forty

***Victoria's POV***

I wake up pressed against Johnny. My eyes hurt from crying myself to sleep.

Bryce has been dead for a week, and it hasn't gotten any easier to deal with.

Johnny stirs next to me and rolls over so his head is on my chest and his arms are beneath me, squeezing himself towards me. He's been so much help, I'm not sure I'd still be alive if it weren't for him.

I look outside and notice that it's sunny. It hasn't been sunny since it started snowing here in Tulsa, it's been gloomy and dark. I'm happy that today of all days is sunny.

Today is the day we can finally let Steve and Bryce rest in peace.

It's planned to have them buried under a willow tree out in the country fields. No one goes out there but the gang. I've only been once: Johnny took me on a date out there before it got cold. We had our first kiss out there.

 I look at the time. 10:34am. The funeral is at 2 this afternoon. No one from our side of the family is invited except my grandparents, but I'm not sure about Steve's family.

I decide to wake Johnny up so we can start getting ourselves ready. I can tell some of the gang is awake because someone's cooking in the kitchen. I pray it isn't Two-Bit: the whole gang has been doing the cooking for the past week since Lauren is in no mood for it, and Darry hasn't left her side under any circumstance. Plus, Two-Bit's cooking sucks.

"Johnnycakes," I whisper into his ear. I kiss his cheek and a smile grows on his face.

"Good morning, Babygirl," he says and kisses my nose.

"We have to get up, we're leaving for the funeral in like 4 hours."

"I'll make you a deal," Johnny says. "We're gonna cuddle for 3 hours and 45 minutes, and that leaves us plenty of time to get ready."

I laugh and push myself so I'm sitting up.

"Give me a kiss," Johnny requests and puckers his lips. He's so cute in the morning.

I lean down and kiss him, but he grabs my hips and pulls me onto the bed. He begins to tickle me and I squeal and shriek.

I hear the door open and it reveals Bailey.

"Come on Victoria, we've been waiting for you to wake up for like an hour," she says with a laugh. I kiss Johnny quickly before climbing off the bed and following Bailey upstairs to a room where all of the girls have gathered.

I see Alex doing Kayla's makeup, Lauren straightening her hair, and Ellie curling her hair. There are 6 outfits laid out on the floor, all completely in the color black. Bailey sits me down and begins to do my hair. I look into the mirror and notice the large bags under my eyes. Bailey finishes in about 30 minutes before beginning to pull her hair back into a braided updo. I put on major concealer and begin to paint my face back to normal.

It's been at least an hour and a half before everyone has finished their hair and makeup looks. I begin to get dressed, as do the other girls. I walk over and pick up my black dress. I undress from my pajamas and pull it over my head. It is a long sleeved dress that ends just before my knees.

Bailey grabs a black blouse and tucks it into her black skirt. Then she pulls on black combat boots, and I do the same. Alex pulls on a black skater dress that's short sleeved but pulls a cardigan over the top. She pulls on her black high tops to finish the look. Ellie pulls a tight black maternity dress on, which goes below her knees. It's long sleeved. She has Alex pull on her black booties. Lauren pulls on a draped black blouse and a tight black skirt that ends at her knees. Then she pulls on tall black boots. Kayla dresses into a tight black long sleeve, then pulls on a flared black dress that ends a few inches above her knees. She too pulls on black booties.

Together, we walk out and find the guys in the living room. They've cleaned themselves up too. I immediately walk over to Johnny and lean against him. We've always sort of been attached at the hip, but it's been more so than usual. Getting ready for the funeral was the longest I've been away from him all week.

We climb into 2 cars and drive to the location. The ceremony was created yesterday by Kayla and Alex. It features a lot of white hanging lanterns, curtains, and a satin walkway. We find our seats and the ceremony begins.

After that, the funeral goes by in a blur. Lauren and I talk about Bryce and Ellie talks about Steve. Soda stays quiet and doesn't look up from the ground. 

The after party gets canceled seeing that everyone kind of just wants to go home and chill. I don't blame them, I'm exhausted. We reach home by 6:30.

We all take turns showering, and after the fourth person, the water gets cold. I end up going around 10th, so I'm freezing when I get out.

I head back into the room Johnny and I stay bundled tight into my towel. It's still winter and it's never fun to get out of a freezing shower and step into a freezing house.

I pull on a thermal long sleeve and some warm sweats. I throw my hair into a braid and climb into bed.

"Hey cutie, I do believe you owe me some cuddles," Johnny says with a wide smile as he steps through the doorway. He showered 6th and is already cozy.

I laugh and open up the blankets to him. He snuggles himself against me and kisses my cheek.

"I'm so proud of you, you did really good today," he whispers into my ear. I lean into him and close my eyes as I begin to warm up.

a few days later

***Kayla's POV***

"Soda?" I ask through the door. I don't get an answer, but I'm not surprised. I push the door open and find him the exact same way I did yesterday, the day before that, and the day before that: laying on his back, facing the ceiling. He's been like this since the funeral.

I sigh and walk in, shutting the door behind me.

"How are you doing?" I ask him. He simply blinks.

I sit on the edge of the bed and look at my hands, which are wrapped around themselves. An idea pops into my head.

I climb myself on top of Soda and hug him tight. Not only does he not move, his heart doesn't pick up speed the way it used to. I sit up and grab his face. After studying it for a minute, I kiss him. He doesn't kiss back.

I climb off of him and stand back up on the floor.

"Soda, please," I beg. He doesn't move.

I close my eyes and think about the way he kissed me on Christmas Eve. So much passion, so much love, the kind of kiss that sent your insides on a roller coaster.

I had no idea that was going to be the last time he kissed me for a very, very long time.