Secrets, pt. 2

That week leading up to Halloween gave Harry enough reasons to confirm his fears. Severus, as he had in the other reality, had involved himself in the Dark Arts. 

He realized that the multiple times over the past month Severus had said he needed space, or to study alone, or claimed James was bothering him…it was just so he could go off and meet with Slytherins. 

What had Severus done to win the trust of the Slytherins? Did Harry, or the increased time with Lily, have no effect on him? Did nothing that changed matter anymore? Was everything destined to follow the same path? As Harry struggled to answer these questions, he was also dealing with the ache in his chest over his friends, the feelings that brought him here in the first place, and figuring out where he belonged at the school. 

His alternate identity, Jacob, had an aura of maturity and strength that kept the Marauders away from bullying Severus directly. “Jacob” wasn’t threatening, but the others could tell there was something…different about him. Every time one of the kids said something childish (which happened pretty often), he would roll his eyes, or not laugh along with everyone else. His opinions made sense and he was always the voice of reason, so his friends looked to him for advice.

“Severus, can we talk?” Harry asked that Friday.

Severus continued writing on the scrap piece of parchment he had. “I guess.” 

“Okay.” Harry sat on the bed across from him. “I know what you’ve been doing recently.” 

Severus didn’t look up, and his face remained concentrated on his work. “I don’t know what you’re talking about.” He was getting better at hiding his emotions. 

Harry sighed. “C’mon, Severus. We’re friends. You can’t hide these things from me.” He hardened his tone. “I know you’ve been involved in the Dark Arts…and you’ve been meeting with the Slytherins.” 

Severus knew there was no use denying it, so he became defensive. “So what if I have? It’s…It’s my choice.” 

“I know, but you don’t understand what will happen if you do!” Severus had no idea how his life would turn out.

“I can make my own decisions.” 

“Right. At age eleven, you know how to make your own decisions.” Now Harry was getting frustrated. 

“You’re eleven too!” Severus’ eyes blazed with fury. “You—you act like you know everything all the time! It’s so annoying! You act like you’re my…my mother.” 

“I act like I’m your mother? I’m the only one, then.” Harry retorted. 

Severus’ face flushed angrily. “But your parents think you’re a freak! At least my mother took me to Diagon Alley!” Severus thought the insult was pretty good, but he just continued to exasperate Harry, who reverted back to the voice of reason. 

“Say whatever you want. I’m just telling you that you’re making a mistake.” Harry closed his eyes and thought, rubbing his temple, as Severus calmed down. He opened them again when he heard the scribble of a quill on parchment. 

“Listen,” Harry continued, while Severus continued to write. “I can’t tell you what to do. Because then you won’t learn anything. But one day…” The image of Lily defending Severus flashed across his mind. Severus’ worst memory. “…one day everything will fall apart because of the Dark Arts. And when it does, you’ll wish you’d never got involved. But until then…do whatever the hell you want.” 

Severus was quiet. Just as Harry was about to leave the dorm, he looked up from his parchment. “Wait!” Harry turned around. Severus asked quietly, “We’re still friends…aren’t we?” 

Harry snorted. “Yeah, but I doubt your new Slytherin pals approve of having two Muggleborn friends.” 

Severus said nothing, he just watched Harry go. A few seconds later, Harry reappeared in the doorway. 

“You can’t keep it a secret forever. Sooner or later, if Lily hasn’t already found out, I’ll tell her. She has the right to know. Besides, if being involved in the Dark Arts truly isn’t a big deal, she wouldn’t care whether or not you are. And you know that’s not the case.” With that, he left the room.

Severus wiped his eyes quickly and scrutinized his paper.

Downstairs, James sat with Sirius, across the room from Harry and the others, as Peter rushed to do their homework. Remus read, but he seemed to be doing so just to have a distraction from what they were saying. He probably felt guilty because James and Sirius were doing last minute planning for tomorrow’s Halloween pranks. 

Wordlessly, Remus closed his book and went over to where Lily and Harry were sitting. James and Sirius stopped talking and watched him. Then they glanced at each other and changed the subject. 

“Hello,” Remus said, joining them on the floor. He looked immensely tired and a bit sick. “Good game,” he said to Harry.

“Hi, thanks.” He replied. “What are you reading?” 

“Oh, I’m reading ahead in…” he held up his Defense Against the Dark Arts schoolbook and smiled, a little embarrassed. 

“Cool. Your favorite subject?” 

Remus nodded. 

“Yeah, mine too. So, do you want to play Exploding Snaps? The winner of each game gets a Chocolate Frog.” 

Remus nodded and looked up. James and Sirius were standing behind him, looking more relaxed than they were before.

“We want to play, too.” 

“Sure.” Harry glanced at Peter, who was looking at them hopefully, waiting to be invited over.  

Harry sighed. “Hey, Peter, do you want to play, too?”

“Okay!” He got up and accidentally knocked over the small pile of books that was around him. Blushing, he picked up the mess and shuffled quickly to them. 

“I hope you didn’t wet yourself,” James snickered, and he and Sirius laughed.  

Lily rolled her eyes. James noticed and stopped laughing. He cleared his throat. “I’ll deal.”  

Harry handed him the pack of cards. 

“So, where’s Snivellus? And the black girl…Sparrow?” Sirius asked, leaning back on his hands instead of cross-legged like most of the others. 

“You mean Severus and Raven. They’re not here, so you don’t need to worry about it.”

“Ooh…” Sirius and James exchanged a look. “Severus and Raven, sitting in a tree. K-I-S-S-I-N-G. First comes love, then comes marriage, then—” 

“Shut up,” Lily and Harry snapped at the same time. 

James raised his eyebrows and was about to say something else when Remus said, “There they are.” 

Raven glanced at the group and whispered something quickly to Severus. He crossed the room and went up to the dorms while Raven walked over to them, her face glowing with a rare smile. But it wasn’t toward them, it was more a smile of excitement. 

“Where were you?” Jacob asked casually. 

“I…went to get help in Potions. Severus came too, to help me, and to, er…ask Professor Slughorn about doing more advanced stuff, since he’s not being challenged.” 

Harry didn’t want to tip off the other, so he went along with her story. “Oh. Okay then. Want to play?” 

Raven hesitated awkwardly. “No, Slughorn, er, recommended I reread some chapters…five through eight. I’ll see you ‘round.”

“See you.” Harry said, pretending he believed her. Raven’s excuse was good, she was doing poorly in Potions, but still…it was more likely Severus had brought her to a meeting with his new Slytherin friends. 

Everyone else had lost interest in their conversation. James had already dealt most of the cards. Harry was the only one lost in thought throughout the game, so he didn’t have to try to lose each one like he normally did.

“I’ll sit this game out,” Harry said, and went to the dorms.

Severus was lying in bed, flipping through his Transfiguration book. He looked at Harry questioningly. 

“Look. Just answer this question. Did Raven ask you if she could come with you or did you drag her along?”

“I don’t know—”

“Come on,” Harry cut in impatiently, “All I’d have to do is ask Slughorn if you were there today.” 

Severus glared at him. “She wanted to come with me. But she told me not to tell.”

“She’s my friend, too. I want to tell her the same thing I told you.” 

Severus opened his mouth to reply, but sighed instead. 

That night, Harry sat with Raven, hoping he’d be able to at least convince her to give up the Dark Arts. “…I told Severus the same thing. But I know neither of you are going to listen.” 

Raven just looked at him. 

“Well, alright then.” Harry didn’t know if he got through to her—she had been silent the whole time. “Are you going to say anything?” 

“I…don’t know why I chose Gryffindor,” she said quietly, and with a final glance up at him, she walked away. 

Chose Gryffindor? Harry thought. She must mean why she got sorted into Gryffindor.

As Halloween approached, Sirius and James could be seen in the Common Room, huddled, as Peter and Remus dug through books. Harry was nervous for Severus’ sake. The hatred James and Sirius felt for Severus became stronger each day, and it was at the point where the threat of Harry defending him had little effect. 

Harry convinced himself the pranks would be good-natured, maybe not intended for Severus specifically. 

But on their way to breakfast (after waking up and seeing two empty beds in the common room), Harry was proven wrong. 

Severus dropped a piece of parchment and rushed back to pick it up. Before he could rejoin the others, a large pot appeared over his head and dumped its contents over him.

Severus yelped and covered his face with his hands. 

“Severus!” Lily ran to him. Harry and Raven followed, scanning for James and Sirius. 

Lily drew back in shock as she watched Severus’ long black hair lengthen. His nose grew until it stuck out between his fingers. Severus whimpered in embarrassment when Lily put her hand on his shoulder. 

“Take him to the Hospital wing, and I’ll see if I can find James,” Harry said to Lily.

“How do you know it was James, and not a Slytherin?” Was Lily defending James or she just hadn’t realized the animosity between them? 

“You’re right, I don’t.” Though, to Harry, it was obvious. Who else was pranking people? Besides, he knew because of the lack of evidence; the pot had appeared out of nowhere, and no one around seemed to have been controlling it. 

And James had an invisibility cloak. 

Harry slowly surveyed the area for any clues that his dad was still there. He wasn’t expecting to see anything when he noticed a particularly overweight student suddenly trip and fall flat on his face. Harry ran to help him up, partly as an excuse to see if he could hear James. Sure enough, there was a quiet laughing from nearby. It sounded as if there were two people. 

So both James and Sirius were the culprits. Harry casually walked in their direction, and heard one of them hush the other, and there was silence. 

He strained to hear footsteps, and sure enough, there was the sound of careful feet that didn’t line up with the few kids that walked by. 

When Harry was parallel with their direction, he jumped to the side and grabbed for the cloak. He was on target. With one fluid motion the two boys were standing, shocked, with their wide eyes on Harry.

“How did you—?” James took out his wand, unsure of what to do. Sirius did the same.

“Can I ask a favor? Severus is my friend, and I don’t want you to mess with him. Or anyone else, for that matter.” The boy they’d tripped watched them from down the hall. 

James and Sirius glanced at each other, eyebrows raised.

“Come on. You can’t actually be friends with him,” Sirius snickered.

Harry looked at him seriously. “Yeah, I am. I can’t make you stop bullying him—”

“He deserves it, you know,” James cut in matter-of-factly. 

“No one deserves what you want to do to him. If only you understood—” 

“Understood what? I don’t think we like being talked to like this, do we, Sirius?” 

Sirius pulled out his wand. “If you don’t give us back the cloak and walk away, we’ll make you give it back.”

“Fine. But if you do anything to him…you’ll have to face me.”

“Ooh, I’m so scared.” Sirius searched for something witty to say. “You’re his knight in shining armor, aren’t you? He’s the damsel in distress.” 

Harry normally would’ve rolled his eyes at such an idiotic remark, but the comment stung. That’s not how it seemed, did it? 

Sirius looked to James for reassurance of his joke’s humor, shoulders straightening with confidence when James smirked.

Harry’s fingers grazed his wand. “I know he can defend himself. But what’s the point of bullying him in the first place?”

This sailed right over James and Sirius’ heads. They looked at him like he was the one missing the point. Before they could say something stupid, Harry continued. 

“Never mind. Just remember what I said.” Harry turned around and walked in the opposite direction. Suddenly, he felt a shock race through him, and became frozen to the spot. 

“Thank you, Sir Knight,” Sirius said, and they laughed. Harry had forgotten to give them the cloak, and they’d done just as they promised.

The boy he’d helped up earlier managed to unfreeze him, looking sympathetic. But he didn’t know how painful it actually was for them to treat Harry as they had.

James was Harry’s father, and Sirius had been the last family he had. Harry wanted to do what was right, but he also wanted to be friends with them. Somewhere below the surface he knew they were good people, but it would be ideal if they didn’t wait until adulthood to show that. 

Harry, back in the empty dorm before class, sat down on his bed. He felt a new weight on his chest. His own father didn’t like him. Should he have tried to befriend him instead of acting how he did? A rush of anger overcame Harry and he stood up. He kicked his bed frame and threw the contents of his nightstand on the ground. 

Harry’s anger abruptly turned to shame. He ran a hand through his hair and surveyed the mess, then sighed. He couldn’t give up on his father, or his godfather. They’d get along eventually, as long as Harry was patient.

“Yeah, definitely,” came Sirius’ voice from outside. 

Harry heard footsteps approaching the dorm. He threw on his invisibility cloak and moved the mess under his bed, just as Sirius and James appeared in the doorway. James stopped in his tracks, hushed Sirius, and stared at Harry’s bed.

“What?” Sirius said, impatiently, breaking James’ concentration. “C’mon, we’ll be late to class.” 

“I think this is more important, don’t you?” 

Sirius grinned, and got to work searching through the pile of junk around his bed.

“So, Jacob…”

Harry flinched in surprise, then realized Sirius was talking to James. 

“Yeah? What about him?” 

“I don’t know. He’s…weird.” More rummaging, then a pause. “Why is he friends with…them?” 

“A better question is, why is Lily friends with him?” This had clearly been bothering James.

“I don’t know. But, he’s almost…older than he is.” 

“He’s older than he is?” James raised an eyebrow. 

“That’s not what I meant…It’s that…he acts all mature, all the time. It’s really annoying.” 

“Yeah, I know. Well, we’ll see how mature he is when he pisses himself after dinner,” James joked, and they laughed. 

“But, er, do you think…” Sirius began, slowly, “…we should be nicer to him?” He was clearly uncomfortable suggesting it. 

“To Jacob? Or Snivellus?” James looked at Sirius incredulously. 

“Jacob!” Sirius replied impatiently, as if Severus wasn’t a real option. 

“I dunno.” James shifted on his feet, annoyed. Only Sirius had enough influence on him to consider it. 

Glad he wasn’t dismissed, Sirius continued, “He’s good at Quidditch—” James made a face, so Sirius added quickly, “—almost as good as you, and he’s in our house…” A thought occurred to him. “And he could help you be friends with Lily.” 

James mulled this over, and his mouth stretched into a grin. “You’re brilliant!” He checked the time. “Shit! Let’s talk about it on the way to class.”

The two left the room, and Harry sat on the bed, still cloaked. He felt better. He had a shot at becoming friends, even though it may be just so James could get to Lily. At least it was an improvement from being bullied by them.

The problem was, if Harry had planned to give Severus and Lily a chance, how would he deal with James? 

The day went by quickly. Severus had managed to avoid being pranked again. A range of students had been pranked as the day went on, mostly Slytherins, but nothing too serious. Filch was alerted of the misdemeanors and, because of his incessant interrogations of innocent students, was also a victim of their pranks. Harry was just waiting for the final event, the one stunt that would keep people talking. James hinted at something happening after dinner. 

“What do you think of Sev’s new haircut?” Lily asked, looking fondly at him. Severus blushed and smiled back.

“Yeah, it’s nice.” His hair was now short, free from his face, a definite improvement.

“Madam Pomfrey did it when she reversed the potion. She also gave him this bottle of stuff to…help his hair.” She could tell the topic of Severus’ hygiene was sensitive, but he didn’t have a parent to teach him about that sort of thing. 

There was silence for a moment, then Raven asked, just realizing something—“Where’s Remus? Is he sick again?” 

Lily nodded. “Right, we saw him, he was in the Hospital wing. They’re testing a new potion on him that’s supposed to help with the sickness he keeps getting. He looked pretty bad, but we cheered him up by visiting!”

Harry knew how much Remus would have appreciated a break from the solitude, especially by seeing Lily, who the boy seemed to be growing fond of. While they were on the topic of the Marauders, Harry looked around; none of the other Marauders were at dinner. They were no doubt preparing for their attack.