Chapter 4- The Letter

The Letter

I pointed my wand at the letter, ready to set it aflame. I was in my room. The sun was shining lazily through the white lace drapes on my window. It made my room look warm and cozy. On my side table, my alarm clock ticked softly, but the apartment was silent so it seemed to ring out louder than usual.

I took a deep breath in and held it for a while. I could do this. This was my decision. I had even decided to sleep on it last night when I got home from Analiza's and my pub adventure. When I woke up this morning my decision remained the same, I am going to burn that letter.

I furrowed my brow and stiffened my grip on my wand. The letter was lying folded on my bed. It looked so innocent there, beautiful almost. But I lost sight of the beauty when I remembered who it was from. I turned over the spell in my mind that would engulf the letter in flames. When had I learned that spell? I couldn't really remember. I could only remember of practicing it over and over all night until I got it just right. The spell made me feel powerful. I could destroy with that spell.

I felt a wave of heat rush through my chest like m heart was on fire. The spell was on the tip of my tongue when suddenly, I stopped. I dropped my wand on the floor and lunged at the letter. I don't know what made me stop, but all of a sudden I felt like I needed to know what was written. Something suddenly told me that it was important to know what it said.

I was tired of swinging from wanting to destroy the letter to wanting to read every line of it. I wanted to stop swinging now. I wanted to stop over thinking things and just do it already! I ripped it open before I could think about it any more.

His hand writing was curvy and neat. His capital letters had large arches and he had taken the time to enchant the swirls around the letters to move and swim around each other. I breathed in. There was no going back now. Whatever I read on this paper I could never forget. I knew it was doomed to change my life, for the better or worse.

As much as I wanted to rush through the letter and just read what Malfoy had to say, I took my time and carefully scanned the words. I frowned as I read over the first few sentences, but by the end I was crying. I thrust the letter at the ground, but it just floated lightly to the carpet.I put my face in my hands and sobbed there for a while. I never believed I would get so worked up over a stupid letter!

I ground the heels of my hands into my eyes until they felt sore and raw with tears. I looked down through my eyelashes at my wand on the floor and the letter beside it. I bent over and grabbed my wand, careful to not reread anything in the letter again. I was right. I would never forget what I had read, I just didn't want to read it again. Not now.

I stood up and looked around for my bag. It was draped on the desk chair next to the window like a body tired of waiting. I ran to it and snatched it up. Slamming the door behind me, I left my room and fast walked out of the apartment and out the door at the front of the building. Once I was outside, determined on where I was going, I aparated. I didn't like where I was going. In fact, I hated it. But I had to go. And it was all because of Draco Malfoy and his letter.

This is what it said:

Hermione,

I know you hate me, and I can't blame you for it. Every time you look at me I see in your eyes the pain I've caused you. I know it won't help to take away what has already happened, but I wanted you to know that I never really loathed you, I only thought I did because I was taught to despise you and people like you. I don't hate you. I don't hate mudbloods. I don't hate muggles. My father does. There is no easy way to explain this and I know it won't make it better. My father taught me to hate people like you. I was terrified of my father yet I still looked up to him. I wanted to believe everything he said and do everything he wanted me to so that maybe one day he would see me and he would love me like a father should. That day never came.

I am so sorry of what I made you go through so that I could impress my sorry excuse for a father. I knew I was hurting you then, but when I look back on it now it makes me tremble to remember even half of what I've done. There is no excuse great enough, this I know.

Again, I am so sorry for what I have done. I do not expect you to forgive me, I can hardly forgive myself and I hate myself every day for what I did to you. I only hope that you will know that I am truly and deeply sorry. I know that no matter what I do, I can never do enough to make it right. But in order to at least attempt to I ask that you allow me to help you.

I know that you obliviated your parents before the battle at Hogwarts to protect them, and I know that you still haven't found them yet. I also believe that they loved you, although I don't have much experience with love, and I believe you still love them. I can't stand it knowing that you are going through even more pain now that may have still been caused by me. Please, it would be an honor if you let me help you take away that pain and find them. It would help me forgive myself knowing that I at least tried to take away some of the pain. Please let me help you.

I will wait for you at the cafe, everyday if I have to. Just please, let me help you. I'm so sorry.

- Draco Malfoy