick her up in a few hours then, Zayn says." He begins to turn around.

I touch his arm, which keeps him from leaving. "You don't want to stay for a bit?"

He wrinkles his forehead. I know he did not expect me to ask him to stay. Why can't I? We are friends. We can hang out. "Alright."

I hold the door open for him and he walks inside.

I am still wearing pajamas. I leave him for a minute with the girls and change as fast as I can, leaving me in a pair of jeans and a t shirt that are almost no improvement from my previous attire. But I don't take it into too much consideration. I run back down the stairs and meet Zayn. It's around noon now, and we decide to eat.

He follows me into the kitchen where I search through the leftovers we have in the refrigerator. Pizza is the best thing I can find, so we heat it up and share the four slices that were left.

Zayn and I sit at the kitchen table eating and lightly talking. He looks at me and chuckles.

"What?" I ask, with a brief blush appearing on my face.

"Did you really just tell your sister you have a boyfriend?"

I start to smile. "Maybe." He continues to laugh at me while he picks off the olives that are on his pizza. "You don't like olives?" I ask.

"Not really."

"Give them to me." His eyes move to mine and he raises the corner of his lips as he passes me the plate with the pile of olives. I gladly accept them and pick up one and place it between my lips. "Ugh, this is nice. Harry likes olives too and always takes mine."

"The olive theory," he mutters with a smile.

"What?"

He shakes his head. "I'll tell you later." I dismiss it. "Is your family doing anything today?"

"I don't think so. Isaac and I were supposed to hang out, but I don't know where the hell he is."

"Ok cool. I want to take you guys somewhere tonight."

***********

Of course it is difficult to get him to tell us where we are going, but eventually he lets it out. He waits until Isaac gets home to ask us, which is four hours later. For the time we were waiting, we just had fun. We ate pizza, we introduced each other to music, he forced me to watch Anchorman. It was nice. Isaac got home and did not care that our plans to hang out were off. So Zayn proceeded to sell his idea.

"There's this coffee shop," he told us, "that hosts miniature concerts every Tuesday night. It's really fun, and they have great coffee."

We agreed to go: Zayn, Safaa, Eve, Isaac, his friend Damian, and I.

At about 8 that night, we arrive at the shop. Inside, in a separate room from the actual coffee shop, there is a small stage setup with a microphone stand, a keyboard, and a guitar case. Around this, there are round tables and a few couches in the back of the room. Safaa and Eve decide to get coffee before the show starts, and Isaac and his friend sit at a table for two, so Zayn and I go to a couch in the back. The room is small and warm; the lingering smell of coffee and the quiet chirps of small conversations calm me. The decorations in the shop are very homey; everything emanates an inviting spirit.

"I think you're really going to like this," Zayn says to me. He throws his arm over my shoulder to rest it on the couch. "The singers are always amazing."

"Do you go to these a lot?" I ask him.

He nods. "I have a friend who performs here sometimes, and it's nice to watch the people sing live."

I smile. I like this unexpected side of Zayn. I would've never imagined him to be one to like small coffee shops and undiscovered aspiring musicians.

Eve and Safaa come up to the two of us, and they give Zayn and I both a drink- hot chocolate for me because Eve knows I don't like coffee, and Zayn some very elaborate sort of coffee. It is really sweet that the girls got us these, and we thank them and promise to pay them back.

Safaa and Eve leave us and go sit by themselves. I feel like they are at that age where they want to be independent before they've actually earned it. It's fine with me. As long as they aren't with us, we don't have to entertain them. A few minutes later, the host of the concert comes out and introduces the show, trying to make jokes to make people comfortable.

I, for one, am the most relaxed I've been in weeks. I have said this before, but it keeps proving itself true- sometimes Zayn is the person I am most comfortable with. He only brings a calming mood into situations when we hang out, when he isn't being an asshole, I mean.

That's why I'm happy we are on such good terms right now. I'm happy he is my friend again, because that's where I need him to be for me.

The host stops talking and introduces the opening act. "Opening up the show for you guys, Leigh Anne and Jade."

The audience claps as the two girls set up their microphones. They sing mostly covers of songs. Jade plays on the keyboard while Leigh Anne sometimes uses the guitar.

They are beautiful together. The harmonies they do, plus Leigh Anne's ability to do riffs makes their performance amazing. They also chose great songs for themselves- softer songs to go with their voices. The one I liked most was Stay by Rihanna.

When they finish and leave the stage, everyone is applauding and some people are cheering and whistling. I cheered and clapped because I loved it. Zayn is cheering too, whistling and clapping loudly, and I wonder if one of them is the friend that he said he knew that performed here.

The host comes back on stage and makes a few more jokes about the last performance. He invites the main act onto the stage. "Delilah Adams," he says.

Zayn starts to cheer. "Go Lilah!" he screams before anyone else and he starts everyone's clapping again.

The woman who gets on stage hears his call and smiles in his direction.

Lilah. She's beautiful. All doubts are gone. This is the person Zayn is here to see. She has ombré brown curled hair down to her waist, the same shades of colors as her gold speckled eyes. A few tattoos on her hands and her side are noticeable, and she has a nose ring and three different piercings on both ears. All of these things make it easy for me to see why Zayn would be a friend of hers, things that I mostly don't have.

She sings alone, playing both the guitar and the piano for separate songs. Her voice is lower than that of the other girls, but it is also smoother, like she has had more practice with it.

As her performance ends, Zayn stands up and cheers for her, and when the host says the show is over, he drags me to meet her.

He taps her shoulder, and she spins around and grins widely.

"Lilah," he says to her. Zayn looks just as excited as she does. He grabs her into a tight hug, which she as easily reciprocates. "You did amazing."

"Thank you," she says while she is being squeezed to death by Zayn. Her speaking voice is sweet and higher than her singing voice, and much less serious than I'd expect. He lets go of her, a huge grin on his face.

"Jess, this is Delilah." I say hello to her and shake her hand, and I tell her how great she did on her performance, which she did.

Delilah is sincere. All she does is thank me for what I said, before Zayn starts to talk to her again. "I haven't seen you in so long," he says.

"Too long. Promise me we'll do something together after Christmas."

"Of course."

She smiles. "Did you say hi to Leigh Anne and Jade?" She continues to say to only Zayn.

His smile retreats. He clears his throat. "No, not yet."

"Well let's go say hi." Her voice is softer, and she nudges Zayn in the direction of the two performers.

She stops. Her eyes glance at me, and then to Zayn. She mutters something to him that I can't hear, and he nods in response.

"Jess, you want to wait here for a second? I'll be right back." His eyes plead with mine.

"Alright," I say because I know I have to.

I watch Zayn guide Delilah through the crowds to the other performers. They greet each other with hugs and kisses on each other's cheeks, and I watch it happen.

Zayn does not look back at me, and neither does Delilah, and I don't understand why. Why I can't meet Leigh Anne and Jade.

After minutes, I get sick of waiting and I join Isaac and his friend Damian. "Where's Zayn at?" Isaac asks me. He wasn't very keen on me coming here with Zayn after what I told him about the boy. That's why he agreed to come with us in the first place- to try to keep Zayn from hurting me or something cliché like that.

"He's talking to the two girls who opened."

"Oh."

I look over to them, Zayn and three gorgeous girls are still laughing and talking, having fun with each other. I watch them and realize that there is so much to Zayn that I don't know about. I didn't even know that these girls who he seems to be such great friends with existed. He had a life between the times he knew me, I am finally fully understanding. He is not the same as he was in high school.

After a while, like 10 minutes, Zayn comes back to our table alone. "You guys ready to go?" He asks us.

I check with Isaac and Damian, who agree with me. "Yeah. Sure, let's go."

***********

We get Eve and Safaa and drive home.

For that time, I think and think about Zayn and who these girls are that I don't know about, that I can't know about. There is something that I am not being told. I know he would've introduced me to them if there wasn't something he isn't tell me.

I know for sure Zayn loves Delilah. They had to have been at least great friends. He goes to see her shows all of the time, Zayn told me. And she is so beautiful. The way he held her so close and how they smiled at each other. They even talked like they were the only two people in the room.

When we are at my house, Zayn and Safaa come inside to hang out before they leave. I make sure Zayn and I are the last people at the door so that after everyone is in the house, I can keep him outside. I stop at the doorway and turn back to talk to Zayn. "So Delilah?" I say with a smile.

"Delilah," he repeats casually. He begins to check his phone and tries to walk past me into the house.

I stand in front of the closed door. He stops as he realizes he's going to run into me.

He puts his phone in his back pocket and slowly places his hands on the door above my head. He stares down at me. I find it funny how he tries to look bigger than me. It's as if he can get me to do what he wants if he makes me feel intimidated. I don't feel the slightest bit intimidated, and he can't make me do anything anyways.

"You have a thing for her, don't you?" I ask.

His confused eyes fall flat. He understands what I am doing now. He drops his head and pushes himself off the door and turns around. "Are we really talking about this?"

His hands go up to his face and he walks away. He groans irritatedly. I don't give up. I get off the door and follow him to the driveway. "Why don't you ask her out?" I ask him.

He spins around and walks up to me. "Jessie, you know I don't like her like that."

"Do I?"

He runs his hand through his hair and sighs at the ground. "Jess, you dumbass," he whispers. He looks at me to confirm I am paying attention. "I like you," he says. I glare at him. "Alright?"

I turn my face to the floor. "You need to ask her out," I say softly.

He drops his hands from his face and comes up to me. We both lean against the house. "We've been friends for so long, it's not something that would be comfortable," he tells me.

I put my hand on his shoulder, and he reaches up and holds it, running his fingers over mine. "Please, Zayn, I know you like her."

His hand stays on mine. He gives me a stern look. "Maybe. Ok? Maybe. No promises." He looks down at his phone, probably at a text he got. "Alright, I have to go. Can you get Safaa for me?"

I nod. He gets off the wall and begins to walk away.

"One more thing," I say. He pivots around with a pained look of hurriedness and frustration. "I don't want to be nosy, but why couldn't I meet Leigh Anne and Jade?"

He groans and paces before responding to me. "It's a long story. I promise I'll tell you later." He throws his arms out in front of his body towards me as rushed gestures. "I have to go now." I see in his eyes how hopeful he is for me to let him go.

"Okay. Bye," I say. I won't keep him. It's obvious he is already annoyed, I don't want to make it any worse.

The look of pure stress flies away from his face. He smiles. He hurries up to me and kisses me on the cheek. "Thank you. See ya."

Zayn walks away from my front door.

I enter my house with my fingertips feeling the spot on my face where his lips touched. It was so casual for him; he kissed me and he left. For me it is not so simple.

Kisses always change things for me. They have such a large affect on what I see and how I feel about people. Even the peck Zayn gave me is going to cause me to think all night.

I see Safaa sitting with Eve on the couch and tell her that Zayn is leaving. She gets up and says goodbye and leaves.

I go to my room. I take a shower. I go to bed and try to sleep. This night, I can feel, is going to end up a lot like last night. With Zayn and Delilah crossing through my mind nonstop, sleep might not become an option for a while.

I want Zayn to be with Delilah, especially if he is saying he likes me. It can be his distraction. I need him to have a distraction.