50

It was close to dinner time when Saedii and Omega made their way back to the monastery.

Hunter and the Batch were already seated in the cafeteria. An empty seat on Tech's left told Saedii that Echo was taking some space as well. Processing the news that he, too, would have a choice to make.

Two more empty seats had been left on Hunter's right. For Omega and Saedii. The sight made the tightness in Saedii's chest feel even more suffocating.

The Batch looked up as they approached. Omega gave them a timid smile and ran straight to Hunter, tucking herself into his side for a comforting hug. He kissed her briefly on the top of the head and whispered something in her ear.

No one seemed to want to say anything. Wrecker and Tech were awkwardly looking between Saedii and Hunter, while Crosshair had his gaze firmly on his tray, scowling. A toothpick was clenched between his back teeth.

"You hungry?" Hunter finally asked. Hesitant, as if he was testing her temper. Trying to see how angry she still was.

"No." From across the cafeteria, she could feel Wolffe's gaze heavy on her shoulders. She ignored him, giving Hunter her full attention. "Can I talk to you? Alone?"

Crosshair's scowl deepened. He pulled the toothpick from his mouth and flicked it with excess force towards a nearby trashcan.

Hunter ruffled Omega's hair and stood. "Let's go outside for some privacy."

His hand was warm on her shoulder as he led her outside. It was a touch she'd grown so accustomed to in the past year and a half. It was more familiar than her own father's had been.

It was cool outside and smelled heavily of incoming rain. Along the horizon, thick grey clouds were beginning to roll in. Bright flickers of light played along the edges. A small summer storm.

"Here. Let's take a seat." Hunter gestured to some empty ammunitions crates nearby, under the ledge of the roof. Covered in case the rain came early.

Saedii sat awkwardly on the edge.

Immediately, Hunter began, "I'm sorry, Saedii. I hurt you by keeping Wolffe's report from you and not telling you sooner about Pabu. But I promise that I was going to tell you. It wasn't supposed to be a secret."

"When were you going to tell me?" she asked quietly.

"Just as soon as you'd rested." His lips turned down as he thought. Debating. "You probably didn't realize, but ever since Hareth, you've been looking run down. You really stretched yourself thin, trying to appease everyone. I just wanted you to rest for a while."

Had she? She hadn't noticed. She'd been so happy that she hadn't stopped to take stock of her own body. Of her own tiredness.

But he had a point. Now that she thought about it, she'd only gotten a handful of hours of sleep during those weeks. Had packed every hour of the day with time for others and hadn't taken time for herself. Somehow, Hunter had noticed when she hadn't.

"And then you got injured on Ipsidon. I was afraid that you'd want to run right back here and wouldn't take time for yourself," he admitted.

"Thank you for thinking of me," Saedii said, and she meant it. "But I still wish you would have told me. Especially about Pabu."

He fell silent. One of his thumbs traced the edge of the tattoo along his jaw – a nervous tick. The only outward sign of his anxiety.

"How long have you been thinking of leaving the Rebellion?"

He let out a slow breath. "If you want my honest answer, since we joined. I never wanted to get you and Omega involved in all of this. Not after what happened on Kamino."

In a sense, Saedii had known that. It was why they'd come up with the conclusion to run jobs for Cid. Minimal involvement.

She pressed her lips together. "I mean how long have you been planning to retire to Pabu?"

"Not long." His hand dropped back into his lap. "The thought's been on my mind since our first visit, but I didn't give it serious thought until after Hareth. The whole squad was nearly wiped out from that one mission – Omega included. It was exactly what I was afraid would happen if we joined the Rebellion."

Saedii thought back to Hareth – to the exploding cargo ship, where she'd believed she'd lost Echo. To the dogfight between the cruiser and the Venator, where Omega had been stationed. To the sands of Hareth itself, where Saedii and Crosshair had nearly been blasted to bits.

Once they'd returned to Teth, she hadn't thought much about it. If she had, she would have come to the same conclusion as Hunter. Their squad had very nearly been killed. All of them.

"Why didn't you tell us?"

"I wasn't sold on the idea. I knew you and Echo and Omega wouldn't want to abandon the Rebellion, so I asked Cross and Tech for their input." Hunter's expression flickered – a strange mix of amusement and exasperation. "They both gave me very...detailed feedback."

"And that convinced you?"

"No. Ipsidon convinced me."

She winced. Going for the ipsium was a mistake. She wished she'd have let it go.

His eyes slid towards her. "It wasn't just seeing you hurt, but knowing that we all almost died again – just to get credits for a Rebellion that I wanted no part of. That was the final push I needed."

"But how can you just decide to leave? To stop fighting?" Saedii asked, unable to help herself. She had to know. "Doesn't it bother you knowing you can make a difference and you're choosing not to help?"

"Honestly, kid, it doesn't. No anymore."

Hunter let out a very long breath, eyes sweeping over the buzzing military base around them. Watching the beleaguered Clone troopers that hustled past on assignments and errands. Carrying weapons in hand.

"My brothers and I were bred for war. Lived our whole lives on a training field just to be shoved into battle. All we've known is fighting. And frankly, I'm tired of it," he admitted quietly.

For a moment, Saedii let herself think from the perspective of the Clones. They'd been manufactured like living droids – bred and accelerated to become living war machines for a war they had no true stakes in. Forced to fight for a galaxy in which they didn't even have basic human rights. Outsiders shouldering the burden of an entire galaxy.

For Hunter and the Batch, it would have been even worse. The basic fraternal bonds of brotherhood had bound the rest of the Clones, but for them? The "defective" bunch? They'd been outsiders even among the Clones.

He nodded, as if he could hear her thoughts. "My brothers deserve better. I deserve better. And so do you and Omega, which is why I want all of us to leave."

Saedii looked down at her lap, unable to hold the intensity of his gaze. He was silently pleading with her. Begging her to make the same choice he had.

"I know you might not see it this way, but the Jedi controlled your life in much the same way the Senate controlled ours. You never had a choice whether to leave Daeth or join a war. Others dictated your life for you," he pointed out.

She made a face. "When you put it like that, it sounds tragic."

"What I'm trying to say is that you deserve to choose the life you want," he said gently. "I was going to tell you about our choice to leave, but my intention was never to decide for you what you should do. I was always going to give you that choice."

In a way, Saedii almost wished that he would make that decision for her. That someone would. Because now that she was given control over her own destiny, she didn't know what she wanted. Didn't know how to choose.

"You deserve to choose," he added.

"I don't know what to choose," Saedii admitted.

"I know." He sounded almost remorseful. One hand reached out to gently squeeze her shoulder. "I never wanted you to have to choose between us and Wolffe, or being a Jedi and quitting the fight. I just want a quiet life."

"What about Echo?"

His hand tightened on her shoulder. "Echo will have to choose, same as you. I never meant for him to find out the way he did – or you. It was supposed to be something we all discussed together, but now everything's been complicated."

That was an understatement. Everything felt fragile. Broken.

She thought back to weeks ago – before Hareth, when she'd made the decision to leave Hunter and the rest. To go to Wolffe's aid. At the time, she'd felt like cracks had formed in her relationship with the Batch.

Now, those cracks were splintering. Hunter's decision to leave had shaken Saedii's vision of the future. Echo's too. The two had been left without a contingency plan. Forced to think of a path without the Batch – without their family.

When we get back, everything will go back to how it was.

Echo had promised her that her choice wouldn't have consequences, but it had. Going to Hareth had been the last push Hunter had needed to leave the Rebellion. It had changed everything for the Batch – had sowed a rift that Saedii wasn't sure could be fixed.

Nothing was the way it had been.

She wasn't sure it ever would be again.

"Hey." Hunter gave her shoulder another squeeze as he caught sight of the look that crossed her face. "Everything's going to be alright."

"It's not," Saedii asserted. "Everything's going to change. No matter what I choose, someone's going to get hurt. I'm going to be hurt. Either way, I'll never see part of my family again."

"That's not true. Whether you stay or go, you'll get to see all of us again. You can always visit Pabu or Teth. It's not forever."

He made it sound easy, but if her experience in the Clone Wars was any indication, it would be anything but. Things always went wrong in war. Plans always changed. Change, in fact, was the only constant.

"Besides," he continued, "your decision doesn't have to be permanent. You're allowed to change your mind. You can always stay for a while on Pabu and come back, or vise versa. You don't need to put so much pressure on yourself."

Somehow, it didn't seem that way. Saedii had the strangest gnawing in her gut that whatever she chose would decide her future. Would set things in motion that couldn't be undone.

She blew out a breath. "How long do I have to decide."

"As long as you need."

"No, I mean when are you planning to leave for Pabu?"

He hesitated, then admitted, "Well, I was hoping to leave soon, but Rex asked us to help him with one last mission. Needs a team to scout out a summit on Eriadu. I was going to talk to the rest of you before we commit to anything."

"When is the summit?"

"Two days."

Two days. Realistically, that meant Saedii would have less than a week to decide to go with them to Pabu or stay here. Only a week to choose.

It wasn't enough time. Not nearly enough.

"Is it dangerous?" she asked.

To her surprise, he chuckled. "Actually, compared to our usual jobs, this should be easy. Just a recon mission. Senator Amidala thinks that Tarkin and other higherups will be discussing Project Stardust."

The new weapons project. The one Rex hadn't been able to get any news on.

It was be a huge boost to the Rebellion if they could get that intel. One final way for Hunter and the Batch to contribute to the cause before taking their peace on Pabu. A poetic last mission.

"Of course, we don't have to take the job," Hunter continued slowly. "If you do want to go to Pabu, we can leave at any time –"

"No, we should help Rex. He needs us."

Selfishly, Saedii wanted that week. Needed more time to think through what she wanted. Going to Eriadu with the Batch, helping Rex – it would help her clear her head. Might give her the clarity she so desperately needed. Plus, if it wasn't too dangerous, it was worth the risk.

Hunter's expression was carefully blank, but he nodded. "If that's what you want, then I'll talk with the boys. See if Echo wants to join or if he's out."

Something painful bloomed in her gut.

Was this the last time that the Batch would be in action together?

Her shoulders sagged at the thought. One way or the other, her family would be torn apart. The small bit of peace she'd fought for was ending.

"I know this is hard for you," Hunter started, "but I don't want it to be. You need to know that whatever you choose, I'll support you. Even if that decision takes you away from us. You're always going to be a member of our squad."

A sad smile crept across her face. He always had her back. Even now. "I know you do. I'm really grateful that I have you to support me. Grateful for all of you."

Hunter pushed to his feet. His hand slipped from her shoulder, and she felt the absence of it like a weight along her spine. "Take all the time you need to think about it. If the rest of the squad is in agreement on Eriadu, we'll head out sometime tomorrow to make it in time for the summit."

That invisible clock in her head ticked down. Counting the last moments she had before a decision needed to be made. Each tick of that internal clock hit her like a blow to the chest.

As soon as he was out of sight, Saedii dropped her face into her hands.

For the first time in her life, her fate was her own. The decision to stay or go – to remain a Jedi, to remain a Batcher – was entirely hers. And despite all her training, she had never felt so unprepared to make a decision in her life.