Ch 169

Sitting beside Sasuke, I could still see how uncomfortable the others were around me. Even so, they did not seem to mind too much, and neither did I.

For once, nothing demanded my attention. No urgent decisions clawing at my mind. Just a moment of peace for myself, before everything collapsed again.

I let myself rest in it. In this world, it was always simple. Kill or be killed. If you wanted something, you took it. If someone stood in your way, you removed them. That was the rule most people lived by, whether they admitted it or not.

But I never could.

If I wanted something, I had to find another way. I always had. Violence was the easiest answer, but it was never mine.

I had asked myself the same questions more times than I could count.

What would I do for what I needed.

Who would I go through to get what I wanted.

How far would I go before I stopped recognizing myself.

Every time, the answer stayed the same. I would find another path. My resolve would not bend.

I would get what I needed in my own way. No matter how long it took. No matter how difficult it became.

I would do it without breaking the people around me. I would do it so that everyone could go home. That was the only way I could live with myself.

I thought it was because I was weak. That since I was an intruder in this world, I would naturally not blend in completely. But I was wrong.

A shift beside me pulled me from my thoughts. Sasuke stirred, but I did not turn right away. I let him wake on his own, giving him space to come back to himself.

I heard movement behind me as Jugo stepped forward to help him sit up. Karin moved quickly, pressing a glass of water into his hand.

Only then did I look at him. A small smile reached my lips before I could stop it. He looked worn, still recovering, still carrying more than he should have to.

Even now, even after everything, it was easy to remember what he really was. Just a teenager. Someone who had lost everything.

Something in my chest softened at that thought. No matter how far he had gone, no matter the choices he made, a part of me still saw him as something close to a younger brother.

"Are you hurting anywhere?" I asked quietly. The words came out naturally. So simply honest, that I surprised myself.

And in that moment, I understood something about myself that I had been avoiding.

I had tried so hard to be something else. Someone colder. Someone who fit into this world without question. A proper shinobi. A weapon. Someone who could kill without hesitation.

But I could not do it.

I could not become a killer. I could not become a soldier bound to a village. That was not who I was.

I am a wanderer.

I followed my own path. I held onto my own morals, even when the world told me they were wrong.

I am Ishi Uchiha.

I am my own person.

And no matter what anyone said, I am a good person.

And there was nothing weak about that.

Sasuke took a moment to register me. He stared, eyes sharp despite the exhaustion, like he was trying to place me into a reason that made sense. I could almost see the questions forming and falling apart in his head. After a few seconds, he gave up.

"I'm fine," he answered.

I nodded, a small sense of relief easing through me. "Good." There was no point dragging this out. Now that I was here, it was time to take some adult accountability.

"Last time we saw each other, it wasn't the best."

He watched me for a beat, then gave a short nod. "No, it wasn't."

I let out a quiet breath and reached over, patting his shoulder. "I'm sorry for scaring you. I wasn't in the best mental state."

He didn't pull away, but I could feel the tension in him. It was unfamiliar between us. Hostility was never fully there, but not quite trust either. Something in between. You could say it was the average sibling relationship.

I let my hand fall and took a proper look at him, scanning the injuries he carried. Bruises, strain, the lingering damage from a fight that almost killed him. Everything that I don't want to see on anyone.

"You didn't come out of that untouched," I frowned. "I'm not surprised. Deidara isn't easy to deal with. His explosions are a problem."

From the side, Suigetsu spoke up. "You ever fight him?"

I thought about it for a moment, then shook my head. "Not really. I was running from the Akatsuki most of the time. Two on one wouldn't have ended well."

The room went quiet for a second. Then something in Sasuke changed. The word Akatsuki lit something in him. His focus sharpened, his body going rigid as that familiar anger surfaced.

Before I could react, his hand shot out and grabbed my wrist. "Do you have intel on Itachi?"

I looked down at his grip calmly. "Not at all," I answered. "Just because I was taken by them doesn't mean they shared anything useful."

He frowned and let go, getting lost in his rage–filled thoughts.

I rolled my wrist once, more out of habit than pain, then looked back at him. "What exactly were you expecting?" I asked. "Do you think Itachi just hands out information?"

His expression darkened. "Only a fool would think like that."

I sighed, shaking my head, though there was no real bite behind it. "This won't be an easy fight." Just because I knew the ending, didn't mean I wasn't going to let my guard down, anything could change.

"The moment you let your guard down is the moment it ends. And you can't afford that." I met his eyes, more serious now. "Not even once."

Sasuke didn't look pleased, but the sharp edge in him eased just enough. "I won't," he said. It was not warm, but it was enough to satisfy.

I accepted it without pushing further and reached out, ruffling his hair the way I used to when he was younger. The motion felt unfamiliar, but comforting.

"When this is all over," I spoke lightly, "I'll buy you dinner. Consider it an apology for being a bad older sister."

He blinked, clearly not expecting that. For a moment, he looked like he might respond. But he never got the chance.

"They're coming," Karin cut in sharply.

My body tensed. I had expected more time.

Sasuke reacted instantly. "Get ready. We're leaving."

Suigetsu and Jugo moved without hesitation, already preparing to move out. Sasuke pushed himself to his feet, then turned to me. "What about you?"

I smiled at him again, softer this time. "I won't come with you," I replied. "But I'll see you soon."

I rose to my feet and brushed my hands off lightly. "Be careful."

I didn't wait for his answer. If I did, I might hesitate. So I moved. One step, then I was at the window. The next, I was already outside the town, the air rushing past as I put distance between the two.

I didn't look back. Not at him. Not at any of them. The noise of the town faded behind me as I kept moving, deeper into the forest until the world quieted again. Only then did I stop.

I found a large tree and leaned against it before lowering myself to sit at its base.

I stayed where I was.

Time passed, but I did not keep track of it. I had chosen this place because no one would find me here.

No eyes, no voices, no chance of being pulled back into something I could not face yet.

Just quiet and wide space. I needed that.

The sky darkened slowly, clouds gathering until the first drops of rain began to fall. They hit the leaves above me, soft at first, then heavier, soaking through everything in time.

I did not move. Water clung to my clothes, to my hair, to my skin, but I barely noticed.

My eyes stayed fixed ahead, unfocused, as if I were looking at something far beyond the trees.

My mind was empty. No thoughts. No questions. No resistance. I already knew how this day would end. I told myself I would wait until night. That I would hold everything in until then. That I would stay like this, untouched, until I was ready enough to break.

But I could not.

At some point, something gave way. A tear slipped down my cheek before I even realized it was there. Then another.

My breath caught, and the silence I had been holding shattered as a sob forced its way out of me.

I covered my mouth too late.

It didn't matter. There was no one to hear it.

My chest ached, it was unbearable, and everything I had been pushing down came rushing up at once.

I had let them go. Both of them. Two people in this world, gone in the same day. And I loved them both.

The thought tore through me.

It did not matter that I had known. It did not matter that I had prepared for it, that I had seen it coming long before it happened.

Knowing did nothing. It did not soften the loss. It did not make it easier. If anything, it made it worse. Because I had watched it happen anyway.

I had stood there, fully aware, and let them walk toward their deaths.

My hands curled into the wet earth beneath me as another sob broke free, harsher this time, my whole body shaking with it.

Even if I would see them again. Even if this was not the end. Right now, they were gone. And I was alone.

The pain did not dull. I had lost people before. Too many to count, too many to name.

You would think it would get easier. That experience would build some kind of shield, something that made each loss lighter than the last.

It didn't. It hurt just as much. Maybe more.

My eyes burned, raw from the tears that wouldn't stop falling. Each blink only made it worse. My vision blurred, the world around me dissolving into nothing but colour and shadow.

My throat ached from the force of my sobs. Each breath came out uneven, jagged, like I couldn't pull in enough air to keep myself together.

It hurt to breathe. It hurt to cry. It hurt to exist in that moment.

And still, I couldn't stop. There was nothing else. No plans. No future. No mission waiting for me to move.

Just this. Just grief.

It filled every part of me, left no space for anything else. I couldn't fight it, couldn't reason with it, couldn't push it aside like I always did.

Right now, nothing mattered except this pain. And I had no choice but to feel all of it.

A/n So... How we feeling? I am done school and it is summer for me right now so there will be more. Also, I am making an Itachi pov right now too! Enjoy~