Chapter 78

August

When Esined showed up ta the hospital, Mel left the room.

"August, you-" she started.

I put my hand up. "Befo' you say anything, I'm gonna tell you what happened without interruptions. Sit down,"

She looked at me and slowly sat down in a chair.

"I'm gonna get dis out right now. I didn't and I would neva cheat on you-"

"The picture-"

"Didn't I say no interruptions?"

She closed her mouth.

"I didn't cheat on you. I went ta Chantelle's house, like I told you I was. I felt tired from my meds, but it wasn't nothin' dat I hadn't experienced wit them already. My usual tiredness and delayed reactions. Chantelle gave me some water and I felt side effects hittin' me more. I was dizzy and I could barely move. I wanted ta go home, but she wouldn't let me leave. At dis point, I knew she drugged me. She took my phone from me and climbed on my lap. She started kissin' and touchin' me, knowin' dat I could defend myself,"

I saw Esined's right eye start twitchin' and I knew she was pissed.

"I ended up findin' some strength and got her off of me. I called the cops and she started goin' crazy. She was hittin' herself. She lied and said dat I raped her when in fact it was the otha way around,"

Esined rubbed her temple and mumbled ta herself. "Another person on my list," she stood up and started walkin' back and forth.

It was quiet, but then she spoke up.

"You know, I messed up and I'm sorry. I should have let you speak without assuming. I usually don't assume, but I did because I saw pictures. But still, I know you're not that crazy and you're not stupid. You'd never want to hurt me. It was stupid for me to believe those pictures, especially knowing that you saved my life two weeks ago. I'm really sorry, babe. I should have listened,"

"It's okay. I forgive you. I probably would have started snappin' if I was you too. It was so unexpected and just completely out of the blue. Somethin' tells me she's been plannin' it fa a while,"

"Does she know about what happened when you were younger?"

"Yep,"

"Where is she?"

"No. We can't do nothin' ta her,"

"Why not?"

"Because I'm pressin' charges. Usually, I'd hype up your anger and encourage you ta beat her ass, but I can't let you do it dis time,"

"It doesn't even have to be me,"

"No. I want dis ta be a lesson fa her,"

"A lesson?" she scoffed. "Rapists don't learn, August. They deserve to be punished. They deserve to suffer. And that bitch has gotten away with too much. She has what's coming her way,"

"You aren't God, Esined. You can't decide who does and who doesn't deserve ta suffer or be punished,"

"You decided that Don needed to be punished. Why can't Chantelle be punished? You seem like you're trying to save her,"

"I'm not defendin' her or any other rapists in any type of way at all, but I'm just sayin'. Let the courts handle it. And I decided that because I was in front of him and he was in my presence in the moment. Besides that, I didn't take my meds dat day. Maybe you're defendin' Don. You sure was tryna save him,"

"I wasn't,"

"You were,"

"Well, you were near stomping him. Overdoing it,"

"Like you ain't tell Mel dat you wanted him dead. All he did ta you, but I was ova doin' it? He plotted on you fa a year and I did too much by beatin' his ass? You know how dumb you sound? You were tryna protect him, stop the bullshit and just admit it,"

"You're protecting Chantelle. Just admit it,"

"I'm not protectin' dat bitch," I said. "Like I said, I'm pressin' charges. Why the fuck would I let you get her, knowin' dat she can use dat against me?"

She stayed quiet.

"I'm tryin' ta start a movement and make a message. I'd appreciate if you'd just listen ta me and stop tryna act like you big and bad. Don't get in the way of me gettin' a message out,"

"You're acting like I'm not supposed to be upset about this,"

"No I'm not! Why are you being so unreasonable today? Are you not hearin' anything dat I'm sayin'?"

Once again, she stayed quiet.

"You know what?" I sighed. "Go home or somethin', Es,"

"August," she mumbled.

"Nah, don't August me now. I don't wanna hea' it. If you not gon' listen ta me and understand my motive, then get out. I'm goin' through shit and you not bein' supportive enough,"

"I'm sorry. I'll be supportive and I'll-"

"Nah. You just assumin' shit and plannin' without thinkin'. I don't need that type of energy around me right now, so just get out and leave me alone. I'll see you when I see you,"

She stayed silent and stood in her place.

"Why you still hea? Get out!"

Esined grabbed her purse and practically ran out of the room in tears.

I was so mad dat I didn't even care. I knew I'd regret a few of my words later, but in the moment, I didn't.

I was tired of all this shit. It was all too much fa me. This was my second hospital visit within a month and I was ova it all.

At this moment, I couldn't deal wit all this much longa. I was ready ta go home and just sleep fa a long time.

There was a knock on the door befo' Mel slowly came in.

"Trouble in paradise?" he asked.

"You have no idea," I mumbled.

"Everything will be okay. You know how you and Esined are. Y'all will make up and be good again and no time," he said wit hope.

"It's strange dat you think dat,"

"How?"

"Because I feel the exact opposite. It was different this time. I don't see us recoverin' much afta dat,"

"Is it because you won't allow recovery or do you think the relationship is just..." he trailed off.

"I just don't wanna see or speak ta her. Just the way she was actin'. She been actin' crazy lately. Eva since she had dat nightmare, she been trippin'. Like, it's understandable ta an extent, but she losin' her mind,"

"I think she's caught in tryin' ta protect everyone and she's lettin' herself go. Usually, Esined is understandin' and she listens. She just needs time ta process it. Maybe y'all talkin' about it so soon wasn't a good idea. Dat could have been avoided,"

"You right,"

"You know you and Es ain't callin' nothin' quits. Just give it a day or two, so y'all got time ta breathe and chill,"

"Dats a good idea," I sighed and rubbed my face down.

3 days later, August

"Aiight, I'a see y'all later. I'm goin' ta therapy," I said.

"See ya," Mel and Viola waved ta me and I grabbed my keys off the counter.

As I stepped out of the door, I bumped into someone.

"Sorry," a soft voice said.

I looked down at Esined. "What are you doin' hea?"

"I know you said you'd see me when you wanted to, but I can't let you stay mad at me... Babe, it's been three days," she mumbled, starin' at the ground.

"I got places ta be, can we talk lata?"

She started sniffing and wiped her face.

"Why are you cryin'?"

"I feel horrible about what happened. I'm sorry, August. I really am,"

I looked away from her.

I hated seein' her cry. It was painful ta watch.

"I want to apologize and I want you to know that I mean it. I'm not apologizing because I miss you. I'm apologizing because I mean it. I shouldn't have jumped to conclusions. I should have listened to you and understood where you were coming from. You were completely right and I was being inconsiderate of your thoughts and feelings. I was letting my anger take over,"

"I appreciate ya apology and I'm sorry fa the way I said things ta you. I'd love ta continue dis conversation, but I gotta go ta therapy. I'll be back in an hour or so,"

"Can you text me when you're on your way back?"

"I'll call you," I lifted her head and looked in her eyes. "It's okay, you ain't gotta cry. I ain't mad no mo',"

"Okay," she mumbled.

I leaned down and kissed her lips. "We good, okay? We'll go somewhere and talk when I get back. Don't worry,"

She kissed me back and pulled away. She hugged me tightly and I rubbed her back.

"Aiight. I gotta go. You gon' stay hea?"

"I guess I can,"

"Okay," I gave her anotha kiss befo' she went inside the house.

I walked over ta my car, got in, and left. I drove off ta therapy.

"So, how's everything been since the last time I saw you?" Chelsea smiled.

"Well, things happened," I said.

"As in?"

"I continued ta do the visits afta Chantelle tried ta hit on me dat one time,"

"How are the visits now? Did she apologize?"

"The visits are ova. She did apologize, but on my last visit wit her, she tried ta rape me,"

"Excuse me?"

"She drugged me wit GHB and tried ta rape me," I sunk down in my chair. I rested my hand on my fist, starin' at Chelsea's walls.

Chelsea frowned. "I'm so sorry to hear that. If I would have known she was that crazy, I wouldn't have told you to ask her for closure. I'm sorry that you had to go through something so terrifying like that again,"

I didn't know what ta say, so I just looked around her room.

"How have you been feeling since?"

"I don't wanna take Risperdal anymore," I said. "It makes me tired, mo' sad, and kinda, ya know?"

"Know what?"

"I don't wanna say it because I know you'll put me on watch,"

"Suicidal?"

"I'm not gonna confirm dat,"

"Do you plan on taking any actions on your thoughts? You have to be one hundred percent honest with me,"

"No," I admitted. "Just the thoughts. I ain't been feelin' alive lately,"

"Why not?"

"I don't know,"

"Is this leading up to Esined?"

"Shit, I don't know. Maybe? Yeah, it is,"

"Elaborate,"

"Things aren't so hot with us right now. I have dat feelin' again. I feel like she won't be wit me fa much longa,"

"Why not?"

"Because she's leavin'. You know how people get when they go off ta college,"

"How do they get?" she laughed.

"Wild. Always wanna turn up. Esined's startin' ta get into stuff like dat. She's a model and she's gettin' noticed mo' and mo' everyday. You know models have lives like movies. Dis is definitely a movie. All dis crazy shit happenin' in our lives," I chuckled a little.

"You think so?"

"Yeah. I think this is Esined's movie and I just got a role in it. I think my character is gonna run out of lines soon,"

"Maybe you'll only run out of lines because you're not in the next scene,"

"And dats what I'm afraid of. Not bein' there. Everybody knows dat I love Esined. I love her mo' than I could eva explain,"

"Then show her that you love her. Love is something that no one can explain,"

"How can I show her dat I love her when we won't be togetha?"

"Love comes in so many different shapes and forms. You don't have to physically be with someone to show them that you love them. You know how to show her that you love her. You just have to remember to dig deeper than showering her with gifts and kisses. Love is so much deeper than physical contact,"

"I hate when you're right,"

Chelsea smiled. "I hope that you can appreciate when I'm right and take my words into your thoughts,"

"I will. I always try to,"

"That's good then. It's good to listen and take the advice that you ask for,"

"Yeah," I mumbled. "Esined and I are gonna talk when I leave here. We kinda argued a few days ago,"

Chelsea sighed. "I hate when you two argue. I love seeing you two together. Every time you have thoughts of breaking up with her, I wanna smack the thoughts out of your head,"

I started laughin'. "I'm startin' ta think you got anger issues,"

"I don't," she laughed lightly.

"You sure?"

She nodded. "Hmm. Speaking of anger and such things... Is there something else you'd like to take besides Risperdal?"

"See, I was doin' research and you know me, I found somethin' dat could treat my bipolar disorder, but..." I trailed off.

"But?"

"You aren't a huge fan of it,"

"Let me guess," she laughed. "You want medicated marijuana?"

"Well, when you put it like dat... Yes. I do,"

She rested her chin on her palm. "Tell me why,"

"If I tell you why, will you help me get my card?"

"If what you researched is logical and doesn't sound like a load of crap, of course,"

I sat up. "Well, you know dat I enjoy my weed and takin' Risperdal has definitely put a stop ta my smokin'. And I don't appreciate dat one bit," I added, makin' her laugh.

"Go on,"

"So I researched and found out that certain cannabinoids found in marijuana, like CDB and THC, have mood-stabilizing properties,"

"I didn't know that,"

"And you know what else?"

"What?"

"I'd be a much happier if I could contribute ta my pothead tendencies and treat my bipolar disorder at da same time. The world would be a much betta place without me bein' mad all the time. THC can have anti-anxiety and antidepressant effects too. I'd-"

"I have a feeling that your persuasive essays have all received A's on them,"

I started laughin'. "Did I persuade you enough?"

There was a long pause.

"I'll make sure to speak Dr. Angela about you getting a card on Monday,"

I smiled. "See, dis is why we're hea," I moved my hand back and forth between us.

"Now, don't get too excited. Dr. Angela might decline my suggestion and I want you to be prepared for that,"

"I know. I have a strong feelin' dat she won't though,"

"You never know,"

I shrugged.

"Has anything else been going on or bothering you?"

"No,"

"Do you want to cut today's session short?"

"Are you gonna cut my bill short?"

We both started laughin'.

"I'll take dat as a no," I chuckled.

"Maybe you should take that as a yes. I can work my magic and take off your bill. Hey, maybe I'll even mark this as an emergency session,"

"What's an emergency session?"

"When you don't have to pay for your session at all," she smiled and stood up.

"Ooo. I like da sound of dat,"

"Emergency session it is,"

"You are the best," I stood up and followed her out of the room.

We went ta the front and she whispered somethin' ta the receptionist.

"See you in one or two weeks?"

"Hm... Two weeks," I said.

"Okay. Two weeks it is,"

My next appointment was wrote on a card and handed ta me.

"Thank you," I said befo' leavin'.

As I left the buildin' and walked ta my car, all I could think about was how this conversation wit Esined would go.

I got in my car and began ta drive my way home.

I thought of things ta say ta Esined. Honestly, I didn't want her ta ova apologize. She was always apologizin' even when she did nothin' wrong. Dis was somethin' I wanted ta sweep unda a rug and move on from. I didn't want somethin' like dat ta blow out of proportion.

Esined

"Hey," Travis said to me.

"Hi," I looked up at him.

"You got dat lil thief wit you?" he took a seat beside me on the couch.

"What thief?"

"Yo sister, Acire,"

I laughed. "Her name isn't backwards,"

He chuckled. "I know. I'm jokin'... You okay?" he studied my face.

"Yeah. Why'd you ask?"

"I can tell you been cryin',"

"It's obvious?"

"Yeah. Do I have ta hurt somebody?"

"Nah. It's my fault,"

"Really?"

I started laughing. "Why do you seem so shocked?"

"You seem like Ms. Perfect. It's strange when you seem out of character. You messin' up or doin' somethin' wrong doesn't fit your description,"

"It's weird that you think that. I find myself messing up and constantly doing things wrong,"

"Have you eva thought dat yo mistakes can be seen as correctness in the eyes of otha people?"

I looked at him. I was confused for a moment, but then I understood. "I've never thought of it that way... Thank you. I need to hear that,"

"Hey, no problem," he chuckled.

It was silent for a moment.

"How's your little girl?" I asked.

"Good. She's wit her mama today,"

"It must be nice to be a parent,"

"Ehh,"

"Ehh?"

"It's nice, minus the part of bein' responsible fa anotha human," he joked. "Sometimes I feel like I'm not meant or fit ta be a dad,"

"If you weren't meant to be a dad, you wouldn't be one. I've seen you interact with her and I'd say you're a pretty good and fit dad. Honestly, I'm proud of you. I've seen you grow a lot since I first started coming around,"

"Thank you," he said. "I appreciate ya honesty wit me. I'm glad dat someone sees I'm tryin',"

"And I'm glad that you're trying and you haven't given up,"

He gave me a smile and the front door opened.

August walked in and I stood up.

"Ready?" he asked.

I nodded. "I'll see you later," I told Travis.

Travis seemed a little down, but he nodded.

I gave him a smile and patted his shoulder before going upstairs with August.

August closed the door behind us and looked at me.

"Can I start?" I asked.

"I actually- I don't wanna dwell on that," he chuckled a little.

I tilted my head in confusion. "What?"

"I just wanna let it go. I don't even wanna talk about it," he said. "Is there somethin' dat you wanna do today? Maybe watch some movies or go somewhere? I'm up fa anything,"

I frowned. "Why don't you wanna talk about it?"

"I'd rather sweep it unda a rug and let it go. We don't have time fa pointless arguments and stuff. I mean, you're leavin' soon, right? I got a few months left wit my baybeh and I'd rather spend those months lovin' you and not arguin',"

"I see where you're coming from, but I just want to apologize,"

"You already did and I already forgave you," he sat down on his bed and I sat beside him.

"No,"

"No?"

"You can't let me slide. When I want to apologize, I have to,"

He started laughing and pulled the handle on his dresser, opening it. He pulled out three raw wraps, his grinder, and weed.

"You can't smoke while you're on your pills,"

"Good thing I'm not on them," he chuckled.

"Since?"

"Today,"

"August..."

"I'll be fine. Chelsea agreed ta get me off of 'em. She told me I ain't gotta take 'em no mo',"

"What made her say that?"

"You nosey,"

I laughed a little. "Says the nosiest person I've ever met,"

"Yeah, whateva," he chuckled. He began to grind up his weed and roll it a raw wrap. He licked it to seal it and I watched him.

I moved closer to him and he looked back at me, giving me a small smile.

He continued rolling and when he finished, he passed it back to me.

I kissed his cheek. "Thank you,"

"Mhm," he mumbled.

I grabbed a lighter from his dresser and sat back. I lit the raw wrap until it sparked and inhaled. I blew the smoke out and sat behind August. I put my right arm around him and raised my left hand to his lips.

He inhaled and tilted his head back a little, letting smoke out from his nose. He let out a thick cloud of smoke from his lips and inhaled it back in.

"I choke every time I try to do that," I said, causing him to laugh.

"Because you ain't on my level," he joked.

"Mm, whatever," I giggled and brought the raw wrap back to my lips. I inhaled deeply, letting smoke fill my mouth. I formed my lips into an O and released the smoke.

"Awe, you think you so cool," he teased.

"Just because you're advanced doesn't mean you can pick on me,"

He only laughed. "It's cute though. You think you doin' somethin' witcha la O's and shit,"

"Little? That was a nice O that I did,"

"Lemme see. Let a pro show you,"

I moved back a little and handed him the raw wrap. I sat back and watched him do a bunch of smoke tricks, putting mine to shame.

"Beginner Stoners Matter," I joked, causing him to choke. "Babe, take it easy," I laughed as he started laughing with me.

"Why would you say dat?" he laughed.

I shrugged and stared at him.

"You got dat look in yo eyes," he said.

"What look?" I asked.

"Like you want me,"

"I do,"

"I want you too," he rested his head against his headboard. His eyes were low.

"Is that right?"

His tongue ran over his lips. "Mhm,"

"You can have me,"

He began to laugh at my bluntness.

"I am so serious,"

He continued to laugh.

"You are so- My gosh," I rolled my eyes.

"I'm what?"

"Annoying," I said.

"How?"

"You know how,"

August chuckled and laid down. "Okay, Esined,"

"Anthony,"

"You tryna fight?"

"No," I mumbled, yawning.

"You tired?"

"I yawned, didn't I?"

"Ooo, feisty," he smirked. "I like it," he reached his arms out to me.

I touched his hand and he pulled me on top of him. "Why are you so strong?" I whined, trying to get out of his tight grasp.

"I don't know. Stop movin' so much and take a nap wit me,"

"I'm not tired,"

"Give it a few minutes. You gon' be snorin',"

"I don't snore,"

He opened his eyes just to look at me. "Yeah, sure,"

"I snore?"

He laughed. "Duh,"

"Loud?"

He closed his eyes again and didn't answer me.

"August, I snore?"

His chest rose and fell.

"Babe," I was never not amazed at how quick he could fall asleep.

He often fell asleep during conversation with me. I wasn't sure if it was because I'm boring, or if he was high most of the time.

I rested in August's arms and watched him sleep. I kissed his jawline then his cheek. I softly kissed his lips and he moved in his sleep, holding onto my tighter.

"Do dat again,"

I giggled and kissed him again.

This time, he kissed me back.

I smiled and wiggled my nose on his.

"Gone wit dat nose wigglin' shit. We ain't puppies, Es,"

"You're such a jerk. It's cute,"

"You need a nap. You're not yourself when you're tired,"

"Right. Let me take a naps so I can have energy to dog hoes,"

"Watcho mouth," he slapped my bottom.

"I was kiddiiing," I laughed.

"Mhm,"

"Should I say goodnight or good afternoon? Because I'm going to sleep, but it's not night time. What do I say?"

"Just shut yo mouth and go ta sleep," he groaned, shifting under me.

"Well, that wasn't a nice thing to say. You didn't answer my question e-"

August sighed in frustration. "Esined Evans,"

"Esined Evans," I mimicked, scrunching up my face.

He started laughing. "Go ta bed, big head,"

I rested my head on his chest. "My head is actually big, so it's not funny. Quite hurtful,"

"Say anotha word and I'ma kick you out,"

"B-"

"What'd I say?"

I shut my mouth and frowned.

August kissed my forehead and shut his eyes.

I messed with his fingers until I found myself becoming tired. I rested my eyes and ended up falling asleep in his arms.

-

Hi.

How are y'all? I hope all is going well with y'all.

Idk when this is gonna end, but let's just rock & roll with it, aiight? Bool.

Mmmkay.

Excuse typos please.

Comments & Votes are appreciated.

Much love, Shia. Xoxo