Chapter 15 - Stan's Body

Tw: Mentions of Self Harm

Kyles Pov:

We pulled up back at my house and as I was walking toward the stairs to my door Stan grabbed me and pulled me back. "Dude, it's bad." he said smiling. "What is?" Stan pointed at my neck and I remembered everything I had forgot. "Oh.. shit. My moms gonna for real kill me." "It's alright. Take my jacket and pull the hood around your neck. Do you know if your mom has an concealer or something?". "Whats concealer?" I said genuinely confused. Stan laughed and said he'd show me later. I guess he's done this to a lot of people. I don't know why I keep obsessing over that thought. Stan had a long past, he's probably done everything in the book. I had never gotten a hickey though, so I was pretty terrified. We snuck quietly back into my room, I was supposed to tell my mom we were home but I didn't even feel like it. I just wanted to lay in bed. Weirdly, it seemed like drugs had been helping keep my nightmares away. Or Stan? Nah, his energy is way too negative, if anything he'd probably give me them. I laughed at my own thoughts. Just then I realized I had never fully seen Stan without his jacket. I examined him as he was taking off his shoes until he look off his shirt, and my eyes got wide. Weirdly, he had a pretty good build. I always thought he was one of those scrawny kids because he would wear baggy clothes religiously, but no, he had some muscle on him. "You got a shirt I can borrow? Preferably baggy. All mine are dirty." "Uh, yea!" I said jumping up to go to my closet. I rummaged as fast as I could to find something and pulled out the biggest one I could find. "Dude, you still have this?" I stood confused as he looked at the shirt, and turned it around, it was one of his old favorite nirvana t-shirts his dad got from an actual concert. He gave it to me at a sleepover freshman year. "Oh shit yeah, I guess I forgot to give it back." He laughed and slipped it on. I got a good look at his front before he did. He had a really nice chest and a little sliver of abs coming in. I guess he had been working out while he was gone. I snapped out of whatever the fuck that was when he walked back and plopped on the bed. I layed beside him. "I'm still so high dude" he said quietly laughing. I smiled knowing he probably still felt really good, while now I was gonna have to listen to my racing thoughts all night. I looked over at his closing his eyes, and noticed some marks along his arm. I thought it might be some hair or something so I tried to brush it off. He jumped up, wincing from his pain. "Oh fuck sorry what did I do?" I said startled. "Fuck that hurt." he said trying to hide his arm. "..What happened to your arm.?" I said. "What do you think." he muttered in a almost mad tone. I really didn't know, I didn't even get a good look at it since it was so dark. "I don't know Stan, i'm sorry if i hurt you." I said feeling really bad for what I did. He avoided eye contact with me and handed me his arm. I lost my breath for a second when I finally saw. "Stan.." "I know." he said trying to pull it back, but I kept it in my lap. "..Why?" I said trying to make sense of it. Well, I knew why. I had my fair share of weak moments just like that too, but never this bad. He had scars that were literally sticking out of his skin. Some that had definitely been there for years, and a few that even looked fresh, which made my stomach burn at the thought. "Now you know why I always wear my jacket." he said quietly, laughing a bit nervously, I could tell he was ashamed, and I hated knowing that he felt like that, because I knew how it felt when I did. I looked at him and slumped down to kiss his arm. "It's okay Stan. I get it." He avoided eye contact with me and stared at the end of the bed instead. I wrapped my arms around him trying to give him any sort of comfort I could, then I felt his tense body ease, there you go. He put on of his hands on my arms to let me know he appreciated my hug, then I let go so we could lay down. I got up and turned off the lamp beside my bed then threw my body back. Once I finally could close my eyes for some reason I couldn't sleep. It hurt so bad knowing Stan was going through something I could never understand, no matter how bad I wanted to. Just then out of nowhere, I felt his arms wrap around me and his head positioned over the top of mine. I didn't know if he was moving in his sleep or not so I was scared to move.  "Thank you for everything Kyle, you'll never understand how much you mean to me." I guess he's not asleep. A smile plastered across my face, and my arms wrapped around his body too. Then, I finally felt tired. I felt so comfortable, more than I ever had, I wasn't even worried about any possible nightmare I might have. I finally drifted off to sleep, i'm pretty sure I was still smiling, but I didn't care. I was so happy.