Chapter 29

Niall takes his sweet time pulling away from Zayn's house. I really wish he would hurry. I want to be as far away from here as quickly as I can.

"So did you fix everything?" he asks, almost immediately after we are out of the neighborhood.

He saw how I was after I left the apartment. He saw how Zayn was. There is no way on earth anything went okay in there. "What do you think?"

He smiles softly. "Yeah?" He chuckles until I glare at him, then he drops his head and clears his throat. "So what happened, then?" he asks gingerly.

"Niall, nothing went right," I say. I planned it out to be so easy in my mind, how could it have crashed with such little effort? Then again, I was so nervous, and nothing like this could actually be that simple.

"What's that supposed to mean? What was supposed to happen?"

"I was supposed to go into his house, ask about the kiss, we were going to both agree that it was wrong and we regretted it, and then I'd leave." Nothing like that happened. Nothing even close.

"So what happened? Did he not agree?"

"I wish that was all he did," I mutter.

"What else did he do?"

"He was trying to seduce me," I answer. I don't think my answer is sufficient in describing what Zayn did. It was worse than seduction. God it was awful. He fucking made moves on me. He kissed my neck. He bit my ear. And he did this knowing the actual reason why I was at his house. He knew that I was there to stop us, and he still decided to try something with me. The only thing that could stop him was mentioning Perrie.

His ex-fiancé. I want to know about her, about how much she mattered to Zayn. It was the only argument that I could use against Zayn that worked, so she must have been important.

"Did you regret it?" Niall says.

"What?"

"The kiss, I mean. Did you want it to happen?"

"Niall. Of course not."

"Really?" He asks, making his eyes meet up to mine. A loud silence rings for a moment while the half-smiling, Irish boy tries to coerce me. "Jessie, I'm your best friend, just tell me."

His light-hearted stare works actually. I begin to wonder if I am still lying to myself. Did I want the kiss to happen? I guess now is the time for me to sort it out out loud.

"I didn't want it to happen," I tell Niall honestly. He raises an eyebrow slightly underneath his black sunglasses. I bet he expected my answer. He expected me to say that and to be lying. But the thing is, I am telling the truth.

He starts to formulate a response, but I'm not done yet. I sigh. "But I didn't hate it when it did."

He does a double-take.

"I wish it never did though. It would've been so much easier if it was just avoided," I continue.

"So you regretted it because it would be easier if it didn't happen?"

"Come on," I say. Obviously that is not why I regret kissing Zayn. I regret it because I showed Harry that I would easily forget him, and that's not true. I wouldn't do that... again.

He passes the turn to my apartment. "Where are you taking me?" I ask the probably confused Irish boy.

"Harry's. Didn't you tell me you guys were going to meet up after you talked to Zayn?"

Fuck, he's right. I hesitate.

"Yes?" he asks.

"Yes."

"Right." I forgot about this. I thought that being with Zayn was bad enough today, but now I have to go talk to Harry too? I can already feel myself becoming anxious.

I can tell this will not be good.

Things become quiet in the car, with Niall deciding not to turn the radio on or talk to me. We both just sit, him focusing on the road, and me focusing on my anxiety. It becomes too silent for me to bear, and my nervousness takes over me. I have to do something.

I should tell Harry I am coming over. I pull out my phone to leave him a short text.

To Harry:

Hey, I'll be over in a few minutes to talk about everything

I leave any signs of emotion or terms of endearment out just because I know he is still pissed at me. I do not need to sound cocky; I have no right to act like everything is okay when I am the reason for the problem.

A few seconds later, he texts me back. I get a bit excited when I see that he has replied, hoping that maybe somehow his text will show that he isn't so angry anymore.

From Harry:

Ok

My excitement retreats.

'Ok.'

Ok?

Well what was I expecting? 'Oh yeah babe that's really great I'll see you soon I'm so excited I love you xxxx'? He hasn't even talked to me since yesterday after laser tag, and he almost left me at the arena alone. I shouldn't get my hopes up like that when it is obvious the situation won't improve over night.

I huff. I really wish I didn't have to talk to Harry today. I need time to work everything out mentally before I go confront him about Zayn. I can't get out of it now, though, and honestly, it scares the shit out of me.

"How am I supposed to talk to Harry?" I complain to Niall.

"What's going to make it difficult?" he responds in the same nonchalant tone.

"Niall. Harry is going to ask me about what happened with Zayn, and you know how bad it went." I add gestures to try to get his attention, but he just sees me from the corner of his eye and smirks. I continue irritated. "If I lie, I'll be breaking his trust again, but if I tell him the truth he will hate me."

"Well just tell him the truth." He states.

I scoff. He puts up a hand in protest and continues to speak.

I cross my arms and do not interrupt him anymore. I want to hear whatever this plan is that he is expecting to be so brilliantly easy.

"Tell him that Zayn knows to stay away from you, and that you can't stand Zayn anymore."

My immediate response is frustration, because that is not what happened at all at Zayn's house and I cannot lie to Harry. But when I start to think about it more, it actually makes sense.

I really can't stand Zayn anymore, that is completely true. And Zayn has to know by what happened that I am serious about him leaving me alone. I rejected all of his attempts, right?

He keeps his smile. "Isn't it true?"

I weigh it in my mind. "Yeah, I guess so."

"Exactly. So you won't be lying, and everything will be alright."

I breathe out a small, amazed sort of laugh. He actually came up with an idea that could work for me.

"Finally," he mutters.

I giggle, almost completely from nerves. He's right, though. Finally everything will be okay. After more than a month of trouble with Harry, we might actually be back to normal.

I'm really glad that Niall came with me, even if it wasn't to interfere with Zayn or myself when we were "talking". It's nice to have him here as a friend. He's one of the few people I love being around and can fully trust. I'm going to hate having him leave back to Ireland.

"When are you going back home?" I ask him.

"To Ireland?"

"To fucking Uganda."

"Oh, yeah, that's what I meant." He starts to laugh while saying his stupid joke, which makes me want to laugh. Niall knows how to make me laugh. He is literally my best friend. "I'm leaving Wednesday," he says in his cheery Irish accent.

That is in four days.

I really don't want him to leave.

I frown, and he catches it. "I've got to go back home for Christmas, you know."

"I know." I look out the window, trying to hide the frown on my face that he has already caught.

I don't want him to leave. It will be forever before I will see him again, I already know.

But I have Charlotte, Eleanor, Danielle and hopefully Harry. They are my best friends too. I've lived most of my life without Niall anyway, and I survived. I should be okay without him here. But I know I will miss him.

"We're here." He parks by Harry's familiar second story apartment. Looking at it scares me. I remember how he carried me up the stairs on the day he took me to meet Ed Sheeran. That was horrifying. (A/N: that entire chapter was horrifying) But climbing these stairs today scares me twice as much. "Do you want me to wait out here for you?" Niall asks me.

"Why?" I say.

"In case you guys, I don't know. In case you-"

"Break up?"

He gives a small frown and a shrug. "I was going to say fight." I laugh, but he takes this seriously still. "It might not work out well. You might want me to take you home."

"We'll be okay. Thanks Niall." I get out of his car.

"See ya." I close the door and listen to Niall drive away as I climb the stairs. I now wonder if I should've had him stay. My apartment is miles away, and I have no guarantee that Harry will all of a sudden be forgiving and forget all that I did. All I really have is hope, and that can't drive me home.

At the top of the stairs, I can see that Harry's door is already cracked open. I find it stupid, because it is freezing outside. Even though it is open, I knock. After a few seconds of no response, I open the door softly to let myself in.

"Harry?" I ask as I walk into the empty apartment. I shut the door behind me, trapping the warm air inside the house. The kitchen and the living room are left almost exactly as I saw them a few days ago. But the house is so quiet it scares me.

I walk down the hallway to the bedroom. "Harry," I call out. He does not answer me, but I know he is here.

The door to the bedroom is slightly open as well, and I push the door to see if Harry is inside.

He is on the bed, sitting up while preoccupying himself with something on his phone. He is dressed in a sweatshirt and pajama pants, probably the ones he woke up in.

I walk into the room, trying to make my footsteps loud and noticeable, since he hasn't even acknowledged me yet. By the time I am halfway to the bed, he still does not look up to me. I give up. It would be nice if he could say something. I know I'm not asking too much.

I make it to the foot of the bed and stand in front of him, not sure on how to start our conversation, especially since he isn't being very responsive. All I know is that I have no right to be smartass-y with him. I am completely in the wrong.

"Harry."

He lets his eyes drift from his phone to me. He slowly places his phone down by his side while groaning. He looks at me with an almost empty stare, his eyes filled with so much abandonment that any affection cannot pass through them. It hurts me to see him like this, knowing that he is so angry and hurt by me.

"Well you wanted to talk, didn't you?" he asks.

The harshness of his voice throws me off. I hardly ever hear him like this. "Yes."

"So say something," he commands.

I struggle over what I should say. Maybe I can start with whatever Niall and I were saying in the car? Something about how Zayn won't try anything with me again? I begin to second-guess what Niall told me, probably because I'm terrified of what could happen if Harry thought I was lying.

I am at a loss for words, but it doesn't even end up mattering, because Harry starts talking first. "What happened? With Zayn. What did you decide?"

I don't want to answer. What I think Zayn and I "decided" isn't what Niall told me to say at all. What I learned from our encounter is that Zayn will not stop trying to get to me, and that I find him horribly attractive. Although it is true that I can't stand him, I don't know how true it is that he'll just leave me alone.

Harry furrows his brow at my silence, deepening the lines of frustration evident on his face. I wrap my arms around my waist, aiming at stopping the ache of anxiety that will not leave my stomach.

I cannot answer. If I do, he will think I'm lying. I know it for sure. My fingers dig into my skin, desperate to destroy the nerves.

He become impatient with my silence.

"Jesus," he says under his breath. He jolts off the bed and tears past me. I flinch as he runs into my shoulder, accidentally pushing me over. I catch myself on the bed as I hear him pull open the door and leave the room, slamming it behind him.

A troubled breath leaves my lips. Is he really this mad?