49

C-3PO seemed delighted as he opened the door to the tower and found Saedii and Omega waiting there. "Hello, Master Synn! Omega!"

"Hi, 3PO." Saedii's voice was flat. She nodded over his shoulder. "Is it alright if we go up?"

"Certainly. Masters Skywalker, Kenobi, and Tano are out at the moment, but Senator Amidala is here." He gestured the two of them in.

Omega was very quiet at Saedii's side. Saedii could sense the turmoil in her. The rush of emotions. She was putting on a brave face, but on the inside, she was hurting. Torn.

That made two of them.

The sound of their footsteps on the stairs was ominously loud. It took a moment before Saedii realized that was because it was quiet and still in the tower. Not at all like usual, with the echoing voices of her new Masters and the delighted screams of the young Skywalker twins.

On the top floor, C-3PO knocked lightly on the door and announced, "Master Synn and Omega to see you."

"Come in!" Padme's voice called.

Saedii gestured Omega in first, following close behind.

Inside, the twins were sitting on the floor at the center of the curved couch. Both were watching in mesmerized silence as R2-D2 projected images before them. With a shrewd smile, Saedii realized the holos he was showing were of Anakin and Ahsoka training with their lightsabers.

Padme looked up from her place at the table. A holopad was in her hand. From here, it looked as though she'd been reviewing reports and schematics of Imperial weapons. Saedii wondered which of her spies had sent her that information.

"Hello, Saedii. Hello, Omega." Padme put down her holopad.

"Senator." Saedii gave her a respectful bow of the head.

Padme smiled. "Anakin and the others just left for an afternoon meditation. You can probably join them if you hurry."

"We actually came for a quiet place to sit for a while. Things were a little tense down at the monastery."

Omega's expression caught Padme's attention. She nodded. "Of course. The twins and I are happy to have your company."

R2 gave a happy sort of beep. Omega scampered over, sitting down on the floor beside Luke. She picked up a nearby droid figurine, holding it out to him.

Once Saedii was sure she was settled, she took a seat at the table beside Padme.

"Can I get you a cup of caff?" Padme asked gently.

Maker, caff had never sounded better. Saedii gave a little nod.

Soon, the bitter smell of brewing caff filled the small apartment. From the floor, Leia let out a joyous laugh as Omega danced a Jedi figurine in front of her, explaining, "This is Jedi Master Leia Skywalker. She's the strongest Jedi the galaxy has ever seen."

Padme slid the mug in front of Saedii.

"Thanks." Saedii took a sip. After the caff on Pabu, this tasted overwhelmingly sharp. But Saedii wasn't complaining. She really needed the caffeine.

"Do you want to talk about what happened?" Padme asked, quiet enough that Omega wouldn't hear.

Saedii stared down into her mug. "I kind of got stuck in the middle of the 104th and Clone Force 99."

"They both care for you deeply."

"Maybe a little too deeply."

Everything Wolffe and Hunter and the rest had said echoed back through her mind. The accusations and finger-pointing. The blame.

Wolffe had insisted she was a General of the 104th. But Hunter had said she was a Batcher.

Saedii didn't know what she was anymore. Why couldn't she be both? Why were they all so insistent that she had only one place in the galaxy? One role to play?

"Have you ever had to choose between two paths that you feel passionately about?" Saedii asked suddenly.

Padme considered the question. "As a Senator of Naboo, I was granted a lot of freedom. My loyalty was always to my people, but I was allowed to forge my own path. I chose to love Anakin. To have my children. If the Republic had never fallen, I would have been allowed to be both – to be his wife, to be a mother as well as a Senator."

Omega laughed as Leia took the Jedi toy from her and swung it around. Her high, thin voice called, "Dada!" as she held it up to R2.

"But," Padme continued, "you are not the first Jedi to question your path. Anakin, Obi-Wan and Ahsoka have all faced similar decisions. It seems natural for you to have uncertainties."

The senator had a point. The younglings had known all about Ahsoka's trial, of course. Had been shocked when she'd chosen to walk away after she'd been exonerated. And being here with Padme and the twins made it painfully obvious that Anakin had faced a similar choice.

Maybe it was a natural moment in her journey. Maybe every Jedi had been faced with a similar decision.

What Wolffe had laid out for her was a simple choice: stay here with him and continue to fight for the Rebellion – for the galaxy – or give up her lightsabers and retire to Pabu with the Batch.

Two paths. Two choices.

The Batch or the 104th. To remain a Jedi or retire.

But it felt far more nuanced than that.

On Pabu, she had experienced true joy. Had felt the excitement that came from dancing with a boy she liked. Had enjoyed slow mornings and walks on the beach. She'd been happy and safe – safer than she'd felt since Order 66 had ripped her world apart.

On Teth, she'd been reunited with Wolffe and others she'd lost. She'd been awarded the title of Jedi Knight and had overcome so many obstacles that she thought she'd never get past. Had become more powerful than she'd ever believed.

How was she supposed to choose between the two?

"What I'm trying to say is that you don't have to make this decision alone," Padme continued. "Lean on Anakin and the others. Let them offer you some guidance. Their own experiences may help shed some light on yours."

She was right, of course. Anakin, Obi-Wan, Ahsoka – they had all faced challenges. Had made tough choices in their journeys.

And there was one of them in particular that had been faced with a similar decision as Saedii.

"Do you mind if Omega stays here for a bit?" Saedii got to her feet.

Padme gave a little laugh. "Are you kidding? I never turn down free help with the kids. We'd love to have her stay for a while."

Omega's head popped up as Saedii slid to the door. "Are you leaving?"

"Not for long." Saedii gave her a reassuring smile. "I'm just going to speak with the other Jedi."

Omega frowned.

"I promise I'll be back soon."

"Omega, would you like to help me feed the twins?" Padme asked suddenly. "It can be a bit challenging when the mashed peas come out. Luke and Leia have learned that they can just throw the can across the room when they don't want to eat it."

A very determined and anticipatory light filled Omega's eyes. "I can help."

Saedii nodded her thanks to Padme before slipping out the door.

The worn path from the tower to their training meadow was easy to follow in the day time. Up ahead, the gentle ebb and flow of the Force toyed along her skin. It was a familiar feeling. One that had permeated through the halls of the Temple.

"Hello, little one," Obi-Wan's voice called as she stepped into the meadow.

The three of them sat equidistance apart. Only Obi-Wan had his eyes closed, though he clearly knew she was there. Anakin looked bored as he toyed with a piece of grass in his fingers. Ahsoka's gaze was steady as it leveled on Saedii.

"We heard you had an interesting night," Obi-Wan started.

Warmth blossomed in Saedii's cheeks. Right – the arrest and the drinking. She rubbed at the back of her neck. "I'm...uh, not going to lose my title for that, am I?"

A very devious expression slid onto Anakin's face. "Obi-Wan, please enlighten the council. Do Jedi get demoted for public intoxication?"

"As a matter of fact," Obi-Wan said tartly, "they don't."

"Obi-Wan is something of an expert on the subject. How many times were you arrested on Coruscant for public intoxication, Master? Three?"

"Two."

"And once on Naboo."

Obi-Wan's jaw tightened. He said nothing.

Smile widening, Anakin added, "Master Kenobi has a certain penchant for wine and shockingly low impulse control. It's a wonder that I turned out as level-headed as I did."

At that, Obi-Wan's eyes flashed open in disbelief. Ahsoka gave a little sigh.

Saedii tried very hard not to laugh at the look that was exchanged between the three of them.

"Are you here to join us?" Obi-Wan asked, tactfully changing the subject.

"No," Saedii said. "I actually wanted to talk to Ahsoka, if I could."

As if she'd known Saedii's intention, Ahsoka got to her feet, pulling on her outer robe. "Of course."

"If you need my assistance as well, I'd be happy to come," Anakin said brightly.

"I am quite confident they can manage without you," Obi-Wan was quick to point out. His lips gave a faint twitch.

A very grumpy expression slid in place on Anakin's face. He flicked the piece of grass in his hands.

Ahsoka gestured Saedii to follow her deeper into the Teth forest. Shadows swooped down on them as they walked beneath the eaves of the nearest trees. A cool breeze rattled the leaves above them, whistling between the tall trunks of the surrounding trees.

Saedii had never been alone with Ahsoka before, and she was startled by just how quietly she moved through the forest. Her footfalls were silent on the path, steps confident and sure along the uneven rocky ground. And her eyes – bright blue and observant – seemed to pick up every little detail of their surroundings. It reminded Saedii that the Togruta people, much like the Daethii, had been born for the forest. Had evolved to thrive amongst its trees and eek out a living on Shili.

They didn't go far. Just far enough to be out of earshot. A small little cluster of rocks waited at the edge of a knoll. Without the cover of trees above them, they'd been warmed in the sun and felt nice as Saedii took a seat on the nearest one.

"Rex told me of Hunter's decision," Ahsoka began. "I have been anticipating our talk."

"You have?"

"Yes. Your choice mirrors my own."

It did. That was why Saedii was here, seeking her counsel. Ahsoka knew how it felt to be faced with an impossible choice. To stay with the ones she loved most or follow her own path.

"How did you decide?" Saedii asked.

Ahsoka was enviablly serene. "It wasn't easy. I very nearly chose to stay."

Her gaze fell upon the valley below and Saedii knew that she was thinking back to that day. Saedii wondered what she remembered most.

"All I wanted when I was exonerated was to hear the Council apologize. To accept responsibility for their role in my false conviction," Ahsoka said. "Instead, I was given empty praise. They told me that it had been the will of the Force. My great trial. Their refusal to acknowledge their failure told me that I had no more place in the Order."

"How did you know that leaving was the right choice?"

"I didn't. All I knew was that I couldn't stay."

Leaving hadn't been her choice then. Not her real choice. What she'd chosen was not to stay.

"What about Anakin? And Rex?" From what Saedii had seen, Ahsoka had a close relationship with both. Similar to Saedii's relationship with the Batch. With Wolffe and the 104th. "How did you leave them?"

Ahsoka leaned against one of the rocks, crossing her arms. "To be honest, I didn't let myself think of them. If I had, I wouldn't have left."

She said it like it was easy. But how was Saedii supposed to put Hunter or Wolffe or any of them out of her mind? Her whole life revolved around them. Everything that she did was for the people she loved.

"You are compassionate," Ahsoka said, laying a hand along Saedii's arm. "It's one of your greatest strengths. But it can also be a weakness, as well. Putting others before yourself is admirable unless it is to your detriment."

"I don't understand," Saedii admitted.

Ahsoka explained, "Your choices may affect others, but you are the only one who will live the consequences. Who will feel your pain. Rex, Anakin, Obi-Wan – they wouldn't have had to experience returning to an Order that had turned its back on them. I would have. It wasn't something I could live with."

"So I'm not supposed to think about how Wolffe or Hunter or Omega would feel about my choice?"

"No," Ahsoka said gently. "You just need to decide what you can live with, and what you can't."

Like it was that simple.

Saedii already knew what she couldn't live without. She couldn't live without the Batch or the 104th. Having them here together in Teth had made her life feel complete. How was she supposed to willingly choose to leave one of them behind?

She turned to Ahsoka. "How did you know that you couldn't stay? How did you know that leaving was the right path?"

There was a moment of quiet as Ahsoka tried to gather her thoughts. Bird call sounded nearby – soft and trilling. From the valley below, another bird answered.

"I don't think I can answer that," Ahsoka admitted. "I'm not sure if there is such a thing as a right path. Who is to say that, if I'd stayed, we wouldn't have prevented the fall of the Republic? That I couldn't have helped Anakin stop Sidious before Order 66? Or, perhaps I would have died with our brothers and sisters. There's no way to know that I chose the better option without knowing both outcomes."

Her hand tightened along Saedi''s. "What I do know is that by leaving, the Force brought me to Mandalore. There, I was able to help Obi-Wan save Anakin. I was able to save Rex. I survived."

"So you don't wonder if you made the right choice?"

"No. If my experience taught me anything, it's that there are only two paths in life: the one you take and the one you don't. There is no such thing as a right one. The Force will always guide you towards where you are needed most."

Some of the pressure pressing on her shoulders eased. When she thought of it that way, it didn't feel as daunting. Less formidable. She didn't have to make the right choice.

She just had to choose what she wanted.

That brought other problems, of course. Because Saedii didn't know what she wanted. Not when she wanted everything.

"When we awarded you your Knighthood, it wasn't done as an empty gesture," Ahsoka continued. "You've shown true resilience since your Master has died. You have lived through terrible and unspeakable tragedy and stayed loyal to the Jedi Code."

"Because I'm a Jedi," Saedii maintained.

"And nothing will change that. Even if you decide to go to Pabu."

Saedii looked at her sharply. "You think I should leave the Order?"

"I'm saying that you have sacrificed so much in your short life. You've served the galaxy well. And, if you decide that you cannot sacrifice anymore – that you have given enough – then you deserve to walk away without feeling regret," Ahsoka said.

What Ahsoka said made sense. And if the roles were reversed, she would have given the same advice. But for some reason, Saedii couldn't accept this for herself.

True, she had sacrificed much. Had fought hard for peace. But she still had so much fight left in her. Still had power enough to stand up to the Empire. How could she forgive herself if she walked away, knowing she still had power to make a difference?

"Think on it," Ahsoka urged. "You have time to decide."

"Not much."

For some reason that she couldn't explain, Saedii felt like an invisible timer was counting down. Marking the time she had left with all of her family – together and whole.

And she was painfully aware that it was running low.