- Chapter Twenty Three -

As soon as I hear the familiar sound of the hospital door opening, I shut my eyes tight. I don't want to witness what's about to happen. I don't want this horrible memory to coexist with the many others in my cluttered mind. I shouldn't be forced to do this. My confrontation with Gale. I shouldn't be forced to do anything that I don't feel comfortable doing. If I could control my situations, though, which could and will never happen, I'd have an extremely different life. And right now, that's all I'm hoping for.

Right when the nurse called out Gale's name, I was shocked once again. I've never had the sensation of falling so many times in one day. I'm surprised he had the guts to come see me, though. Gale. I thought he would have left without a word. Like he always does. Either that or he would have scavenged the town looking for me. Probably hurt a few people along the way. The one thing I know about Gale is this: Once he gets mad, he won't stop destroying until he's calmed down. It can take him days, sometimes weeks, to relax. And this is probably the maddest he's ever been.

Peeta's still lying with me. Injured in our hospital bed. Unable to move. I can tell by the way me squeezes my hand that there is someone in the room that I haven't seen in years. There aren't too many people alive that could give this person a name or face. All my friends and family already left. But I know who it is, standing in this cold room with us. I know exactly who it is.  Without even looking I can already picture the entire scene going down. It's horrible, and I can't help but feel utterly terrified. More terrified than I've ever been before. And something tells me to open my eyes.

In front of me stands a man I've never seen before. A man that has the face of a killer. The presence of a prisoner trapped inside his own body. But deep inside I can see the sorrow in his eyes that only proves how many mistakes he's made. In front of me stands Gale - but not the same Gale that I knew before. Here stands the man that ruined my wedding. Killed my sister. Hit me and my husband. And I hope this new man isn't expecting to talk to Katniss Everdeen. Because that troubled woman doesn't exist anymore. Now he's going to have to talk to me.

Two large men hold Gale's hands behind his back, but I know he could escape their grasps easily if he really wanted to. I know that he's not struggling to be released. I've seen Gale struggle, and this isn't it. He probably doesn't want to upset me anymore than he already has.

"Let go of him," I mumble. One of the two men raises an eyebrow. I know what it's like to be contained, and it's neither fun nor necessary for any occasion. And plus, he already looks injured enough. Gale may have won the fight, but Peeta definitely still did his damage.

"Please let him go," I raise my voice. Peeta turns towards me, concerned. I meet his trembling eyes. He looks so scared. He must think his dreams are coming true. His nightmares of losing me are finally coming to life. But this isn't the case. I just need Gale to be speaking to me by choice. There can't be an outside force keeping him here.

The men let go of Gale, and he sits in the uncomfortable wooden chair located in the corner of the room. Peeta tenses up at every move he makes. He's a mess. I need to make sure that he knows that I'm not leaving him.

"This is the last time you will disturb our lives in a negative way," I say sternly. Gale needs to realize this before he speaks. I look over at the two men and dismiss them. This is none of their business.

As soon as they close the door, I look right into Gale's eyes. There are so many emotions flowing through them, that I don't know what to expect.

"I..." He begins. I give him my full attention. "I never meant to do... Any of this. None of it."

Gale's voice is so calming and so harsh at the same time. It relaxes me- it takes me back through time. To a worry free place. It also hurts me in strange ways I can't describe. I almost can't bare it.

"I loved your sister... Just about as much as I loved you. I... took care of her for you. When you were in the games," Gale continues. I can already tell that Peeta is getting angry with the weak excuses being thrown at us, but he doesn't say a word. This isn't his battle. He's here to support me and my actions, but I can't guarantee that's all he'll be doing.

"Why did you come today?" I ask. I don't care about the past. I know that Gale loved Prim. If he didn't, she would have died much sooner. She wouldn't have been able to survive without him. I also know that Gale loved me. I wouldn't have been able to survive without him. Now is all that matters. Today is all that I'm worried about.

"I needed to talk to you. About us." Gale says.

"You did more than talk," Peeta interjects. I place my hand firmly on his arm in attempt to stop him, but I don't think it's going to work. I really don't want him to become a monster again. The monster that only wants to project me but ends up hurting me instead.

"I... didn't mean to." Gale repeats, staring at my damaged head. He looks so shocked- like he doesn't believe that he could have caused an injury so severe. I would feel the same way if I unintentionally hurt someone that I loved.

"Well you did. And you hurt me and the rest of our loved ones too. You hurt this entire day," Peeta booms.

"What else can I say?" Gale says raising his voice. "I didn't mean to!"

"Oh, so you didn't mean to hit Katniss? And you didn't mean to throw me off of a gazebo?" Peeta says. I want him to stop. I want this to be calm and organized. But when you put these two men together, there's no telling what could happen.

"I didn't want Katniss to make the wrong decision," Gale explains. "I've been there for her for the majority of her life."

"You can't be serious right now!"Peeta yells. I feel so uncomfortable. It's like they're talking about me as if I'm not in the room. A give Peeta's hand a squeeze and he jumps and turns my way. Maybe he did forget about my presence. It wouldn't be very hard to.

Peeta's eyes are not kind and thoughtful like they usually are. They're full of fury and hatred. Like they were when he was trying to strangle me to death. I'm immediately terrified and break eye contact. I can't handle it.

"I'm totally serious! What about in District 13? You weren't there for her then, were you?" Gale says, stealing back Peeta's attention.

"He was being hijacked." I say. I couldn't have let this go unsaid. Peeta had no control over where his location was. Both Peeta and Gale look at me with wide eyes. Are they surprised that I'm talking? They probably got so wrapped up in conversation that they forgot about the source of the problem. Me. I was beginning to get swallowed up in my own argument.

"And who went to go and save him?" Gale continues, staring into my eyes. "Me."

"You two are only thinking about the past," I interrupt. "You need to stop. Now."

Peeta goes silent immediately. All he wants is for me to be happy. To feel joy. Maybe he thought he was defending me, but all he was doing was defending himself and making the situation worse. He's not acting like the man I love. Gale is trying to prove himself again, but the only valid points that he's bringing up all occurred in the past. I can't help but wonder what else he's weaseled his way out of. No one in this room is acting the way that they should.

"Gale- you can't be a part of my life anymore if you keep making these "mistakes."  You used to make me happy, but now the mere mention of your name makes me tremble in fear. I don't need that in my life- now that I'm married."

I regret those words the second they leave my mouth. He doesn't know that I'm married. No one other than my close family and friends do. Maybe he thought he could change my mind before we planned another ceremony. What he didn't know was that Peeta and I couldn't wait any longer. We couldn't have gone another second without the promise of being together forever.

I can catch Gale's stare for a quick second before he immediately looks away. I'm guessing he feels the same way he did while being forced to watch Peeta and I hook up on live television. Nothing personal about that. He loved me. Gale. And I loved him. But this isn't the case anymore- and I'm pretty positive that it never will be.

"So you chose him," Gale whispers. His sensitive eyes are drearier than they have ever been before, "Over me. After all these years."

"Gale, I can't just-" I begin.

"No. Don't start. This is your decision?"

The two men that I've loved most stare at me with fiery eyes that I can't handle or ignore. Peeta's sadness and Gale's anger make this choice one hundred times harder to make. What I've learned from my unfortunate 20 years on this earth is that some decisions are easier to make than others. Some problems are big and need to be attended to immediately, while others will be forgotten once the topic changes. I am facing a problem that has been haunting me for years, and if I do not make my decision right now, it will continue to haunt me until the day I die. I look at the two completely different people in front of me. And I really look at them. Who could help me the most? Who would support me no matter what choices I make? Who could make my life worth it? And I can't believe that I've hesitated to answer this.

"Gale," I start. "I'm going to forgive you." The worlds coming out of my mouth are unstable- it doesn't even sound like me.

"Katniss, no. No!" Peeta calls out from beside me. He's not holding onto my hand anymore. His fingers press onto his temples with a great force. Tears falling from his tightly closed eyes. He's having a flashback. Of the games. Of his horrible time in the Capitol. Of me leaving him. I've never see one come on so fast before. They've always taken a few minutes before setting in. The strong boy that I've come to know and love has possessed the vulnerability of a fly and the sensitivity of a child just due to the mere chance of losing me. This flashback is taking over him, and I'm terrified. The feeling of nausea engulfs my body and I'm shaking uncontrollably. He's actually becoming the monster that I've dreaded. I can hear him whispering the word "mutt" under his breath. Peeta hasn't had one of these in a long time, and the temptation to drop everything and support him in any way possible is so strong that I have to squeeze the white bedsheets in between my fingers to fight it. I'm usually there for him, but I can't be right now. I need to get my point across.

"Gale I'm going to forgive you," I repeat, "But that doesn't mean I can love you in the way that you want."

Gale looks at me and I forget all about Peeta. Everything is blocked out. Allnoises. All opinions. I can see something break inside of him. Something that I've never seen before. Whether it be his heart or his mind, I know I've just said something that will affect Gale's life forever.

"How can you love me?" Gale mumbles. Everything goes quiet. The birds outside end their songs. The constant stomping from the floors above seems to die down. Even Peeta's uncontrollable whimpers seem to temporarily subside. The immediate silence causes me to realize something. Something clicks in my mind as I stare into Gale's gray eyes. I finally understand what Haymitch said to me. On the anniversary of my sisters death. He said Prim is a hero... That she is saving me everyday. And I'm proud to say that I can finally know what he means.

"I can love you," I begin. "As a hero."

He says nothing.

"I can love you as I love my sister. My father. Finnick. I love them even though they were only an aspect of my past. They were heroes. They are heroes. They saved me numerous amounts of times. They're even saving me today.... and you are too."

There is a long pause.

"That's all I am to you? A hero?" Gale confirms.

"That's what you are. You are my past. And you always will be. But you will still be saving me everyday. Remember that."

He looks so disappointed. The hope has left him. And I know and understand that feeling more than anyone else in the world. It's a terrible feeling, but it's one everyone has to face at some point. Me more than others.

Gale stands up. He's so much more powerful than me. Me and my tiny figure is no match for his muscular body. I would usually feel threatened by him, but this is different. I focus on his lips as he begins to speak.

"See ya, Catnip."

And with that, he closes the door leaving nothing behind. I turn towards Peeta. My husband deserves my full attention now. I know that, after today, there won't be any more interruptions. Ever.

I rub Peeta's back, whisper soothing words in his ear, and travel with him on the impossible journey back to reality. I'm not going anywhere. I'm not leaving him. He should have known. I wish he did know. Because I need him now more than ever.

I hope you enjoyed! Be sure to vote, comment, and follow me! Thank you!

-Melanie 🦁