Chapter 8

Esined.

I was getting ready for school earlier than usual since I had to walk. Uncle Don told me that he'd walk with me just so I wouldn't be alone. Sure enough he was ready and waiting on me.

"Thank you for walking with her," mama told him.

"No problem," he said.

"Bye Essy. Have a good day and I'll see you when you get home, okay?" Mama hugged me and kissed my forehead.

"Bye mama. I love you,"

"I love you too," she smiled.

I gave her back a smile before leaving with Uncle Don.

We were walking down the road and he spoke up.

"You knew that boy last night?"

"Huh?" I glanced up at him.

"The boy that came up to us at Walmart, you knew him?"

"No,"

"You don't have to lie to me,"

I sighed. "Yes. I don't know him like that, but we have classes together,"

"Why did you act like you didn't know him?"

"I didn't want Dad to get upset with me,"

"It's just a boy,"

"I'm not allowed to talk to them,"

"What? He thinks you're gonna get pregnant off of a conversation?"

"Basically," I mumbled.

Uncle Don and I spoke as we walked to my school together. When we got there he stopped at the sidewalk of the school.

"What's wrong?"

He messed with his hat. "I-I don't want to embarrass you,"

"What do you mean?" I asked.

He looked down at himself.

"You don't look bad,"

"It's not my clothes... It's me. I know you don't like being, ya know?"

"What?"

"I don't know how to say it without seeming rude,"

"White?"

He nodded. "Yeah,"

I sighed and hugged him. "I love you, Uncle Don,"

"I love you too, Caterpillar. I'll be here when you come out, okay?"

I nodded and he kissed my forehead.

"Bye," he smiled and I smiled back, waving to him as I walked off.

I walked up to the school and went through security. I looked up to my locker, seeing August standing there. I put my head down as I approached him. I put in my combination and opened it.

"Good mornin'," he said.

"Hi," I mumbled.

"I'm startin' ta think you really don't wanna be friends wit me,"

"Why do you say that?"

"All you do is avoid me and yesterday, you told dat man you didn't know me,"

I sighed. "I couldn't tell him that I knew you,"

"Why not?"

"Because I-"

"Is it my appearance?"

"It's your gender,"

"What?"

"You're a boy,"

"And? I'm missin' on whatchu tryna say,"

"I'm not allowed to have guy friends,"

"Guy friends or just black guy friends?"

I was starting to get frustrated with his questions and the awkwardness of this conversation.

"I can't have guy friends at all,"

"None?"

"No," I shook my head.

"That man was your dad?"

"Yeah," I mumbled, embarrassed.

I expected August to start making fun of the fact that my dad is white, like other people would, but he didn't.

"Well, how about this... We can be friends inside of school. Outside? We neva seen or heard of each otha,"

I thought about his suggestion before turning it down. Chantelle immediately came to mind when he said that.

"No thanks. I'm sorry, I'd rather not be friends," I tucked a piece of hair that was flowing freely behind my ear. I closed my locker and turned away from him.

August sighed and watched me walk away.

I walked to class, not even remembering the fact that I sit right next to August in my first hour. I tried my best to avoid any eye contact that would make him want to speak to me. I sure could feel him staring at me and it made me uncomfortable.

I just wanted to get through my first few classes and talk to Mr. Togel.

When the bell rung, I prepared myself to leave Mr. Jones' class.

"Esined," he said as the other students left.

"Yes, sir?"

"I need to speak with you for a brief moment,"

I walked up to his desk after putting on my backpack.

He waited until all of the students left to speak. "I want to speak with you about your poem that you turned in,"

"Did I receive a bad grade on it?"

He shook his head. "A plus,"

I was confused on why he wanted to speak about it then.

"Are you aware of what you've written about?"

"Yes, sir,"

"It concerns me,"

I fiddled with my fingers. "It does?"

"Yes. I understand that anything has many different perspectives from many different people, but this... My perspective is that this is about abuse. I could be wrong. Only you, the writer, can confirm the true perspective of it," he sat on the edge of his desk.

I stayed silent, not knowing how to respond.

"With that being said I will leave this conversation at that, if you need any help or you're scared of whoever is hurting you, I'm here. You can speak with me and I will get help for you,"

"I'm not getting hurt. I'm okay, Mr. Jones. Thank you for being concerned," I said.

He looked at me for a moment. "Excellent poem. Have a nice day," he handed me back my poem that had an A+ stamp at the top.

"Thank you. Same to you," I gave him a smile, hoping he'd let it go and no longer think that something is wrong with me. I left his classroom and went to my second hour.

This class was honors biology with Viola. I felt more comfortable being in this class, knowing that Viola was in here. I felt like I didn't have to walk on eggshells with her around.

I walked to biology, only to see that we were meeting in the lab. I went to the lab and everyone looked up at me when I entered.

"Do you have a pass?" Ms. Trump asked.

"No, ma'am,"

"Why are you late?"

"I didn't know we were meeting in the lab. I'm sorry,"

"We've been talking about the lab since Monday," Chantelle rolled her eyes.

"It's Thursday. Maybe she forgot," Viola said, staring at Chantelle.

"Maybe you need to shut up,"

"Make me," Viola smiled.

"Girls," Ms. Trump said.

They settled down.

"I'll excuse it this time," Ms. Trump told me. "Take a seat, please,"

Viola waved me over to her.

I had to walk pass Chantelle and her friends to get to Viola. I began to walk.

"Excuse me," I mumbled, going through the aisle.

One of Chantelle's friends sucked her teeth and let her legs out further.

"Step over," she snickered and they began to giggle.

I stepped over her legs and continued walking. I was walking pass Chantelle and she stepped on my shoelaces, causing me to drop my books and fall in front of her.

"Oops," she laughed. "You okay?"

Viola walked over to us and helped me up. "Did you just do that to her?" She asked Chantelle.

"I tripped," I said.

Viola looked at me. "Don't lie to me,"

"I'm not,"

"She should tie her shoes," Chantelle said. "I think that's why she fell,"

"You should stop messing with her," Viola handed me my books. "I think I might have to whoop your ass,"

"I didn't even touch the girl. Calm down Lesbo," she laughed.

"You can call me a lesbian all you want. It doesn't upset me. I'm a lesbian and you're a hoe. That's all," Viola shrugged.

"How am I a hoe?"

"You know. Don't make me get out of character,"

"Are you being the character you play around your grandparents or are you playing as someone else?"

Viola smiled. "I think I'm gonna play like you. You know? How you act in front of your mom,"

Chantelle got quiet and then she flipped her hair.

"That's what I thought," Viola said before we went to take our seats.

Ms. Trump explained what we were going to be doing in the lab and I was giving her undivided attention, unlike Viola. She seemed bothered and upset.

"Thank you for defending me, you didn't have to," I told her after Ms. Trump finished speaking.

"Why don't you stick up for yourself, Es?"

"I just don't like for the drama to keep going. That's all,"

"There's a difference between how you stop and keep things going. She's messing with you because you let her. Say something to her,"

"What if she hits me or something? I can't fight, Viola," I whispered.

"She can't fight either though, so don't be afraid. Besides, I'll be there,"

I sighed. "Okay. What do I say?"

"What do you want to say to her?"

"I don't know. I don't want to be rude,"

"You can be rude. She was rude to you,"

"I don't like being rude," I frowned.

"Have you ever went off on someone?"

"What do you mean?"

"Goodness," she sighed. "You never get angry or upset to the point where you let go of your anger?"

"No,"

"Do you even get angry?"

"I don't know,"

I'm not even allowed to show my anger. I've always held it in. I couldn't even let out my anger if I wanted to because I don't know how. I don't yell or scream. I can't fight or anything. The most I will do is sigh of frustration or cry.

Viola sighed and reached up her hand to pat my back.

I flinched and she looked at me. "My bad... I-I didn't know what you were doing,"

She gave me a soft expression, pushing her eyebrows together in confusion.

"Let's, um... Get this lab done," I mumbled, grabbing our packet.

We began to work and we were getting a lot accomplished. I was so into the project that I didn't want the bell to ring.

"The bell rang almost two minutes ago," Viola said to me.

I sighed, finishing off and leaving it where we stopped. I stood up as we prepared to leave.

We left class and walked down the hall together until we had to split and go to our separate classes.

"See you at lunch," Viola smiled.

I waved and walked to Mr. Togel's room. He was in mid-conversation with Keenon.

"Hi, Esined," Mr. Togel smiled at me.

"Hello," I said. "Hi, Keenon,"

He smacked his lips.

"Can we talk, please?"

Mr. Togel naturally minded his business from that point.

"Now you tryna talk to me?" He asked.

"Yes,"

He sighed and turned to me. "Whatchu want?"

"I wanted to apologize to you for how I kind of ended our friendship..."

I could tell by his facial expression that he wasn't one to try to get through to.

He cleared his throat and stood up straight. "Alright. I'm sorry for mistreating you,"

"It's fine,"

"We good?"

I nodded. "It wasn't your appearance, Keenon. It was my dad. He doesn't like me around boys and he saw me with you,"

"I understand now. I thought y'all was stereotypin' me,"

"No. Just not allowed to have guy friends,"

"Damn," he said.

I looked up at him and the bell rang. I took my seat and he took his behind me.

The class began to fill with my peers. August took his normal seat, next to me.

We made eye contact and I quickly broke it, not wanting to feel guilty for how I acted towards him earlier.

I knew it was wrong and I should apologize, but that'd just be an invitation for him to speak to me and for Chantelle to mess with me more. At this point, I had mixed emotions. I didn't want to hurt August's feelings, but I didn't want Chantelle and her friends to keep on messing with me. I decided that it'd be best to keep my distance from August as long as Chantelle was around.

-Hi.

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Much love, Shia. Xoxo.