Secrets, pt. 1

Harry missed his friends. He knew he wasn’t off to a good start if it was only two weeks into the year and his chest already ached every time he realized it was going to be another day of being without them. He tried to think of some way he could see Ron, Hermione, or Ginny, but it would be too difficult. He hoped, at some point, the pain would go away, and they would become less and less focused in his thoughts. Because he wasn’t leaving them. They weren’t suffering, even Ginny’d only miss him a few seconds, so why should he torture himself over it?

Of course, Harry couldn’t help but think of possible solutions to his problem. He came up with a new idea each day, but each idea had a drawback: when he saw them again, he’d only miss them more between visits. He’d want to come back, and abandon everything he’d accomplished.

His stress must have been apparent on the night before the first Quidditch practice that Saturday, because Severus noticed.

“Are you feeling alright?” he asked, his discomfort in expressing concern apparent as he rolled up the homework he’d just finished.

“Yeah, I’m fine.” Harry also closed his books and glanced at Severus, who had already moved on, having believed what Harry had told him.

Harry searched for something to take his mind off of his friends. “Hey, how about we play Wizard’s Chess?” 

James had received a special edition version of the game the day before, playing nonstop since class ended. His obsession and winning streak weren’t the only annoying factors; the game was twice the normal size, the pieces were twice as loud and swore when they were taken out to the opposite side. To top everything off, the whole chess set was plated in silver. Harry knew Severus wouldn’t want to take James on, so he thought he’d give him a chance to play without that competition. 

Harry went upstairs and dug out his chess set, the same one he’d been given at the Christmas Feast his first year. It was a little worn, so he could say he had bought it secondhand at Diagon Alley.

After he was back downstairs and as he set up the board, Lily and Raven sat down to the left of Severus, curious. 

“Can Raven and I play after?” Lily hadn’t played a magical game yet but hadn’t wanted to verse James, who was clearly getting on her nerves. 

“Sure.” Harry pulled up a stool and sat on the opposite end of the table. 

“White or red?” he asked, facing the white side. 

“Red’s fine.” Severus studied the board. “I haven’t placed this before.” 

“Oh! Right.” Harry quickly explained how each piece moved, then offered, “You can go first.” 

Severus hesitated, surveying his options. “Pawn to E5.” And the game began. 

Harry thought he had a chance at winning, since he was seven years older. However, somehow, just thirty minutes in, Harry’s king was dragged off to the side of the board. 

“Wow! Sev, you’re a natural!” Lily studied at him, her eyes wide, and after turning to see her expression he blushed. 

“I let you win,” Harry joked, grinning as he rearranged the pieces.

“Go ahead,” he said to Lily and Raven, and they took their spots as Harry joined Severus and Lily on the couch. 

“I bet, if you practiced a bit, you could beat James. Easily.” 

Severus straightened with pride. “You think so?” 

“Of course…though, he may not like it if you do.” 

“I don’t care.” Severus turned half of his attention back on the board. The other half of him was thinking about the possibility of getting James to shut up. 

Harry looked over at the Marauders, who were also gathered around a chess board. James was versing Peter, who was close to losing. Remus caught Harry looking over, then motioned for him to join them. Harry said to the others, “I’ll be just a sec,” and went over Lupin with the others. None of the other first-year girls were down in the common room, but there were a couple second-year girls hanging around, chatting and keeping an eye on the game. 

“What’s up?” Harry asked. He crossed his arms and peered at the board from behind Peter. 

“Nothing. I nearly beat James in chess, but of course he has more experience…” Suddenly, Remus looked uncomfortable. Eyes locked on the floor, he whispered, “You know I trust you, but you—you haven’t told anyone, have you?” He seemed ashamed to doubt Harry’s promise to keep his problem a secret. 

Harry was just about to reassure him when Sirius, who had just needed a way out of talking to the overeager second-year girls, asked, “Told anyone what?” 

Remus paled. Harry, buying himself time to think of an excuse, tried to look like he had just been telling an inside joke and said, “It’s nothing.”

Sirius raised an eyebrow. Harry expected him to back down—after all, Sirius didn’t know him well enough to pry. 

Sirius put an arm around Remus, who flinched a little at his touch. “Remus, c’mon, you can tell me.”  

“Oh, er, well…in Charms this week…Jacob let me cheat off him.” He said the last part of the sentence all in a rush. His face was flushed from the lie and he continued to stare at the ground, as if he really had done it. 

Sirius looked disappointed. “Oh. Well, that’s not a big deal, I cheated off of James just yesterday in Potions, didn’t I?” 

James looked up and nodded, grinning. “What you don’t know is I was copying Peter, so I think we’ll all get bad marks.” 

The two laughed, and Peter joined in, still getting used to being the butt of their jokes.

“Checkmate,” James said lazily, his attention back to the board, and Peter’s king was dragged off to the side.

James yawned and stretched. “I’m pretty tired…and this is getting boring. I’m gonna go upstairs.”

“Yeah, me too.” Sirius took his arm off Remus and followed James out. 

Peter hurriedly packed up the game and went after them. Remus turned to go, but Harry said, “Do you want to hang out with us?”

Remus smiled shyly. “Yeah, sure.” 

Harry led him over to where Raven and Lily were engaged in their chess match, while Severus sat silently, deep in his own thoughts. 

“Hey guys, mind if Remus joins us?” The three shook their heads. Lily smiled warmly at Remus.

Remus smiled back reflexively at her, then blushed again at her enthusiasm. He sat on the couch and adjusted his hair so it fell over his scars.

“So, I’m not sure if you two have really met, but Remus, this is Severus. Severus, this is Remus.” 

“Hi,” they said simultaneously. Severus’ eyes flickered to the scars that ran across Remus’ face. Remus must’ve been able to tell what Severus was looking at, because he abruptly turned away. 

Severus also looked away, but his mind was clearly still focused on the scars. Lily continued playing as though nothing had happened and started to tell a story to ease the tension. Ten minutes passed, and the first official meeting between Remus and the others was going well, especially between he and Lily. 

Until Lily couldn’t hold back her curiosity. “How did you get those scars?” The others looked at his face, glad someone else had asked.

“I…don’t want to…” Remus struggled to explain his discomfort.

“Oh. Sorry. I didn’t mean to—” Lily reached out to him but he drew back. 

“It’s all right. I’m used to it.” Remus flipped his hair to cover his scars, but he could tell it looked funny and the seconds he felt insecure ticked past. He turned to Jacob. “I’m actually kinda tired, you don’t mind if I…” 

“No, I don’t, er, yeah, go ahead. See you tomorrow.”

“See you.” Lupin stood up and headed to the dorms, taking the books he had brought to the common room on his way. 

There was silence for a minute after he left, then Raven and Lily went back to their game. Lily got over her guilt and managed to beat Raven. 

“Good game. It was close,” Lily said, grinning. 

“Yeah, right. I’m awful at Wizard’s Chess.” Raven sighed. “You’re really good, though. Tomorrow,” she nodded toward Severus and Lily, “you two should verse each other.”

Lily grinned. “It’s on.” 

Severus smiled back, though he seemed unsure of whether or not he would let her win when they played.

“Well…” Lily stood up and stretched. “…I’m off to bed.” 

“Me too. G’night, Severus. G’night, Jacob,” Raven said. 

“Goodnight,” they replied. 

“See you in the morning, Sev! And see you after Quidditch tomorrow, Jacob!” Lily smiled and followed Raven to the girls dorms.

Jacob and Severus put the chess set back in its box. As Severus handed Harry a pawn, he asked, “Why did Remus get mad when we asked about his scars?”

Harry looked at him in surprise. “Well, of course Remus is going to be sensitive about something like that. I doubt he likes being described as ‘the boy with the scars.’ He’s probably just careful when he makes new friends because he figures you’re going to judge him. That’s all.” He realized it was from experience in which he was speaking—Remus and him were similar in that way. He was simplifying the reason, however, as Remus was also protective of his secret.

Severus gave Harry a calculating look. “You’re really good at that sort of thing.” 

“What sort of thing?” Harry asked, trying to seem naive. 

“Reading people. Being able to tell what they’re feeling, or why they do…what they do.” 

“Oh. Thanks. I guess so.” He hoped that over time Severus wouldn’t become suspicious that the reason Harry could more easily tell how his friends felt was that he wasn’t as young as he appeared to be. 

Back at the dorm, no one was asleep yet; they were all up, talking. Severus and Harry got ready for bed quietly as the others recovered from their laughter. 

Sirius leaned against one of his bedposts, grinning. 

“Okay, now do me,” James said eagerly. Peter, for once, was not laughing along with them; instead he looked annoyed and frowned at Sirius. 

Sirius straightened. “Give me your glasses. For effect.” He put them on. “Blimey! You’re nearly blind! Wonder what could’ve done that…”

“Sod off!” James stood and pushed him a little, but smirked. From the bed he grabbed a small container that resembled a mint tin and flipped it open. “Which color?” 

“Hm…how about green? I think that’s Voice.” 

“Here,” James said, handing it to him. Sirius popped it in his mouth. 

Suddenly, his body shuddered and he coughed. “Testing. Testing. 1, 2, 3.” His voice had taken the likeness of James’. 

Sirius leaned back casually, imitating how James stood. He ran a hand through his black hair, making it stand up in all directions. Then he went on a lengthy, serious rant about Quidditch. For every laugh he managed out of his audience, his confidence inflated slightly. 

Harry glanced over at Remus, who was reading, and decided to talk to him about what happened.  

“Lily didn’t mean to offend you.” 

Remus started, then put his book down. “I know.” He rubbed his temple. “I was acting ridiculous…Can you tell her not to worry about it?” 

“Of course.”

After barely ten minutes, Sirius’ voice gradually became rougher and slightly lower until it was his again. 

Peter clapped, grinning. Lupin and Harry followed suit, without thinking about it, while Severus glowered. Sirius bowed and thanked them. 

James smiled, but he looked a little annoyed. The spotlight had been pulled away from him, and he wanted it back. “Okay, now let me try you.” James got up and Sirius extended his hand. He poured several of the mints into Sirius’ palm, the first step of the process, then took them back in one fluid motion.

“Wait! James! You know you can’t take more than one at a time—” 

James cast him a sly smile and popped the mints all at once. 

Sirius gaped as he watched James, waiting for something to happen. At first, nothing did. They were just beginning to relax when James’ face contorted and bubbled. His head stretched slightly, and one of his hazel eyes became slightly smaller and brown. His eyebrows grew to the thickness of Sirius’, then continued to grow. None of them knew whether to laugh or be concerned, and they just watched in astonishment until the transformation was complete. A mash-up between Sirius and James stood before them, looking sick.

“You should take him to Madam Pomfrey as soon as possible,” Harry suggested to Sirius before anyone else began to react. 

Sirius nodded and guided James out of the dorm. After a moment, there was an awful retching sound, and Sirius swore loudly. Harry grabbed his wand and quickly went out to help them. With quick swish of his wand, he cleaned the sick. They thanked him clumsily, and continued along down the stairs. 

Back in the dorm, Peter and Lupin were laughing. Severus grinned, relishing the fact that James was now on his way to the Hospital wing, and that he wouldn’t have to deal with either of them for the night. 

It proved relatively easy to remove the effects of the pill. Later that night James and Sirius returned from the Hospital wing. Everyone was already in bed, but they all woke up from the poorly-attempted-at-being-muffled laughter from the two boys. “It was not worth the twenty-five galleons,” one of them said. The other replied, “Well, at least we know now what our kid would look like.” They laughed, before shushing each other. “Mustn’t wake the kiddies!”

Fortunately, they must’ve been exhausted, because they drifted off into silence, and Harry fell asleep again.

After what seemed like a minute, Harry woke up to his alarm. He changed, then trudged through the school and to the Quidditch Pitch. It was just him and the captain, Violetta, so she could explain Quidditch to him and teach him one-on-one. 

Violetta was already at the Quidditch pitch when Harry arrived. 

“Jacob! Hi!” She shook his hand, then stood back and looked out across the pitch. 

“Isn’t it a beauty?” She said dreamily.

Harry nodded and followed her gaze. 

“Well. Let’s get started. Do you know anything about Quidditch?” 

“Oh, yeah, I read a lot about it when I made the team.”

“Practical guy, huh? When we scrimmage I’ll have to put you to the test, then. But for now, let’s practice some moves. If you wanna change into your uniform, you’re number seven.” She gestured to the locker/meeting room for the Gryffindors. “Since I’m ready, I’ll just warm up.” She mounted the broom she was holding, a Cleansweep, and took off. 

Harry watched her for a moment (she was quite good) then went to change. The uniform was slightly different from the modern ones: they were striped with the house’s colors, collared, less fitted, and the print was smaller. The pants were a dark gray, and the padding was a standard black. 

He skimmed over the rack of brooms and was surprised to see an old version of the Nimbus. It looked brand-new; Harry wondered if it was for him. He brought it outside, briefly tasted the crisp autumn air, then took off. 

The air whipped past him as he sped forward. Violetta noticed he’d joined her and stopped the dive she was practicing. 

“You found your new broom! The team all pitched in to get it.” 

“It’s incredible!” Of course, it wasn’t comparable to his Firebolt, but it would probably be better than everyone else’s broomsticks. 

“Okay, so we have a few routines to warm up. The first is just to race from post to post and back, then to fly from the post to the center field and touch down, then to the next post…” She explained the basic exercises to him and let him complete them as she watched from above. The warm-ups required little effort, but were fun, and better than the ones Harry had done at his training. When he was done, Violetta was anxious to get him onto more advanced moves. She showed him flying moves to confuse opponents, dodge Bludgers, and to show off. 

Most of the techniques he knew by experience, though he had never officially been taught them. He was glad that Violetta didn’t act jealous or suspicious that he was brilliant at the sport without, supposedly, any training. He almost expected her to because it was clear Quidditch was her passion, and she worked hard to get to being the captain of the team. 

After a couple hours, Violetta motioned him down to the ground. “That was brilliant! We are definitely going to win the Cup this year! We’ve been in second place the past two years, since I’ve been captain…” She pushed past the shroud of self-doubt. “But this time, our team is more experienced, and we’ll practice more, and…we have you!” She ruffled his hair and grinned. “So training is every Saturday and Sunday afternoon before dinner, and on Tuesday and Wednesday the same time. And, like you, the Beaters, Chasers, and Keeper all have a private practice this week.” 

“What position are you?” 

“Keeper. I was a Chaser my first year, then a Beater, so this is my first year as a Keeper.”

“Really?” 

“Yeah. I’m kind of nervous about it. My worst position is Seeker, but my second worse is Keeper. I’m not consistent. I guess I was better than the people who tried out, but barely.”

“I’m sure you’ll be brilliant,” Harry assured her. She kind of reminded him of Ron. 

“Thanks. We’ll see for sure in a month, I guess.” 

They changed in the separate locker rooms and walked back together to the castle. Nearly three hours had passed since they started that morning and they were both starving. 

“I’m glad I ate some Chocolate Frogs on the way here, or else I would’ve passed out by now.” Her stomach growled loudly. “Ugh. I could probably eat a hippogriff and still be hungry.”

Harry laughed. “Right.” 

Violetta spotted someone beyond Harry and waved. “Hey! Alice!” She said quickly to Harry, “Well, I’ll see you for the next practice! Bye!” Then she ran off to join her friend. 

Practices went spectacularly. Everyone welcomed him as part of the family, a family whose talents matched the talents of his teams in his time.

And over the next few weeks, everyone fell into a steady rhythm. The Gryffindor first years were, of course, used to the classes, but it was over these times that they really began to settle into routine. The three groups of first year Gryffindors were, for the most part, pretty defined. There were the Marauders, Harry’s group of four, and the remaining three tightly-linked girls. 

It was rare for any of them to socialize with any of the older years at first, but as time went on everyone began to know each other. With most students he could link to a weak memory from his time, some whose names he vaguely recognized as part of families from the present.

Some of those people he remembered were in the Order of the Phoenix.

“Alice, come here.”

Harry looked up from where he was studying. Shock cut through him. He hadn’t seen it before when he was with Violetta. The rounded face, slightly awkward posture, kind but surprisingly strong expression; she was Neville’s mother. The similarities between mother and son were unmistakable. But the contrast between the her smile that shone now and the disheveled, mad look she had when Harry had seen her at St. Mungo’s was dramatic. 

“What is it?” She approached a teenager with curly brown hair. Frank Longbottom. He was more like the Neville of now; more confident, and full of life. An image of the couple, mentally disabled after being tortured, flashed across his mind, and his frown deepened. 

Harry felt Severus’ curious eyes on him, trying to figure out what had caught his attention, but Harry pretended not to notice. 

Alice gave Frank a quick kiss and looked at what he had wanted to show her. It looked like a letter, one that was only meant for their eyes, judging by the way they bent over it and looked around cautiously. 

“What are you looking at?” Severus asked, and Harry turned around. 

“Nothing,” he replied automatically. Severus sensed this change, but apart from studying Harry’s face, didn’t mention it.

More and more each day, Harry considered how much he was really helping the group. Lily and Severus were in Gryffindor together, and that seemed to help in many ways. James stayed away from Severus, for the most part, who now hung out with “the good guys.” 

That’s how it seemed, for a short while. But Harry should’ve known better. If something happened once, there’s a perfectly reasonable chance history would repeat itself. 

He realized this a week before Halloween. 

“What are you doing?” Harry asked suspiciously, and Severus jumped, shoving a book underneath his pillow. 

“Nothing,” he replied, a little too quickly. He avoided Harry’s pressing gaze and tried to think of something that’d divert his friend’s attention. “Just studying.” 

Right. Harry wasn’t an idiot. There was obviously something Severus was trying to hide. He dreaded the possibility of…well, that wasn’t likely.