Chapter 14 The Loner

I lost a world the other dayhas anybody found?You’ll know it by the row of starsaround its forehead boundA rich man may not notice ityet to my frugal eyeof more esteem than ducatsOh, find it sir, for me!- Lost; Emily Dickinson

 

Emma

 

It’s still light when we return to the city and I’m grateful for that. If it had been dark, everyone would have known I’m human. We stop in front of his house and I stand there as he unloads the trunk. Today wasn’t as bad as I would have thought. Studying rocks and making notes for him was rather different than I had believed too. Instead of writing down the function of plants and such, his interests seem to be completely different. He made me write on where we found a certain rock, its form and color and texture. What it smells like. How it reacts to the rain. Things like that. Some of them he took home with him.

On occasion, we even saw wildlife and I was surprised to find out how much I knew myself. “A Golden Eagle,” I told him at one point. I think I even saw a Grey Fox, but I’m not sure. And now we’re back in the city and immediately I feel suffocated again.“Burns,” someone calls out. He looks up while I stiffen. I’m dead now. “Hey,” Burns Living Flowers greets the newcomer. I’m trying my best to become invisible. Too late I realize that will only attract attention.“Who’s your friend?” he stranger asks curiously and I can feel his eyes on me. My throat tightens and I forget how to breathe. “This is Emma,” Burns Living Flowers says, “Emma, Sees Through Thick Waters, or Thru for short. He’s my neighbor.”I manage a nervous smile and a quick nod, but keep my eyes averted.“You kept the name of your host?”“It’s Emma’s first planet,” I hear Burns Living Flowers say.“Really?” Thru asks, “quite the turbulent place you picked.”I don’t answer him. I wouldn’t know what to say, but Burns Living Flowers saves me. “Emma is shy.” He hands me his keys. “Why don’t you go inside? I’ll be right there, Number ten.” It takes all I have not to snatch the keys from him and run. I nod and force myself to keep a walking pace.

“So you’re back from your trip then?”I hear Thru say. I don’t wait for the response and flee inside.

Once I’m inside the house I lean against the door and take a few deep breaths. That was a close call. I knew it was only a matter of time, but at this rate I’ll be found out in no time. I should have just run this afternoon. I sit down with my back against the wall. What am I going to do now?The doorbell rings and I jump. I can feel my heart in my throat. They’re coming for me. then I hear rattling on the other side of the house. There’s more of them? My back presses in the wall even further, though I know it’s useless.There are footsteps coming closer, but I don’t make any attempt to move. Then the door opens and Burns Living Flowers steps into the hallway. He blinks when he sees me on the floor. “What are you doing down there?”I stare at him. “You scared me!” I bark.He stares at me dumbfounded for a moment. “Scared you? How?”“I thought they were coming to get me,” I breathe.“Who they?” he questions confused, but I barely hear it.“Who comes through the backdoor?!” “You didn’t open when I rang,” he says, “and you had my keys.” It’s mu turn to be dumbfounded now. How could I be so stupid? I must look like a paranoid lunatic to him. An embarrassed heat crawls on  my face and I hide my head in my hands.He catches my wrists and gently holds them. “Didn’t we talk about this?” He looks at me with those kind eyes of his. I sigh. “Sorry,” I mutter, “it’s just… when you talked to that man…”“Thru.”“Yes. I think… I don’t know. He started asking all these questions…”“It’s called a conversation,” he says.I glare at him and am suddenly angry. “You have no idea what this is like for me!” Suddenly aware that he is still holding my wrists, I pull away from him. He doesn’t seem affected by the gesture. Nothing puts him off, does it? I take a deep breath. “Do you know what it’s like to be hunted? To fear for your life every single day, knowing every minute could be your last? If someone finds out what I really am, they’ll take me away and put some creature in my body and I’ll stop being me.”“No one needs to know,” he tries to comfort me.“Someone will know.” I glance at him. “Isn’t it against the law or something to hide a human?”He smirks at that. “You’re not just any human,” he says, “you’re scientific research material. I think we’re good.”

“This may be funny to you,” I tell him, “but I was almost caught by Seekers the night before you found me. That’s how I hurt my leg, while I was running from them.”“The Seekers from the restaurant,” he says thoughtfully, “is that why you thought I was a Seeker too?” But it’s not really a question and he doesn’t expect an answer. “Thru isn’t a Seeker,” he continues, “he works at the bakery.” “That doesn’t mean he can’t talk about me to the Seekers.”“He doesn’t know you’re human.”I sigh. This is a pointless conversation and I’m tired of it.Burns Living Flowers seems to notice it too, because he pulls me to my feet. “Come,” he says, “let’s get inside where it’s warmer. Do you want to shower first?”

***

I don’t know how long I’ve been turning the prism around in my hands when I become aware of his presence. He’s leaning in the doorway, staring at me, with a thoughtful look in his eyes. My hand locks around the prism and I clear my throat. “How long have you been standing there?”He shrugs and walks into the study. “A while,” he says, “I didn’t mean to disturb you.”“It’s your house.”“It’s your house too Emma.” He sits down across from me. “What were you thinking about?” he asks softly.It’s my turn to shrug. “Nothing special.”“I’d still like to know.”A frown appears on my face. “What? I can’t have private thoughts now?”“I’m not trying to invade your privacy Emma. I’m trying to understand you.” He looks at my closed hand. “It’s about the prism, isn’t it? I’ve seen you look at it. Is there something wrong?”There’s no harm in telling him I suppose. I take a deep breath. “My father had a prism like this. He used to let me play with it when I was still a  child.”

His eyes are filed with sympathy. “I didn’t know that,” he says. “He was a scientist,” I continue, “he did research concerning the universe and alien life form.” My voice trembles and my knuckles turn white as I clench my fist around the prism.He looks at the table. Does he feel guilty now? “Is that why you hate me so much?” he whispers.I swallow difficulty. “I don’t… hate you as a person,” I admit, “I just…” But I don’t finish what I’m saying. I’m not really sure what I’m feeling right now. He hesitantly places his hand on mine and I feel my muscles relax. “We can go to the living room if you want,” he says, “I can make us some hot chocolate and you can tell me more about your father if you want to.”I don’t really want to talk about that, but I still nod and follow him. He lights the fireplace and even though it’s not really that cold outside, it gives off some sense of comfort.

Not long after, we sit on the floor with a cup of chocolate in our hands and it almost feels like normal.  Like something you would do with friends. And I feel myself missing them again.“You’re quiet again,” he says. I manage a watery smile. “I’m tired.” It’s not even a lie. “Do you want to go to sleep? We can talk in the morning.” I shake my head. No amount of sleeping will fix this and his constant kindness makes me sad. “Are you sure?” he asks.“I’m fine,” I insist, “we can talk.” “Okay,” he smiles at me, “but when you want to sleep, just say so. We have time.”Time is exactly what I don’t have. One day soon they’ll catch me and I’ll be exactly like him. Which brings to mind a question of my own. Something I’ve been wondering about for a long time now. “Hey,” I start and he looks at me curiously. I hesitate for a moment. “What is it?” he asks.“I … I was just wondering…” He nods. “What do you really look like?”A look of surprise crosses his face. “You don’t know?” I shake my head. “How am I supposed to know that? You don’t have to tell me if it’s a secret.” “It’s not a secret,” he says, and he thinks for a moment. “Well,” he starts thoughtfully, “I suppose you could say that to the human eye we look somewhat like a silver ribbon. We can stretch out real far, but when rolled up we could fit into the palm of a human had. I think. Each of us has 1008… I think you would call them legs, though we can’t walk on them. We use them to attach ourselves to our host. With humans, we connect ourselves to the nerve centers and the brain.” I shiver. That’s a piece of information I could have lived without. But then again, I asked him, didn’t I?“The legs are feathery and thin but very strong,”  he continues and his eyes get a dreamy look. “So beautiful,” he whispers. He smiles at me. “I wish you could see. Nothing on Earth can compare to it.”I lower my gaze and nod, not sharing his enthusiasm. “So what so you want to do tomorrow?” he asks.

“Tomorrow?” I blink at him and he nods. “You’re not comfortable in the city, are you? You were different in the mountains.”“No one was there in the mountains to give me away.” “So we can travel,” he shrugs, “I do that mostly anyway. But you don’t have to worry. You managed on your own just fine.”“No I didn’t,” I sigh, “I was hiding all the time. I got almost caught several times and the few times I had to actually talk with your kind, I wanted out of there as soon as possible, because I was afraid they’d get suspicious.”“Then I’ll do the talking,” he says, “we don’t have to see that many people. Only when we need supplies.”“You’d do that for me?”“It’s in the best interest of my studies,” he answers, “it’s no good if you can’t be yourself here.”Of course, his stupid research. How could I forget? “I really want us to be friends,” he continues. I don’t think that is possible, but I don’t say that. “How about your other friends?” I ask instead, “won’t they wonder where you are?”“Scales is a traveler himself,” he answers, “we might even run into him. And Ocean and Core have each other. And they live rather far. But we could visit them if you like.”“What if I don’t want to?” I expect him to say that it’s too bad for me, but I don’t have a choice. But he doesn’t. He eyes me for a moment with something that looks like regret. “Maybe you’ll change your mind one day,” he says.“And if I don’t?” I can’t help but ask. I don’t know why I want to push his buttons. Why I want him to get angry, even if it’s only once.But he doesn’t get angry. He sighs. “Then I’ll visit them alone.”

“You really don’t get angry, do you?”He eyes me silently and then he nods at my empty cup. “Want some more?”I shake my heads. “No…I’m… I’m gonna go to sleep.”“Okay,” he says softly, “goodnight.”I don’t know why, but something makes me stop at the door and look back. He’s already putting out the fire, his back towards me.“Burns?” I say and his name is strange on my lips.He turns around surprised. I bite my lip. “Thanks,” I say, “you know…”He smiles at me warmly. “Sure thing.”