Chapter 32: Why Wait

"Girls you crushed them!" The coach shouted excitedly. Her hand went up towards me and though I didn't really want a high five, I didn't want to deny her. She high fived me, grabbing my hand saying, "Z you were killing them with those blocks!"

From behind me I heard someone mutter, "We didn't even touch the ball."

Which is an exaggeration, but only slightly. The ball did get past me sometimes, but when it did, it just came right back to me. Aimi finally seemed to remember that I knew how to hit a ball. She set me up almost every time, and when she didn't set me up, the girls' hits were snuffed out. Those girls, they were blockers. It was difficult for me to get around them, and almost impossible for my teammates to get by.

If only they practiced more against my blocks, they might have been able to get a few past their blockers. But I won't say that out loud.

"Alright girls, pack it up, let's get going."

"Um coach, can I stay and watch the rest of the boys match? I can ride back with them or my aunt can take me home. They're watching the guys now."

She nodded, "That's fine," the moment I knew I was free from these girls, I turned to go.

I started to throw my sweats on and shove my court shoes into my bag, when Aimi came up to me.

I glanced up at her, then turned my attention back to my bag, "So you can set me in a game."

"I was trying to tell you that I wanted to save your energy for the next game. Those Ouran girls we're too easy to take on. We didn't need you at your fullest for them. But we did need you for that last game. We never had a win with a gap that big against them. I knew you would surprise them and you were good enough to get past their blockers."

This praise would have felt nice, if the sting of betrayal wasn't still deep in me. I sigh left my lips as I stood up, slinging my bag over my shoulder, "Happy you could use me like the rest of them team."

I turned my back to her and began to walk away. I was done with this team. We play on a court together but that's it. Or that's what I thought. As I walked away, Aimi cried out, "What happened last night."

"Oh as if you don't know!" I snapped, dropping my bag on the floor as I whipped around. I was ready to charge her, or maybe to cry and crumble in her arms. I don't know. But emotions were flying. Heat pushed through my body.

"I don't," She cried out, but her voice dropped when she said, "I left."

My heart still pounded in my chest, my throat tightened, making it hard to breathe. I felt the water swelling in my eyes. Even if she wasn't there. Even though she didn't know. Everything still hurts.

I scooped my bag up from the floor and choked up the words, "You should have stayed."

I turned and walked away. Feeling the burning in my throat and the tears in my eyes. I rushed away, away from it all, away from everyone, any eyes that could find their way to me. I don't want anyone to ask if I'm okay, because I'm not. But I don't have time to not be okay right now. This is the wrong time. I have games to win. And then maybe I can break.

So as I climb the stairs, I let a few tears fall. Then stood behind my family. Wiping my face and taking my breaths before rushing up to join them.

I jumped over some bleachers, sitting beside Ros asking, "What's the score?"

"Fukurōdani is killing them," Uncle Hikaru said, eyes locked on the court.

Everyone's eyes seemed to be on the court, no one was looking at me, which was good. I know my eyes are a little red and my voice is a little shaky. But there's Ros sitting next to me, who notices everything. I probably should have sat beside Kata, he didn't notice anything about other people. At least, nothing that he actually acts on.

But Ros, she notices and she acts, subtly, but she acts. She just moved closer to me, her pinky looped around mine on the bench. She took a deep breath, long and slow. Begging me to take a deep breath with her, long and slow. She cracked a smile. A soft smile that she tried to spread to me. I felt the counter of my lip move up, but that was about all.

I was still burning with heat. I unzipped my jacket, and took another breath, long and slow.

And Ros smiled more now after she glazed at me, "I see why you chose the number 4 now." She said in a cheeky tone. Everyone began to chuckle, no one looked at me though. Instead, they were watching Bokuto. The guy who just hit the game winning spike, right on the back line. The guy in the number 4 jersey.

"Okay, I didn't pick this," I said, now clenching Ros's hand, "And I didn't know that he was the number 4. He's the captain, I thought all captains were number 1."

"Leave it to Bokuto to break the mold," KJ commented.

The guys lined up in their number order to say, "Thank you for the game," and there stood Bokuto and Akaashi right next to each other. Hana said, "Probably so he could stay close to Akaashi. If it wasn't for Zara, I'd say Bokuto was in love."

"And what does Zara have to do with this?" I asked, and my eyes shifted to me and laughed and cackled, and this felt right. This felt normal. And what Ros wanted. President of the Host Club here, means she is a social genius.

"Sure, let's keep pretending that you're not a thing," Uncle Kaoru chuckled as he stood.

Everyone else began to stand too, moving away from the bleachers.

Aunt Bri smiled, "Isn't that little deal up in a few days?"

Between the games and last night, I hadn't even thought about it. About how in a few days, me and Bokuto may very well be a thing. And to be honest, right now, it would be nice to just be wrapped in those strong arms.

Aunt Bri kissed me on the head saying, "We'll see you tomorrow. Go congratulate Bokuto and the team."

"Yes Aunty," I sighed, and watched as they went down one set of stairs, then I moved down another set. I started to move faster as I thought about how every moment I was moving closer to Bokuto. Where I can be swelled into a warm hug that held no falsehood. Just genuine care. Not the hateful tolerance that my team has for me.

I saw the team in the hall outside the gym. I tried not to look eager as I moved towards them. They were already hugging and high fiving each other. Bokuto's voice booming as he shouted cheerfully. Then he spotted me, and his smile somehow seemed to widen more. His arms flew open wide as he shouted, "Baby Bird!"

And I couldn't hold back anymore. I took off running. I dropped my bag on the floor and charged into his open arms, feeling nothing but love. As though I were meant to be here. "We won Baby Bird!" He cheered, as though he didn't expect to win this all. Every moment is a moment worth loving to him. With him. He won today. And that's enough. I won today and that should be enough.

He pushed back, his hands still on my waist as he looked at me, excitement in his eyes, "Did you guys win?"

"Yeah," I nodded, smiling, really smiling, "We won." And just like that, I was pulled back into his tight, warm hug. Into his strong arms, that I seemed to fit into perfectly.

"Z, you're riding with us?" Coach asked.

"Yeah," I answered, trying to pull back from Bokuto but he didn't entirely let me go.

He still looped an arm around my shoulders, still holding me close. His coach looked at us, side by side. And he cracked a smile. "I see why you didn't want to take your rightful jersey again this year, captain."

"What?" Bokuto asked, truly confused.

His coach pointed to my jersey. Bokuto looked down and at my chest then backed up gasping, genuinely excited as he said, "Baby Bird, we match!"

And I laugh, because everything feels so easy now.

His coach shook his head, then turned to the team, shouting, "Alright let's load up. You boys gotta go home and get a good meal in before bed."

All the boys started to grab their things and move towards the doors. Bokuto bent down grabbing his bag and grabbing mine as well as he said, "My mom said you're coming for dinner tonight... All week," he laughed, tilting his head towards the door, "Come on," his hand was outstretched to me, and felt no hesitation in taking it.

His hand cupped around mine and we walked a little behind the group. He pulled me closer, bringing his voice down as he asked, "How did today go?"

I didn't want to talk about it right now. So I said, "It's better now," Because that's a truth that I want to live in.

And he nodded and just said, "Good."

And that's enough for now.

He pulled me towards the back of the bus, moving through the crowd of sweaty, tired, but happy teammates. Even as I moved through the bus, they asked about my games, about my team. They congratulate me, and assure me that we are going to nationals along with them. So much love, in just a walk through a bus. Way more than I could ever get from my team.

Bokuto slid into a seat first, placing our bags on the floor then pulled me beside him, close, with his arm around me as he leaned against the window. I rested against him, just feeling his warmth as he talked to the rest of the guys. I jumped in and out of conversations for about half the bus ride, until the bus seemed to settle.

The ride was dark, only being hit by the passing streetlights. I felt nothing but comfort, so close to Bokuto. His voice came in, soft, below the few conversions going on around us. "Hey Zara," he whispered, "I don't think I want to wait until the end of the week."

"For what?" I asked, now feeling my sleepiness.

"For us," He pulled me closer, "You're mine now. Is that okay?"

A smile fell to my face, "Yeah," I yawned as I my eyes closed.

And he said, "Good," and that was enough.

At least until he had to wake me up, "Baby Bird, we gotta go home." He said, shaking me. I sat up, stretching and yawning, but once I stopped leaning on him, he stood up, saying, "Alright team, go home get some rest, and let's win again tomorrow! Hey, hey, hey!"

"Hey, hey, hey," They all called back sleepily.

And they started climbing off the bus and heading home. Bokuto unlocked his bike, but left it leaning on the bike rack. He leaned against the bike rack himself explaining, "I don't leave until my team is gone," He shrugged a little saying, "Captain duties. Make sure everyone gets home."

I sat on the rack beside him, leaning my head on his shoulder, still sleepy. He chuckled, sliding his hand into mine. He placed a kiss on my head, then began shouting at some first years about calling their rides sooner tomorrow.

Their rides did arrive, not long after. And the moment they pulled off, Bokuto hopped on his bike smiling, "Come on Zara, let's go eat."

I trudged over to his bike, but before I hopped on, he stopped me, grabbing my hand and pulling me closer, his lips landed on mine, soft, and brief. With a smile, "You ready girlfriend?"

Shaking my head, I hopped onto his bike saying, "Ready." And felt all the pressers of these past few days, melt away.

Bokuto didn't ride in any rush. Just pedaled through the cool night. And as we moved I began to wonder, "Why couldn't you wait anymore?"

"What?"

"Wait to date me?" I clarified.

I saw his shoulders shrug a little from behind him. before he said, "Something was clearly bugging you after the games today. Probably stuff left over from last night. Not that I can blame you, I keep thinking about it myself.

But... I saw it in your face when you were coming up to us and... I don't know. I guess I just don't wanna have to wait until we're alone to try and make you feel better anymore."

"How could you tell I was upset?" I asked, wrapping my are tighter around his waist.

He laughed a little now saying, "I can always tell," as we pulled in front of his house, "It's just like your aunt said. You absorbed and reflect everything around you. It's not too hard to read."

"I give off that much?" I questioned. Climbing off of his bike.

He climbed off too, holding the bike up with one hand and resting the other hand on my cheek, "Nah, I just know what to look for."

He kissed me lightly, before reaching in his pocket and grabbing his keys. He plopped them into my hand with one key sticking up saying, "Go ahead in the house. I'm gonna put my bike away."

He started pushing the bike to the side gate and I really wanted to just wait for him to get back. It's weird just walking into someone's house right? But then again, I guess she is expecting me.

I went to the front door, twisting the key in the latch and the moment the door opened, Bokuto's mother rushed into the hall from the kitchen, "We're winners tonight right?" Her eyes were wide, longing, needing this assurance.

So I smiled and said, "You don't think we'll go down that easily do you?"

Her whole body seemed to ease and a smile settled on her face. "Come on, wash up for dinner."

I followed her into the kitchen and moved towards the sink to wash my hands.

"You guys get home so late from these games," she sighed, "Sorry but I ate my dinner without you."

"It's fine," I said.

I dried my hands and grabbed a bowl from her just as Bokuto entered the room.

"Kōtarō, eat up and get to bed. I don't want you keeping Zara up late. You two have a busy week," she said as she walked passed him, first leaving a kiss on his cheek, "I'm going to bed now."

"Goodnight mom," Bokuto called out.

He grabbed a bowl and sat beside me at the kitchen table saying, "She has to work early this week. She usually makes it to a few games, but Dad had stole some money during his last visit, so she's putting in extra hours," he said this so casually. Like this was just a part of his life.

"Why does she put up with him?" I finally asked.

But Bokuto only shrugged, "Easier than getting rid of him she says." He took a big bite before saying, "If it were up to me, me and mom would pack up and move somewhere far away, where he'd never find us. But... she says she can handle him and I just try to stay out of it like she tells me to." His voice was still casual as he went on, "Mom was so freaked out last year when me and him fought, like fist fought... it got pretty bad, after that, she told me to just stay away when he's home." He shrugged a little saying now, almost in a whisper, "Seems like now, all I can do is listen. Until I get the chance to get my mom out of here and away from him."

Still he spoke as though this was normal. But the normal, calm tone in his voice was what made everything feel so heavy. He lives with so much that no one would ever know about.

Jokingly I through out, "Or you could kill him." Just try to lighten things up a bit.

Which seemed to work because Bokuto began to laugh, "Or I could kill him. I'm sure they have volleyball in jail, occupy my time."

"I'll come see you," I joined in his laughed.

"Great, finally get a girlfriend and now I can only see her once a month. That man really does ruin everything," he still laughed, taking everything so light.

We finished our food, and I got up to go. More games tomorrow and it only gets tougher from here.

With a yawn I started for the door, but didn't make it more than a step before being pulled back by Bokuto.

"Bokuto," I whined, "I have to sleep."

He turned in his chair, he had my wrist in his hand, pulling me towards him until I was seated on his lap. "Just a few minutes," he said, now wrapping one arm around my waist. His hand lifted to my cheek, pulling my face to his until our lips met.

And it didn't take long for me to realize that all this time, Bokuto was holding back.

Each time he kissed me before, it was as though it was a question. A constant, Is this okay? It was subtle, a slight draw back, with a little room to move away. I wouldn't even have noticed, if it wasn't for the way he kissed me now. So absolute. Drawing me in with each movement of his soft lips. Somehow, they fit so perfectly to mine. Somehow, they move so rhythmically, like a well rehearsed synchronized attack.

He pulled me into him as I sat on his knee. My arms looped around his neck, welcoming the closeness. Embracing it. But still not feeling the freedom he felt. Still in the back of my mind, the question rang, Should we be doing this?

I pulled back, smiling, I couldn't help but to smile, because he was smiling, and he is so contagious. "Is this okay?"

"What do you mean?" He asked, leaning back in his chair. His eyes began to wander across me, as if there was anything to see with my warmups on. Sweatpants, so sexy right.

I looked around the kitchen saying, "Well, we're just like... making out in your Mom's kitchen. Is that okay?" My Mama would have killed me for this. But also would have killed me just having a boyfriend before I graduate.

Bokuto shrugged, "I'm pretty sure it's fine, but if you wanna take it to my room, I have no problem with that." His lips came back to me, but not to my lips. They inched in on the corner of my neck, just above my collarbone. Just the brush of his lips on my skin made goosebumps rise in me as a shiver fell down my spin. Nothing even done and yet I'm jumping up off of his lap chuckling nervously, "I think I'ma go home. Gotta shower and sleep and stuff, you know, games tomorrow." I found myself fumbling towards the door. So suddenly, the desire to be close to him shifted.

Now that a can be close, it's kind of scary. Where are lines drawn? How do you even draw lines? How do you even hold a pencil to draw lines?

Bokuto laughed as he stood up, "Are you okay?"

"Yeah, yeah yeah yeah," I nodded, too much. Eyes falling from him to the floor. What is wrong with me? "I just realized that I don't know how to be a girlfriend. Probably won't be any good at it."

He chuckled a bit more as he stepped to me. He looped his arms around my shoulders, pulling me into his chest. "I think you'll do just fine." He placed a kiss on my forehead but for resting his chain on top of my head.

I let my arms wrap around him. Now feeling the beating of my heart. I hadn't noticed how it rushed until everything stopped and became calm. There he goes again, turning my mountains into mole hills.

I felt his chest rise and fall as he breathed deeply before saying, "You know, I've never been a boyfriend before. I think it might take the both of us some getting used to."

"Maybe."

He pulled back slightly, placed a finger below my chin to lift it. I face him, his amber eyes, glowing with excitement as his lips smile sweetly. Eagerness poured out of him. He didn't care, he was ready for this. It was like learning a new move to him. Sure, he doesn't know how to do it quite yet, but he has no doubt in his mind that he'll figure it out. Confident, in everything he does.

He kissed me, soft, and deep and left me longing when he pulled away. "Alright, guess it's time to go home."

I was practically running to the door a moment ago, and now, my feet dragged as he held my hand and pulled me towards it. I stole one last kiss before the door opened and I started my journey next door.

I couldn't wait for tomorrow, even though I'm on a team of monsters. I get to play tomorrow and I get to see Bokuto tomorrow. That's good enough for now.