Ch 155

Itachi had been gone for over an hour. He hadn't said much before leaving, just the usual monotoned briefing that he'd scout ahead, that I should stay behind. Nothing dramatic. No goodbye. 

He assumed I'd still be here when he got back. And I would be. Of course I would. Where else would I go? This cave was the only thing left that I had some claim to. 

It felt colder without him, even though the fire was still going. The flames licked lazily at the stacked logs, casting long shadows against the rock. 

I sat near it, arms wrapped around my knees, head resting on my arms. My body ached in that dull, lingering way that came from doing nothing. Not quite pain. Just... weariness. 

I hated this feeling. The loneliness I felt clung to everything. My dead weight was doing nothing but holding me down. I wasn't afraid of being alone. I was used to it. 

But lately, I've started noticing the burden of it more. Especially after moments like the one at the lake. After someone like Itachi looked at me like I was something other than broken. 

My stomach twisted at the memory. Not with embarrassment. With bitterness. It shouldn't be so easy for him. That confidence. That calm. That silence that somehow soothes instead of stings. 

The way he just knew when to speak and when to listen. How he could offer nothing more than a few words and still leave me feeling seen. 

It wasn't fair. 

I scowled to myself and buried my face deeper into my arms. That thought, it was ugly. Petty. I didn't want to resent him. Not after what he'd done for me. But still, I felt something sour. 

He could offer comfort like it cost him nothing, and I was still choking on the smallest scraps of peace. I won't let myself dwell on it. 

That kind of thinking led nowhere good. I knew that path too well already. It only ever circled back to blame, either pointed inward or outward, and neither direction helped. 

So I pushed it aside. 

Minutes passed. Or maybe longer. I didn't bother counting. I just stared into the fire, unblinking, lost in thought. 

What am I doing? What am I doing here? With them? In this cave? Just waiting for Itachi to come back? Kisame too? Just letting them murder another poor jinchuriki for Obito's master plan? 

...

Oh... 

...

I almost forgot Obito... 

Did he know I was here? 

Does he know I was here?

...

...

Did he know how I ended up here? 

Does he know how much pain he has caused? 

To me?

Not even just to me... 

....

Eventually, something inside just couldn't take it anymore. A small pull, could be motivation coming back. Could just be curiosity. Could even be nothing at all. But that pull was a nudge, and nonetheless, I was going to follow. 

"Keep your control," Itachi had said. 

Fine. 

I unfolded my legs, moved to sit cross-legged, spine straightening with a soft crack. My muscles protested the movement, but I ignored it. 

I placed my hands on my knees, closing my eyes. 

I inhaled. 

Held it. 

Exhaled. 

The first few seconds were static, a few thoughts lingering, restlessness coiling under my skin. But then, my chakra began to stir. It was faint, but noticeable. It wasn't much. But it was there. 

I focused on it. Letting it settle. Letting it move. 

I don't know how long I sat there, breathing, focusing, trying to find that right moment. It was long enough that the stiffness in my joints started to fade. Long enough for my thoughts to stop chasing their own tails. 

The fire crackled quietly behind me, a low reminder of warmth and time. And in that silence, I felt it. My chakra. Not just the surface layer, the scattered bits I'd been running on for weeks now. No, this was deeper. It was steady. Strong. Rooted. 

A slow, burning pulse in my center, coiled and waiting. I hadn't touched it like this in so long. Not properly. Not with intention. 

It was almost shocking, how alive it felt. How alive my body felt. How alive I felt. Everything I'd been through... and I was still here. 

Not unscarred, not untouched, but still here. Breathing. Sitting. Meditating like someone who hadn't been through hell and back. Credit where credit is due. 

I opened my eyes slowly, the forest light shifting as the firelight behind me faded. I wasn't dumb. I knew this moment wouldn't last. 

Itachi and Kisame wouldn't keep me around forever. This temporary quiet, this pocket of something that almost felt safe, it wouldn't last. 

Eventually, they'd do something. 

Leave. 

Bring me back to the others. 

To the Akatsuki. And that future, uncertain as it was, didn't feel so terrifying anymore. Because I knew what came next. Or at least most of it. 

The timeline I remembered, fragmented as it was, still offered some guidance. A map drawn in trauma and half-formed memory. I knew the deaths, the betrayals, the pain that was still ahead. 

I've known this whole time. 

And yet... I was still here. 

Despite everything. Despite my hand in life and my choices, I did survive this long. I made it to adulthood, somehow. 

That had to mean something. So maybe I wouldn't stay with Itachi and Kisame. Maybe they'd deliver me like a stray package to Pain or Obito or someone worse. 

Maybe things would fall apart all over again. But maybe... they wouldn't. 

I didn't know what I was going to do when the time came. But I knew what not to do. I wasn't going to give myself up so easily. 

I blinked out of meditating, but the energy buzzing in my limbs wouldn't let me sit still. I'd stirred something awake inside myself, and now it wanted movement. Not more silence. Not more thoughts. Just action. 

Still, part of me felt bitter. I'd tapped into my chakra, felt its strength, but that didn't change what I knew to be true: I wasn't that strong. 

I could hold my own, sure. I could fight if I had to. But that was it. I wasn't on their level. Not Kisame. Definitely not Itachi. Hell, even the weaker Akatsuki members would probably take me down if they got serious. 

That useless feeling still clung to me...

But at least now I could breathe through it. 

I stepped outside the cave, the morning sun cutting through the trees in thin, golden rays. The air smelled fresh. Still damp from the rain, but not heavy. Just clean. Refreshing. 

I started to stretch, lifting my arms above my head until my back popped with a satisfying crack. Then I leaned forward, touching my toes, rolling my shoulders, twisting my neck until the tension melted away in little snaps and clicks. 

The stiffness had settled deep into my joints from days of doing nothing but sitting around. Moving again, really moving, felt amazing. 

My legs groaned as I lunged forward into a low stance, holding the stretch until my muscles stopped protesting. 

Then I flipped onto the balls of my feet and pushed chakra downward, focusing it like I used to. It responded immediately, flowing to the soles of my feet with practiced ease. 

I smiled a little. That part of me still worked. I walked up the trunk of the nearest tree smoothly, the bark rough under my boots. 

My balance was fine, my control solid. I didn't wobble or falter. Just moved with control until I was standing sideways on the trunk like gravity had given me a pass. 

Still got it. 

I paused there, sticking to the bark, the sunlight filtering through the canopy above. Then something strange hit me, a flicker of curiosity. 

A want to test something. 

I jumped down, landed light, and turned to face the tree. And then, without thinking it through, I drew back my fist and punched it. 

The impact was sharp. Measured. A strength surged through my arm right as my knuckles connected. And the tree cracked. A clean hole tore straight through the trunk, right where my fist had landed. 

Not a dent. Not a mark. A hole. I stared at it, stunned. Then I laughed. Light and in disbelief. Not bitter. Just surprised. 

"I did that?" 

I shook my head, smiling like a maniac, and pulled back my other arm. 

"Let's try again." 

I punched with my left hand this time, channeling my strength the same way, and the result was just as clean. Another hole. Another sharp crack. Bark and splinters sprayed out the other side like confetti. I laughed again, louder this time, giddy in a way I hadn't felt in ages. 

Where the hell had that come from? 

I looked down at my hands. They didn't look different. Same old scars, same callouses. But I could feel it. There was power there. More than I remembered. More than I'd let myself use in a long time. 

All this time, I'd been avoiding fights. Avoiding danger. Trying not to give anyone a reason to expect anything from me. 

And maybe that had made sense at first, maybe I needed to protect what little was left of me. But now I saw it for what it was: fear. I'd been afraid to find out how weak I really was. But I wasn't weak. 

I reached out again, gathered chakra in my palm, and this time I focused it differently, sharp, not dense. Like a blade instead of a hammer. Then I pressed it to the tree. 

With a quick, fluid motion, I sliced through the trunk. Clean and fast. The tree groaned, cracked and fell with a loud crash that echoed through the clearing. 

Leaves scattered everywhere. My heart pounded in my chest. I just stood there, blinking at the fallen tree. 

I did that. 

Not Orochimaru. Not some cursed seal. Not fear or desperation or borrowed strength. 

Me. 

I exhaled slowly, grinning like a fool. For the first time in a long time, I felt proud. I didn't know I could do this. 

Maybe I wasn't as useless as I thought. I wasn't unstoppable. I wasn't legendary. But I wasn't weak.

A/n The decent into madness is not as slow as the rise to salvation. (Just wrote that right now and now I think I'm a poet! Give me an hour, I need to lose my god complex) Enjoy~