Chapter 31

Morning, Esined

I went to the kitchen after getting ready for school.

My dad came in and I stayed silent, trying to avoid looking at him.

"I'm sorry," he said.

If you were really sorry, you'd stop hitting me.

I stayed silent, not wanting to say anything that would trigger him.

"I don't want you seeing him anymore after that essay," he said. "You hear me?"

"But-"

"But nothing,"

"Yes, sir," I looked up at him.

"I mean it,"

I put my head back down.

"You aren't about to become some fast little girl. I didn't raise you to be fast,"

You didn't raise me. My mama did. All you ever did is smack me around.

"You didn't raise me," I said, barely loud enough for a mouse to hear.

"Look at me so I can see your face,"

I looked up and he put his hand on my face, turning my head slowly side to side.

"It doesn't look too bad," he said quietly.

I looked into his eyes and he looked away from me. "Dad,"

"Not today, Esined,"

"I thought you were going to be nice to me now,"

"Esined," he said.

"Was that only for a week? You haven't really changed,"

He looked at me, his jaw clenched. "You like pissing me off, don't you?"

"I never do anything to upset you purposely,"

He stared at me. "Go to school,"

"I'm guessing if I don't leave, you'll slap me again, right?"

"See. That boy is hyping you up and got you disrespecting me. I'll tell you this, I'm not having it. As long as you continue to disrespect me, you will have consequences,"

"When did I disrespect you last night? You slapped me for not answering your question,"

"Wrong. I slapped you because you're a disrespectful child who does not have enough respect to come home on time. You show up late, smelling like a boys cologne and expect me not to be upset? What do you think was going on in my head, Esined?"

I looked away, guilty. I felt defeated even though he was still wrong.

"Like I said, go to school. We'll deal with your punishment when you get home,"

"Punishment?"

"You heard me,"

I picked my bag up off of the couch and walked over to the door. I left and walked to school. Usually August would pick me up, but he didn't today.

When I got to school, I was sad to know that August wasn't here today. I just really wanted to see him. I didn't care what my dad said, I wasn't going to stop seeing August.

I was bothered and lonely in school all day until lunch. Viola sat beside me, quiet. I knew something was wrong when she was quiet.

"What's wrong, V? Where's August?" I asked.

"He might not be at school for a little while," she said.

"Why not? Is he okay?"

"Not emotionally,"

"Viola, tell me. What's going on?"

She cleared her throat. "His dad died last night. When he dropped you off, he came home and he answered his phone then he left again. Mel told me that August called him crying and said his dad is gone,"

I covered my mouth. "Oh my," I said.

I wish I could just see August and comfort him. I want to comfort him like he does me. I felt for August and I wanted him to know that.

"You think he'd answer if you called?" I asked.

"Probably not. He turned his phone off and locked his bedroom door," she sighed.

"Can you try to text him? Tell him I want to talk to him whenever he's ready to talk,"

She took her phone out, typing. "Did you want to say anything?"

"Just let him know that I'm here for him and it'll get better. Tell him that I'll be ready to talk whenever he is,"

"Okay," She sent the message. "It says delivered,"

Not even a minute later, Viola's phone began to ring. She handed it to me and I answered it, seeing Nola across it.

"Hello?"

"Esined?" he asked. "Hey,"

His voice seemed so drained and raspy.

I frowned. "Hey,"

"Who taught you how ta text?" he asked, laughing a little.

I laughed also. "Viola typed that. I know how to text. Just not fast,"

He chuckled before sighing. "Whatchu doin'?"

"I'm at lunch with V. I'm happy you called,"

"I'm happy you answered," he mumbled into the phone.

"I'm sorry for you loss. If there's anything I can do, I'll do it. You aren't alone, okay? I'm here," I said.

"Thank you, baybeh. You da only person I wanna talk ta right now anyway," he cleared his throat.

"I wish I could hug you right now,"

"I wish you could," he sighed. "I'm sorry if I seem distant. I ain't tryna push nobody away or nothin'. Just need some time ta myself,"

"That's completely understandable. Whenever you're ready to talk or anything, I'll be here, okay?"

"Okay," he sniffed. "Thank you fa tellin' me dis,"

"Don't cry,"

"I'm not. I was just sniffin'. Dats all,"

"When will you be back?"

"You miss me, huh?"

Although August was sad, he still found a way to try to cheer himself up and I admired that.

"Yeah," I admitted.

"I miss you too. I know I seen you last night, but this shit got me feelin' like I ain't seen or talked to anybody in days, you feel me?" he put into words how I had been feelings since mama left.

"I've been feeling like that lately," I said.

When my mama left it felt like everything left me. I didn't like that feeling. I felt so empty without her. Although having August, Viola, and Uncle Don around helped, it would never feel the same without her.

"You got my number, love. Whenever you tryna talk or need ta escape from reality, just let me know,"

I smiled to myself and the bell rang. I sighed, not wanting to hang up. "I hope you feel better. I miss you and hopefully I'll see you soon. Keep your head up and stay strong, August. Remember I'm here for you,"

"I hear you. Have a good day fa me, okay? Call me when you get home if you can,"

"Okay. Bye August,"

"Bye Esined," he said.

I hung up and gave the phone back to Viola. "Thank you,"

"No problem. Thanks for talking to him," she stood up and so did I.

We left the lunch room.

"You and Mel are the only ones he's spoken to," Viola said.

I felt special that I could get August to talk to me during a time like this.

"He didn't talk to you?"

"Nope," she mumbled.

"He will, don't worry,"

"I doubt it. When August shuts down, he shuts down,"

I just hoped that he'd never shut down on me. I'd hate for him to ignore me when I tried to show him affection.

"Just give it some time. He'll come around. You guys are good friends,"

"Yeah," she mumbled. "I'll see you around,"

"Wait. You're not in Ms. Trumps class anymore?"

"Not for the rest of the week. She suspended me from her class for the rest of the week. Everything good in there?"

"Yeah," the seconded bell rang. "I guess I'll see you later,"

"See ya," she walked off.

I sighed, going to class.

PJ was in class, sitting in her seat behind me.

"Hey," I said.

"Hi, Esined. How are you?"

"I'm okay. How are you?"

"I'm fine,"

Chantelle came into class, looking at me before rolling her eyes.

"I saw you and my cousin on Instagram. That was really cute. I think you're making him happy,"

I smiled a little. "What makes you say that?"

"Because you're all he talks about when I tutor him," she covered her mouth. "Don't tell August I said that, please," she begged. "He'll get upset and ignore me,"

"I won't say anything. There's nothing wrong with getting help from someone younger,"

"I know, but he doesn't think that,"

"Is that why he was so secretive and embarrassed about his tutoring sessions?"

"Yeah,"

"How come you don't tutor him at his place or why doesn't he go to yours?"

"Because I get paid to tutor and it has to be in school grounds,"

"How'd you get to become a tutor?"

"You have to be an honors student and have recommendation. You also have to show that you're helpful in class. Do you want to be a tutor?"

"Yeah,"

"I can recommend you,"

"Would you?"

"Yeah. I'll recommend you. If they accept my recommendation then you'll just need a letter on what you can specialize in with signatures from four out of six of your teachers,"

"Oh okay. I know I can get those easily," I said.

I knew that all of my teachers, minus Ms. Trump, would be willing to sign it.

PJ and I talked during class when we were taking notes. We didn't have much to do today.

I couldn't help but to notice that Chantelle would say something to her friend then look at me.

"Do you have a staring problem?" PJ spoke up.

"Excuse me?" Chantelle said back.

"You heard me,"

"Little girl, you better come correct,"

"You need to stop staring at people. I'm getting tired of you looking over her every five seconds. What are you looking over here for? Are we that cute?"

I looked at PJ, shocked. I didn't know she could get feisty like this.

"Y'all ain't hardly cute," Chantelle said.

"I beg to differ. If we ain't cute then why you keep on looking over here?"

"Little girl, who are you talking to? I can look wherever I want. Ain't nothing special y'all way,"

"I know your bitter self over there asking your friend like Is Esined really prettier than me?" PJ began to laugh. "And the answer is yes. She is. Move along,"

"She can't even keep up with a bitch like me," she flipped her hair.

"She sure knows how to keep up with her morals. Something you obviously can't do," PJ looked at her nails, blowing at them.

"You riding Esined real hard right now. Tell me how it taste,"

"I wish I could, but I don't know how it taste. If anything you know how it taste with all that shade you were throwing on Twitter all weekend,"

"What shade?"

"Act stupid all you want,"

Chantelle started laughing. "I will,"

"While you're playing stupid, find you another toy to play with because you already know I'm not the one,"

I sat there, taking in everything that just happened.

I did not expect someone like PJ to be saying all of that to Chantelle. She was so proper with it too. I looked at her and she smiled.

"Sorry about that," her voice went back to the sweet tone that I knew.

"It's okay," I laughed.

"These females man," she shook her head.

For the rest of the day I was upset because every time Chantelle saw me, she'd mess with me. I was irritated because I really wanted to see August and I couldn't.

"V," I said, catching up to her as the last bell rung.

"What's up?" she asked.

"I need a huge favor,"

"What's that?"

"I wanna see him,"

"You wanna come home with me? I can take you with me then take you back home,"

"Okay. It'll just be a few minutes. Twenty max,"

"That's cool because I have to go back out your way anyway,"

"Okay,"

We went to her car and got in. She drove to their house and we got through the gates. She pulled up and we got out of the car. She got out her car and unlocked it.

"Is his mama here?"

"Nah. She's at work. His room is upstairs. Third door on the left,"

I went upstairs and went the third door. I knocked on the door softly.

"Go away," I heard him say.

I frowned. "Do you really want me to go away?"

I heard movement before the door opened.

August stood the shirtless and in gray sweatpants. "What are you doin' hea?"

"I came to check on you,"

"You walked?"

"No. Viola brought me," I closed the door.

He brought me into a tight hug and I hugged him back. "Thank you," he sniffed.

"Don't cry, Aug," I pouted. "Everything will be okay. I'm here for you,"

He sniffed again. "My mama wasn't even gonna tell me,"

"Tell you what?"

"Dat my pops killed himself. She wasn't gon' tell me, E,"

I rubbed his back, feeling his tears on my neck. "I'm so sorry,"

August broke down and I helped him sit on the bed. I stood in between his legs and he wrapped his arms around my torso, crying on my shirt. I rubbed his head and wiped the tears that fell from my eyes.

I didn't want August to be sad like this, but I couldn't control his sadness. There was nothing I could do, but comfort him. I couldn't bring his dad back and make him happy again. I could only let time heal him.

August had stopped crying, but we stayed like this. He'd squeeze me every now and then.

The door opened and I looked up, seeing Travis.

"Aye, Denise. Viola said times up," Travis said, on his phone. It felt like he was taking a picture of us, but I ignored that.

"Her name is Esined. Stop messin' wit her. If you can't respect the name she was given then don't talk ta her," August spat.

Although I agreed with August, I was becoming used to people purposely calling me Denise. Sometimes I didn't mind it.

"It's okay," I continued rubbing his head.

Travis left the room after sucking his teeth.

"I have to go, alright?" I placed my hands on his shoulders.

"Don't leave me," he mumbled.

"I'll get in trouble if I stay," I touched his face, making him look up at me.

"Fine," he sighed before letting me go and standing up. He leaned down, hugging my smaller frame once again. "Thank you for comin' ta see me,"

"You know I got you," I kissed his cheek. "Get some rest and don't forget to take care of yourself, okay?"

He nodded, slowly letting me go.

"I'll try to see you whenever I can,"

"Okay," he still had a sad look on his face.

I kissed his cheek again before leaving his room. I closed the door and went back downstairs.

"Dat was cute," Travis said.

I looked at him. "What was cute?"

"You comin' ova ta comfort his mean ass,"

"He's not mean, Travis. You may just be a little insensitive to the fact the he just lost his dad," I said, becoming defensive.

He looked dumbfounded.

"I'm assuming you didn't know?"

"No... No one eva tells me anything around hea," he said. "I'm sorry about bein' rude when I came in,"

"It's fine," I looked at him. "Can you take it easy on August? He's not okay and he just needs love right now,"

"Yeah," he nodded.

I walked away and saw Viola. "Ready?" I asked her.

"Yeah," she stood.

We left and she decided to speak up while she was driving.

"If you need anything, Esined... I got you, okay?"

"Thank you," I was a little confused. "What made you say that?"

"I notice a lot of things," she said quietly.

"Huh?"

"I knew that his personality through me off,"

"What are you talking about?" I looked at her.

"Your dad, Esined. I see the hand print. I see that you've been abused in the way you act. I know these things,"

I looked away from her. "You don't know anything,"

Truthfully, I sometimes didn't like to hear the truth. I didn't like when people could read and know me so well.

"Trust me, I know abuse when I see it. This is coming from a girl who was abused by her father and mother. Abused by my adoptive parents too. You aren't going through this alone, Es. I know it's hard, "

A tear fell down my cheek and I wiped it. "How'd you escape from it?"

"I ran away, not my best choice, but I did. Then I got put into the system and ended up with more abusive parents. I just left recently and now I'm staying with August,"

"That's the thing, V. I don't have anywhere to go. I don't have friends like you do,"

"August and I are your friends, girl. So is Ricardo. You think we'd let you stay with that man?" she shook her head. "When enough is enough, call me or August. We'll get you out of there,"

I sighed, looking out the window. "I'm okay,"

"You'll keep saying that until you've had enough. You're not okay. You're not, baby girl. You don't need to be living like that,"

She was right, but I didn't want to admit that.

"He threatened to kill you if you leave, didn't he?"

"Yeah,"

"You need to tell an adult," she started. "Maybe an adult you trust,"

"I told my uncle and Mr. Togel,"

"And they haven't done anything?"

"I told them not to,"

"Esined..."

"I told Mr. Togel that I'd call him if it became too much. He told me that he can only help me as much as I allow him to,"

"Why don't you want help? Why won't you leave? I mean, I know it's not easy, but you have places to go,"

"My uncle got a job and he said we're gonna leave. I could have moved out of state, but I'm not because of you and August,"

"You know we'd miss you, but if out of state is where you'll be safe, then go. I'd rather you be safe out there then stay here and get abused. We'll be hurt, but that doesn't matter. All that matters is your safety,"

"I hear you,"

She pulled up to my house. She was the only person I let know where I lived.

"I love you girl. Don't be afraid to ask for help, okay?" she hugged me.

"Thank you. I love you too," I hugged her back.

When we pulled away from our hug, she handed me a piece of paper with her number on it.

I put it in my pocket and got out of the car. I waved and walked up to my door. I walked in and she drove off.

I sighed, happy that my dad wasn't home. I went to the kitchen and washed my hands before beginning to cook.

I needed to take Viola's advice and get out of here. I needed to stop denying my pain and let others help me.

I was on a mission to getting help.

-

Hi everyone. Happy thanksgiving. Hope y'all have a wonderful day and enjoy the holiday.

I'm not celebrating until Saturday because my brother has to work. Lmao.

Anyway. I just wanted to say that I'm thankful for y'all. Y'all are amazing. Blessed to have people enjoy my writing. I hope y'all enjoy my future writings also.

We never go to discuss a ship name for August and Esined. What y'all thinking? Let me know.

Also. Thoughts on this book?

Any questions?

That's all for now tho bc off to see Creed.

Anyway, excuse typos please.

Comments & votes are appreciated.

Much love, Shia. Xoxo.