Chapter 73

2 days later, August

I sat on my bed, holdin' my phone up ta my ear. I pressed play on a voicemail from Esined.

"Hey, babe. I know that you're upset with me right now, but I just want to see you. I promise won't bring up or try to make you talk about anything you don't want to talk about. I just... I really need you right now, okay? I'm sorry," she sighed. "I haven't heard from you in two days and I miss you. Can you at least text or call me? I love you,"

I let the message save and I hung up. I debated fa a moment befo' I clicked on her contact name. I typed her a text message.

Get ready. I'll be there to pick u up in 2 hours. 5:32 pm

She didn't respond, but she read it.

I stood up, goin' ta my closet. I picked out a simple and casual outfit. I got ready fa our date and waited a lil while. I chose my gold Rolex and a gold chain as my accessories.

I picked up a pill bottle from my dresser and took out two pills. I went ta my bathroom and swallowed them wit some tap water. I went back ta my room and looked at myself in the mirror.

There was a knock on my door.

"Come in," I said.

The door opened and I looked up at me mirror, seein' Mel in the reflection.

"We got a drop ta make?" I asked quietly.

"Nah," he said, closin' the door.

"Whatchu want?"

"I came ta apologize,"

"It's whateva. It was somethin' I needed ta hea',"

"You ain't need ta hea' it like dat though," he said.

"You know how stubborn I am, it's whateva. Sometimes you gotta yell shit at me. You know I don't neva hea' nun unless you sayin' it," I admitted.

"But I still could have spoke ta you like you were human. I ain't have ta bring you down and throw nothin' back in yo face. No matta how much you piss me off, you ain't deserve dat,"

"I'm sorry too, man. It ain't right fa me ta try and put my hands on you just because I can't face my reality. I do have anger problems and I do have bipolar disorder. I can't hide from it fa the rest of my life. I can't pretend like it doesn't exist," I shrugged.

He listened.

"I gotta deal wit it just like otha people who have it gotta deal wit it. I gotta do what I gotta do ta get betta. I can't keep takin' my anger out on y'all and Esined then expect y'all not ta feel some way towards me,"

"I respect dat. Ownin' up ta yo mistakes and not runnin' away. I know it ain't easy ta confront yo problems alone. As always, I'ma have yo back and be right behind you every step of the way. If you fall, I'ma pick you back up, ya heard me?"

I nodded. "Thank you,"

"Ain't no thang,"

I turned ta him and he opened his arms. I walked into his arms, huggin' him tightly.

"Big ol' cry baybeh," he chuckled, rubbin' my back.

"Mane, fa'get you," I laughed. "Ain't nobody cryin',"

"You close ta it. Bottom lip tremblin' like you a kid again. M-M-Mel," he mocked my voice. Allowing his bottom lip ta quiver, he opened his arms.

"Boy. Gone somewhere wit allat," I laughed.

He started laughin'. "Where you goin'?"

"Hopefully, I'm goin' ta fix things wit Esined,"

"Y'all still-"

"Yeah, but I got dis. I'm gonna take her out, sit down, and talk wit her. I'm gonna be honest wit her and stop the childish stuff. I just want it ta be how it used to be wit us, ya know?"

He nodded.

"Speakin' of dat, I should get goin',"

"Good luck,"

"Thanks," I followed him out of my room.

I said goodbye ta everybody befo' I left. I decided ta stop and buy Esined some roses.

I was drivin' down Brandon's street slowly. I found his parents house and parked in the driveway. I had ta mentally prepare myself fa any tension between Esined and I.

I grabbed the roses from the passenger seat and took a deep breath befo' openin' my door. I closed it behind me and slowly walked up ta the front door. I rung the doorbell and Brandon opened it.

"Hey," he mumbled.

"Wassup? You good?"

"Yup. Esined, your date is here!" he said.

I wasn't sure if I should have took dat as personal as he made it sound.

Esined came downstairs and looked at Brandon. He stepped back and she wrapped her arms around him.

"It'll be okay," I heard her tell him. "Keep me updated, okay?"

He sighed and patted her back.

She let him go, sighin'. "I love you, bro,"

Still a frown remained on his face. "I love you too. Have fun and be safe, kiddo,"

Esined turned ta me and I looked at her. She smiled widely as Brandon walked away. "Are those for me?"

"Yeah," I smiled back.

Her smile made me feel as if a weight of tension had been lifted off of my shoulders.

At dat moment, I realized somethin' about Esined. She was definitely a great girlfriend. No matta how much I upset her or hurt her feelings, at the end of the day she was still just happy ta see me. She was happy dat she hadn't lost me. She was happy day I finally stopped bein' childish and came ta see her. I could tell all of dis from the tone of the voicemail she left me and the look in her eyes. Her smile didn't leave her face.

Esined invited me in briefly so she could put her roses in some water. Sniffin' them, she smiled.

"Awe, these are so pretty. I love roses," she said. "Thank you,"

"No problem,"

"You ready to go?" she turned ta me.

I nodded and she put her hand out. I held hers and we left.

As I was drivin', Esined played music. It was the usual.

There was no tension or weird vibes, but I felt as if I was creatin' some. Not in a negative way, but I didn't want her ta let me slide wit how I had been treatin' her lately.

In a weird way, I wanted Esined ta be mad at me fa once. I wanted her ta curse at me and cry ta me about how she felt. I wanted her ta express herself and stop lettin' me come and go as I pleased.

I didn't know where we were goin', but I decided based on how we were dressed.

"I'm so happy that I got to see you today," still, Esined's smile remained on her face. "You don't know how happy you just made me. Then you brought me those roses. They are so pretty,"

"I'm glad you like them. Baybeh, you okay?"

"I'm fine now. Why'd you ask?"

"Your voicemail,"

"I have to tell you what happened,"

"Is it bad?" I looked at her.

She shrugged and nodded.

"Did someone get hurt?"

"Yeah,"

I placed my right hand on her thigh as I drove. I pulled up to Java Monkey. It was a spoken word venue. I knew Esined had been interested in spoken word and poetry in general. She had told me befo' dat she imagined one of her dates bein' at one.

"What's this place?" she asked.

"You'll see," I said. I pulled up fa valet and a guy opened her door fa her. I looked at him, watchin' his hands.

"Thank you," she said.

I got out of the car and handed him my keys. I walked around the front and met up with Esined. I put my arm around her, restin' my hand on her hip.

We walked inside and I immediately felt why Esined wanted ta come ta one of these so bad. The vibe was amazin'. There was soft jazz in the background and the venue wasn't too packed or too empty. It had warm lighting too. Some of the light were cut off and replaced wit candle lights.

Esined and I found a table. I pulled a chair out Fa her and she sat down. I sat beside her and a waiter came by ta ask us if we wanted drinks. We simply ordered waters and he gave us a smile befo' walkin' away.

Esined looked at our hands befo' lookin' into my eyes. She kissed my cheek.

"What was dat fa?" I smiled.

"Just because you're so sweet,"

I rubbed my thumb ova the back of her hand.

The host came out and introduced himself, warmin' up the crowd. He introduced the first poet of the night. "We have a special guest tonight," he said, causin' people ta start cheerin'.

"Neil!" someone said, causin' others ta laugh.

"Oh. What a spoiler," he joked. "Here tonight, we have Neil Hilborn to perform his viral poem, OCD," he snapped his fingers and left the stage.

"Oh my gosh," Esined said. "Babe, Neil Hilborn is gonna perform. I love this poem," she said.

"You know who he is, huh?"

She nodded. "I listen to this poem a lot,"

Neil stepped onto the stage and the crowd grew silent. He stepped up ta the microphone and placed his hands on it. He adjusted it three times then undid it.

"What he do dat fa?" I asked her quietly.

"You'll see," she whispered.

Neil cleared his throat and began ta finally speak.

[There should be a GIF or video here. Update the app now to see it.]

After he walked off stage, I stood up, snap pin' my fingers along wit everyone else. I loved the poem and I felt dat I could relate it ta my BPD.

Things dat I did at the beginnin' of my relationship wit Esined had pulled her in. It attracted her ta me. The things dat I used ta do seem played out. She was definitely becomin' aware of my bullshit. She wouldn't put up wit it fa much longa.

Mo' poets came onto the stage, but all I could was stare at Esined.

How could I treat her like she meant nothin' ta me? I've gotten ta this point where I let Mel's words sink in. I was wastin' her and my own time.

I kept on thinkin' about ways ta end things wit her. I couldn't let this go on and just let her fall in love wit me.

As everything came ta an end, Esined wanted ta speak to some of the poets. She spoke ta Neil and I did too. He was a nice guy and he knew how ta talk ta people. Some of these poets were actin' like they ain't have no manners.

"You hungry?" I asked Esined as we waited outside fa the valet.

"Starving," she sighed, puttin' her head on my shoulda.

The valet pulled up wit my car and I made sure it ain't have no scratches. He tossed me the keys and went right over ta Esined. I had ta take a deep breath and think befo' I said a word ta him.

"I got it," I said ta the valet boy.

He was eyein' Esined, not really tryna help her get in da car. He was tryna feel her and Esined kinda dingy, so she ain't catch onto his gestures.

"I said I got it," I said again. "Now get on somewhere, boy," I stared into his eyes and he backed up slowly then walked off.

Esined looked at me. "What's wrong?"

I shook my head and held her hand as she got into the passenger seat. I closed her door and went to my side.

"What's wrong, Snugga?"

"You ain't notice him tryna touch you like dat?" I asked without attitude in my voice.

"No. I'm sorry," she mumbled wit her head down.

"It's not yo fault and I'm not mad at you," I said, starin' at her. "Look at me,"

She looked up at me.

"I'm not mad at you. You don't need ta apologize. It's cool. It's not dat serious, ma,"

"Okay,"

"Whatchu want ta eat?"

"Wherever you wanna go is fine,"

"Red Lobster?"

"Yeah,"

I put the nearest Red Lobster into my gps and drove off.

Esined's phone was hooked up ta the aux cord and she played songs. I enjoyed every song dat she played.

A piano began ta play and she quickly switched the song.

"Why you switch it?"

"I hate that song," she said.

"Dats yo favorite song,"

"No, it's not,"

"Wasn't dat Nina Simone? I Loves You, Porgy, right?"

"Yup,"

"And you told me dat was your favorite song,"

"It's not anymore," she said quietly.

"Why not?"

"A lot of things have been happening lately. I can't use that song as my comforting song anymore," I said.

"What's been goin' on? You wanna talk about it?"

"My whole family is just a big lie. My views on my mama have changed so much. She lied to me for eight years,"

"About what?"

"Erica isn't dead. And she knew. She's been seeing Erica-"

"Hold on. Yo lil sister is still alive?"

"Yes. She decided to randomly wake me up and tell me a bunch of crazy stuff that I'm still not at full understanding with... I was gonna tell you a few days ago, but I wanted to make sure I had it all together," she said.

"Dats understandable,"

"Besides that, I told Brandon first so I could cry it out... I know you're not with the whole emotional scene much. I didn't want to cry and then you'd be staring at me like ummm..." she began ta ramble on and I was stuck on the fact dat I made her feel that way. "So yeah,"

I made my girlfriend feel like she had ta talk ta somebody else first. Just because she didn't think I'd be acceptin' of her bein' emotional. Dat made me feel like a jerk.

"I'm sorry," I said.

"Why?" she asked.

I glanced at her and there was a confused expression on her face.

"Fa makin' you feel dat way,"

"I'm confused,"

"Makin' you feel like you had ta talk to somebody else because I don't like when people cry,"

"Oh. It's okay. I just didn't want to put you in the uncomfortable position,"

"No," I shook my head, sighin'. "You shouldn't have ta worry about my comfort. When you're upset, you should be able ta talk and cry ta me about it. Not worried dat you might start cryin' and I'd be cold ta you. It's my job ta comfort and be there fa you," I explained.

She stayed quiet while I spoke.

"I just don't want you ta feel dat way. And it's not dat I don't like Brandon bein' an ear fa you, I love dat. I just don't want you feelin' like you can't talk ta yo own boyfriend. You know what I mean?"

"Yeah. I do,"

"I'm sorry. I'm lookin' deep into shit,"

"It's alright, babe. You're a Virgo. That's what y'all do," she laughed a little.

"Right," I chuckled.

I had finally pulled up ta Red Lobster and luckily, it wasn't packed or too busy. We found a quiet place ta sit away from people. We could talk without otha people listenin' or disruptin' us wit their own conversation.

I sat across from Esined and menus were placed in front of us.

"You look beautiful," I said afta I caught myself just starin' at her.

"Thank you. You look nice too," she smiled as she looked ova the menu.

I already knew what I wanted, so I didn't bother ta open my menu.

"Do you know what you want?" she asked, not breakin' eye contact from her menu.

"Yeah," I said.

Noddin', she continued ta look it ova.

The waiter came back wit waters fa us and then took our orders.

I sipped the water and looked up at her.

"You seem so sad, babe," she frowned.

"I'm just in deep thought," I said.

It was true. I was in deep thought. I wanted ta ask her so many questions. I was stuck between just endin' things and leavin' her alone, or gettin' ova myself and bein' betta fa her. I didn't want ta break her heart and I didn't want ta bring her down wit me. What if I neva got betta? What if I could neva be enough fa her?

"Esined," I said.

"Yes?" she looked at me.

"Why aren't you mad at me?"

"Why would I be?"

"I walked out again. Why won't you express ta me how you really feel? Like, I wanna feel da anger. I wanna know if I'm hurtin' you. I want you ta go off on me. Put your foot down. Make me talk ta you. Stop lettin' me leave and come back when I feel like it,"

Esined looked at me strangely.

"And I know I sound crazy. I just want you ta be mad at me fa once,"

"I don't want to be mad at you," she frowned.

I sighed, rubbin' my face down. "Why are you always happy ta see me? What is wrong wit you? Why don't you go off on me like everyone else does?"

"Well, I figure you get tired of it. I'd rather you feel like you have someone who'll tell you everything will be okay than you coming to me and I treat you how everyone else does. I'd rather you feel like you can have someone who you can actually talk to," she said.

I listened ta her, watchin' her facial expressions.

"No one likes to go to someone and get told things they don't want to hear. It's not that I'm not honest with the things I say to you, I'm just not aggressive. So, you may not feel my words like you feel others," she explained befo' sippin' some of her water. "Did that answer your questions?"

I nodded. "I just... I don't get it,"

"Get what?"

"Why do you love me? I'm genuinely curious,"

"Well... I could go into full depth and give you a million and more reasons why I love you, or I could be simple. If I go into depth, we'd be sitting here for hours until they put us out," she laughed a little.

"Dat was enough of an answer fa me,"

"Really? I didn't give you any reasons,"

"You didn't have to. Da way ya eyes lit up when you said dat said it,"

Laughin', she covered her smile.

"I got a love and hate thing fa dat lil gesture you do," I said, only causin' her ta giggle mo'.

"Why?" she asked through her laughter.

"Because I think it's cute how you so randomly cover ya face because you know you turn red when you laugh too much. I love dat, but I hate how you cover your beautiful smile,"

"Why are you so in your feelings tonight, babe? You okay?"

"I'm just tryin' ta express myself fa once. I don't know. I'm sorry,"

These pills had me trippin'.

"No, I love it," she smiled.

I looked down and let out a deep breath.

We continued ta hold conversation until our food was brought ta us.

"I really had a lot of fun tonight. Thank you so much, Snugga. For all of it," she said.

"You're welcome," I said.

"Mhm," she waved her hand, motionin' me ta her.

We leaned ova the table, meetin' each otha fa a soft kiss. I pecked her lips twice befo' sittin' back down.

"I love you, August," she said.

All of my thoughts of actually breakin' up wit her had left. I decided wit just bein' a betta boyfriend ta her. I could do dat. I ain't have ta break up wit her ova somethin' so small. I could fix dis.

"I love you too, Esined,"

Everything would get betta between us. I would make it betta.

-Hi.

How are y'all?

Please stop guessing now fr lmao. Y'all saying Erica & she's 13. How? HOW SWAY?!

Fight me tbh. I'm gonna make this end at 75 chapters ☺️

Question: If I made a book that isn't a fanfic, who would read it?

Please answer that lol.

Okay. Until the next chapter.

Excuse typos please.

Comments & Votes are appreciated.

Much love, Shia. Xoxo