VIII

We were sat on the bus as Fuckshit had his keys taken off him. I was sat as far away from him as I could while still being with the group.

"My mom and dad are fucking faggots" Fuckshit sighed, hitting the back of his head lightly on the window.

"Can't wait until I get a car..." Ray nodded, "Finna drive you off to Kansas and dump you there!" He pointed at me.

"Nah you'd miss me too much" I smirked.

"Nah" He shook his head.

"You would! Admit it..." He looked at me and rolled his eyes, "Knew it"

I didn't realise Fuckshit was talking to the others but when I did I looked over. He was handing small yellow pills to Sunburn and Ruben.

"What you doing giving this lil nigga's drugs?" Ray turned around.

"Calm down. Doctor gave em to me. Said I had ADD in the first hour of talking to me!" Fuckshit explained.

"Are they bad for you?" Sunburn asked.

"How can they be bad for you if a doctor prescribed them?" Fuckshit shrugged, "You nigga's want one?"

He held out two, Ray took them both and passed one to me. He then threw the one he had at Fuckshit before turning back around. I placed the pill in my mouth and swallowed it quickly.

Anything to drown out the thoughts.

Ray looked at me concerned on how quick I took it. I looked back and shrugged.

-

"Scar hey!" Estee came over and hugged me, "You're back!"

"Yeah" I nodded, the effects of the pill making me feel stoned.

"Are you high?" She tilted her head and stepped back.

"Yeah" I nodded again and laughed.

She chuckled and rolled her eyes. Her hand wrapped around mine and she dragged me into a room where no one I knew was.

"Guys this is Scar!" Estee called.

"Wait? Ray and Fuckshit's friend? I thought she died!" One of the boys said without looking up.

"Yeah so did we!" Ray came up behind my shook my head.

"Get off me!" I pushed him off which caused him to smirk.

"The fuck you been?" Jacob asked, "You were gone all night-"

"None of your business Jake..." I cut him off and walked off.

"I'm your brother! Obviously it's my business!" He followed me.

"Cállate y ocúpate de tus propios asuntos" I turned around angrily.

"Perra..." He scoffed, walking away, "What's up Ray!"

"Hey dude..." Ray nodded back as they dabbed each other up.

I ran my fingers through my head. The intrusive thoughts had started to fill my head again, ones that would resort to murder.

"Scar? What's wrong?" Ray's hand rested on my shoulder.

"I just wanna get drunk..." I sighed.

"What's going on?"

I shook my head and stepped back, falling onto the couch.

"What's up?" He sat beside me.

"Fuckshit hates me..." I sighed, trying not to break into tears.

"He couldn't hate you even if he wanted to..." Ray shrugged.

"He does...and it's because I can't tell him where I really was...because if I do he'll start worrying and I don't want that..." I explained.

"I get it...I'm sure he'll get over it don't worry!" His hand wrapped around mine.

I don't wanna be here anymore.

"I just wanna get so smashed I can't even think about any of it..." I breathed.

"That's not a good idea is it?" Ray sat back.

"It's just...why can't we just all go back to how it was...with Sunburn of course, I love that kid..."

He laughed a little, "Keira you did disappear for a year...things change..."

"I know...I just wish it didn't..."

I looked over at Fuckshit who was talking to some girl. And it bothered me a little. He glanced over at me and noticed I was looking but he just looked away again.

"Fuck him..." I stood up and went to the kitchen.

I opened the fridge and grabbed a can of whatever was in front of me. Quickly I opened it and chugged it down, letting the burn sting my throat.

"Oh shit..." Ray had come to some sort of realisation and sat at the island in front of me.

"What?" I sighed, placing the empty can on the counter.

"You like him..." He laughed.

"What?" I placed my elbows on the surface.

"You. Like him." He said like I was dull.

"I don't like Fuckshit...he's a dick..." I rolled my eyes.

Ray raised his eyebrows at me with a smirk. I stared at him and shrugged before grabbing a cookie from the plate beside me.

"You definitely do!"

"No Ray. I don't." I walked away and grabbed a bottle from beside the fridge before going out the back door.

I fell back onto the deck with my back against wall. I managed to open the bottle and take sips from it as the music from the party played over the voices and laughter.

My eyes started to fill with tears. Sometimes I get emotional when I'm drunk, especially if something happened before I started drinking.

After twenty minutes of sitting there and drinking, I went back. I couldn't see anything, it all blurry and dizzy.

I walked into the kitchen when I random boy came up to me.

"Hey sexy!" He greeted.

"Ew..." I groaned, walking past him.

"Woah woah baby!" He grabbed my wrist.

"Get off me..." I could barely get my words out.

"Come with me..."

"No..." I was too weak and tired to push him off as he pulled me away, "Get off..."

"Sh baby..."

"No!" I said a little louder.

Suddenly he went flying into the wall, he let go of my arm and I fell back into the wall behind me.

"She said no!" Fuckshit said, grabbing the boy's collar, "What? You get off on assaulting drunk girls?! Fucking sicko!"

The boy stood there with his eyes wide and a terrified look.

"You ever come near her again...and I swear to god I'll rip your dick off and feed to your own fucking dog!" Fuckshit slammed his back into the wall.

Everything seemed to be going slower, my eyes felt heavier. He threw the boy onto the floor who quickly ran off.

"You alright?!" Fuckshit held me up.

"Get off..." I pushed him away but was unsuccessful.

"Jesus how much did you drink?!" He held me close.

"Why do you care? Where's Ray?" I looked around and stumbled a little.

"Scar! Jesus!" He held a tighter grip on me, "Come you gotta get home or something..."

"Not home..." I shook my head as he pulled me out the room.

"Then where? Scar you can't-"

"Where's Ray?"

"See this is what I was on about!" He held me in front of him.

"Get off me Olan!" I pushed him off and tried to to break down in tears.

"I know I've upset you but you can't even stand so let me help you!"

"Just stop...please..." My voice cracked.

"Fine whatever..." He threw his hands up and walked away.

Ray passed him, but Fuckshit just ignored him. He came over to me but I just walked off.

"Scar!" Ray called.

I shook my head and kept walking. It was raining and dark, all I had was my shirt and jeans but I didn't want to talk to anyone.