Ch 105

A dreamless sleep: sleep in which you do not dream or remember your dreams. It is usually associated with deep sleep, when your conscious experience is temporarily switched off. 

I hate waking up from a dreamless sleep; it's like I just blinked and missed hours of my life. The same worries haunt me as if I never left them behind. Time skips, and I'm right back where I started, stuck in my own head, again. 

I was awake, but I could not open my eyes. My head throbbed like a drum, each beat sending waves of pain through me. 

I felt trapped in my own body, heavy and unresponsive. My limbs felt like lead, yet a chill ran through me, making my skin tingle. I tried to move, but my muscles betrayed me, locked in a tight grip. 

I could sense the world around me, but I was stuck in this strange limbo, a prisoner of my own pain, desperately wishing for relief. I'm caught in a strange balance of feeling weightless and weighed down. 

Where am I..? 

I am finally able to open my eyes, but barely. The room is dark, but the light coming from an open door is able to make me see better in the unfamiliar room. 

"You have a fever, don't get up." 

I was still disoriented at everything and couldn't recognize the voice at first for the life of me. The way my head felt was like the blood was rushing in and out at an incredible rate, pulsing through my body. 

Felt like my heart was in my head. But I did manage to finally know who was in front of me, it was Kabuto. 

I don't speak back to him, my throat dry and my mind almost blank. 

I feel a heavy fatigue settling over me, like a thick fog that makes everything seem distant. My stomach churns, and discomfort washes over me, making it hard to focus on anything else. 

"Don't..." 

I try to voice out what I was thinking. 

"...I don't feel good." 

My body feels like it's alternating between feeling hot and sweaty and cold and clammy. 

My head... 

It hurts... 

It hurts so much... 

"You shouldn't have fought, your body was already at its limits when you first came back." 

Am I getting scolded like a child?

From Kabuto no less? 

I could almost laugh at the situation, no, I think I will laugh. I let out a chuckle, which I quickly regretted as I went into a coughing fit. 

I leaned over the bed, moving onto my stomach. Dry heaves were all that I let out after a few seconds, that coughing took the last of my energy that I accumulated while sleeping. 

Moving so suddenly also made a great impact, as my shoulders, neck and back were tight and that tension made tears well up in my eyes. 

Then, nausea hits suddenly, a tightening grip on my abdomen. I can't shake the urge to be sick. Each breath feels unsteady, and I know something is very wrong. 

"Kabuto," I gasp out, unable to make my voice sound strong. 

"I think I'm going to be sick." 

That brings out a bit of panic in him, but he quickly gets a bag and brings it over to me. 

I don't use it, but it's there, and that's all I need. 

I looked up at him, the weight of my vulnerability pressing down on me. There's a tight knot in my stomach, a mix of reluctance and desperation. 

I've never liked Kabuto, not really. But right now, I'm raw and exposed, and the walls I've built around myself feel like they're crumbling. 

I search his face for something—anything—that might offer me comfort. Maybe a hint of empathy, a spark of understanding. 

I don't expect anything, yet I look anyway. I swallow hard, forcing myself to focus on his eyes, hoping to find a glimmer of warmth despite my reservations. 

It's hard to reconcile my feelings; every instinct tells me to turn away, to hide, but I need something from them. 

I need a lifeline. 

I can feel my heart racing, the conflict swirling within me. It's a strange and uncomfortable position to be in, relying on someone I'd rather avoid. 

I just hope he senses how fragile I am right now, that maybe—just maybe—he can step beyond whatever tensions lie between us. 

But before I could see anything, I gag. 

I gagged again, the feeling intense and uncomfortable, a sudden tightening in the throat, a mix of panic and nausea, making breathing difficult. 

I breathed in sharply trying to get in the air that was pushed from my lungs, but then it happened again. 

Finally, my body convulses involuntarily. The pressure builds, and I can no longer resist. I throw up, a violent rush that leaves me both relieved and filled with lingering dread. 

I kneel on the bed, tears streaming down my cheeks. My body shakes with residual nausea, and I can't shake the feeling of disgust washing over me. I feel pale and weak, gripping my stomach as shame washes over me. 

I hate this... 

Why is my body doing this... 

Why... 

I hate this moment, the helplessness of it all, and I just want to disappear. My breaths come in shaky gasps, each one reminding me of what just happened, leaving me feeling even more vulnerable and alone. 

I released a sob as the feeling in my stomach got worse. I had no food in my stomach, so what came out wasn't vomit, but bile. Digestive fluid, acidic, and burning my throat. 

I was so preoccupied that I barely noticed the hands on my back, comforting me and the hands holding my hair back so it wouldn't get messy. 

I turned my head slightly, only to stare into slit pupils, sharply gazing back. 

If I was any more delirious, I'd think it was Death coming to get me. 

A/n This was kinda gross to write and describe, but it was worth it. I like writing raw emotions and feeling miserable. Don't know why? Enjoy~