The Unthinkable

She tried not to think about it. She tried to forget the sensation of Loki's seed sliding out of her when she finally got to her feet the day after the feast.

She debated internally if she should tell him. Was it better for him to know they had been careless that night?

She had picked her skin raw around her cuticles as flashes of memory came to her over the hours that followed...

His infectious laugh... His beaming smile...

Twirling around the dancefloor...

The thinning crowd...

Sitting on his lap while he carried on animated conversations...

The mead... Goblet after goblet of mead...

Stumbling up the staircase...

Singing bawdy songs loudly in the hallways...

Crashing through the bed chamber door...

A feather from her destroyed capelette trailing over her naked body...

The intensity of Loki's eyes staring up at her from between her legs...

The way his belly quivered as her lips and hands skimmed his skin...

Her fingers tangled in his hair as he moved above her...

The lust. She remembered the lust.

The need. The absolutely urgent need from him was infectious. His burning desire kindled her own flames until their bed was a pyre. Again and again, they burned.

Of course, Loki noticed her distraction, he noticed everything. She blamed it on her lingering hangover. The bloody cuticles she blamed on the dry winter air and promised to use the moisturizing oils more often. As the days passed and she started feeling more like her normal self again, she relaxed. He hadn't brought up the missing hours in their memories, so she didn't either.

Why trouble him with worry when the likelihood of conception was so miniscule? Right?

She gnawed on the skin around her thumb as she pulled out her calendar and counted up from the date of her last period.

Shit...

She stuffed it back into the drawer of her nightstand and slammed it closed with a bang.

Shit... Ouch...

She looked down at her bloody thumb, she had pulled the skin off from her cuticle down to the knuckle.

Shit... She went to the bathroom to wrap a bandage around it.

Her internal debate started anew. Tell him they had gotten lost in their passion and careless? Yes, she could probably manage to get that out. Tell him they had been careless during her fertile period?

No.

No way. She could barely form the words in her own mind, let alone say them out loud.

She gave her reflection a disapproving look. You are both grown-ups. You can have grown-up conversations without getting emotional. Right?

No.

Loki will be furious.

Will he blame me? She went to chew on her thumb again but stopped herself when she noticed the bandage.

She took a deep breath and steeled herself. You can do this. The longer you put it off the worse it will be. She moved toward the door, ready to go seek him out in his library.

Unless... She walked back to the mirror.

Unless there is nothing to be making a fuss about? Why get him all up in arms if this all turns out to be for nothing?

She talked herself into sitting on this information. She rationalized that letting her carry the burden of worry alone was the noble thing to do. She decided to wait until there was something definitive to tell him.

A few weeks passed, and she stopped worrying. She felt completely normal. No symptoms of anything amiss whatsoever. So, she relaxed and put the issue to bed. She quit picking at her cuticles and her skin started to heal. The couple were back on their usual schedules, apart from Loki's attendance at the King's council meetings.

Every day, after breakfast, Loki would kiss Eisa goodbye and sit in on various meetings until teatime. He would come home with files to look through, propositions to read, maps to study, or blueprints to double-check. He came home excited, with a renewed sense of purpose. He would tell her all about how much the administrative side of running the kingdom had changed since 'before'.

He never said, 'before his mental breakdown' or 'before he discovered the biggest lie ever told' or 'before he attempted to end his life' or 'before he was imprisoned for over a century'.

He would lay out a proposed plan for new graining and milling protocol and say, 'This would never have been considered before.' Or he would show her a new map and say, 'Infrastructure was very different before.'

She would sit next to him and stroke his hair or rub his shoulders, genuinely interested in all the things he showed her, but also relieved she had been correct in her assumption that nothing would come to pass from their night of reckless abandon.

oOXOo

Loki was sitting at Odin's right side at the end of the long conference table in the King's council room. A debate had broken out over some trivial subject, and Loki had found himself staring out the window, toying with his quill in his hand.

Does anyone celebrate Imbolc anymore? He pondered about this and a half dozen other things as he watched the tiny snowflakes pass by the window while he waited for the blustering men to move on to a more interesting topic. He was so lost in thought he didn't notice when Odin's assistant first came through the door and handed the king a parchment envelope.

Odin's face gave no clue about the subject of the message, so Loki's curiosity was piqued when he stood and announced that the meeting was canceled.

"You are all dismissed."

"Is there trouble?" Loki started gathering his papers into his portfolio.

"The Princess was discovered unconscious by one of her maids."

Loki was on his feet before he could finish his sentence. "My Princess?" It was a foolish question, but he needed confirmation he was referring to Eisa.

"She was found on the floor in the bed chamber. She was taken immediately to the soul forge. Go, son. I will meet you there." Loki hadn't waited to be dismissed before he took off for the infirmary. The entire way, he was praying to the Norns for her well-being and kicking himself for leaving her side.

"Where is my wife?" He shouted as he burst through the entrance.

"Your Highness." A nurse curtsied quickly and then held up both hands, "The Princess has regained consciousness. If you could just wait here while they finish getting her settled-"

The look on his face froze her words in her throat, "I will not be waiting anywhere. Take me to her or I will tear this place apart until I find her."

"Y-yes, Your Highness. Right this way, sir."

She led him down a long corridor. A second nurse stopped them in the hallway, "All finished with her tests, we moved her to a bed and started a drip. The poor dear is very dehydrated. Right through this door, Your Highness."

"Dehydrated?" Relief washed over him like a tidal wave.

"Yes, the poor dear. Just through here, sir." She held the door for him.

"Loki." Eisa's smile spread across her face when she saw him.

"You had me scared to death." He sat on the edge of her bed and pulled her into an embrace, careful not to disrupt the tube in her arm.

"I told them not to make a fuss. I am fine. Really. Just got a little dizzy is all."

He looked her over, "Did you hit your head on the way down? Any bumps or bruises?"

She stilled his hands, "I am good. I am fine."

"How did you get so dehydrated? Are you ill? You should have sent for me."

"I've just been sleeping a lot these past few days. I haven't been looking after myself, I suppose. A touch of the winter doldrums." She shrugged her shoulders.

"Oh Dove, I have neglected you. I have been so distracted by this new job..." He shook his head and picked up both of her hands to kiss them, "I am so sorry. No more. I promise. I will put everything away before dinner. You will have my undivided attention every evening."

"You are doing good work, and it makes you happy."

"No, Dove. You," he kissed her forehead, "You make me happy. You are the most important thing to me, and I hadn't even noticed you weren't feeling well. I'm sorry."

"I'm fine. Really. Just so tired. I will be right as rain when I can sit in the sun and fresh air again."

"I will feel better when I hear it from the healer." Loki looked around, "What is taking her so long?"

"She has more pressing things to worry about than a simple case of dehydration."

"Dehydration is a symptom, my love. There must be an underlying cause. Did you see or hear anything while you were in the soul forge?"

"No, I was in and out of consciousness, I'm afraid."

Commotion and voices from the hallway caught Loki's attention then, soon the King was coming through the door with a wide smile on his face. A healer was just behind him, followed by a nurse pushing a portable device on a trolly.

"Sweet Eisa." Odin kissed her temple from the other side of the bed. "You precious girl." He beamed at her and patted her upper arm, "How are you feeling?"

"Your Majesty. You didn't need to trouble yourself. I am quite well. There is no need for all this fuss. Honestly."

"What is going on here?" Loki watched suspiciously as the nurse laid Eisa's bed flat and folded the blankets down to the end of the bed. She was wearing a thin hospital shift that went to the tops of her knees, but the material was a little too transparent for his liking. Angry at the staff's blatant disregard for her modesty, "Show some respect. Do not touch her." He moved to step between the healer and the wand from the device she now held in her hand.

"Of course, Your Highness. Portia, a drape for the Princess, please."

"Excuse me, Your Majesty. Not much longer now."

Odin turned his back as the nurse lifted Eisa's shift, tucked a drape into the top of her panties, and placed a second drape over her chest.

"Now wait just a minute! What the Hel are you doing to her?"

"Nothing invasive, Your Highness. This is all very standard in this situation."

"What situation?"

"We're ready, Your Majesty." Odin turned around as the nurse spread clear jelly on Eisa's belly and the healer pressed the wand low on her abdomen.

A grainy three-dimensional image projected from the monitor into the air above the bed. As she moved the wand, the image came into focus- a little bean with eyes and a fluttering, thrumming heartbeat.

"Congratulations, Your Highnesses."

Odin rubbed his hands together excitedly, "Wonderful, just wonderful."

Loki stared at the projection, frozen. Unable to think, unable to blink. Just staring. Eisa stared at Loki, looking for any sign of what he was thinking.

"How far along?" Odin asked excitedly.

"From the size? We are looking at roughly six weeks post-conception. I will take some measurements to confirm."

"Is it a boy or a girl?"

"Too soon to tell, My King. Fetuses look very androgynous until about fourteen weeks or so."

"Fetus..." Loki was still staring, unblinking.

Everyone turned their attention to him then.

"Loki? Loki..." Eisa reached for his hand.

"What do you mean? Fetus... W-what do you mean?"

The healer looked at him curiously, "An unborn baby, Your Highness. Your wife is pregnant. You're going to be a daddy."

Loki swayed where he stood.

"Portia, a chair for our Prince."

The nurse hurried to move a chair behind him, and he fell into it heavily, not taking his eyes off the projection as the bean floated there, with its big eyes and nubby arms and legs.

"Loki!" Eisa moved to sit up, but Odin placed a hand on her shoulder to encourage her to lie back down.

"Let the doctor finish the scan," he ordered her firmly.

Eisa was torn, there was an image of her tiny baby floating above her bed, but Loki's reaction was scaring her. She couldn't decide where to focus her attention.

"Loki, look at me."

He shook his head, "W-what is it?" his bottom lip trembled.

"A future prince or princess, Your Highness." The nurse picked up his wrist and took his pulse. She gave the healer a small shake of her head. Not a good sign.

"No... Is it like her? Or like me?"

"We won't know the sex for a few more weeks yet, My Prince."

"No," Loki shook his head again, frustrated they were not understanding his question, "Is it good... or is it bad?"

"Loki, please, look at me," Eisa begged him.

"I believe our Prince has gotten quite the shock. Blankets, Portia?"

She nodded and scurried from the room.

"I gather from your husband's reaction, that you were not trying to get pregnant?"

"No," Eisa shook her head and looked up at the image of her baby, "Definitely not."

"When the Norns will it..." the doctor offered distractedly as she took her measurements and checked the little one's heart. "Very strong. Very viable. The cord and placenta look very healthy. The cervix is high and tight. I don't think we will have to worry about miscarriage, Your Majesty."

"Well done." He patted Eisa's shoulder.

"Still, I would recommend waiting before this becomes public knowledge."

"If all goes well, when can we expect the little blessing?"

"Early Autumn."

"Wonderful, just wonderful."

The nurse returned and laid warm blankets over Loki's legs and around his shoulders.

"Do you have any questions, Princess?" The healer pressed a button on the device and a rhythmic whooshing sound filled the room.

"I... Is that?"

"The heartbeat, yes."

Eisa gasped and covered her mouth with both hands, tears instantly filled her eyes. Her baby, their baby, their tiny baby, no bigger than a bean, had a heartbeat. She covered her face and just listened to the most wonderful sound she had ever heard as the tears flowed. She was instantly in love.

"The most important thing you can do now is rest. Fetuses develop at a breakneck pace during this stage, using up a lot of energy. Please continue doing what you usually do, just rest when you are tired, don't overdo it, and try to eat more. I know that doesn't sound pleasant right now, but you are burning through calories rapidly to make a person." The healer smiled at her as she started putting the equipment away.

It wasn't until the projection stopped that Loki snapped out of his trance-like state. He looked to his poor wife, crying on the bed as the nurse cleaned her up and put her right.

"Eisa?" He stood on shaky legs and went to her side.

"Loki..." She wiped her tears away.

He sat on the edge of the bed and stroked her cheek. "I'm sorry," he whispered.

"Come Portia, let's give them some privacy." The nurse and the healer curtsied and left the room quietly.

"Congratulations, my son." Odin clapped Loki on the shoulder. "Well done. Very well done."

Loki scoffed.

"Take a few days off to look after your wife and the little one. Come back to council next week." Odin was making his way to the door. Before he left, he turned and looked back to the couple on the bed, "Thank you. I cannot begin to tell you how happy you've made me." With that, he was gone.

Eisa placed her hand on Loki's cheek, "Are you alright?"

He shook his head, "I am so, so sorry. This is all my fault. I wanted to hold fire in my hands, and I got burned. My selfish need..." he trailed off, not trusting his voice.

"Loki, no, don't. Stop blaming yourself. We did this together."

He hung his head and rubbed his thumb over the back of her hand. Staring at her fingers. Her reddened fingertips brought a memory to the front of his mind. Her bloody cuticles, her incessant picking, her distraction, all started about six weeks ago.

She turned down wine and spirits at his birthday dinner...

He looked up to her sharply, "You knew!"

"I didn't know." She looked away from him.

"But you suspected." He pulled his hand away from hers. "Why didn't you tell me? Why did you keep this from me? We could have gotten a tincture from Ebbe. We could have gotten around this somehow. Now Odin has practically claimed the thing for his own!"

"Tincture? What are you saying? Kill the baby?" Her voice broke.

"The monster taken root in your belly, yes!"

She shook her head, "Did you not see what I saw today? That was no monster, Loki. That was our baby. Tiny and helpless."

"Tiny and helpless now. It has already started hurting you. It will get bigger and bigger and bigger and take and take and take from you until there is nothing left!"

"I just need to take better care of myself now. No more skipping meals. Loki, I-"

"No! I will not lose you. I cannot lose you." He stood and paced with his hands on his head. "This can't be happening. This is my worst nightmare come true."

"Loki, please?"

"You hid this from me! I thought I could trust you! You wanted this!"

She scoffed, "You think I want this?" She gestured between the two of them. "You think I wanted to find out this way? You think I wanted to have this conversation? No! I want to go home."

Loki watched as she tugged at the tube in her arm, "What are you doing? Stop that."

"I am going home."

"You need those fluids."

"Fuck the fluids, Loki!" She pulled the catheter out and gagged at the sight of it. "Oh..."

Loki grabbed a basin from a nearby shelf and got it into her hands just in time. He pulled her hair back and held it behind her head as she retched.

When she was finally finished, he took the bowl from her and rang for the nurse. He passed off the basin of sick and wiped the sweat from her brow with a cloth. "We would like to go home now. Please arrange for a nurse to follow us and administer a new drip there."

Eisa fell back against her pillows and looked up at him, "Thank you," she mouthed the words.

He brushed her hair away from her forehead, "There is nothing I wouldn't do for you."

"I am sorry, Loki," she croaked, "I am sorry I didn't mention my suspicions to you. I didn't know how to bring it up. I didn't know how you would react. I am sorry I didn't trust you. I didn't know about a tincture or a way out of this. I didn't think-"

"Shhhh... I know. I know how insufferable I can be. I understand." He looked at her thoughtfully as he continued to soothe her. "I am sorry too. I don't do well with surprises."

"You don't say? I hadn't really noticed."

"Brat." He looked lovingly into her eyes, "We have much to discuss."

"We do." She exhaled slowly and put her hand on her belly. "We made a baby."

"We made a mistake. I have calmed down, but I am still not okay with this."

She frowned, "I know you aren't. I know this wasn't ever supposed to happen," she rubbed a small circle on her stomach, "but please do not call them a mistake. They are innocent in this."

Loki recalled the image of the little creature with its big head and tiny body. "I will choose my words more carefully."

"Thank you." She placed her hand on his cheek, "I love you so much."

"I love you too." He stroked her cheek, "I would kiss you, but..." he tapped his finger over her mouth.

She covered her lips with her fingers, "Yeah, don't do that."

He poured her a glass of water from the pitcher on the bedside table and watched her thoughtfully as she took tentative sips. The nurse was back then with a rolling chair and a large satchel slung over her shoulder.

"Do I have to ride in that thing?" Eisa looked to Loki panicked, "I am not an invalid."

"Perhaps it is better that the Princess walk back? We don't want anyone we pass to start spreading rumors or raising suspicion about her condition."

"If you feel strong enough to get dressed and walk, by all means." She smiled at her warmly. "I will follow at a distance."

"Thank you."

The nurse got Eisa all settled into her bed, propped up with pillows and started her drip again. She gave her a book with guidelines and best practices for a healthy pregnancy, a fetal development guide, and bottles of supplements to take twice a day. As well as a schedule with all her follow-up appointments already listed.

"I will come back in a couple of hours to take this out. You should get some sleep Princess."

"I do not know how I could sleep just now but, thank you." Eisa picked up the thick book and flipped through it, eager to start devouring as much knowledge as possible.

When the nurse was gone, Loki stretched out on the bed beside her, "Keep in mind those books are for Asgardian pregnancies, love. I doubt you will find a book written that documents our situation."

It was easy to forget that Loki was not Asgardian. "That just means that our baby is even more special."

"It means that those healers cannot possibly be prepared to oversee this pregnancy. It is foolish to assume that it- they," he caught himself a moment too late, "will develop at the same rate and in the same way as a full-blooded Asgardian fetus."

Eisa's bottom lip quivered, "Can we," she took a deep breath, "Can we just cross that bridge when we come to it, please? Can you let me have one day to soak this all in?"

"I won't mention it again. Just know that if a situation arises where I must choose between you and them," he motioned toward her stomach, "I will choose you without hesitation." He kissed her temple and climbed off the bed, "I will leave you to soak," he gestured toward all the reading material spread out around her. "I'm going to send for some lunch."

Eisa set her book to the side with a sigh. She put one hand on her belly, then the other, imagining the tiny bean living there. "Don't worry, baby. Daddy didn't want me in the beginning either."

oOXOo

"Sir? News from Asgard. A communication from one of your operatives."

Viggo looked up from his ledger, "Which one?" he asked as he held out his hand for the sealed message.

"Portia, sir."

Viggo tore into the envelope hastily. "No..." his eyes darted over the words more franticly as he read. His face a deep burgundy, he crushed the parchment in his fist. "Nooo!" he roared and flung the contents of his desk far from him. He stood, picked up his substantial desk chair and threw it to the other side of the room where it crashed into the wall and exploded into a shower of splinters.

"I will choke the life from him with my bare hands! He will die for this! Mark my words, I will wear his guts like medals around my neck!"

Viggo's assistant ducked out of the way just before a crystal decanter collided with the bookshelf behind him.

"Seduced by the silver tongue of a demon! My precious baby girl, defiled! Forced to breed with that pretender! I will not allow it! I will not allow my bloodline to be tainted!" He railed and cursed and tore apart his office for nearly half an hour.

"You!"He found his assistant cowering in the hallway, "Gather my allies and have mytrunks prepared! We are going back to Asgard."